Because I'm anti-pants, I end up wearing shapewear on an almost daily basis. Sometimes I love them but for the most part... they just kind of suck.
First of all, the ads and commercials for these things are just full of shit. They always show a before and after picture of some rotund lady who suddenly becomes uber svelte and super thin just by stuffing herself into one of these girdles. Bull fucking shit. Body shapers make me look thinner by .00000000023 pounds.
"And now I'm a size negative 2!" You're a goddamn liar, that's what you are.
Besides smoothing out the various lumps and bumps that go along with having a normal-sized body, body shapers are pretty awesome at providing a little extra insulation during the winter, which keeps me warm while I'm waiting for trains that never run on time. The downside to this is that I sweat profusely while sitting at the office and end up feeling like I've got a kiddie pool in my underwear.
Unless you're wearing these. The assless version provide a little "air-conditioning" effect.
Another benefit of wearing these things is the extra workout you get each and every time you have to go to bathroom. Ever been in a bathroom and the woman in the stall next to you sounds like she's wrestling an enraged alligator? That poor bitch is just trying to pull her extra-thinning girdle back into place. Seriously, I've broken a sweat trying pull one of those things back up.
In case you've never worn a body-shaping slip, let me give you a word of advice - don't try to put it on over your head or you're going to end up with the entire slip stuck around your tits in a bunch, effectively cutting off your circulation. And good luck trying to get it off without choking yourself. Step into the slip and go from there, trust me.
It looks innocent until all 32 inches of it are wrapped around your neck.
My usual body-shaper are the gigantic undies that you hike up to your boobs, the idea being that it's going to slim your torso down. In theory, this is great. In actuality, the moment you sit down or take a deep breath, that thing is going to roll down to your vagina and then you're going to have to go to the bathroom for an alligator-wrestling session. Unless you're in the middle of a meeting, which is what usually happens to me. Then I end up sitting there while the boa constrictor the fabric has formed around my waist slowly squeezes me to death and only ends up making me feel chubbier.
It's exactly like this but without the penis
And yet, I still wear them. To be totally honest, as uncomfortable as they can be, I actually feel a little weird without being encased in micro-squeezing cloth. Plus, when I'm in the throes of wrestling my girdle back into place in the office bathroom, I like to mutter things like, "take that, you naughty bitch. Who's your mommy now, huh?" and moan loudly.
It really freaks the other ladies out.