Apparently, bacon has fucking super powers. I'm a strong believer that bacon should wear a cape at all times. Bacon can probably leap tall buildings and can actually aid in weight loss and lower cholesterol... what the what? How happy does this news make you? Seriously, it makes me want to cook the entire pound of bacon currently residing in my fridge while doing cartwheels around the kitchen. I feel like this current information warrants bacon to be served at every meal of every day.
If you need this shirt as much as I do, you can buy it here!
And, the more bacon you eat, the more bacon fat you can store and well, goodbye fossil fucking fuels. Bacon will power your life. Can you imagine all these people driving around in cars fueled by bacon? The exhaust would be downright mouth watering. I'd better stock up on wet-wipes, because I'd spend my entire commute salivating all over myself.
Bacon deserves the Noble Peace Prize for all the good it does. In short, bacon kicks ass.