Thursday, March 15, 2012

If I Could Turn Back Time... No, Really.

If you live in one of the 48 states that participates in the barbaric ritual of Daylight Saving Time, you know what I'm talking about. Sunday morning we set our clocks back an hour for no reason that I deem legitimate. I hate this time of year with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. Hate. It. It's the same scenario every year.

10:00pm "Self, you should really go to bed now because you know you're getting an hour of your life robbed tonight."

11:00pm "I should sleep now, but I'm EXTRA SUPER WIDE AWAKE and I might as well watch this documentary mini series on the history of paperweights because I've already invested two of the four hours."

1:00am "Still. Not. Sleepy."

3:00am "I think the painters missed a spot on the ceiling."


 This is my exact reaction to any alarm in the morning.

I'd forgotten what it was like to have a baby when the time changes. Baby TK usually sleeps pretty well at night, but by Sunday night she was so jacked up that it was SUPER HAPPY FUN PLAY TIME from 1:00am until 5:00am. After I placed her in her crib and was tiptoeing back to bed, thanking all the gods that I'd at least get one hour of sleep, my cell phone alarm went off. Damn all the things!! I'd forgotten to fix the time on my nightstand clock and 5:00am was really 6:00am. No sleep for the wicked. I still hate the universe.

 This. So much.

Of course I'd forgotten to wash my clothes and get Mr. TK to put gas in my car. By 8:00am I was ready to tie Monday to a tree and put a bullet in its head.

Tuesday came and went in much the same fashion. Baby TK's sleep schedule is still jacked up, I'm drooling on myself from exhaustion, and the universe is still on my shit list.

Wednesday brought a new chapter to my love / hate relationship with dairy. I love cheese. It hates me. The only thing that could really cap off this week is shitting my pants at my desk. That almost happened.

I always picture Lee Corso in my tummy when I try to sneak cheese in. That's totally normal, right?

Today I managed to stagger out of my house wearing my pool shoes. I'm thirty mumble mumble years old and I forgot to put on shoes before I went out in public. This wouldn't be that bid of a deal, except my boss' boss' boss' boss and his boss (follow that?) were in town and we were supposed to look... not like we usually do. Sweeping bird flip to the universe.

Tomorrow is Friday. It has to be better, right? How can losing one tiny hour ruin everyone's lives? Don't pretend you weathered the storm with grace. I was only on Twitter for a second on Monday, but I saw your tweets. "Fuck this day in the face." "This day can just go ahead and fuck itself to death." "I want Daylight Saving Time to DIAF." Ok, some of those tweets were mine.  I've resolved to move to Arizona or Hawaii in the next 360-ish days. How much do you hate this time of year? If you're from someplace that gets a pass on Daylight Saving Time, you're only allowed to comment if you don't gloat.


  1. I'm right there with ya TK. The only thing that sucks more than DST is DST with a kid! Fucks up their schedule for days! Mine is still saying, but it doesn't feel like bedtime & but why is the sun still up. And my all time favorite after arguing about bedtime...I don't wanna get up. I'm too tired!. Really, really?!? Why isnt he ever tired at night? Oh, I remember DST fucked with his schedule & mine! I hate whoever thought this shit up.

  2. DST sucks big hairy balls, but in Ireland we still have a couple of weks till we lose a precious hour of sleep. Any earlier than the last weekend in March and we run the risk of having one less hour to get absolutely stinking twisted langered drunk on Paddy's day, and that's just not on.

    Btw, TK congrats on the little bundle of...Baby TK. I'm so glad she's ok. Who knew you'd make cuter babies with Mr TK than with the Precious? Were you the one who said your RPattz baby belonged in a bell tower? Well, Baby TK certainly doesn't. She's adorable.

  3. DST was for wartime and when everyone farmed. Yeah, it's total shit now. Does baby TK look like the little baby in the pic? ;)

  4. Not only do I hate DST, but right now I want to kill all husbands and alarm clocks within a ten foot radius. I tumble back into bed at 6:45 (really 5:45, thank you Spring Forward)... and 15 minutes later, his alarm goes off. Okay, fair, he has to get up for work to support us. He hits snooze. I try to be calm. Five minutes later it goes off again. He snoozes... again. I resist the urge to strangle him. Five minutes later... you guessed it. By now I'm mentally going through the kitchen drawers deciding what to stab him with. By the fourth time I was a seething ball of rage, and I just starting bitching. Loudly. If I'm awake because him his alarm, he damn well better be awake too. The best part? He just told me that it isn't his fault that I'm awake, it's mine for stewing about it. OMGWTFBBQKDJTISBFKWCIGNEVAOFHTBFJR.

    1. *tumble back into bed after feeding bb. Forgot that part.

  5. I'm torn on the whole DST thing. One the one hand, I've felt like I was run over by a Mack truck every day this week. I'm pretty sure he backed up over me and ran me down again too. I'm exhausted. And cranky. And when the alarm went off this morning, I believe all I said was "Fuuuuuuuuck."

    But on the other hand, since Maine is at the eastern most point of the eastern time zone and I'm tired of racing home at the speed of sound every night to try and get the dogs walked before it's pitch black, the extra hour of daylight is greatly appreciated.

    In all reality, I wanted to murder every day of this past week. And the people involved...

  6. Hahahahaha! I love DST!!! What I hate is LOSING DST in October. It's nice to have an extra hour in October, but I hate that it gets dark so fast. So I look forward to DST coming back.

    That being said, I lived in Hawaii for several years and even though there is no DST it still sucks. You still have to remember that EVERYONE ELSE is on DST and now every time you have to talk to someone out of state you have to think of it. "Is it 5 hours or 6 hours to NY right now?" And let me tell you... just about EVERYTHING OF IMPORTANCE IS ON THE MAINLAND. Do you want to talk to just about ANYONE'S customer service? Don't forget you're 6 hours behind the east coast which gives you only a couple of hour window when you come into work to get in touch with anyone! Do you wanna watch just about any live TV event when you get home from work? Not gonna happen... you better remember to set your DVR and avoid the internet the rest of the day (of course we didn't have that problem back in the 90's but stick with me here).

    On the other hand the weather is to die for and the ocean is beautiful and warm so there's that.

    1. OMG, just after I read your article I read basically the same rant on Wil Wheaton's blog. You are not alone!

  7. I thought we set them forward? Oh my God, am I two hours off??

  8. Yup it was rough....effing rough all week. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that I can get off work at 5:30 & still go for a walk or run errands and not feel the need to rush home and hibernate because it's dark out, but the morning, well that's a different story.

    Hang in there TK. Little one will adjust.

    xo j

  9. Mr. Snarky has been practically comatose from lack of sleep this week - I read somewhere that night-owls have a much tougher time adjusting. So...yeah.

    On a positive note, this "spring ahead" thing works out much better for the cat, who actually lets us sleep a little later before she starts stomping around the bedroom squawking at the top of her lungs. : )

  10. Since you ladies have entertained me and caused more damage to my computer than any other accident due to spitting coffee continuously, I had to pass on the Liebster Award to you. Besides, I gotta spred the laughs, right?

  11. I hate that it makes it hard to put my kids to bed waaaay earlier than they should simply because I've had enough of them. "It's still light out". I want to junk bunch the lot of them when they say that. I don't care if it's light. That means you have a few hours to embark on a Hunger Games-like quest to find a new home where the grown ups want to interact with you for hours upon hours.

  12. This week was a sack of pubes rolled in elephant jizz and thrown into a vat of pig shit.

  13. There aren't enough words in the English language to adequately express my hate for DST.


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