This looks like it belongs in a medieval torture chamber.
There are a few things I wish guys could experience. Periods, jogging without a sports bra and having a freezing cold speculum shoved up their orifice, just to name a few. Seriously, why the hell is that thing always so goddamn cold? Do they have a special speculum freezer in the back or something? It's uncomfortable enough to have your stocking feet wedged in stirrups, the least they could do is warm the speculum before they invade your vagina with it.
At least my new doctor doesn't have a poster on the ceiling. I'm not sure why they think staring at a poster of a cute kitten while someone kneads your breasts looking for cancer is going to make everything okay. I've never once thought, "by golly, that kitty is right!! I AM going to hang in there!"
Oh shut the fuck up, Kitty.
Generally, the only thoughts running through my mind when I'm being examined is a) hurry the fuck up and b) holy Jesus on a pogo-stick is this awkward.
Speaking of awkward, my new gyno looked like she graduated medical school twelve minutes ago and apparently had a huge hard on for testing for STD's. Within the first five minutes of meeting her, she's asking me if I want an HIV test along with my pap smear, kind of like super-sizing my gyno experience.
Ten minutes after that, I'm laying on my back and she's poking around down below and asks, "do you want to test for Gonorrhea, Chlamydia or Syphilis?"
For a minute, I panicked. I mean, there she was, eye to labia, and she was asking about more STD tests. Then I got kind of offended. Syphilis? What the fuck do I look like, a prostitute from the 1850's?
Scandalous! I can see their kneecaps. I see more skin at the super market.
While I do believe getting tested for STD's is extremely important, especially if you have multiple partners, I didn't think there was a very big chance that I was going to come into contact with a syphilitic penis any time soon, since ML's is the only one I play with these days. Part of me wondered if she would ask me that sort of thing if I was married. I suspect not.
In the end, my nether region is in good working order and I don't have to endure freezing cold speculum and heaps of embarrassment for another whole year.
Hopefully by then, someone will have invented a speculum warmer.