Monday, April 30, 2012

Teaching Dogs to Share. Yeah, Right.

I recently decided to try antler chews for my dogs. My bloodhound Daisy is a voracious chewer and nothing lasts very long in her strong jaws.  So I've been reading up on antlers and they sounded right up my alley. Plus, my prolific hunter husband seems to have a stockpile of them just taking up space so I don't have to fork over the cash -- those fucking things are expensive.

 Not quite this big, but close.

A few weeks ago, we cut off a piece of a moose antler and gave it to Daisy. She looked at it inquisitively at first but with a little coaxing, she realized it was ok for her to chew on it. (Not like getting permission had ever stopped her before.) And chew on it she did. She was like a maniac. Problem solved, right?

 "Hmmm... not exactly sure what this is but it sure does smell awfully good."

Well... when we brought it in the house for her, my other dog, George, decided that maybe he'd like to have a go at it. Ruh roh. Two dogs + one antler = Not good. We rushed to the basement and immediately cut off another tine of the moose antler for George. Each hound now resided happily in the living room gnawing on their very own antler. Again, problem solved, right?

Happy hounds = happy Latchkey house

Not so fast. It appears that even though both tines were cut from the same antler, they taste different. And one is definitely tastier than the other. Now it has turned into a full contact sport that must be supervised at all times. I've also realized that both of my dogs are sneaky little shits. They're both so much like children, it's scary.

This is what happens now....

George has one antler, Daisy has the other. Daisy gets up to get a drink of water, George slinks over to her bed and steals her antler. He brings it back to his bed where he lays on one of them and chews on the other. She comes back to continue chewing and is immediately confused by the disappearance of her antler.

George chewing, Daisy watching... intently. (Sorry, it's a little dark.)

This is where I intervene...

I walk over to George and scold him for being an antler hog. I let him choose which one he wants to keep (because he's old) and then I give the other one to Daisy. She looks at me, looks at my antler and then stares longingly at George because obviously, he has the best one.

"I shall guard this antler with my life!"

And then this happens...

George grows tired of chewing and abandons said antler to curl up in a ball for nap time. He's old, he tires quickly. Upon seeing this happen, Daisy immediately gets up from her bed and sneaks over to George's where she very slowly and quietly snatches the antler from his bed. She brings it back to where she was initially chewing and well, you get the picture.

I'm like the fucking antler referee. Occasionally, if I leave the room, they don't play so nicely and then both antlers get taken away and hidden in the cupboard. Then I have very sad hound dogs. Just for the record, the antler that started out being the favorite now is not. How weird is that?

I know there are a bunch of animal lovers out there. What's your favorite pet shenanigan?

PS: If you have a real chewer, you MUST try the antlers. They don't splinter like bones because dogs just grind them down. They don't smell either. In short, they are awesome!

This is your final call for the Twitarded gathering this Wednesday, May 2nd at Gritty's Restaurant in Freeport. We'll be meeting at 6pm. If you haven't already told me, please let me know if you'll be joining. I'm going try and get a table in the bar area to the right as you walk in.

Look for this. THIS is me.


  1. When a dog leaves food behind, it means they're done with it.

    You should put out about 6 more antlers to prevent a full war.... or at the least, for more giggles.

  2. Your dogs are very much like the toddlers I care for every day...what a riot! And co-workers wonder why I'm always saying, "Sit! Stay! Toys are not food!"


  3. Bwahahaha! Welcome to my world, only mine is that times four! Give out a treat and yeah the doggie mind games begin! Antlers rock, keeps them busy for hours, sometimes. Then the yours looks better than mine games begin. Unless you stick them in a crate to chew their treats the mind games are relentless, I'm always playing treat referee.

  4. I grew up with beagles, and though they're pretty laid back dogs, they're serious about food. For a while we had a beagle and a terrier. When the beagle finished her meal, she would bark at the back door, which would send the terrier flying out into the yard. Then the beagle would saunter over and finish the terrier's meal.

    Another beagle we had had a stroke right before Thanksgiving my sophomore year of college. The vet told my mom she wasn't in any pain so they didn't have to put her down, but to get all the kids home for final goodbyes. She couldn't use her back legs anymore, so she just lay on a blanket in the kitchen, but she could still eat. So my brothers got some dog biscuits, waved them under her nose then slowly backed away. That dog loved food so much she heaved herself to her feet and tottered after the treats. She lived another six months, fully mobile. The day she passed on breakfast was when my mom knew the dog was ready to go. That was one hungry dog.

    1. I'm pretty sure all types of hounds think of nothing but food for their entire existences. You would think they hadn't eaten in years!!

  5. Didn't you know that what the other dog has ALWAYS tastes better? I have a three-way argument in my house, but even more complicated because my Yorkies are a little family. So while Merry, the mommy Yorkie, is allowed to steal from Casper, the baby Yorkie, if Pippin, the daddy Yorkie tries it he'll get his head ripped off by Merry. She's an incredibly sweet dog with big brown eyes that would melt your heart, but mess with her treats or her baby at your peril. Pip's a sneaky little fucker though, she only has to turn her back for a second and he's in and gone before you can blink. Should've called him Artful fucking Dodger.

    If you want to see shenanigans, you should see Pippin and Casper playing with the ferret. Hide and seek under the blanket in the dog basket is particularly funny.

    1. Adding a ferret to the mix must be hysterical!! My dogs would be so confused.

    2. Yeah, the boys think she's the best toy ever. The best part is that by the time they're done there isn't a peep out of them for the rest of the evening. Score!!

  6. Antlers are great, but it amazes me that some entrepreneurial evil genius thought to package a few inches of one for $17.99.

    I have 4-6 large dogs at the house at any one time. My favorite is Easter. About a dozen hard boiled eggs cut into pieces and hidden in bits around the yard. It only happens once a year, but they know it. They're like rabid soccer fans stampeding one another to get out of the backdoor. Blind dogs and infirm are given a head start.

    1. I agree - they are way over priced! Start looking in the woods for sheds.

      I love the idea of hiding stuff around the yard. I might have to try that.

  7. Just catching up on the last few posts - thanks, ladies. I needed a good laugh this morning! Antler dogs, Emo teens (got one of those, thanks), Frodo feet. You've put a smile on my face. xoxo

  8. Thanks for the antler suggestion!

    We also have 2 dogs that are chewers as well. One is a Boston Bull/Red Healer cross and the other is supposed to be a Aussie Shephard/Border Collie cross but there was an Afghan hound back there somewhere - she's about twice the size as the other one!

    Anyway - we have an open living room where you can walk completely around the couch, loveseat and coffee table.

    My 2 dogs like to get in chasing matches - usually the larger chasing the smaller - around the furniture. The most laps I have counted so far is 23.

    At least they get some exercise this way!

    1. I wish my dogs chased each other. My old dog isn't interested in playing. And my young dog is just an asshole.

  9. Animals are assholes. That's why they have to look so cute. Your dogs crack me up with their personalities. They have trained you well.

    1. They have not trained me. I'm pretty sure of it.

  10. I have two horses, Honey is 12 & I've had her for 8 years. Lola is 2 & I've had her since last July. On top of these two there are 2 other horses (Willie & Erik) I take care of or ride on occasion. They all get jealous of eachother. I get 4 happy to see you whinnies when I get to the barn everyday & then I start getting stink eye because I only have 2 hands to pet with. *sigh* Finally once the treats come out I am back in good graces again. Oh man I know there are more antics I just can't remember all of them.

  11. You and your dogs all look so innocent. I call deception on all counts!

  12. Oh, LKY, you have found a subject that represents the bane of my existence, especially because in my household it is one giant Dobermann (Emmett) vs 2 dachshunds, total typical hound pigs, though only the male stands up to and even provokes the giant Emmett.
    Right now Emmett (circa 80 pounds) is young and backs off when Andy (16 pounds) approaches and eats Emmett's dog food. But when it is a bone, or a toy, both bare their teeth and roar and froth at the mouth and roll their eyes until I must come between them and (on two occasions) get hit by the fangs of the crazed, head-whipping Dobermann. The only solution was to separate them at all times when a bone or bones are available.
    The antlers sound interesting, especially if they do not splinter. But so far my experience has been that even if there are 10 bones available Andy the dachshund will not be satisfied until he has taken them all.

  13. My dogs are exactly the same, (erm except smaller) with any chewy treat I give em! Apparetnly you're supposed to put one extra treat out, so for my two dogs I should give them each one and then leave a third between them or something. This does not work as Penny doesn't care about any treat except the one Shilo is currently chewing on...


Comments are our life now. Leave one!