Tuesday, May 15, 2012

BUT IS HE SINGLE?!

We are starting a new segment of the blog for all you ladies (and the stray gent) looking for love. Actually, this is more for your mothers who keep asking when you're settling down and getting married and making grandbabies and did she ever introduce you Mrs. Fletchstein's son next door? He's a nice boy. This is for those moms (and aunts and co-workers) who can overlook any character flaw (Serial killers need love too!) because your ovaries are turning into a dying star that will suck the entire family line into its black hole. At least now you can point to these fine candidates and say, "I'm working on it, Ma!"

The Smoking Gun is a good place to troll for chronically single—and recently single—people. I stumbled across a series of mug shots with a particular type of tattoo. A tattoo can be sexy. It says, "I'm tough and a little bit of a badass." Now, a FOREHEAD tattoo says, "I'm tough with a hint of completely and utterly deranged." Check out this fine specimen.





Please don't click to enlarge. Trust me when I say those are bible scriptures on his forehead. Let that sink in a minute.

As you can see, this handsome fella has more than one mug shot. He's added to his forehead billboard (foreboard?) over time. It answers the question of WWJD? According to this guy, he would beat some asses down and steal their shit. Just because he has been arrested for assault and battery and larceny, doesn't mean you should pass over this gentleman with the winning pedophile smile (hereafter referred to as the "Pedosmile").

Don't all you ladies jump on him at once though. For one thing, I'm pretty sure he's harboring diseases and we need to keep that shit contained. Rest assured we will continue to bring these exciting dating opportunities to your attention so everyone has a chance to meet their serial killer Prince Charming.

18 comments:

  1. I can't claim this cause I saw it on a t-shirt site. But I like it.

    WWJD - Who wants jelly donuts?

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  2. Ah, Twitarded. Always caring for us all.. *cancels online dating subscription and runs into this Romeo's arms*

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    1. Um, sweets, please don't make me have the Concerned Friend talk with you. I don't think he's your type.... he doesn't look like he'd be into healthy food and the gym. :)

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  3. humanity is goin downnnnnn!

    ..n I'll take a jelly donut :)

    Yours truly,
    The stray gent.

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  4. Anti-divorce material!!
    Hubs, even with all his D&D goodness has never threatened, smacked, or robbed me before turning to Jebus on his "foreboard." He's a keeper.

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    Replies
    1. Mr TK was quick to comment on what a catch he is last night. I usually agree. Usually.

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  5. Thankfully my mother never had to have that talk with me since I met hubs earlier than she probably even wanted.

    If he ever sets a toe out of line, though, no worries Mom. I've got my backup sorted now.

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  6. Oh wow, he's a keeper! I wonder if he's on the outside yet? mmmmm just my kind of man, "The lord is my shepherd and says for you to give me your purse."

    I've clearly been looking in all the wrong places.

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  7. There are an awful lot of crazy people out there. And by crazy, I mean the people trying to coerce women into marrying awful people just so they can get married.

    Forehead guy is nuts too.

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  8. If anything ever happens with me & Mr. Snarky, I am just going to be a crazy cat lady. Cats: they don't tattoo their foreheads!

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  9. It's nice to know that you ladies are looking out for us with such fine specimens of crazy, er, manhood. My idea of an inked guy would be Tattward and nothing less. I think I will pass on this guy and keep my virgin skinned man.

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  10. I have to say, when you mentioned you were going to write about that tattooed forehead guy, I was kind of wondering if I'd already dated him, because I used to have awesomely bad taste in men. Thankfully for all the ladies, I have not had the chance to meet this feller. I'm afraid he's just slightly out of my age range. Bummer.

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  11. I bet he's a sperm donor. Not only does he steal purses and tattoo gear; He also steals the potential from the future of America.

    Can't wait to save my future daughters from the offspring of this gem.

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  12. *gasp* My future lies with him! And his tattooed bald head!

    He'd probably burn me and my heathen ideas at the stake anyway. Oh well. The search continues...

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  13. I shall always come back to this post whenever my hubby is getting on my nerves - it will remind me that I am pretty lucky.

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