She started peppering the group with emails of certain types of decorating she wanted for her house. Most of it was fit for, oh, I don't know... that hotel in The Shining or something. *shivers* I wouldn't be able to sleep ever if some of this stuff was in my house.
Yeah, this would totally be something you'd find... probably in the bathroom, so it's all you have to look at while you're dropping the deuce. Let's just say I wouldn't be lingering on the pot with that fucker staring at me.
I can't remember the first time she mentioned wanting a bowl of doll heads as a centerpiece on her dining room table, but I do remember just shaking my head and going about my business. Typical Jerkface, I thought. I knew that ML would put the kibosh on that sort of dining decor so I wasn't too worried. And I never in a million years thought I would be the one to facilitate her wishes.
One day, a coworker came into my office and offered me a bag of dolls she was getting ready to throw away. She said maybe my friend Jen would like their heads. (I must have told her somewhere along the lines that JJ was a doll head connoisseur of sorts.) I promptly went home that night and decapitated five roughly played with baby dolls. If you think cutting the heads off dolls is easy work, I've got news for you. It's not. Those fucking heads are sometimes glued on! I needed Mr. Latchkey's help with a couple of the real stubborn ones.
I packaged them up and mailed them to Snarkier Than You so she could get me up on the Skype so I could watch the whole thing unfold.
The note that accompanied the package. She may have squealed when she read it.
Ooooh, what could it be!!?
Yay! A box full of heads. Just what every girl wants!
Needless to say, I'm on ML's hit list right about now. And I'm not going to lie, I'm a little afraid to visit Casa de Jerkface anytime soon. Not only am I scared what ML might do to me, but I'm also frightened of the doll head shenanigans JJ might have planned for unsuspecting visitors.
Um yeah, like this... what the mother fuck! I'd shit myself if I woke up to this.
So... do you have any old, discarded dolls your kids don't play with anymore? Looking for something to do with them? Help fill Jenny's centerpiece. Send us the heads!! The scarier the better. And you'll get extra points if you find them at a garage sale or flea market.
Stay tuned for Part 2 of the doll head saga... JJ's fun with heads.