Thursday, May 3, 2012

Craft Project #137: Doll Head Decor [Part 1]

When I met Jenny Jerkface face-to-face for the first time a few years ago, the first thing we said to each other is, "oh ma gawd, you're so little and cute!" We're both pretty short (and she's just adorbs!) What I didn't realize is that lurking under that pretty dress and pigtails is one very demented little person. Like seriously, some of the shit she sends me gives me a week's worth of fucking nightmares.

She started peppering the group with emails of certain types of decorating she wanted for her house. Most of it was fit for, oh, I don't know... that hotel in The Shining or something. *shivers* I wouldn't be able to sleep ever if some of this stuff was in my house.

Yeah, this would totally be something you'd find... probably in the bathroom, so it's all you have to look at while you're dropping the deuce. Let's just say I wouldn't be lingering on the pot with that fucker staring at me. 

I can't remember the first time she mentioned wanting a bowl of doll heads as a centerpiece on her dining room table, but I do remember just shaking my head and going about my business. Typical Jerkface, I thought. I knew that ML would put the kibosh on that sort of dining decor so I wasn't too worried. And I never in a million years thought I would be the one to facilitate her wishes.

One day, a coworker came into my office and offered me a bag of dolls she was getting ready to throw away. She said maybe my friend Jen would like their heads. (I must have told her somewhere along the lines that JJ was a doll head connoisseur of sorts.) I promptly went home that night and decapitated five roughly played with baby dolls. If you think cutting the heads off dolls is easy work, I've got news for you. It's not. Those fucking heads are sometimes glued on! I needed Mr. Latchkey's help with a couple of the real stubborn ones.

I packaged them up and mailed them to Snarkier Than You so she could get me up on the Skype so I could watch the whole thing unfold.

 The note that accompanied the package. She may have squealed when she read it.

Ooooh, what could it be!!?

 Yay! A box full of heads. Just what every girl wants!

Needless to say, I'm on ML's hit list right about now. And I'm not going to lie, I'm a little afraid to visit Casa de Jerkface anytime soon. Not only am I scared what ML might do to me, but I'm also frightened of the doll head shenanigans JJ might have planned for unsuspecting visitors.

Um yeah, like this... what the mother fuck! I'd shit myself if I woke up to this.

So... do you have any old, discarded dolls your kids don't play with anymore? Looking for something to do with them? Help fill Jenny's centerpiece. Send us the heads!! The scarier the better. And you'll get extra points if you find them at a garage sale or flea market.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of the doll head saga... JJ's fun with heads.

18 comments:

  1. Bwahahaha love it! Hmmmmmmmm..... I wounder what can I contribute to this....

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, man I wish I had some old dolls. I might need to stop in at that thrift store I've been eyeing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. oh fuck that is so disturbing.....but it might also be why i love twitarted and how everyone just waves there freak flag around here loud and proud. i may have some disney princess heads to offer jerkface.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ooooh I love it. I agree tho she really needs some old creepy doll heads, and I think I know where to find some. (anything to help a good cause). I actually adore that first pic,And think it would make a really cool tattoo. Off to search the old treasure trunks. She definitely needs a doll head with those freaky rolled eyes and shaved off hair with a pen mustache.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have succeeded in describing the doll head that frequents my nightmares.

      Delete
  5. That is SO funny! There are a lot of really creepy dolls out there just begging to be decapitated and displayed in a bowl on JJ's dining room table.

    This reminds me of the doll-headed mutant in Toy Story and, come to think of it, JJ reminds me a bit of Sid... And isn't there some kind of doll head decor in Rob's character's living room in Remember Me?

    I have no doubt that the end result will be a true work of art and I want to see pictures!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! I always think of Toy Story when she starts in on the doll head decor.

      Delete
  6. JJ...What are you doing with that doll's face? LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  7. As a kid I collected old dolls (weird I know). Well, those dolls have passed on to my daughters, and are currently collecting dust on random shelves in their rooms. I might just go through and decapitate the worst if them for you. They range from the 1920s to the 60s, and are super creey even attached to bodies.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JJ, you know you look like you're eating a baby in that pic, right? I think that's taking Adkins a bit too far.

    ReplyDelete
  9. At least they are not clown doll heads. Because THAT would be creepy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I could never encourage the collection of clown doll heads. Those fuckers wouldn't be allowed in my house...EVER!

      Delete
  10. OMG. After spending the last year getting m.y parents moved out of their hose and disposing of stuff, I'm in a ruthless throwing out mood and am starting in on my own hoard. And boy, do I have stuff. Like dolls that would be valuable collectibles if I hadn't trashed them as a child. And know I know exactly what to do with these treasures! Thank you LKW!

    Anybody want the other body parts?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Any offers of doll heads would be much appreciated and I promise not to tell ML who donated.

    Right now the doll heads are tucked away upstairs because ML's parents are on their way over. Normally they reside in our kitchen.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yeaaaaah.... That Jenny is a bit on the crazy side but tis one of the many things I heart about her. Most of her dream decor frequents my nightmares.... and I still get the shivers anytime I'm reminded of her creepy ass phone background pic.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I found this site while looking to buy doll heads to make a necklace with. So JJ, whomever you are, you are far from the only doll head deco lover around :P

    ReplyDelete

Comments are our life now. Leave one!