Monday, June 4, 2012

I Want a Stroller. For My Cat. Maybe.

I'm never going to have kids. Not because I can't, but because I don't want to. I keep wondering if at some point my biological clock is going to kick in and unleash its pent-up years of fury, but so far, nada. I felt more intense longing while watching a commercial for a Caribbean get-away the other night than I did the last time I held a baby. And "I need someone to take care of me when I get old" is a logistical crap-shoot as far as reasons to reproduce go, imho.

But I DO have a cat who is 17 and adored to such a high degree that she might have sprang from my loins all furry and stripey and awesome.

JJ would say this is her "If you die, I will eat your face" look, but I know love when I see it.

I am not rich, so I will never be known as "eccentric." I am the non-rich equivalent, the "crazy cat lady." Sure she's only one cat and Mr. Snarky is allergic so the chances of my ever filling our home with an inappropriate number of dandery fluffballs is slim, but I saw this the other day and I totally embraced my inner crazy cat lady. Hard. My inner crazy cat lady may have been doing the dance of the seven veils, in a totally non-sexual way.

 Even the model is too ashamed to show her face...
 But for the record this is on back-order, so at least I am in good company. 
It's like being Twitarded, only with cats instead of hot undead sparkly teenagers. 

The problem (aside from the expense) is I am massively uncomfortable with the idea of drawing attention to myself and I think I might actually draw attention to myself if I started pushing my little bundle of fur down the street in the cat-carrier equivalent of a fancy baby stroller. Maybe I need to be jogging with it - that way, people will have to catch me if they want to ask questions like "wait - when did you have a baby???" Oooor I can just push it in circles in my back yard, which would probably better for everyone (and our collective self esteem, cat included). 

On a scale of one to fucking nuts, how crazy does this make me?

36 comments:

  1. I'll admit I always laugh at those folks I see pushing animals around in strollers. But I also have to admit that while I'm laughing at those folks I am envious of them. They obviously don't care what anyone thinks of them and we need that "I have zero fucks to give" attitude in our lives from time to time. Also, they want their animals to enjoy life in the outside world like many others do.

    I say getting one makes you certifiable, but at the same a badass.

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    1. I HAVE ZERO FUCKS TO GIVE! oh wait yes i do lol...

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  2. OMG I totally need to get one for my niece. Her cat IS her baby... and since she hates children will probably be the only child she ever has. This is awesome. So I vote a 5 on the crazy scale.... at least you didn't invent this.

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    1. 5 on a scale of...? I am sure you mean 1-100.

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  3. I want one and I don't have a cat.

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  4. OK, first of all your kitty is adorable. Second, you do know today is National Hug Your Cat Day, right? (I never heard of it before, but hey, when in Rome...) And third, I actually own a cat stroller. I used it to push my late cat around and she really enjoyed being outside and watching the birds, butterflies, bunnies and deer. My other cat, however, can't stand being in it for a minute. So I guess it really depends on the animal. I also have the Snoozer, which is a cat/dog carrier that's like a medium sized carry-on suitcase on wheels. You could technically push/pull that thing around and people would think it was luggage. (Not sure if that would seem nutier than pushing your *cat* around...)

    Yes, I am insane.

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    1. I bought this pouch-y thing that you wear around your front for the ferrets once. I stuffed 'em both in there, put it on and managed to keep it one for about three seconds until the ruckus inside got so bad that I thought they were going to start tunneling through my sternum. Yet I've seen ferrets lounging lazily in their owner's sweatshirt pockets. So, yeah, I think it does depend on the pet. ;)

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    2. She IS adorable! And not ferocious. She has never scared JJ onto the counter in my kitchen. Nope.

      I know she would like being outside (we used to walk her on a leash at our old place) but I think the people and cars and things in this area would freak her out. I think maybe I need a kitty gazebo in my back yard. And some sort of a force field to keep everything away from her as she lounged in it.

      Also, every day is "hug your cat" day in these parts, because I am doting like that. : )

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  5. First of all, yes, you are crazy. Secondly, YOUR CAT WOULD KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR ENTRAILS if you put her in that thing.

    But good grief is she cute. And I have ZERO room to talk. :)

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  6. I plead the fifth on the scale of one to crazy thing, but I'll repeat what I said about the green jeans. Life is short! Do whatever makes you happy... Walk on the wild side. Preferably while pushing your cat in a stroller.

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  7. I have a brand new electric fence, still in the box, that I can't use because of all the trees and roots that own my yard. Do those work for cats?

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    1. Hmm... I have no idea! I like the idea of an enclosed pen with a kitty door (someday...) but maybe not with the zapping possibilities. Dogs might deal with that shit - and horses - but I think a cat would kill you for shocking them lol...

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  8. I had a cat that passed away in January after 16 years. He would have LOVED a stroller carrier. I used to be able to walk him on a leash when until he was about four.
    While pregnant with my 12 year old daughter, the hubs over fed him and then he wasnt really interested in being anywhere what would possibly make him miss a meal ever! He got up to 22 pounds at one point.

    Now, my mother has 10 cats (last count)and I know she wouldn't walk them around, she did screen in her carport and its the kitty romper room. Its odd since she didn't like the cat we had when I was a teenager, now shes trying to save them all.

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    1. That's the slippery slope I see myself going down someday - trying to save them all! And then I'll show up on the evening news or "Cat Hoarders - The Show!" lol...

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  9. Im the first to admit I luv kitties! I once had a cat, Sammi. She was the neighborhood slut-cat because my parents refused to spend money getting her fixed. That poor cat was in heat ALL the time. Honestly, I ran out of friends to give kittens too! Sadly she went missing and I found her the day after halloween with a bebe shot to the head. Now that I brought you all down... I would NEVER buy a cat stroller. Thats just nutsy.

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  10. Even if I was secure enough to ignore the looks I would get walking a cat in that thing, I would still be too worried about the potential freakouts that might occur if I introduced my cat to the loud traffic, strange people, screaming brat, and vicious dog infested world that is my neighborhood. Someone would end up bleeding or missing an eye and that thing would be shredded to garbage in 5.7 seconds.

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  11. haha Snarks.. I too have biological clock. Never have. BUT I do have a dog who is the bomb. I would maybe like a stroller too if it happened to land on my doorstep :)

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  12. Ok, I'll admit that I'd probably put that at the crazy end of the spectrum. And I'm a total cat person, which you might guess if you know that we have 3. That being said, if you and your cat enjoy it, then fill yer boots!

    And your kitty is all kinds of adorable! I wanna snuggle her!

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    1. She is not wanting in the snuggle department - she is VERY spoiled (as you might imagine). : )

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  13. She's a cat - key word "cat". Get a filter & don't do it.

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    1. "Get a filter"? Have you ever read this blog before??? It might as well be called "The Land of No Filters"!

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    2. What the hell would be the fun in filtering?? Clearly you don't come here often.

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  14. Crazy? Of course. We are all a little crazy. The question is: Do you care if other people look at you like you are crazy?

    Most folks try to hide their crazy, but believe me they have it. I say do what makes you happy.

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  15. Fucking nuts. But in the sweetest, cutest way possible. While I would love to throw sharp objects at people who push around these zoos on wheels, if it was someone I knew, I would be down. I'd even ask if I could push it around for a while. With a limp. And a twitch. Embrace the crazy!

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  16. That's totally normal. I have neighbors that do this daily. In fact, I have a neighbor who pushes his pug on an actual baby stroller every morning at 8:30AM down Flatbush Avenue. I swear that I am being 100% serious and if you don't believe me, I can prob take a ninja pic of it and send it to you. So, I have a solution: Move to Park Slope/Prospect Heights in Brooklyn and you will be welcomed with open arms.

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    1. I totally believe you, actually. If I lived in the city, I could walk down the street with the cat on my head and nobody would blink an eye.

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    2. I forgot about the guy with the cat on his head!! I see him around where I work about once a week! One day I will stop him and ask how he trained his cat to walk on a leash. I would love to take my cat out for walks. So get your stroller and proudly take your kitty out for a walk! You are not alone!

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  17. I'm sorry. I think this goes into the crazy pile but if you want it and you're willing to deal with the ridicule then I think you should go for it. How's that for a positive spin?

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  18. My cat would shred my hands, arms, and any other body part she could reach if I tried to stuff her in one of these....she is the type who dictates the cuddle time, food time, and "leave me the fuck alone" time-but she does talk...sort of. so, is that crazy? She says "mrow", or loosely translated, "follow me, my obedient slave, and attend to my needs NOW!"...yeah, i have cat issues too. Get the damn stroller already! If I weren't totally terrified of bleeding to death, I would so get one!

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  19. My late cat would have gone mental if I tried to put him in that thing. If I managed to. He probably would have given me a 'you're shitting me, right?' look and fucked off somewhere I'd never find the little bastard.

    I do have a doggie bag for my Yorkies (unless my biological clock kicks in, I'm gonna be crazy Yorkie lady) but only one at a time. I'm moving slowly closer to not giving a shit what people think. I'm still pretty self-conscious, but I give just a few less shits every year. So if you want to push your cat around in a stroller, do it!

    @JJ: yeah, I can't see my ferret going for that either. She likes to be on my shoulder where she can see what's going on and fuck up my hair.

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  20. I love this idea but my cat would absolutely go bananas if I took her outside. She is a rescued feral and does NOT like anyone besides me and anything except her windowsill. Has never tried to escape the apartment (waits for me by the door, though). While I would love to take her for walks, it would be too unpleasant for her to do that to her.

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  21. I'm planning to get a double stroller (the side by side one) for my two 75 pound hounds. How cute would they be? I'm totally sure they would both sit there as good as gold and let me push them around, right? I think it would be easier than walking them. They like to pull on their leashes.

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  22. I'm planning to get a double stroller (the side by side one) for my two 75 pound hounds. How cute would they be? I'm totally sure they would both sit there as good as gold and let me push them around, right? I think it would be easier than walking them. They like to pull on their leashes.

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  23. What does your cat want? That's all that matters :) Meow

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