I went into their sales center or welcome plaza or indoctrination chamber or whatever they are calling it ready to sign up. It's located in a space that used to hold a McDonalds - no shit! I didn't need any convincing, but was obligated to sit through an hour-long pitch delivered by some well-meaning dude brimming with faux enthusiasm outlining the pricing structure -
It was expensive and confusing and I think I may have bought a bonus llama.
He spent a lot of time emphasizing how much the fitness center cares about my well-being and overall wellness - they're not like all the other fitness centers! - blah-blah-blah, and then after forking over the rights to my firstborn and/or soul (I didn't even know you could charge that to your AmEx but apparently you can), I was in! When I went home, I was a little poorer but feeling hopeful - and had a packet of information and welcome b.s. in my little mitts.
The next day, I sat down and flipped through it. Aside from the papers directly related to the gym, there was a bunch of stuff from local businesses. What could be wrong with that?
Nice. I think...
There was a Muscle Maker Grill menu (there will be one of these on-site) -
Aaaaand then thing took a curious turn for the worse -
aaaaand then things got MUCH worse -
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???
Why do you think I need to join a gym in the first place?!
The next day, I fired off an email to the sales guy -
After looking over the contents of the packet you are handing out to new members, I was really surprised at some of the business included/being promoted. 4 Musketeers? Five Guys??? Granted all things are ok in moderation, but...Five Guys? REALLY?! The only thing on their menu that is not outright bad for you is bottled water. I won't argue that they make delicious burgers & fries, but... This seems like a really odd choice for an organization/business that is dedicated to promoting good health and wellness.
A couple of days later, I got this somewhat indecipherable response:
Everyone comes into contact with all different kinds of bad choices everyday. Wellness is definitely a symbol for overall health and fitness, but it definitely is not condoned to avoid it at all costs. A part of wellness is 100% the healthy decisions made everyday.
WTF does that even mean??? It's like Yoda-speak or something - "Wellness is symbol but not condone at all costs it is." I am still baffled. I resisted the urge to send an email back and inform him that I understand about making healthy choices, but handing out a Five Guys menu to people joining a gym (which is affiliated with a hospital, btw) is like handing out a flyer for a liquor store at an AA meeting.
Regardless, all I can say is that November can't come soon enough, because the yoga pants that I don't do yoga in but am wearing at the moment anyway because they're stretchy and black are feeling a little snug-ish. It's possible I should get off my ass before November. Dammit! Time to dust off my free weights and sneakers! And possibly put some duct tape over my pie-hole so I'll stop putting Five Guys in it. Er, maybe I should rephrase that...