Friday, August 17, 2012

We Came, We Saw, We Were Thwarted by Bad Hats.


Settle in and grab a glass of your favorite beverage, folks - this is going to be a long one!

As those of you following along at home know, Jenny Jerkface, Myg, and I were lucky enough to make a pilgrimage - along with Mama Cougar, Tatoo Mickey, Rob's Bitch and a handful of the Twitarded Faithful - to see The Precious in the flesh. Well, at least as much flesh as several layers of clothing will allow for... Although it would appear that there were certain...inadvertent errors made that may have allowed for a little more exposure than Rob had intended...or maybe it was an intentional, come-hither sign? Who can say, really?

I thought I felt my Twidar (er, or something) tingling...

But let's start at the beginning, since my memory is for beans and I need to record this event for posterity and many eventual rereads when I am old. er.

Somehow, some of us (Mama Cougar leading the charge!) managed to converge on the TimesCenter where the Q&A session was being held in time to get pretty damn close to the front of the line. I have to say that the venue and the staff there were awesome and the people on line were reasonable and not threatening to beat anyone who cut in to be with friends to death with a rolled up Twilight Cosmopolis poster. So even though Mama Cougar, Myg, and Tatoo Mickey had been in line for a couple of hours by the time I got there, I was able to hang with them. And then when Jenny Jerkface descended upon the place a couple of hours later, frazzled from an afternoon of threatening to kill everyone in her office if they didn't get their shit together so that she could leave the office in time, she was able to join us inside where the line had moved to just outside the theater.

There were only this many like-minded crazy people in front of us.

Mama Cougar wouldn't listen to me when I said I didn't want my picture taken with us standing and her on the floor, which is why I look like an alien photo-bombing Myg and JJ here.

I noticed some folks hauling a cold cut platter and some other stuff presumably to a greenroom. This was about the time that I realized I hadn't eaten anything all day and was starving, but I resisted the temptation to tackle them and steal Rob's food. Also, apologies to the chick who I inadvertently captured picking her wedgie, but that's the risk you take if you do it in public.

This was the last pic I snapped before my phone died. If you squint just right, you can make out that it's the stage (and the people who work there setting up the camera for the live stream). Maybe I should have tried to snag some of those cold cuts, because I didn't realize I was shaking when I took it but I am sure you all appreciate my way-awesome photojournalistic ninja skillz here. You're welcome. Anyway, we were really close - much closer than anyone in charge of protecting Rob should have allowed the likes of us. Clearly Bodyguard Dean must be on vacation or something.

I would say were were about twenty feet away. I'm a bad estimator, but we had four rows of seats in front of us and a small aisle. Somehow we managed to park ourselves directly in the center, which seemed like a good idea at the time but was right behind the cameras (getting in there and getting a seat was like playing musical chairs and once we sat down it would have been tough to relocate without going way far back).

I would have had an AWESOME seat had Rob been seated in the middle, but as is turns out I had a great view of David Cronenberg, who was fabulous and smart and witty and also is pretty hot for a 70-year-old but let's face it: he's no RPatts in the looks department.

Promptly at 6:30 after a brief introduction, Rob - that's right, we're on a first-name basis now but he doesn't know it yet - David Cronenberg, and the interviewer David Carr came out from the same side-door Manager Nick had emerged from a moment earlier. I had caught the briefest glimpse of a familiar-looking head when the person doing the introductions came out, and I have to say I was a little...crestfallen.

Rob was wearing a hat. A HAT WAS OBSCURING HIS HAIR. GAAAAAAH!!! I wasn't going to get to see The Hair or watch him run his hands through it compulsively for the next 90 minutes. It wasn't even the beanie (RIP, beanie, wherever you are); it was a stupid white baseball cap. Sorry, I hated it - and he wore this same get-up - complete with hat - for an MTV interview - SIGH!

According to JJ, I actually pouted when I realized he was wearing a hat. Then I totally made the "nooooooo" face. She may or may not have been able to hear my whisper of disappointment above the general din, including that of the REALLY emotional chick a row or two in front of us who started sobbing uncontrollably the second Rob appeared (maybe she was super-disappointed by the hat, too).

What I wanted: THIS (on GMA earlier that day).

 Or THIS (ringing the NYSE opening bell the day before). Although I may have stroked out if he had looked like this in my presence. A Twitard is only so strong...

What I got. Not that I am complaining. OK, I am complaining. But at least this gives me an excuse to go see him again someday because I kind of feel like I got cheated out of the full-on RPatts Immersion Experience.

Don't get me wrong - hat or no hat, I was transfixed from the moment he walked out that door. Poor Myg had to deal with my ginormous head in her seat-space the entire night because she had a better view. To her credit, she was a ridiculously good sport and was even game when I suggested we rush the stage about ten minutes in then they dimmed the lights to play a movie clip. I swear I felt like Bella sitting in science class when Mr. Banner played that movie and shit got REAL and electrically charged and stuff.

Honestly, maybe it was for the best that he was wearing a hat. If he had whipped it out off and ran his fingers through his hair, Myg and I definitely would have made a break for the stage while the lights were dimmed and could have had at least ten seconds in thrashing-actor heaven before we were hauled off to jail and/or lynched by the rest of the audience. Not that the actual logistics of doing this crossed my mind at any point that night. Nope not me. I think David Cronenberg had his eye on me while the lights were low - he seems to have a pretty keen understanding of people and I think he was on to me.

I think Myg might have said it best:
And also, hat and awkward clothing aside? He was absolutely magically beautiful in person. You cannot deny that. Maybe the hat and striped blue polo under the black jacket was to tone down the rainbows shooting out of his fingertips. Maybe he was purposely trying not to feed the estrogen dragon in the audience.
 Although JJ had a close second:
His fingers are like ET, but WAY sexier.
 This is totally true, btw.

 Anyway, here are--in no particular order--other related thoughts and shit that happened:

Maybe Rob put so much anti-frizz product in his hair he had no choice but to either start over and shower or wear a hat and he didn't have time so he put on a hat? I didn't have a hat handy but I definitely overdosed on anti-frizz product too so I totally understand, Rob.

If I HAD been wearing a hat, I would have taken it off in a nod to Rob's Bitch, who had the nuts to stand over a row or two of total non-Twitard strangers before this shindig started and say "Jenny and STY? Hi! I'm Rob's Bitch!" We love you, sweetie, and don't know how you look so pretty walking around with those huge balls swinging around between your legs. But carry on. This is why I love our corner of the fandom.

David Cronenberg is AMAZING - I have seen several of his films and was no stranger to his work but seeing him in person just blew. me. away. and while I was already committed to seeing this movie, I am 10x more so now. DO IT.

Yes, there was a moment when everyone sort of freaked out because David Carr brought up The Incident and people may or may not have overreacted a tad, but what can we say? We are very...protective of Rob.

When we got to the pre-submitted questions, one of the entries selected was from Mama Cougar, who despite having put together an excellent query would have pulled into herself like a turtle if she had been genetically designed to be capable of doing so. Rob totally looked in her direction so I get it and would have done the same thing. We love you, MC!

Also, at the very end people were handing him things before he made his way offstage and he accepted a hat and a few other items, and also stopped to sign a few autographs because he's a NICE GUY. But seriously people? PLEASE stop giving him hats! I don't want to encourage this kind of hair-covering behavior.

I also would be remiss if I didn't note that Rob drank a couple of bottles of water while on stage and spent an inordinate amount of time playing with one of the bottle caps. He was working it like Edward with his Snapple cap in Twilight. Not that I was paying ridiculously close attention, but he was even absentmindedly gnawing on it occasionally, picking it up and putting it in his mouth. The moment the door closed behind him when he exited the room and the glamouring that had been done on the audience to keep us from collectively having our way with him was broken, I watched a couple of younger women rush the stage to collect the bottles and ravaged cap. I was half horrified (it's possible I slightly shouted "you are making us all look bad!") and half ready to grab it and make a run for it when they showed it to me after I found them outside on the sidewalk giggling like a pair of gollums who had FINALLY gotten their hands on the ring. Or RPatts' DNA. One of those. The Preeeeeecious... They didn't speak English, but apparently "Holy shit Robert Pattinson had his MOUTH on this and now it's MINE! SQUEEE!!!" is universal.

Three parts appalled, two parts insanely jealous.

And now, my consolation prize: three minutes of Rob running his fingers through his hair:



I don't know about you, but I feel better now.

If you want to watch the entire conversation, here you go! Just relax and bring the whole box of wine closer to the computer. We won't judge. 

52 comments:

  1. Great re-cap STY! I totally get the hat thing. The only thing I have to compare it to was when I saw him on Kimmel promoting WTF...we were 2nd row & he had Robowski hair...which I hated. Sorry peeps. However that was the closest I'd ever been to him and the thought of bum rushing the stage and jumping onto his lap certainly crossed my temporarily insane mind a few times. And, while I didn't sob, I certainly got this odd lump in my throat when he walked out the door onto the stage. So breathtaking.

    PS You'll see him again sans hat, I feel it ;) Oh and that vid...mmmmm. Nice one.

    xo J

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    1. OMG I love you for taking the time to read this novel! I couldn't leave anything out. Really so I wouldn't forget it all!

      I am glad I am not alone in considering the vilification-to-personal-satisfaction ratio of rushing the stage. Glad I didn't do it, but not faulting myself for having it cross my mind.

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  2. Still so jealous but so happy for you all at the same time. You remembered to send him thoughts of me right? Love you all....so happy you got to have this experience. Xoxoxo

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    1. I would be lying if I told you I had one thought that night other than "omg I can't beleive I am here and look at his HANDS and SHIT he's wearing a HAT! er hey is David Cronenberg looking at me funny???" but you are always in my heart. SO wish you had been there and I was holding hands with you while I complained about the lack of Uber Hair.

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    2. I also meant to say that JJ is totally right about the ET hands analogy. He does. I was fixated on them throughout Kimmel. Well his hands and his long absurdly lanky legs. I don't see the birthing hips that TJ refers to lmao! However, I'm convinced he's got a GIANT dick.

      That is all.

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    3. @Twired Jen - I couldn't stop staring at them! Those fingers are freakishly long.

      Totes has a big dick. I'm with you on that one.

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  3. So excited that y'all got to see him even with the backward hat on and all. I totally fangirl squeeeed when they read Mama C's question.

    He is so frackin beautiful even with sexier than ET fingers! LOL

    My only chance so far to see him in person is from a back of extremely large ballroom at Twicon in LA last year. I remember feeling so giddy after the Q&A.

    *sigh* goodtimes! :)

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    1. You were not alone in your fangirl squeeing!

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  4. Thanks for the novel! I loved it! No one writes better than you!!!!

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    1. I'm just happy someone actually read the whole thing - probably a good thing that I didn't have a chance to get this post up until the weekend, since maybe now people will have time to get through my debut novella lol... (and thanks!!!)

      : )

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  5. Just finished watching the interview and I thought it was fabulous. I really enjoyed David Cronenberg as much as I did Rob. Although I fucking hated the hat. HATED it so much I would have felt the urge to storm the stage and smack it off his head if I had been there.

    So jealous you guys were so close and so glad you all got to go and enjoy the view!!

    *sigh*

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    1. I have to say that the camera totally blocked his crotch from my view but that might have been for the best when it's all said and done, especially if he was unzipped (which I don't think he was during the interview because SOMEONE would have noticed and stage-dived, for sure).

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  6. Love it! So happy for all of you! I squeezed and stomped my feet when they read Mama's question! I hope Rob continues to do these for all of his films and other work.

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    1. I imagine if I would not have snagged a ticket that I would have been jumping up and down at home watching the live feed when that happened. I wish there had been a camera trained on the audience lol...

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  7. "Three parts appalled, two parts insanely jealous." Pretty much sums up the entire fandom. :) Thanks for sharing and letting the rest of us live vicariously through your experience.

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  8. Thank you so much for your detailed recap!! I would sooo have dived in to get hold of those bottles and caps. Rob's DNA! I would have taken it to my super secret lab and dabbled in genetics and cloning. I can't believe I'm visiting USA and NY for the first time next month, how could I not foreseen Rob will be there for so many events and planned this trip to match his schedule? Oh well, I'll always have the Twitarded bunch to share their experiences. Love from South America, Anabel

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    1. Have a WONDERFUL time in the USA!! New York is a fabulous city and I hope you have a blast.

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  9. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't considering a dash to the stage myself (or snatching that cap out that chick's hand and making a run for it) but I gotta draw the line somewhere I guess! It's a VERY fluid line as you can imagine, but still. : )

    Enjoy NY when you visit (even if you don't run into Rob)!

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  10. Amazing recap! I believe I was the only person not bummed by his hat, but that could be bc its a Chicago Blackhawks hat and might have thought, crazily enough, that it was meant as a subliminal message to me :-D

    Hey what can I say, I'm one quarter the crazy of the sobbing chick and 3/4 the crazy of the bottle cap snatchers. Wanna bet they split it in half and each put it in their mouth... not that I would have done that or anything....

    I was so insanely happy they asked Mama C's question!!!! Rob looking around for her was amazing!

    It sounds like you all had an amazing time and I'm so happy you got to see Rob, even with the hat.

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    1. Wait it was a Chicago Blackhawks hat??? That doesn't make it ok but it makes it slightly better than some sort of fucked up frat boy hat.

      I am also absolutely positive those two chicks swapped spit with that bottle cap at some point that night.

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  11. Ohmygod you wait us wait so long for this! I forgive you since it is long and meaty. Very happy for you.

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    1. The minute I start making money for blogging and don't have to spend my weekdays in an office grind (especially after taking the day off on a Wednesday!) I will be more timely lol... OK I probably wouldn't have my shit together even if this was my job but it's nice to think that I would. : )

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  12. I was there too! In in your picture of the craziness sitting down in line in front of you! Lol. David was A-fucking-mazing. You are right....not that I wouldn't have wanted to see it before but this made me want to see it even more. Rob dropping the bottle cap and freaking a little cause it made noise was adorable. And even if we didn't get fingers in the hair (which I missed also, BTW) we got drinking and wonky-ass leg/feet positions and expressive hands while he was trying to explain himself. It was soooo worth what I ended up paying for my ticket in ebay cause it was sold out by the time I tried to get tix when they went on sale. Lol. So worth it. Great rundown....and thanks for sharing :)

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    1. My pleasure (REALLY this whole thing was a pleasure, hat or no).

      Cronenberg was fantastic and actually got me to pay attention to something other than Rob that night, which is really saying something!

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  13. Bwahahaha. Trust - it took me a while to get up the balls to introduce myself, but getting to see your adorable faces in person, and your reactions, were so worth it.

    And I'm sure I looked "prettier" at 3 a.m. when I got on the train in DC, before something tore in my foot running from the train to get to GMA in time to see Rob and taking a nap under a tree and getting caught in a downpour in Central Park. But I digress...

    That fucking hat, that fucking hat, that fucking hat. When everyone keeps asking me how the event was, all I want to do is complain about the giant white bowling ball on his head covering that shimmering mane of sex, but I don't want to sound like a shallow psycho, so I hold back. But I'm still bitter about the hat 3 days later, for me and on behalf on those who traveled around the globe to see him and paid $900 for tickets on ebay. Oh, Rob.

    I need to write my recap when I catch up on my sleep, which may or may not involve binoculars.

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    1. lmfao!

      I brought binoculars, too. Not kidding. You are my people. I was too much of a pussy to whip them out from the fifth row (or whatever) but I would have happily counted his nose hairs all night.

      also, SOMEONE SPENT $900 ON A TICKET ON EBAY?! HFS!!! I wish I had bought more tix to pass along at face value. I would say "next time" but...

      I am glad you introduced yourself & you looked beautiful!

      I need to burn that hat in effigy.

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    2. My hat is off to you for doing that kind of traveling, lol.

      It was really great to meet you! I wish we had had more time to chat and I did try to scope you out afterward. The next time you're in NYC let us know!!

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  14. I am so happy for everyone! Especially Rob, since he managed to escape intact from all of you. I wasn't watching live but I figure I would have seen the headlines on CNN if you'd done him bodily harm.
    And I was so thrilled to see the post that I even read it on my cell phone instead of the computer. And with my eyes, you must appreciate what a sacrifice that was.
    I'm only a third of the way through viewing the interview (short attention span) but must say I LOVE Cronenberg. I'm really looking forward to seeing this movie.
    Rob here - and in the other interviews - is sounding like he's really becoming a serious actor. Our boy is growing up! Now we just have to make sure he doesn't hook up with some skankarellas. Who wants to be on the the girlfriend vetting squad?

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  15. You guise.

    I would never have wanted to do this with anyone else in the entire world. I fucking love you all more than I can articulate.

    As for Precious answering my question? That's the product of a Lit. in Film Professor I had in college who taught me how to break down and interpret male centric writing. (Delilo, etc.)

    The problem was that I think he was so tired and had to pee like a racehorse, so he didn't think through his response. (For the record, I don't agree with most of it. He is nothing at ALL like Eric Packer, no matter how much he argues that he is. I could seriously write a paper on this shit. KWIM?)

    But whoa....what fuckery and aren't we all just the luckiest women to have each other thanks to our mutual enjoyment of a very pretty boy who also happens to be wickedly talented? We are SO lucky.

    I know this is sappy but I truly love you girls and I hope this isn't our last adventure together.

    Mama C

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    1. We ARE SO lucky!!!

      Sappy right back 'atcha, baby!

      We are not done here.

      (Also I was surprised by Rob's answer to your question and like your theory on his response.)

      FLOVE you, MC!!!

      P.S. Please give Lisa a big hug from me when you see her in Chicago! : )

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    2. Mama C, we love you. As always, it was awesome to see you and hang out with you and it's never enough time!!

      And give Lisa a big wet sloppy kiss for me, okay?

      xoxo.

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  16. This BETTER not be our last adventure together! And I actually do want to read that paper, Mama C. I was fine with the hat since I couldn't stop staring at the fingers all night anyway.

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    1. I suppose there is something to be said for the hat - I don't know if I could have made a choice between staring at his hands and staring at his head. So THANKS, ROB, for making that a non-issue. You're the man.

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  17. That was you guise gasping in the audience?
    I thought the interview was great even with the hat. All the ladies that submitted questions on the "interwebs" were in the room. I would have died laughing if the lady from Brazil was there too. I had a laugh when David Carr said "Rob, I am beginning to understand what your life's like....."

    David Cronenberg seemed bemused by the adoration that follows (stalks) Rob.

    I don't think Rob knew how close he was to danger with all you ladies in the room.

    I was mortified to read on twitter that some ladies went after the water bottles after....STY, you summed it up perfectly "Three parts appalled, two parts insanely jealous." Those chicks have some balls, too.

    Thank you for sharing your story with the rest of us.

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  18. Actually I think we may have been rendered temporarily speechless, for once.

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  19. I'm so happy for you guys! What an amazing experience, hat or no hat! Just being in the same room with Rob, gah! Thanks for the great post, STY; you made me feel as if I were there. :)

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  20. The lengths you guys go to just to keep your readers informed and up to date. And I know there were a million other things y'all would rather have been doing... ;) You are so dedicated.

    Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed this interview, but I must say I enjoyed the MTV interview more. Rob seemed so much more relaxed and was able to talk much more confidently about the movie. Maybe he was a bit intimidated by Cronenberg and David Carr. I know David Carr scared the bejesus out of me. But how lucky were you guys to actually be in that audience? I admit I was pausing the interview when the camera panned over the audience, but I couldn't catch a glimpse of any of you :(

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    1. I love your screen name! Are you an IAD fan?
      I just finished "Lothaire" after reading through all of Kresley Cole's Immortals After Dark Series in about 3 weeks. They are so addicting.

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  21. Hmmm, it won't let me "reply" in the right place...

    Jenny and STY, it was so nice to meet you both as well and it sucked that I had to dash off to meet Mr. Bitch, eat and catch a train as soon as the event ended. Freaking Amtrak with the last train at 10 pm - asslickers. Would have loved to have chatted some!

    I hadn't been to NYC since 2002 (!) and I plan to not let that much time pass again - and hopefully spend some actual time there in the future. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking doing that in one day - but I also can't imagine JJ taking a train into the city every day, so right back atcha!

    And yes, thousands of dollars were spent on tickets on ebay and Stub Hub. Mr. Bitch wished I had been one of those sellers ;>)

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  22. So cute how you didn't even mention what they talked about ... I probably wouldn't have been concentrating on that eency weency part of the evening either, with all that gorgeousness only 20 feet away. I'M GREEN with envy.

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  23. So excited for you that you got so close to The Precious (and a bit jelly, I'm not afraid to admit...) And I can totally understand your frustration with his chosen attire, especially after rocking that blue suit at the premiere last week (Joan Rivers and Fashion Police gave him big ups for that, btw)! And what was with the baseball hat? It must be a *hip celebrity* things, because fellow vamp Ian Somerhalder was wearing a cap when I met him yesterday. Argh! I so wanted to rip it off and volunteer to *fix* his hair with my bare hands...

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  24. Just gotta ask,who started the booing? I was momentarily concerned that a mob with pitchforks and torches was going to carry the interviewer away.

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    1. Not sure where it came from actually - not our mouths, that's for sure! Seemed like a bunch of people reacted audibly to that comment, but we did not.

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    2. I didn't think you guys would do something like that. It was well intentioned I'm sure, but a little cringe inducing. The audio just made it sound like the whole audience was involved.

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  25. I LOVE THIS POST!! TOO FUNNY! And also so true. The whole "oh you girls are CRAZY, but I kinda want that bottle cap for myself." I so get that. Glad you guys got to go see him in person (and maybe just a little jealous). He needs to come to Seattle so I can take a day off work & go wait in line to see him in RL. *SIGHS*

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  26. Thanks STY for a great post. Love all the details. As usual I am a day late and a dollar short to chat about this.
    I had to watch the video of it, and when it first flipped on and I saw the hat I kind of rolled my eyes and groaned, because I really didn't want fratboyRob to show up in NYC. But leave it to Rob to be unexpected, we wouldn't like it if he always did things in a normal way.
    I understand though about not getting the "full experience". 10 years ago I went to see Duran Duran in concert. Except Andy Taylor wasn't there. So--I still got to "see Duran Duran", but there's a little tiny part of me that knows it wasn't quite exactly the same.....

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  27. Except for the hat that was a pretty great first meeting with Rob I would say ;)

    Excellent recap (oooo no pun intended at all).

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  28. Holy shit STY, this post had me laughing out loud multiple times!

    Fortunately, if I am lucky enough to catch a glimpse of Rob in person at the BD2 premiere in LA, he's unlikely to be wearing a hat - thank gawd!

    And JFTR, If I saw you and JJ, or LKW, VitR, Myg or TK you KNOW I would shout out to you, wave my arms etc... like the cray-cray bitch I have become since joining this corner of the fandom.

    (My fave part of the post, btw, was definitely the comment about rainbows shooting out of his fingertips. Still guffawing!)

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  29. Um.... the pics of Rob in a suit? *right click, save* Yumminess. I still have yet to see this guy in person....ughhhh!

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