Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Twitarded Gifts, Goodies and Some Mad Photoshop Skillz...

If you squint you'll see that my birthday cake has Edward's name... and mine written over it. Squee - that means we're meant to be, right? Right?!

So, it's December. New Moon has come on and gone [well, the premiere, anyway], my birthday has passed, and Thanksgiving has left me with limited clothing options since apparently stuffing a shit-ton of turkey, mashed potatoes and a variety of pies, cakes, and pastries into your maw makes you plump up until you look like a fucking Weeble Wobble.

Weebles wobble but they don't... oh just shut up, whore. Pass me another piece of pumpkin pie.

Anyhoo, I was recently ransacking the spoils of my birthday/holiday season and realized that being a Twitard makes for some amazingly awesome gifts.

Like the one from VitaminR70, for example. VitaminR has been on the Twitarded scene since day one. I don't think I can even remember a time when she wasn't commenting on our blog and she even sent Snarkier Than You and I some special Sniffs tissues way back when, in preparation of New Moon. [STY note - So I was out with Mr. Snarky the other day and he sniffles and then asks me if I have a tissue... I actually paused because I knew that the only ones I had on me were these special "meant for sopping up tears and snot spilled at New Moon ONLY" and I wasn't sure I wanted to give him one. Actually, I said "Um, nope - sorry..." and then realized I was being the worst wife EVER and relented. Grudgingly. I am not sure he was sufficiently appreciative of honking into the "she liked imaginary men the best of all" Sniffs, either.]

Incidentally, both necklaces were made with an "R" Scrabble tile. Very fitting.

This time she was awesome enough to send us some adorable cupcake necklaces [homage to Clipped Wings & Inked Armor] AND two tall boys of honest-to-fucking-goodness Rainier beer, which I ripped out of STY's paws, growling and slavering like a vicious werewolf. Well, not slavering, I guess. Maybe just drooling a little.

Nom, nom, nom

It doesn't end there - Texas Katherine [affectionately known as TK or Bitchface] was also sweet enough to send us a little sumpthin' for the b-days. It was an astounding array of Twi-related goodness which included Toblerone [shout-out to Emancipation Proclamation - yup, fan fiction pwns us.], Crazy Core Skittles [which I secretly hate her for because now I'm officially fucking addicted - see first paragraph] and a card that sings to me whenever I open it, which is often because I'm a freak.

Plus, it annoys the shit out of ML so that's a double-score.

Opening TK's box was like opening a fucking treasure chest of Twilight-y goodness

Hellooooo crack. I would have taken a picture of the actual bag but it disintegrated from me licking it constantly.



Even the non-Twitards got me Twi-related goodies.

This is a "meanbag" from etsy - given to me by none other than the fine Mrs. OPattz. You might remember her husband from this post.

It's perfect for me! Damn, she knows me well. One day soon, ML or STY will probably become very intimate with this Meanbag. Every time I pick it up it hisses, "aim for the face, you pussy!! THE FAAAAAACE!!!" I have refrained thus far but the temptation is overwhelming...

Mrs. OPattz also made me a card that said something along the lines of "Remember when I told you I hated you? Oh wait, that was the other way around!!" It was cute. And totally true. I'm such a bitch.

Shit, even Mommy (not a)Jerkface got into it. Last week we finally got together for a small birthday celebration and I found this picture in my card:


I'm not sure what's funnier - the fact that my mom took the time out to photoshop this [and it's MUCH better than anything I could even attempt to do] or the fact that, when I asked her to send me the jpeg, she titled it "in your dreams..."

42 comments:

  1. Woot!!! I'm first!!!!! *giggles* ok im calm now. I have to thank you for yesterdays post again cause I've watched the rifftrax like 1o times now and it it gets funnier each time.... "lllllllllaaaaadiesss" LMAO Anyway, I love you guys hard and JJ you're mom is made of awesome ;)

    W/V culess- I was culess to how twitarded I was till I found you ladies =)

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  2. Looks like your awesomeness came from your mom. I couldn't talk my mom into seeing NM with me when I was in Florida for Thanksgiving - I always knew she didn't really love me. ALTHOUGH, she did save me the Entertainment Weekly edition with the fabulous 3 on it AND got me some Edward chocolates. So, maybe she does love me, just a little!
    ALso, on another note - had another Edward dream last night - nothing sucks more than waking up from one of those!

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  3. mommy (not a)Jerkface is awesome! I love the picture.

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  4. hahaha...in your dreams! love it! moms truly are the best!

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  5. I am sooooooo intrigued by this "mean bag".

    I think I just found a way to do all my X-Mas shopping.

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  6. WANT the cupcake necklace! I find myself lusting after cupcake and lemon items now. I almost bought a bunch of plastic lemons at the craft store today just so that I could place them strategically/decoratively around my house and giggle to myself.

    Also found "Cupcake" wine and stocked up... Y. U. M. Cupcakes and wine, is there any better combination?

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  7. Happy birthday JJ! When was it? Mine was on Monday, and although I didn't get an Edward cake, I did get New Moon Pocket Edward, and I got anther belated gift today, the Rob calendar--that I may be too ashamed to hang up on my wall. The pictures are indecent, they could've used better ones!

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  8. Hmm, you know the picture of the cake...Jen did you realise you had Edward UNDER you *wiggles eyebrows*

    Hope you had a good day. Mine was on Monday (lol same as sparkle for twilight) Well enjoy the rest of yr week then bb

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  9. Awesome Gifts!!!! I love the pic of you and Edward because he's looking at you but not really just like in New Moon!

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  10. Mmmmm......cupcakes, skittles, rainier throw in a leftover slice of pie and you got yourself a whole meal!

    Your mom is totally amazing! I love that picture!

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  11. Your Mom continues to amaze me! LOL!! Awesome gifts. I too received the 'singing card' and I frickin' love it!

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  12. I love your Mom. I swear I can’t wait to be her when my daughters get older.

    Um, VitaminR! My birthday is in February! Just hinting..

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  13. Oh JJ how you warm the cockles of my heart (did I just type 'cockles'?--yep I did....heh-heh.) Anyhoo, I am so glad you hearted your gifts. You know our birthdays are a mere 4 days apart but supposedly we are different signs....I personally think I am more Sagitarrius and you are more Scorpio than me--suffice to say we are zodiac nextdoor neighbors so we can share right?--ha! Can I come over and borrow a few eggs please?.....I am baking cupcakes.

    Love Mommy (NAJF)! I mean really? That is so freaking cool. Though Mommy VitR did buy me Twilight/New Moon coffee for my birthday so I shouldn't complain.

    Oh and who doesn't love Hello Kitty? TK you rock! I have two daughters and do you even understand how much I love that I can brainwash them with Hello Kitty?

    @HG--February huh? You know I love my Honolulu Girl.

    It is no longer our birthday month but who cares...happy fucking birthday again JJ. Mwah!

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  14. Oh and STY--I love the story about the Sniffs. My daughters were looking for tissues in my purse and I had a similar encounter. So special and hard to give up. ultimately my angelic side is glad you were the good wife and gave Mr. Snarky a Sniff...it makes me happy that he unknowlingly blew his nose into that. ;-)

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  15. All these birthdays? Belated wishes everyone :o).

    Those were some fab pressies you got there JJ - especially the pic, how cool is your mum?! Mine asked what I wanted for Xmas and I told her wanted a collectors edition of New Moon. She told me she wasn't wasting her money on that! Bloody charming *tut*. She'll be sorry when she sees the digital photoframe she agreed to get me displaying pic after pic of Rob. Muahahaaaa!

    Love the weeble pic too, scarily evil looking little fucker that one...

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  16. Mommy(not a)Jerkface is officially my Twi-role model. What with all the events surrounding the mayhem that was the New Moon movie, I apologize for missing out on wishing you a happy birthday, JJ. You are loved!

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  17. Haha love it, I miss the vast array of weird sweets and stuff in America, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven when I saw the variety.
    Anyway just to digress, which I do a lot I know but I'm so excited I'm going to have physio later on my arm and my physio's name is Edward-OMG,OMG,OMG, I know it's not going to be Mr Pattz but a girl can dream can't she-Hmm is it appropriate to read fanfic whilst waiting for my physio appt with Edward. I may get hot and bothered. I hope he's not some old, lardy bloke I mean at least let him be fit.

    Word verif-Drobal-I drobal all over pics of Rob

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  18. That is a great collection of birthday stuff! My DH would never go buy anything Twi-related for my upcoming b-day - I may have to rely on my daughter to push him in that direction!!

    @VitaminR - you're a Sag too? When's your bday? and I sooooo HEART the cupcake necklace! You are talented!

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  19. Mommy (not a) Jerkface rocks the photoshop. Maybe she can help you with bloggy stuff...

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  20. Win a phonecall from your fav Twilightactor!

    http://www.twilightmoms.se/2009/12/bli-uppringd-av-en-av-new-moon-skadespelarna/

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  21. @Mattsgirl05--I am a cusp Scorpio with lots of Sag traits. Oh, and I did not make those necklaces--I bought them from a Twi-fan on Etsy. They both just happened to be made on 'R' scrabble tiles--very fitting. I wish I was that crafty but sadly I am not.

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  22. Love love all the stuff JJ! Especially the homemade gifts. I'm a sucker for creativity. BTW I haven't seen that particular breed of Skittles around here, I'll have to investigate. I made a vampire purse, in jest, that hopefully won't end up on Regretsy. I'll email a photo to you.

    @Stan - LOL at the digital frame. I NEED one of those!

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  23. Just had to let you know how Physio Edward was-Squeeee-Not lardy at all and very cute and a GOD with his hands. I manipulated him into massaging my shoulder and back (JOY!) I even made the little darling blush haha so much fun.
    My friend Kate says I'm a nasty woman as I went in my secretary clothes having just finished work; she states they look like I mean business but it makes you wonder what kind of business. I think the fuck me boots helped.
    Such a bad woman I am lol, he even told me I could ring the physio suite and ask for him rather than going back through my Doctor. LOL I am a happily married woman by the way who does actually have genuine back injuries although I did actually go for a follow up on my arm this last time pmsl.
    I just like to exercise my inner cougar from time to time, you know let her stretch her muscles...

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  24. ...and have them massaged by fit young men??? Muahahaa!

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  25. @ Stan-yes please, lol I just text you. Oh I posted your card tonight

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  26. Looks like you had a FABULOUS birthday!!!

    Too fun!

    Love M (na)J, she cracks me up!!! My mom a) could never figure out how to do that with a picture, and b) never would!

    Even though I've given everyone SUCH an easy target to aim for this christmas, I'm doubting I'll even get anything twi at all :(

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  27. @Molly Twinatic - Me too with the Christmas list, and the possibilty of getting Twi-merch gifts. Although, I have been dropping not so subtle hints to my daughter, so I might get lucky after all. What I would really like is a gift card that gets me into RPattz pants!

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  28. love the cup cake necklace! I went to an at home party a couple weeks ago, the girl makes hair acessories and tutus and hats for little girls. I spoted a cup cake headband and chuckled out loud.. i don't think anyone noticed. I bought it though. Now everytime my daughter wears it i think about things totally unappropriate to be thinking about while looking at a 3 1/2 year old. Whatever though, she has nothing to do with it, and it makes me happy ;p

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  29. "in your dreams..." Your mom's the best!

    And love all the fan-fic related presents :)

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  30. Happy late birthday, JJ. Love the Twi-gifts, esp the Jerkface bean bag. I should totally get one that says Moody Bitch. Your mom rocks on photoshop! Mine can't even work paypal. Or her cellphone. Sigh.

    I can't find a cupcake charm for my bracelet, but I'm saving up for a lemon one. Mmm, lemony goodness...

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  31. Great Bday gifts! We threw a surprise party for one of my friends a few weeks ago and she racked up the twi gifts too. She got an Edward blanket (so now she can snuggle with him), mini E and B, the Rob calendar, the Twilight game, and a pen (it's team Jacob but the giver was making a guess..)
    Let's just say that her husband was less than happy. We on the other hand had a fabulous time ;)

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  32. Well, I feel like a douche for never doing anything for you girls :-( I am thrilled that you got such awesome birthday loot! I will try to get my shit together be next year LOL!

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  33. RL has been prison raping me so hard these last few weeks that I haven't been able to keep up with my blogs & fics. I know, blasphemy! I literally just locked myself in the bedroom with a bag of Crazy Core Skittles (the ultimate crack) so I could catch up on everything. So glad you got such cool stuff. If I would've known VitaminR was willing to ship alcohol I would have been shamelessly sucking up. I'm filing that little tidbit away. Also, I WANT that cake. And I'm commissioning Mommy to make me a RPattz portrait.

    Glad you liked your box o' goodies!

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  34. yay! I'm loving the comments. Sorry we haven't been able to respond as much as we'd like - RL is kinda killing us too!

    Mommy(not a)Jerkface rocks.

    @Honolulu Girl - I'm excited for you! Just wait until the teenage years are over. I was such a twat as a teenager. Er, and maybe an adult, too. Never mind. :)

    I'm always amazed at how many other peeps have birthdays around this time. Well, it's fucking cold in February (at least here) so... lol

    @Abigail - You're not a douche!! We LOVE you guys! You're the reason we get up and bounce to the computer every morning. I hate to be cheesy (prepare yourself, it's gonna get ugly) but by far this community is the best thing EVER.

    @TexasKatherine - Crazy Core Skittles are the lemony fan fiction of candy. Does that even make sense? Not sure.

    Mwah! Thanks all!

    I think I have to go watch the fucking Rifftrax video again. It's ridiculous.

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  35. @Stan - A digital photo frame for Rob pictures. Great idea. Totally going on my Christmas list.

    @Nibbleit - Physio Edward. You crack me up!

    @TK - Sorry to hear RL is giving it to you in the ass. LOL!

    @JJ - None of us will be able to watch that scene in Eclipse now without thinking of you and MJF. Love it!!

    Lisa
    17 Forever

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  37. I love Mommy (not a) Jerkface! My Mom would never do that! Can I trade you Moms?

    And JJ, you are not a bitch. I am a bitch. I saw it was your bday coming up and what did I do about it? Nothing. Cause I am fucking lazy. Sigh...

    Looking forward to watching the new MTV shore about really cool kids on the Jersey shore. Will be thinking of you guys! hehehe

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  38. new moon movie of twilight saga is outstanding ! enjoyed a lot watching twilight new moon !!

    http://www.twilightnewmoon.info

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  39. Well, I feel like a douche for never doing anything for you girls :-( I am thrilled that you got such awesome birthday loot! I will try to get my shit together be next year LOL!

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  40. ...and have them massaged by fit young men??? Muahahaa!

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  41. Win a phonecall from your fav Twilightactor!

    http://www.twilightmoms.se/2009/12/bli-uppringd-av-en-av-new-moon-skadespelarna/

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  42. Haha love it, I miss the vast array of weird sweets and stuff in America, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven when I saw the variety.
    Anyway just to digress, which I do a lot I know but I'm so excited I'm going to have physio later on my arm and my physio's name is Edward-OMG,OMG,OMG, I know it's not going to be Mr Pattz but a girl can dream can't she-Hmm is it appropriate to read fanfic whilst waiting for my physio appt with Edward. I may get hot and bothered. I hope he's not some old, lardy bloke I mean at least let him be fit.

    Word verif-Drobal-I drobal all over pics of Rob

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