Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Ask Twitarded!

Here at Twitarded, we like to get to know our audience and hopefully, you all get to know us, too (however detrimental that may be to your everyday life!). We often give you glimpses into our personal lives through our posts... so you know how horny and slutty and dirty and stalkery and poopy we can be. But even then, I'm sure there are important details we're leaving out...

I need to know what that trio of saucy bitches is thinking... now!

So is there some important question you've been dying to ask Twitarded, but were afraid to? Well, now is your chance! Jenny Jerkface, Snarkier Than You, and Latchkey Wife have decided to do a weekly "Ask Twitarded!" post where we all put in our two cents to answer your burning questions. (Um, by the way, if it is burning, you may want to consult your doctor. This isn't that that type of a Q&A and if you want to give yourself a panic attack and misdiagnose your ailments, we're sure you know how to find WebMD.) This is your chance to find out the answers to all those deep, dark, dirty secrets you know we're hiding from you.

I've written down pages and pages of questions... now which one do I want to submit?

Did you know that Jenny Jerkface likes to camp? Or that Snarkier Than You prefers to enjoy her beverages through a straw? Or that Latchkey Wife's husband and father have the same first and last name? (You're probably thinking... Maine, cousins... knock it off, right now!) Each week, we'll randomly pick a question or two to address, and hopefully dazzle you with our answers.

Oh gawd, I knew I shouldn't have asked that question! Those dirty, dirty whores...

Email us a question at Please, I'm begging you! Ask anything - it could be serious, current-event related, hypothetical or just plain fucking bizarre! For example: What would you do if a Martian mothership kidnapped you and gave you a choice between being anally probed or having your pinkie toes removed for "research"? Duh, I'll take the anal probe any day! We promise to answer all your questions as honestly as possible. Or maybe not! I mean, fuck, some of this stuff is highly classified. We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you and you wouldn't be able to come to Forks with us.

What are you waiting for?!

P.S. Leave all the responses you want in the comments - we DO loooove comments - but you'll need to email us at for "Ask Twitarded!" consideration. Aaaaand GO!

P.P.S. Hey, Mrs. P - we mimic because we looooove!

P.P.P.S. Please title your email "Ask Twitarded" and be sure to include your comments nickname so we give you proper credit!!


  1. I have a feeling that you guys are really in for it. I wonder who it is going to be that is going to make you regret this post.LOL

  2. Isn't immitation the sincerest form of flattery? I love TwiBite too.

  3. *a la Mr. Burns* eeexxxceeellllennt!

    Off to ponder a question for you guys.

  4. *dances* This could be awesome.

  5. Even though I am a blank canvas, I find myself increasingly fascinated by tattoos (blame CW&IA). What tatts do you have, and why? I'm not ready to hear about the piercings, yet.

  6. @Z Any Mouse - I'll answer that one.

    Not sure if I'm breaking any rules but I loooove talking about tattoos. lol

    I have six. Two Chinese letters (my 2 firsts - started out small just in case) One says Woman and the other says Courage. I have a tribal butterfly a friend of mine drew who passed away on my hip. I also have a sailor jerry swallow on the other hip -- but the bird is dead (eyes X-ed out) and clutching Forget me Knots in his beak. Long story.

    Have a goblin tattooedoin my shoulder blade (it's actually the Crumb Fairy - a tribute to my poor ol' mom who had to deal with my sloppiness as a teen)

    And the last one is on my forearm that is posted somewhere around here.

    Okay, enough. Don't get me started on the tattoos... lol

  7. OK JJ - even I didn't know all that about your tattoos - maybe I should submit a question...

  8. Ooooh, JJ, nice about the tattoos! I lurve the picture of the one you brought mini-E to. :)

    I just have the one on my back (say tramp stamp all you like, mothafuckas, I'll cut a bitch) and I kind-of-sort-of drew it myself (I drew the letters and copied the symbols). It says "hope" in Hebrew, with two celtic tree of life designs surrounding it. I'm thinking about getting a treble clef on my right foot, but since I'm going to FOOOOOOOOOOORRKKKKSSSS!!!! I'm saving my cash, so that's going on the back burner!

    Diabolically thinking of questions for you ladies...

  9. @STY - So I guess I shouldn't delve into my 10+ piercings I've had in my life? (okay, okay, most were my ears...)

  10. I love you hug!! (Just promise to post one of my questions...dammit.)

    Oooh...I have to think of a good one....

  11. JJ, I liked the sidetrip into TattTalk... maybe it would be fun sometime to turn this into a post? F-Kat, Z any Mouse, and I have been joking a lot lately about the semi-matching asstatts we may or may not be getting :)

  12. Oooh, you've given me material to think about.

    Very interesting that you should do this. I wonder why I never figured you to be the same attention whores as Mrs.P. But I'm sooooo glad I was wrong, *grin*.

  13. Oooo my first tat (and only one atm) is on my hip and is a Chinese letter... ok i like blurted this out... moving on! Off to think of something to ask.... hum hm hum

  14. What are your safe words?

    I will e-mail and follow the rules if I must. :P

    v/w: keresene--made me think of turpentine hence my question.

  15. Hm, I see you have the same problem as me - a spammer. How I fucking hate them! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Anyone know how to rip them to shreds?

  16. Wait a would rather be anally probed over having your pinkie toes removed? Don't you realize that your SHOES will fit ever so much better if you opt for this free surgery? I would so let them have my pinky toes.

  17. @Suza - brilliant! I never thought of that! Cute Steve Madden heels that have been sitting at the back of my closet for ages because they're too painful to wear, here I come...

  18. I love the tatt answers, thank you! @JJ It's too bad I'm not going to Fooorks, because I know if I bought you a round or two, I'd get the story about the bird with XX's in his eyes out of you ;)

  19. @Amanda

    Steve Madden shoe are the DEVIL!

    They are so hot looking, but they hurt like fucking hell!
    I've never worn a pair more than once.
    And I always get suckered into buying them.


  20. group tats: maybe something like this - in silhouette ;)

  21. @Cupcake Donna, sing it, sister!

    As we speak there is a pair of adorable black and white tweed Maddens under my desk - I left them there after the fifth time I tried to make it through an entire day of work in them, but they gave me so many blisters I couldn't even hobble home in them.

    I was trying to repeat the success I had with a legendary pair of Steve Maddens I got my freshman year of college - they hurt like hell the first two times I wore them, but once I broke them in, I wore them until they literally fell apart. As in, "Amanda, there's a button missing from your shoes-"

    "I KNOW!!!! Shhhhhhh...."

    Damn you, Steve Madden. Damn you to hell for your adorable and unwearable shoes.

    Also? wv: hymemim. Heh. Heh.

  22. Hey hey hey! Knock it off with the Maine jokes! We're not all potato farmers up here. I'm from Portland Maine and the whole farmer accent is just retarded! We DO NOT speak like that. So not cool, ladies. Not cool at all. LOL!

  23. YAY!!! I actually LOVE the idea of Ask Twitarded. Mrs. P's version is too much fun to read!

    Give me eight toes and a lifetime supply of Steve Madden's and I'll be a happy hooker! I'm with the girls who aren't about to be anally probed when free surgery is an option. And just think, it's probably WAY far more advanced than our technology. So it'll be GOOD surgery.

  24. Hold onto your panties ladies... as I write this comment, Rob is in the production office for "Water for Elephants" and he is learning to/practicing DANCING!!!! My coworker's best friend can see him through the window. I wish she could take a pic without jeopardizing her job. I would pay to see that! Well, obviously I will when the movie comes out but the candid stuff would be so much better!

    Off to think of some questions... I mean work...

  25. Finally! I knew it would pay off to keep a journal entitled "Burning Questions for JJ, STY and LKW"...I'll crack it open and shower you with querys.

    I love hearing about all the tatts! Maybe some of you piratehookers should check out my blog and enter my 'Tattoo me Fandom!' conest??? Go won't hurt.


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  27. OMG Latchkey. Thats awsome. Im originally from Buxton but have lived in Portland for the last ten years. It's so funny, our native accent is more proniunced by the farmers and rednecks of Maine, but seriously, I really dont talk like that at all. LOL.

  28. I was going to get all up in arms over the husband/dad same last name/Maine cousins things, and then I just thought. . . oh. Yeah.
    :) Cullenboyz, AKA LindaMaine.

  29. @Hypoallergenic Vagina - No joke! I was pretty impressed that she even had the presence of mind to tell anyone about it. When my friend called me I actually made a horrible shrieking sound like a squirrel getting hit by a car (I've heard it, it's horrible!!) because I was at once so excited and also insanely jealous. Having someone I know that knows someone who was looking at him RIGHT THEN is probably the closest I will ever get to him. What have I become?!?!?! Sick, sad, and wrong. And pretty fuckin ok with it.

    Can I come to your wedding? I promise not to molest Rob too much during the reception. I totally almost just typed Edward there - fuuuuuuuuck me - I can't even separate them any more.

  30. @Cullenboyz - Ah, did you not read it closely enough? My father and husband have the same last AND FIRST names!! And you're a Mainah too? Where are you?

  31. Mail (with questions) sent ;-)


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