Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Fee Fi Fo Fum - I Smell Twilight Fan Fiction


Tonight is just all about fan fiction. First chapter six of Osa Bella and now this.

I'm sorry for all of you who don't read it and I promise we'll somehow make it up to you in another post that will possibly be filled with panty-soaking pictures of RPattz or something.

In three... two... one... Engage engines...
Houston, we have panty-melt. Repeat, we have panty-melt.

I've been reading the comments on last night's post and I noticed that a lot of you mentioned that you're still in love with Twilight because of fan fiction and... well, I have to agree that fan fiction definitely plays a small part in my love of this world.

You guys play the biggest part, though. Just sayin'...

Speaking of big things (ba da bump!) it's time for another FanFic Roundup!! Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry, others will make you thank OH-EM-fucking-E that you never, ever, EVER have to re-live high school.

But most will make you want to grab your S/O, or pocket rocket, or terrifying cactus thingy and ride it like your life depended on it.

What was that? The Misapprehension of Bella Swan just updated? Hmmm, which one do I usually need for that fic?

[STY's note - holy shit it's like a vibrator farm... and I like the looks of that pink one in the foreground that sits in a rechargeable base. smart design if I ever saw it...]

This week I'm loving a rather... schizophrenic collection of fics.

The first one is one I found pretty early on but have been hanging on to it for some unknown reason. I'll tell you right off the bat - if you're uncomfortable dealing with themes like death and terminal illness this story is not for you. If you're okay with that, then you'll really love this story:

Ladder to the Sun - How can you die when you've never really lived? That's the problem Bella Swan faces when she's told she only has a year to live. Can she make up for a lonely, unhappy life in the short time she has left... and maybe find love too? All-human, EXB

Picture snagged from - story can be found here

Bella is so heart wrenchingly sweet, lonely, vulnerable but incredibly strong in this fic and the writer really gets her all emotions down pat. I call the Edward in this tale Somberward but he's really so much more than that. He's got his secrets and his "darkness" but there are just so many facets to both of these characters that are so subtle and so raw that you can't help but fall in love with them.

Little Fish, Big Fish - Collab between Paige Parkker BPOV & Michelle M Marie EPOV. A/H OOC Follows the life of Bella and Edward as they meet in high school, eventually parting painfully, only to reunite as adults – in very different circumstances. M for language & lemony awesomeness.

Pic totally jacked from Twilighted. Story can be found there... here

This is hands down my favoritest Bella in the whole wide world -- and that includes my own Bella and characters are supposed to be like your kids and they're supposed to be #1 but... yeah. She's spunky, funny, snarky, witty, sexy and just an all round pot smoking free-spirited little devil. I'd be her best friend but Snarkier Than You would totally kick her ass.

The writing is pretty much exactly how I described Bella so there's that. It's a really cute and awesome trip of a story.

I'm actually not going to give y'all much more than that and it might not start out like an Edward and Bella story but... it is. Trust me.

Plus, I'm compiling a list of awesome quirky sayings from this fic. You've been warned.

The last recommendation I'm throwing out to the masses tonight is one that Texas Katherine and many of you have actually recommended to me but I wanted to make sure that I spread the word around anyway because jeebus frucking crispies is this one... pretty fucking hot in a holy-shit-Edward-is-totes-dangerous kinda way.

And that's before there's even sex.

Hide & Drink - Bella’s blood was just too tempting to be ignored. While Edward drags her around the world, barely keeping a step ahead of his frantic family, Bella battles the monster for possession of the gentler vampire inside her captor. EPOV. Rated M-violence/sex

You know the drill. Story can be found at Twilighted here.

I don't know what it is about violent, angry barely-in-control Edward that makes me a tad hot under the collar but... yummy. And scary. And kinda jealous, too. But he's still fundamentally Edward and the writer really does a great job and differentiating between the voices of her characters. She nails them. The "voices" of the characters that is, not the actual characters. Because, um, that would be really hard to do.

What? You're still here? Quick! Grab a tarp (or tissues, depending on which one you're reading) and settle yourself down for some nice long quality time with Edward, Bella and the gang.

We'll be waiting here for you when you get back so let us know what you think of these stories. And, as always, let us know what's pwning YOU.


  1. do you think any of those vibes sparkle??? hmmm...

  2. Jeezus... which one do I try first? So many fics, so little time. I would like to get paid for reading smut-filled fan fiction please!

    @STY - there's one vibe there that looks eerily like a sea cucumber. Yoweee.

  3. This is why my Twilove will never die. As long as there's fic to read, I AM HOOKED. I'll have to add these to my VERY long list. I'm currently reading MoTU, The List, The Dark side of the Moon and Oso Bella. Thanks for giving me more. You're givers!

  4. You won me over with your recommendation of The Family Business so now I have more to add to my favorites list! Currently reading Mens Rea: A Guilty Mind, MOTU, Incubus Anomoly, MOBS...the list goes on and on. So many to read and so little time.
    Thanks for the new recs!

  5. Currently reading "Hide and Drink and give it two sparkly peens up! Jealousward is both scary and hot all at the same time. A little frightening, and yet,still recognizably Edward.

    I finished "The List" last week and love, love LOVED it! Picks up right at the end of Eclipse with no fade to black and a MUCH better ending!!

    MoBS is next on the ever growing list

  6. Just started Dark Matter by AMuseFan77! It's Eclipse in EPOV and it's getting me ready for June 30th! With all those hot make out scenes I'm definitely NOT over Twilight!! Pretty good substitute for Midnight Sun but with my fav of the Saga :)

  7. I am currently reading too fucking many to mention. I *just* finished Wide Awake, and DAMN was that a great story. I laughed, I cried, it was awesome, and I am left emotionally drained and tired. I need a break. ... Ooooor the last update of MoBS. Yeah, that sounds better. ;)

    Thanks for the recs! H&D is on my to-read list already, and I'm adding LFBF - the LttS's themes don't sound like my thing... and thanks for the warning on that one!

    Happy reading all! (And The List fucking rocks - that was the fan fic that popped my ff cherry... ah, memories)

  8. @Toefunny - who is "The List" by? There are lots on Fanfin called that.

  9. Oh...FML. I swear to Edward, my fanfic list NEVER.ENDS. What am I reading now....Well, I just had a read-a-thon with The Red Line (which was fuckin' awesome), the obvs (MoBS, H&D, TT, EP (which just updated yesterday and it was FABUFREAKINGLOUS), MoTU, University of Edward Mason, 15 STEP...

    I still squee on Mondays and Fridays for Smut Mondays and Friday Free For All...Those O/S's are hawt. And natch, I dig on Perv Pack's Smut Shack for lots of new fics to read. Oh, and Little Known Ficster.

    Uh....such a h00r for fanfic...My To-Read list is litterally, over 180 fics (as of today. I counted, but I won't reveal the actual #), but it's not too bad! Lots are just O/S's that I haven't checked out, or FGB pieces that were written by my fave authors. The list of fics I have read is longer than my To-Read list, so idk if that's pathetic or not.

    @apotampkin: THIS LIST. So hot. SOOOOOO Hot.

  10. Totally random addition here.... I just read a Cedric Diggory fanfic that was recommended over on ROAR. It is SO well written. I was glued to it and I've never read a real harry potter book. It's called "Finding Himself" by Minisinoo

  11. @apotampkin - "The List" by Laura Cullen

    @Musing Bella - I popped my FF Cherry with MoTU - No making love for me my first time, just fucking!! HA!!

  12. Hide and Drink is already on my to-read list, and I'll be checking out the others later. Thanks for the recs JJ!

    Mmmm, the List. Last time I read through the saga, I left out BD and read the List instead. Sooo much more satisfying. In more ways than one ;D

    Currently reading Mens Rea: A Guilty Mind and Work in Progress along with a couple of others but these two are my faves at the moment. Work in Progress is a light really funny fic a bit like Edward Wallbanger. It cracks me up AND has some awesome lemons. And it features Bella's talking ovaries and I love how Tanya fits into the story.

  13. I've bookmarked Osa Bella as that is my next read.
    I'm reading so many ff's right now its kinda hard to 'em straight. I feel like I have to make up for lost time because I waited so long to read any ff!

    I've just recently started Hide and Drink. Haven't gotten to any real lemons, yet. But I'm into it. This Edward definitely scares me.. but still, I think I'd let him kidnap me.

    I've also just last week caught up with MoBS I get a kick outa sailor mouth Bella and love me some Hockeyward.

    I'm also reading Emancipation Proclamation. Up to ch. 32 and am just now getting to the good stuff. I love me some Mafioso Princeward... Who knew the Cullens were Italian?! LOL!

    I heard that Renfield and Chicklets was good so that's on my must-read list also. Synopsis: "Edward Cullen, PhD: brilliant, nerdy, mildly attractive, and obsessed with Blood and Vampires. Oh, and pervertedly horny."--Sounds funny.

    Oh can't forget Edward Wallbanger.. which popped my ff cherry. Its a funny one.

    Now what's really pwning me? What else?..MotU. It was the 2nd fanfic I read. And I'm sad to see it coming to an end as I've just recently discovered it! Only one friggin' ch. left! But I left a comment on the last ch. on Icy's blog and asked her if a sequel was out of the question. And she responded saying, "Sequel… I don’t know… we’ll see." So maybe we'll get more Fifty in the future!

    "I popped my FF Cherry with MoTU - No making love for me my first time, just fucking!!" --LMAO Whoa, what a good way to go!

  14. I don't have a lot to say -- just wanted to test drive my new avi. Popped my cherry on Wide Awake and it was awesome. Fifty Shades (MoTU)is so hawt I can barely stand it, but of course I always want more. I'll re-read it once this final chapter posts, because it's that good, and the first time around I think I was pretty much in shock. I read CWIA & got a tattoo (didn't everybody? or at least think about it?) EP is another favorite and looks like it's nearing the end. MoBS is another one I love, and especially the fact that the author updates on a regular basis. I've read a few really good ones that have never updated, and left me hanging...I hate that!


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  16. Ladies of the castle, thank you so much for this post! (ooh, and the vibe farm pic. Dangerous...)

    Loves me some FF - most favourites are CWIA, MoBS, MotU, Tropic of Virgo, Wide Awake, The List, to name a few...

    Just wondering, can anyone hook me up with a link to EP? Can't find one anywhere, away on business at the moment and need 'company' in my hotel room tonight!

    I too will be re-reading MotU when it's complete... miss you already FiftyShades

    Right, now for the latest updates of Osa Bella and MoBS!

  17. Noooooooooooooo0!!!!!! I can't handle any more!!!!!! They just keep coming and it doesn't stop!

    Truly I love it as much as the rest of you but at some point I need to read a printed in paper book again. Sssssshhhh...I am going to attempt that this weekend with Nick Hornby's new book....only because I am going to be on a sailboat all weekend without internet access.

    Thanks JJ. I know I will likely love all of these as I usually love what you love...we share the love.

    @LKW--when you find that job that pays to read fanfic smut please tell them you won't get hired unless they hire me too. I seriously need to find a way to make some extra cash out of this obsession. Maybe I can be a product tester for a sex toy company.....oh...I like that. See ya I am off to send off my resume!

  18. Woah that first picture is like "Cockapollouza"!

    I just finished reading "The Red Line" O.o Wow! I haven't read anything like it before. I don't even know how to explain it! It was good.
    The description doesn't do it justice in MHO.
    "Edward is an exotic male dancer. Bella is a college student studying psychology and needs a subject to do her thesis on. Bella pays Edward to belong to her for 2 weeks so she can study him. Things soon get very interesting between them"

    I can't believe that MoTU is ending! Oh Fifty.

  19. @Lindsay: thank you! You've just made my evening. The hotel room just got more exciting... (hey, I'm alone, it's as exciting as it's gonna get!)


  20. Twitarded turned me onto FF ages ago, and my libido will never be more grateful.

    For those who can't find the time to read all 86 chapters of MoTU (where the fuck are your priorities??), I highly recommend Want No More by Savage 7289. She won the recent FF Best Domination Contest (love that concept). One shot, but I guarantee you won't just read it once!

  21. Oh yes, also reading Let your Light Shine by Lolashoes & I read a scene last night that BLEW MY MIND!!! Almost makes me wish my Mr. Junkie had venom :)

  22. LOVING Hide and Drink at the moment. Just started it earlier this week and definitely worth it - especially when it finally worked its way up to the lemon! *fans self*

    thanks for the other recs. as long as people keep writing this stuff, I'll remain a horny twitard.

  23. Can I make some suggestions, because I enjoy canon characters - just not original pairings.

    So "Confessions of a Difficult Woman" by einfach mach - is damn brilliant. It's AH, Leah/Edward pairing and it is so good it should be labeled it will cause you be become obsessed with this story.

    "The Passing Years" by rainypromise it's Jacob/Bella - it's a cute story, no limes or lemons as of yet. But it heartwarming and it is coming out of hiatus shortly.

  24. Oh man, now I'm even more behind in my fanfic reading! I need to take a month off work, stock up on batteries and just read. I'm sure my boss would be cool with that.

    And now I will have PJ Harvey's whispering voice in my head signing "Little fish, big fish swimming in the water. Come back here, man, gimme my daughter" all day long, so thanks.

  25. Honestly I have NO idea how people can keep up on so many stories! I try to juggle two (ok, four) and my feeble brain can't keep the characters straight. I'll read 15 Step and wonder if he's gonna break out the whipping bench... Whoops! Ok it's not quite that bad, but practically! (and who said 15 step edward can't have a whipping bench, hmmm??? jk...)

    oh and sorry that it didn't occur to ANY of us that we should label posts containing pics of vibrator buffets as "NSFW" - I swear I am so desensitized at this point that it never occurs to me until someone sends me a "WTF?! Thanks for almost getting me fired!!"-type email - lol...

    : )

  26. Can I pimp my new fic? It's my first attempt at Edward/Bella and I'd love for some of you to come and read and let me know what you think, the feedback so far has been quite positive :o):
    Elusively Yours

  27. Great. Now I have to decide - spend my glorious four-day weekend reading fan fic or try to finish up my FINAL grad school project? What's a girl to do?

    w/v grappl: the girl's gonna want to grappl after reading all that fan fic (or as I call it: Twi Smut)

  28. Hide and Drink is really really really good, I just started another along the same vein (pun mildly intended) called Blood and Lust. If you want lemons read The Family Secret....I needed a dildo farm for that one lol...

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  30. Fuck you birches.

    Fuck you for rec'ing so many fantastic fics that you KNOW I don't have time to read! My list is roughly fifty thousand miles long.

    So far, the only completed fic I've read is The Lost Boys, which is fuckawesome if you haven't read it. While it's a Bella/Edward fic, the Rosalie and Emmet are fucking hot and hilarious - definitely check it out!

    The only other ones I'm keeping track of are MotU, MoBS, and of course 15 Step! Oh, and Breathe Again, a Bella/Jacob fic. I'm off tomorrow, so clearly Osa Bella will be taking up my day.

    Oh, and still working on my own fic! It's gonna be a Leah fic, and darling Toefunny is betaing for me. GET READY BITHCEESSSSSSSSSS

    @Hypo, "helloooooo redundancy" made me lol :)

  31. And by birches I obviously meant bitches.


  32. My son's, who are Autistic, both have therapists that visit them throughout the week in our home. Today I met a new girl who will work with my seven year old, Nicky. Iwas warned by her boss not to be put off by her facial piercings and tattoo's. At first I was like, why? I'm cool with that. If anything I'd totally get viper bites and nose stud if I didn't think my kids would rip them out. *shudders* But she walked in and I swear to you, she reminds me of the fan fic, Clipped wings and Inked armour. It was then I realized that Twilight fan fic has reshaped the way I process things. I find I'm completely biased now to anyone who reminds me of one of my fan fic characters. It's dangerous of me. Tis girl could be a nut but I saw her, thought of Bella, and liked her before she even spoke. Do you guys do that? Has that happened to you?

  33. Hey there, ladies!!!
    I come to this fantastical blog as one half of the writing team for "Little Fish, Big Fish."

    You know, I knew something was up because our alerts/favorites had shot through the roof on I had no idea what was going on until I got a review today telling me that you guys pimped out our story. How freaking amazing of you! I am so glad that you found this story worthy enough of a pimp-out :)

    Now, as the writer of EPOV (and not the amazing BPOV) I can gush about how great this story is. Haha! Paige, my co-author (who is responsible for the friggin fantastic Bells-a-bub) is so wonderfully creative, it hurts. I seriously only write this story with her so I can read more of Bella and what comes out of her freaking mouth. :)

    Seriously, thanks again. I feel like running through the streets screaming, "they love us, they really love us!"...but my pregnant belly would prevent me from doing that (I would look just too damn crazy, LOL).

    Now I am off, to go munch on some of the things that B from LFBF likes. Now that I am pregnant, I mysteriously crave all things gummy and all things orange (to cover the gummy and orange group, of course!)

    <3 Michelle M Marie

  34. Love all the recs... my library card is cracked and dusty, no more published novels for me, LOL, when there is Twilight ff to be read!

    I am finishing Faking It at the moment and really enjoying it! It's well written, interesting and has lemony goodness.

    Hydraulic Level 5 may be one of the most well written ff's I've ever read. It's on a temp hiatus but the author is finishing the story offline, so the final chapters should be posted quickly. Definitely check this out.

    WA popped my ff cherry, which is a hard one to follow! But I soon flew through CWAIA and MotU, mmm, sniff, all done.... Withering Ferns is good too by WA author. Can't forget the Submissive, the Dominant and the Training, mmmm. Christmas with the Cullens was a fun read, and Ms Kathy's The Trip Home was also, ah.. filled with citrusy goodness. I also have on the go "With Teeth" which is an intense read but totally addicting.

    So yeah, if there is a way to be paid to read (good) FF? Bring it!


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