Friday, May 14, 2010

I Have a Dream... That One Day RPattz Shows Up in MY Dream.

Do you think MLK Jr. would roll over in his grave for my allocation and massive misuse of the phrase he made famous? Sorry MLK... last night my dream to dream a Robert Pattinson dream came true and I want to yell about it from the roof tops! I want to call a press conference and announce it to the world!

FTR, this was not the version that showed up in my dream. Although I still wouldn't have asked him to leave... even dressed like this.

I rarely have sexy dreams, so when I do, I wake up with a big, gushy smile on my face and I spend the entire next day week mulling it over in my sick little brain, desperate to find its meaning. The details of my 'Rob' dream are blurry and swirly - I think I must dream like I'm on acid or maybe Ecstasy - doesn't that crap make you feel all warm and lovey inside? I'm going to go out on a limb and say this dream stems from watching Oprah and the intense jealousy I felt as Rob showed up at various family's homes unannounced to surprise the fucking shit out of them. He only stayed for a short time, but obviously had a HUGE effect on these folks who all seemed to be rabid fans. [Hey Oprah. You want rabid? I'll give you rabid. You haven't met us Twitards yet!!]

Whoa, that was weird. I just showed up in the dream of the most foul-mouthed-yet-incredibly sexy woman I've ever [not] met.

So anyways... the dream. Rob shows up at my house unannounced, although it wasn't actually my house, which is probably a good thing. Had he shown up at my front door, Mr. Latchkey would have most certainly kicked his skinny ultra-fine ass and thrown him to the curb. This action would, of course, result in our immediate divorce. You do not harm The Precious!

I remember he kept trying to get away from me [huh? I don't understand, I am sweetness personified. I said sweetness, not slutness. How come even in my dreams he's running off to get a restraining order??] There were other people at this house and I didn't know any of them, which makes me think it was some kind of contest and I won and had to have a meet-and-greet with a bunch of strangers. All I know is I kept trying to lure him into the empty kitchen to have a little one-on-one "alone time" with him (if you know what I mean...). Good gawd, I'm a fucking whore even in slumber!

In case you don't know this about me, I love to make people laugh. In my feeble attempt to keep Rob interested, I kept cracking jokes, hoping to hear that panty-melting guffaw of his. And it worked!! He was laughing with me (or maybe at me, but who cares? he was laughing!), and I was happy. But then, Old Slutskey Wife had to make an appearance (gawd it's hard to keep Her Horniness at bay) and suddenly all I wanted to do was touch him. I needed to touch him. I HAD to touch him. I kept putting my hand flat against his chest and he would kind of back away like he was uncomfortable with it. And then I'd step in a little closer... you get the picture. Apparently I don't respect his personal space in my dreams, either. Ooopsie!

Why? Why won't she just keep her hands to herself? Or at least place them a little lower...

At one point, I leaned in close enough to take a big ol' whiff of him... and he smelled good, by the way. I'm pretty sure after that, all hell broke loose. I started making suggestive comments [kind of like I do in my interviews] and he got a little weirded out by it and kept trying to escape back to the other room (which is pretty hard when you're handcuffed to the leg of the kitchen table). Even in my dreams, Rob is not relaxed around me. It's almost like he thinks I'm just going to jump his bones every second. Which is true.

He finally started to loosen up the more I made him laugh and I took the plunge and leaned in to see if I could taste those luscious lips of his... aaaaaaand I woke up. Muthafucking morning makes me want to punch someone in the mouth! I was soooooo close to running my fingers through that hair... oh that hair!

The end.

P.S. Mr. Latchkey kept talking to me and I kept trying to fall back asleep to get back into the dream... I needed to finish that dream! But it wasn't meant to be...

I'm hoping these types of dreamy visits happen a little more frequently now that he knows where I live. Maybe like every night! Don't be afraid, RPattz! I'll make you laugh! Among other things...


  1. Do you want to trade dreams? Last Night I dreamt that I 'broke in' Justin Beiber. I felt so dirty when I woke up (and not dirty in a good way)

  2. I'm gonna let you keep that one! I always think his name is Justin Beaver.... or maybe that's just because I've been reading too much MoBS!! LOL!

  3. I rarely remember my dreams. I've had only one RPattz dream. It involved tickling each other. But it wasn't a smexy dream, it was just fun. I woke up before I could pull any moves on him. Bah!

  4. Permission to address Her Horniness?

    Haha!!! LKW, you are brilliant, you hoor! Seriously - I can't tell you how I am PMSL right now. The fact that he's still sidling away even in your dreams!

    I, for one, spent my day thinking of how I would be SO MUCH cooler if the Precious showed up at my house, unlike those twats who ambushed him at the door (Let's all be real here, I would so be the first twat in line to run headlong into his reluctant arms).

    And then I came home and watched the "fight scene" they previewed on Oprah for the 16th time, and then had a little fantasy of my own wherein I was in the MIDDLE of angry Edward and angry Jacob, until they just gave up and decided to double team me instead.

    Hooray! LKW, loved this post so much!

    WV: prolap. I was going to use this cleverly in a sentence and then I googled what "prolapse" actually means and I am SO SORRY I DID! Now frantically using Web MD to make sure that there is no immediate possibility that my uterus will fall out my vagina.

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  7. I dont want to rub it in... but I ALWAYS have very vivid dreams and if I spend enough time watching Robward doing anything I ususally have a dream about him. Sounds like your dream would have ended waaaaaaaay better if you could have just kept sleeping! Good luck I hope you have another dream with DreamRob!

  8. LOL!! So, I gotta know. Which version of Rob did he look like? There are so many. My one and only dream about him (which Mrs. P at TwiBite analyzed for me) was of him filming a scene from The Bad Mother's Handbook. Yay me.

  9. This is so coincidental, because I too dreamt about RPattz this week! I just finished reading Twilight for the second time and I watched the movie Wednesday evening. And then that night in my dreams -- he appeared.

    Instead of being "Robert Pattinson" however, he was just my co-worker. My really unbelievably gorgeous co-worker (who made me feel woefully inadequate). Anyway, he sat in the cube next to me and we were working late one night - alone. I thought he barely noticed my existance, but then, when he was leaving he told me that he was having a party at his house and I should stop by.

    OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS? I cannot believe this guy is talking to me, he's like 500 levels hotter than me!! So I was all giddy as hell as I'm packing me shit up and then I go out to this massive parking lot that must've matched the size of Vermont and alas - I can't find my stupid ass car! I deperately search for it, aware that the minutes on the clock are ticking away.

    And then, defeated, I have to call him and tell him I can't come to his party because I can't find my mother fucking car!

    The end.

    (Ya, that was it.)

  10. Oh my ForksPimp, I am so sorry you indulged in web MD....I hope you are not too badly scarred! HA

    It was very cool that he went to those houses unannounced. But I do think Oprah missed a HUGE segment of the twihard population by leaving out the bloggers!!

    I am saddened to report I have not had had any rob dreams. My thoughts have been straying often to Fifty lately though...OY!!!

    @LKW - I think the faceless people in your house were your fellow twitarded sistas who of course you would have invited over if ever rob should grace your humble abode!! Until Foooorkkks you won't know what we look like!!! We will be pushing him into the kitchen for you and than holding him down for ourselves!

    @hypovag - ok, my wv is chypoo, work your magic on that one!

  11. @Toefunny - Very good point about her leaving out the bloggers!!

  12. Was anyone else annoyed that she kept saying that the only reason people liked Rob was b/c he was Edward? Oh and then the woman who interviewed the TwiMoms I wanted to slap her too.

    Anyways about the dream OMG I love love Rob dreams. See I also have Edward dreams b/c I read the series before the books and I still have MY Edward so I get awesome dreams and let me tell you both MY Edward and Rob in my dreams are fucking HOT and steamy and tire me out lol I have woken up from a dream with either of them and been exhausted from them lol But hey I wake up with a smile and usually pretty damn horny and wanting the hubster so he doesn't mind my dreams lol I have had the dreams though where I got woke up right in the middle of something with either of them and it sucks, but still makes ya smile.

  13. Back from my foray into WebMD. *Shudder*

    @Hypovajayjay, your WV made me feel SO much better ;) You are legendary. Can't wait to see what you do with my ho toefunny's "chypoo". And seriously, I was getting all indignant in my dream that this biatch was trying to pass herself off as HypoVag. Pssshhhh. Also? What are you doing taking up room in my subconscious when I could be tackling the Precious in my kitchen? COME ON, BRAIN!

    Seriously, though, I NEVER have sexy time dreams. I can count 'em on one hand, and one of them was about my good friend who is probablymaybesorta gay. I couldn't look him in the eye for a month.

    Maybe if I watch that new Oprah clip a few hundred more times...

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  15. Congrats on your dream @LKW. I've had two so far. As for those people on Oprah, WHY did they let him LEAVE? WTF he would have been chained in my bedroom (don't have a basement) before the poor bastard could blink!
    In my first dream we we're out somewhere (pub, restaurant??) and we we're just talking & having a laugh (his laugh & accent does things to my lady parts) then he suddenly has THAT look on his face & he leans over & we start kissing. Fuckawsome kissing & I had my hands in his hair (sigh) & the next thing, I'm pushing him away! WTF! Then....yep, I woke up. FUCK.
    In my second dream, my daughter & I were in a big shopping mall and there was this huge line of people lining up to this table in the middle of the mall. There was all these people with clipboards & lanyards around their necks talking on phones & shit, next thing Rob is escorted up to the table. My daughter & I just walked up to the table (oposite to the line) & I stood in front of him & he put out his hand & we shook hands & he said "nice to meet you". I was thinking quick this day (doesn't happen very often) & I leaned over & copped a feel of his hair & run my fingers down the jaw (just the right amount of scruff) said thanks & left. My daughter was super embarresed that I felt his hair & was saying "Mum, you're disgusting" but she was still happy to meet him!

  16. Not only have I had Rob dreams (which Mrs.P so accurately interpreted), but I also had a few Kellan dreams - one in which he actually made love to me (not had sex). And there was even one dream in which he and Rob were together, checking out my ass, pmsl.

    So, I'm really sorry you didn't get to thread your fingers through Rob's hair. Hopefully, in time, he'll loosen up, LKW.

  17. That's nothing. I have had several Rob sex dreams (even a Taycob sex dream) and get awakened by my 4 year old..usually at the butt crack of dawn. So...from sex with Rob to 'play with me mommy' at an hour nobody should playing. It. Is. BRUTAL!

  18. @LKW I love how you are trying to make an impression and get some alone time in the other room. It sounds like "The Bachelor."
    "Latchkey, will you accept this rose?"

  19. @Jelena
    Damn, you are so lucky. Both Rob and Kellen.

    I never get to the sex in my dreams. Most of the times it's just some kissing. And then I can never remember the dream. Just that there was something with Rob. I know it happened, I just can't recall any details. It's starting to piss me off.

  20. @cupcake donna - "will you accept this rose" You slay me. That is some funny, funny shit.

    @Twilight Junkie - Fist Bump for the Taycob Dreams!!! That is one chest I would be very happy spending some up close and personal time with! So sorry for your very rude awakenings.

    @hypovag - your brand of genius makes me pee my pants pleeeeeeeease come to foooooorrrkkks!!

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  22. Ah...the Rob dream. I've had two so far (and one Taylor one...which was dusturbing b/c he was still underage so we'll leave it alone).

    We were somewhere in the UK in the first dream. At first it was just me and Rob talking in a hotel lobby. Then it was late we were leaving some bar (Kstew was there too, but walking further ahead). Then when we were walking down the street he grabbed me by waist and pulled me into a dark building entrance and...started licking my back. WTH? Ok. I'll take it. But then it turned into some dream about me & KStew saving the world with explosions and all…no more Rob.

    The second dream happened just last week. And that one pretty much rocked. Remember that moment in Twilight when he walks into to school with Bella for the first time? (Of course you do.) It was like that, but it bounced around between scenes of us in school and scenes of us in private (which I shall keep to myself). Oh it was just too good! Then, all of the sudden, I was walking down the street having coversation with one of my gfs asking if this was a dream…in the dream!. Even my dreams know when it's just too good to be true. :(

  23. I don't think I've ever had a less-than-satisfying Robward dream. For three reasons:

    1) No kids
    2) If I wake up on a day The Bentist is working at his clinic, I get to take my time re-enjoying the dream
    3) If I wake up on a day The Bentist is home, he gets to enjoy me re-enjoying the dream

    I think my favorites are when I fall asleep after reading particularly steamy fanfic. I remember having KILLER dreams while reading The Trip Home...Throw me in a threesome with Jacksper and Robward, and my chach is guaranteed a good morning workout.

    LKW, I love that you acknowledge the fact that Mr. LKW would kick some serious ass if Rob showed up at your door. In a sense, he was doing the same thing when he was talking to you while you were trying to get back into the dream.

    vw Bleari

    my vajoozle always feels bleari after a long night of rêvez d'un groupe de trois...

  24. Well, it appears there are a LOT of lucky fucking Twitards out there getting to spend their nights boffing RPattz in dreamland. Aaaaaand now I'm pissed off. I know that it will be a veeeery long time before he graces my dreams again. Gawd, he's so stingy with his time!! LOL!

    Thanks for sharing all your awesome dreams. I am mucho jealous of them (except for those of you who have admitted to dreaming about Taycob -- um, maybe you should just go turn yourself in right now!)

  25. @LKW-Can you please link to my dream you blogged about? I don't know how to add in the fancy linky things here because I am techtarded.

    Suffice to say I have only had one Rob dream so far but it did involve a glimpse of the peen....only a glimpse and no touching sadly. I want a hot steamy dream dammit! I think I need to lay off the melatonin or something.

  26. @VitaminR - here's the link to your dream that I posted about!

  27. Oh yeah,

    Thanks to this post I've been singing that fucking Susan Boyle song all day.

    So...yeah...thanks for that. (bitches)

  28. @Pecka Head- First and foremost, I love your name!! LMAO. Secondly, I can see why you'ld feel like a dirty Hoor. Justin Beiber reminds me of my nine year old son, Liam. I'm so glad that the tweener's have moved on to The Beiber Fever (good God, how gay!) That makes lusting after RPatz almost feel a little less dirty for us older girls. =)

  29. @LKW - pssshh, Taycob's 18 now, so it's totally okay. In fact, he probably needs a slightly older woman to show him how it's done. He looks like he needs that squeaky clean smile fucked right off his adorable face.

    *looking around furtively* No one's gonna arrest me, right?

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  32. Congrats on all the Rob dreams... Maybe reading this will inspire my psyche to follow suit... I would love to have a Rob dream.

  33. Don't worry forkspimp, I'll be sitting in the slammer with you!

  34. fooooorrrrkkks...this is a glimpse of what it will be like for the unlucky h00r in the room next to neverthink.

    vw: inism it's the new religion: robinism

  35. @neverthink - Do you know what your room number is yet? I want to make sure I'm at the opposite end of the hotel. PMSL!!!!!

  36. ffoooorrrkkks...this is a glimpse of what it will be like on lindsayrae & neverthink's road trip up from portland.

    vw: phshrit

    the bag of peanuts for lunch served on the 6.5 hour southwest flight to portland wasn't phshrit

  37. ffoooorrrkkks...this is a glimpse of what it will be like when hypoigotconfusedandtookthewrongmedsvagina drops some baad acid when we visit forks hs, and halluncinates edward is her lovah.

    vw: deckyae

    hey man, we said we don't wanna dance with you. fuck off or i'll deckyae.

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  40. Funny thing about RPattz dreams. In all my dreams, since I met my husband, I CANNOT cheat on him in my dreams. The guy leans in for the kiss and I tell him, "I'm sorry...but I'm married." Most annoying thing EVER! UNTIL....I had an RPattz dream several months ago, and I will tell you, there was no superego on duty! It went all the way, 100%. I was one happy lady all day long!

  41. I dreamed I blew Rob's,um, candles for his birthday. I woke up covered in glitter glue.

  42. @neverthink: You are not helping the "Get HV to FOORRRRKKKSS!!" campaign with the Rocketman clip. AT ALL. Try wooing her...pull at those pussy hairs with nothing by looove. BAM Like that.

    I was thinking something like this would be pumping our walls. And then, we can reflect

    vw: sascess

    If we can get HV to FORRRKKKSSS!!!, we can def consider at a sascess.

  43. @Lindsay - ha! Boop! Boop, boop!

    This is what it's gonna be like when I meet STY and JJ for the first time: (sorry i'm retarded and don't know how to link :()

    Don't worry, toefunny, while we're in the Foooorks slammer, we can knit some ponchos IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

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  45. @MyPimp -HAHAHAHA
    I do promise not to boop you, unless of course you boop me first

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  47. *standing on my rooftop*
    *boop boop boop* *picks you up*
    *swings you around in big bear hug*

    @fooorkspimp. here's what it's going to be like for me when i finally meet STY

    @HypoVag. this is how it will feel if you don't come to fffoooorrrksss

    @toefunny. here's how i feel right now, until i meet you...the the the..ohh how you say in english?

    @JJ STY & LKW. all i can say is with 100 h00rs coming to forks, you've got your work cut out.

  48. @Neverthink - Thank fucking god I know who is rooming next to me in Forks and it's not you, lol.

    I had a dream last night that some strange Asian guy was trying to stick things in my butt and I was all "helloooo, I don't let strangers stick things in my pooper" and then ML walked in and... well, it was just really fucking weird. Sadly, RPattz didn't show up.

  49. @JJ - WTF dude?

    @Neverthink - I do believe I need a fresh set of underthings now. Thank you very much!

  50. @JJ - No, it's fucking brilliant!! I love that not only you have those that dreams, but that you've created a place that you and all of us can share them!!

  51. @jj - I was still crying with laughter from neverthink when typing that so all the punctuation didn't come out. Trust me...there is no such thing as TMI at twitarted!

  52. @JJ - I'm envisioning a pickle. j/s

  53. @neverthink - BWAHAHAHAHA!! The tripod will be herding a bunch of pussies. Brilliant!

    vw: muums

    As far as we're concerned about shit that goes down in FORRKKKSSS, muum's the word.

  54. Just back from my run to shake off those MotU videos... phew!

    @neverthink - rawr, your footage of your first encounter with STY is not helping - HOT

    Also? This:

    Christine Baranski = fooorkspimp
    Philip Michael = Taycob

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  56. aw c'mon now hv, you know I won't get you in any trouble YOU don't wanna BE in.

    well, there's always this to look forward to...after HV gets arrested, Linds tries to help neverthink deal with her feelings.

    vw: odyptin

    we're goona be in and outta the jail in forks so much, the sheriff's gonna think about odyptin us.

  57. i've only had one rpattz dream, and it was too long ago. he was cedric in the dream for some reason...i saved him from drowning or some shit and then he held my hand. that's it...HELD MY HAND. now, it was sweet but come on!

    however, my roommate (who is NOT a twilight fan and makes fun of me A LOT) has had multiple dreams about him! which she always blames on me. life is unfair.


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