Thursday, April 19, 2012

Global Warming Could've Saved the Titanic

Last Sunday commemorated the 100th anniversary of the day the Titanic went down. A ship that most thought unsinkable, hit an iceberg and plummeted to the ocean floor. Evidently there are people out there who thought the Titanic disaster never really happened. If you're one of those people, come a little closer so I may dope slap your forehead. James Cameron did not invent the Titanic. It's real. Avatar is not.

Jack and Rose ruined the legacy of the Titanic. *barf*

There is at least one person on this planet (although I'm not sure he's from this planet) who thinks that global warming could've saved the Titanic. What. The. Fuck. That person is Jose Canseco. If you're not a baseball fan, you might not be familiar with our friend, Jose. He played in the major leagues for 17 seasons, most notably with the Oakland A's, Texas Rangers and my beloved Red Sox. He hit a lot of home runs and shot even more of steroids. Canseco admitted to using performance enhancing drugs during his career and wrote a tell-all book where he claimed that the majority of MLB players use steroids. You can imagine this did not go over well. Basically he's one giant douchebag.

OMG, photo from here. Hilarious. Gigundo 'roid-boy d-bag.

But this post isn't about baseball... so stick with me here. Jose Canseco is on Twitter. The twitter can be a dangerous medium for an ass-bag who has no fucking idea when to keep his mouth shut, and can't spell for shit. But he's entertaining. Some of the nonsense that comes out of his pie-hole makes me cringe. He recently posted his own fucking phone number for all his 400,000+ followers to see. Numb. Nuts.

If I still had the brain power to do #FollowFriday, I'd want everyone to follow Jose. Do it. Even if you hate baseball more than getting a trip to the vagina doctor, give him a try. (Of course, now I have this image of him in a doctor's coat saying, "scoot down a little" and I threw up in my mouth.) Just to give you a little taste... here's what happened last Sunday (in order of posting):

 So has Jose gone to the Al Gore school of environmental awareness? (Yes, I favorited this one.)

 Icicles? Icicles brought down the Titanic. Fucking James Cameron got it all wrong!

 Global warning would've saved the Titanic? Would it have warned the captain sooner?

 Uh, ok... see next tweet.

Looks like Jose doesn't give a flying fuck about the planet. Two yachts? Oh and for the record, there are no icicles in Miami. Must be too hot. Damn global warning.

If the bat was unbreakable, is Titanic really the proper name for it?

See? Fun, right? This guy is such a train wreck, I can't help but love to follow him. And don't confuse that sentence, I don't love him... only his fucked up tweets. I think he's about the equivalent of a donkey's anus. And about as smart as one.

Oh Jose, you'll have to dig Lorne Greene up to ask him anything and I'm pretty sure he can't help you get on SNL. But since you promised hugs... I'm on it. Not really.

So are you going to follow him now? Have I enticed you enough? Who's your favorite train wreck of a celebrity to follow on the Twitter? Please share so that I may have lots more laughs at other people's expense! But I'm really a nice person... I swear.

My cousin (@Double_Dippin on Twitter) and I are hosting a Maine Twitard meet-up on Wed, May 2nd at the Gritty's Restaurant in Freeport at 6pm. If you can come, please let me know before then so I can reserve the appropriate seating. Please come... I don't bite. Maybe. It will be fun!! The meet-up, not the biting. Ok, biting can be fun sometimes too.


  1. I'll be the one with my mini-Edward peeking out of my purse...warning, I take photos of him at all special events, like the BD1 midnite show (he was leaning against my glass of "ONegative" at the time, I would have offered him a sip but he didn't want to risk a feeding frenzy at the Saco cinema. He's thoughtful like that.)


    1. Hey... can you email me your email address? I want to email deets for Wednesday's meet up!

  2. Ummm there is this crazy celebrity on Twitter named JennyJerkface!! She is hilarious.

    just kidding

    I have tried to follow some celebrities and was just let down when they turned out to be jerks or vulgar or just plain meh. It is sad because now I don't like them any more and I always think if I didn't ever follow them I would still like them and watch their shows. Oh well. Less TV is better :)

    I wish I lived in Maine.

    1. I wish I lived in Maine, too (at least that week...).

      : )

  3. That darn global warning!!!

    I'm convinced. I will follow.

  4. Let me talk to hubby first, but for now, count me in on the Maine hook up!!!! woot woot

  5. oh, and May 3 is a Thursday...Do you mean the 2 or 3?

    1. SORRY! Wed, 5/2. I'm an idiot and obviously can't read the calendar. LOL

    2. Perfect! Then count me in!!!!! How many of us will there be do you think?

  6. Canseco is hilarious! I will totes follow him now :)

  7. Classic. I have had a full week of saying boys are stupid. Some guy walked up to the desk at the hotel I work at and said "man that makes my dick hard." I looked at him, looked at my co-worker and waited for them to leave. Then said and the week of boys are stupid continues because that makes my clit hard.
    So yeah, another guy/boy joins the club. Where are all the men? Nevermind, they are shutting their mouths like gentlemen.

  8. ...aaaaand the plot thickens!

  9. Who would have thought the biggest disaster surrounding the Titanic would happen decades after the accident?

  10. That's so awesome you're having a Maine Twitard meet-up! Now I'm getting all nostalgic...

    Remember when you guys encouraged us to meet other Twitards in our area to go see New Moon? That's when I first met Twifixx and ZAnyMouse and the rest, they say, is history :) And there was also that epic little trip to a place called FOOOOORRRRRRKKKSSSS!!!!! XO

  11. Fucking hilarious. That is all.

    Oh, and have fun meeting up on the 2rd. #lovesmesometypos


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