Tuesday, July 24, 2012

50 Shades of Amazon.com

So today I was doing what I do best when I should be working, which is semi-mindlessly online-shopping for random things I don't really need but will probably buy anyway. I was in the market for a new eye mask to replace the one I bought at the dollar store last year (can you BELIEVE it didn't hold up?! I wonder if they accept returns...). Since I semi-accidentally signed up for Amazon Prime and get free two-day shipping on most anything, those under-$10 purchases have been piling up (seriously, Amazon, if you knew how much of a difference this has made in my willingness to click "add to cart," you would just give everyone this option for free and make a gajillion more dollars than you already do now).

 That's cute but I wish it came in black...

As anyone who shops on Amazon (and who doesn't?) knows, they like to entice you with things that other people who have bought what you are buying also bought. Or shopped for. Whatever - it's like that time when everyone who bought Creative Cursing also shopped for copious amounts of Twilight merchandise.

Call me naive, but if you had asked me what people most frequently purchase when they purchase eye masks and ear plugs, I would have guessed maybe a book on how to get better sleep, perhaps a white noise machine, or a Fodors travel guide or some sort. But what do people REALLY purchase most often with eye masks and ear plugs? Whips and butt plugs. Ben wa balls and ball gags. Fuzzy handcuffs. Sex swings and cock rings. Lube. Am I the only one who's never associated Amazon.com with crotchless panties and  cat-o-nine tails??? 

I blame you, Fifty Shades of Gray, for making me look at sex toys while at work. Oh, and speaking of MotU, the "50 Shades of Pleasure Bedside Companion - Sex Secrets That Hurt So Good" was also offered, presumably a guide for when shouting "DAMMIT, JUST FUCKING DO IT LIKE FIFTY!" in the throes of passion is not enough to evoke the desired performance from your mate.

Frequently Bought Together

Dream Essentials Snooz Silky Soft Eye Mask - Black + Cat of Nine Tails Whip - Leather Whip + Sexy Soft Steel Fuzzy Black Furry Handcuffs Hand Cuffs
Price For All Three: $15.15

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So much for a relaxing night's sleep...

39 comments:

  1. IDK if anyone has heard yet, but apparently there are reports Kristen cheated on Rob. Someone needs to research this ASAP.

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    1. *sigh*

      yes, right about the time that I hit "Post" tonight, Sister Snarky started texting all the sordid details to me. So I wasted my night writing this AND Robsten is in peril! lol...

      Tune back in tomorrow night for a special not-timely edition of tonight's late-breaking news.

      I leave twitter alone for TWO SECONDS and the whole fucking thing goes kaflooey!!!

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    2. We will have to see and time the pics to see when they might have been taken. If the state the pics were in the last few days, photoshop might be a suspect as in she has SWATH hair in the pic on the cover of US.

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    3. They are also saying that it append July 17th...she was at Comic Con on July 12th and her hair didn't look like that. Could be a manip.

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    4. We'll have to wait & see! I was totally expecting Gossip Cop to shoot this the fuck down but they didn't. Boo.

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    5. Ok, here is another thing. Kristen is dressed down, but has eye makeup on. When has she ever worn makeup when she doesn't have to? Thoughts?

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    6. Wow! At least we now have full public confirmation that Kristen loves Rob.
      And eeeww - a guy 20 years older? I don't understand what it is with young girls and older men. I mean, I understand it from the guy perspective (aholes) but not the other way around.

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    7. I'd say she was in it for the money but... I highly doubt that.

      That being said, my Aunt and Uncle had a 17(?) year age difference between them and their marriage was awesome before she passed away. Then again, she wasn't 22 when they met, more like mid-thirties. Sometimes I think that makes a big difference.

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    8. I need a hug.

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  2. OMG, that is freak'n hilarious! On a local news channel near Comic-con time (I live in San Diego) they did a little report on Icy's autograph line at said event. They mentioned book sales were up to something like 31 million??? Wow.

    This weekend I went to Indio where Adam Lambert was having a concert. My friend and I stayed with a friend who lived near the venue. What book did she have on the bedside table? Fifty. Damn it, that book is just everywhere.

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    1. It CANNOT be avoided. Ever. Even when just trying to buy a dang sleep mask. I was REALLY surprised when I scrolled down on my computer screen. Guess the folks in IT learned a thing or two about me today.

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    2. Here's another one from BING's home page. A hotel replaced the bible in the night stand with 50 Shades.

      http://overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/07/24/12909862-hotel-replaces-bibles-with-fifty-shades-of-grey?pc=20&sp=80

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  3. Bahhaa! Nice.

    I have heard about this AMAZON Prime...will have to check it out...tomorrow...while I'm supposed to be working ;)

    xo J

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    1. I accidentally-on-purpose forgot to cancel my trial subscription (which is great to have around the holidays for fast present delivery) and I have to say i love it. I think with the good deals I will get and no shipping fees, the cost will work out. Or so I am rationalizing at the moment. Work with me here...

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    2. Jen, sign up for Amazon Mom. @MyAfterCar turned me onto this & it is a life changer. You get 3 months free & discounts on diapers, wipes, etc.

      *sits back & waits for Amazon promo check to come in*

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    3. TK, if Amazon sent promo checks, I'd be richer than the Cullens by now. I push them on everyone (as you know)!

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  4. Like we need any more work distractions? Between twitter, FF, tumblr, and countless porn blogs I somehow subscribed to, its a wonder I remember to change my underwear.

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    1. I am afraid to see what all the sidebar ads will be offering me up tomorrow. Gah. No more looking from the office!

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  5. Yeah, looking at sex toys at Amazon was a big mistake. Now every time I go there, they are recommending sex toys I might like. Bitches! I never even purchased any from Amazon in the first place! And, if we're being honest, I never would have thought to look at sex toys on Amazon until STY mentioned it!

    And you've defined that Amazon Prime deal perfectly. I think I've placed at least one order every week since I signed up.

    But back to the sex toys. . . I keep getting these email offers from my Passion Party representative with her monthly "special offers", and for the past several months she has worked it with 50 Shades themed parties or gift baskets! (Not officially licensed 50 Shades merchandise, but stuff appropriate to get you in the 50 Shades mood!) That shit is everywhere! I wonder if people will write fanfiction about 50 Shades after the movie comes out? Or even better question - what will ELJ say about that?

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    1. I'm afraid to look but I will be dollars to donuts that there is already 50 Shades fanfic.

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    2. I'm gonna say...probably nothing lol...

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    3. I read somewhere the ELJ disallowed fanfic of her stories. Pft. What a wussypuss!

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    4. There's already a section on FF. So far I've resisted.

      http://www.fanfiction.net/book/Fifty_Shades_Trilogy/

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    5. Is there a fanfic where Christian is a 107 year-old vampire and Anastasia is a totally normal high school student in a small Pacific Northwest town? Because I'd totally read that...

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  6. Im an Amazonaholic too. Unfortunately my 7 year olds name is my password and he has learned how to spell it since kindergarten. One day a big box came to the house full of toys and a Harry Potter broom! No joke, full size broom! All he had to do was click the 'one click purchase' button. $69 worth of toys. Ugh

    And yes, I saw the KStew cheated tweet. I dont know if I believe it or not, but if its true KStew... I never liked you anyway. Stupid bitch.

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  7. This was classic STY! I had no idea you could order legos and a cat-o-nine tails at the same time. lol! Amazon really does have everything. And, yes 50 is everywhere. I have had to co-workers, both in their late 50s, ask me if I've read it. Both times, I was like "I had no idea it was so obvious that I read smut." I always try so hard to be good at work but I guess my cover is blown. Lol

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  8. Amazon Prime is the best thing! I just have to make sure I keep my Kindle hidden from my 5 year old daughter. Got an email conformation one day at work about nail polish. It was a cute color, so I didn't cancel it...but I need to teach that kid about searching for a cheaper price. I could have found the same color for under $5

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  9. I call bullshit on a leather whip being $5. That can't be real leather. J/s

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    1. Your posts always make me giggle. Thanks!

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  10. I use my Amazon Prime to order bulk shipments of Lucky Charms and Crystal Light fruit punch singles. Best. Thing. Ever.

    And I have bought many dirty bachelorette party gifts on Amazon!!

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    1. I may have to rethink my anti-Amazon Prime stance...

      {{trots off to Amazon}}

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  11. 50 Shades is everywhere on this side of the Atlantic too. Joseph O Connor (Sinead's less insane brother) used it for a political parody on the radio last week, which led to a very uncomfortable 'do you know what he's talking about' conversation with my mother. And an even more uncomfortable 'what's it about' and 'can I borrow it' conversation. Fuck you, Joseph O Connor.

    If that wasn't bad enough the ladies at work were talking about reading it to see what the fuss was about. One of them's pushing 70 and one is a close friend of my mom's, who's like another mom to me. Ewww...

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  12. Snarky - Amazon just has you "pegged". They know of your Twilight obsession, know all Twilighters have read Motu/50 and push the sex toys at that demographic.

    Well, probably not, but that's the kind of connections they make.

    I think the riding crops at the Western store in Pt. Angeles are cooler than the tails! (And the 2 Twitards who bought those know I'm talking about you! Pervs.)

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  13. LoL I love amazon prime. I'm practically at the point where I buy deodorant there just cause I'm lazy and it's cheap.

    BDSM is just so "normal" now, I couldn't be happier than a clam in a shit storm. ;)

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    1. Ha! I just realized that you're almost like a hipster BDSM gal (but WAY cooler and more awesome than a hipster. Work with me.) You were doin' it before it was cool!

      Okay, I have a feeling that comparison sucked.

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    2. Hahaha, yeah, I know what you mean... at least we aren't being compared to all the "sadists" on CSI and shit anymore! People heard that word and thought "psycho killer" not "Christian Grey" LoL

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  14. I love amazon prime & you can watch some movie & TV series from amzon go for free.
    @STY - $15 for all three??!! You should've done it!! Lol!

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  15. Ha wtf?!?! Never would have thought eye masks would have been in that category but I guess they sort of are blind folds. Speaking of sleeping masks or "ni night masks" as I like to call them, I thought I lost mine at the laundry mat the other day and almost cried myself to sleep. Luckily Amanda found it and saved me!

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  16. Ahhhh this is my topic and I'm late to the party! (Amazon, not BDSM). I am addicted. I have prime for free thru Amazon Mom and I use it for EVERYTHING. I have literally placed probably 200 orders this year. I simply do not run errands anymore.

    But yeah. The "suggestions" are BS. I doubt that people who buy toilet paper also shopped for the Twilight Movie Companion... but that isn't a bad use of my order history, because I am temptable.

    When you're ready for someone to do a guest post on the wonders of Subscribe and Save, I'm your girl. (No? I'm a dork for getting deliriously excited about s&s? ...yeah I know.)

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