The Gift: A Mercy Brown Story

Hey there, hookers. Myg here.

I got sucked into the vortex of National Novel Writing Month and am up to my neck in original fic soup. That's not a bad thing, but it has kept me a little more quiet in the Twi world lately.

That's just to say I miss you.

So, some of you may have read this one-shot in the Fandom for Preemies compilation, and some of you may have read it this week on fanfiction.net.

But for those of you who haven't read it and still want to, this here is the story I wrote for the March of Dimes fundraiser back in October. It's called "The Gift."

It's the story of Mercy Brown meeting Edward Cullen back in the early 70's. For Latchkey Wife and Double Dippin', and because I love Maine, it takes place in Portland, ME. It is supposed to be a pre-story to Osa Bella, from Mercy's point of view. It's actually pulled from a much longer story I started to write called Heartless, which is Mercy Brown's story. I may get back to that someday if people like Mercy enough to read a whole long fic about her.

Hope you guys like it. If you do want to read more of Heartless, give a holler in the comments. It's going to be awhile, and you know when I say that I mean it. Hell, I'm still waiting to get the edits back from @ASaville (kicks Mr. Myg) on the EPOV. Though off topic, he's almost done, and that will go out in a few days.

Obligatory keep my ass from getting sued statement: Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer. This is a work of fan fiction based on her original creation, and is only intended for the enjoyment of the readers. This work is not intended to infringe in any way that causes her any material or other harm.

And another thing: Mercy Brown was a real woman who died of consumption in 1892 and was accused of being a vampire. This story borrows heavily from the Mercy Brown Incident (you can Google it), but it is a work of pure fiction, and is not intended to do her, or her descendants any harm. If anything, I wanted to bring Mercy back as a very kick-ass character, but this particular character bearing her name is from my imagination only.

And something else: This story is rated very M for lemons and is not suitable for anyone under the age of 18 or wusspervs. It features Edward Cullen and Mercy Brown in a light bondage scene. If this isn't up your alley, or if you freak out when Edward gets paired with anyone besides Bella, please skip this one.

The song featured here is Diamonds, by Family Band (I encourage you to go visit their website and buy their album. There are many great songs on it!

Happy Holidays!

Love,

Myg



Portland, Maine 1974

Some believe that all vampires are in their own way beautiful, and I suppose if you were to judge from the luster of their flawless skin, the contours of their lithe and nimble forms, the playfulness of their wanton eyes, I would agree. But when you can see inside the vampire's anatomy, as I can, you see that most of us are not beautiful at all. We are fueled by a dark and powerful lust whose pursuit drives us deeper into the abyss of damnation. To someone like me, who has the ability to see inside the human and once-human form, most of us appear loathsome.

So on my first encounter with Edward Cullen and his two companions, Alice and Jasper Hale, I almost didn't believe they were vampires at all. It was the eve of Thanksgiving, 1974, and I had just taken the stage to perform my set when Edward strode into Jim's Bar and Grill. He wore a navy pea coat and his hair was unkempt from the cold blasts of wind that evening. He had naked, amber eyes, the color of honey when the sun hits it, not the blood red of a sated vamp or the black of a thirsty one. One quick look inside of him and his companions reassured me that these were no humans. Yet they were decidedly, unapologetically beautiful, animated by some light energy that caused the paleness of their skin to appear more glow than pallor, the litheness of their form more graceful than devious. The lightness of their eyes would cause one to consider them grounded angels before lesser devils.

As I played, they all stood on the far wall together, Edward smoking an unfiltered Camel. They stayed in that location for the duration of my performance, Edward staring openly, deliberately, until I had finished the last note, and then they all left. This they did twice more in the coming weeks before we ever met.

The Portland Coven buzzed with agitation on the arrival of this large, wandering coven of so-called humanitarian vamps, the creatures who sustained themselves on hunting large game like a human hunter. Their reputation for allying themselves with the indigenous peoples of the Pacific Northwest and clearing the Olympic peninsula of our kind earlier in the century did them no favors in terms of earning a warm welcome anywhere.

On the evening I finally made Edward's acquaintance, my current bed partner Allston Kaine, the head of the Portland Coven, had marked a tasty looking doe in the audience for pursuit. I had been quibbling with him over the girl when without warning Edward whisked her away under our noses. I assumed some argument would ensue as Allston followed them outside, but when I went out to join them only Edward was there, waiting for me.

"He'll never find her," Edward said. "But he'll be busy the rest of the night looking."

"You tricked my date into ditching me?" I asked.

"That's right," he said.

"Mr. Cullen, I believe you owe me now," I said.

"What did you have in mind, Miss Brown?" he asked.

What could I do after a stunt like that? I took him home to bed.

Even with my ability to see the extra paranormal activity of Edward's vampire brain, it took far too long for me to understand he was a mind reader. By the time I'd figured it out, he'd already gleaned the more shameful parts of my history without my consent.

"Mercy Brown, the last American vampire," he said. "I already knew your story—you're a legend."

Every vampire knew that legend, and many humans knew it too. In an attempt to save my brother from the consumption that nearly killed me in 1892, my body had been exhumed from its grave, my heart cut out of me and then burned, the ashes fed to my poor, dying brother.

"How did they manage to get your heart out of you?" he said. "If you don't mind me asking."

"It involved a witch from Boston and a 14th century dagger," I said, shaking off the memory. "It was very unpleasant."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Oh, that's okay," I said as cavalier as I could.

What did displease me was that Edward heard my thoughts about the small heart engraving etched into my breast by that Boston witch when I tried to cut a deal to get my real heart back. That was a story I would have rather kept private.

"So without your physical heart, as dead as it was, you still couldn't feel love?" he asked.

"Cannot," I corrected.

"So you've never been in love?" he asked. "Not even as a human?"

"Love is what drove my sire to rob me of my right to heaven," I said. "I never even knew the old ghoul loved me until he came to me on my deathbed. I've no use for love. I have music, and that's enough."

"I'm not sure I believe you," he said. "Your songs are full of romance."

"That's different," I said. "I can imagine it, I just can't feel it."

"You've never had a mate in this life then?"

"I have no intentions of being tied down." But soon as I said it, the vision of being tied up by Edward flashed in my mind and I smirked in spite of myself.

"Liar," he said and then growled in my ear, "Had you shown me earlier your tastes I would have come prepared."

"So you're that kind of vampire," I said.

"Next time," he said. "You will see exactly what kind of vampire I am."

But I promised him there would be no next time unless he disclosed exactly what kind of entanglement he was after. I would suffer no unrequited lover, no matter how beautiful he was.

My persistence and his determination to see me again won me the following information: he believed himself in love with a woman he'd never met, and had no ability to meet, as he had no name, no location, no information about her other than some vision his companion had of him dancing with her at his own wedding. The vision had plagued him ten years already with no luck in securing even her name. But he swore he would never love another, and he would never stop looking.

"Then you are my kind of vampire," I said. "I think I can see you again."

"Because I won't fall in love with you?" he asked, though he already knew it was so.

"Exactly," I said.

"So we understand each other," he said, sliding his hand up along my thigh.

"You are an insatiable sort," I said.

"I have to channel the lust somewhere," he said. "The blood of animals keeps a vampire strong, but it does little to satiate some of the lesser drives."

And so he had me again, deliciously ravenous as he was, fueled by the frustration of that unrequited desire he held in reserve for whomever his true love might be. I wondered if she could see him now, would she forgive him the indulgence of his immortal flesh?

"If I ever find her, I'll let you know," he said.

"I'm sure if you ever find her, you'll never have need to see me again," I said.

"You speak the truth," he said.

Then he brought me to climax several more times before he was satisfied, spilling inside of me, and then he relaxed, finally, in my arms, his head nestled in the crook of my long neck like we'd been lovers for much longer than a single night. As I stroked his hair, I let slip the careless thought, that if I ever did feel love again, he was just the sort of man I might love. Then I quickly trained my thoughts back to a more pressing matter—my growing thirst. Edward propped himself on an arm and studied my face, which I made into a pleasant and playful expression.

"I'm hungry," I said.

"I want to show you something," he answered.

I had no idea what to think when he went to my wardrobe and began pulling skirts and boots and sweaters from it.

"Don't you have anything in here suitable for the woods?" he asked. "There's not a single shoe in here without a heel."

"But I can run in them all," I said. "Probably faster than you."

"We'll see about that."

He pulled together a long wool skirt, a high pair of boots with the lowest heel I had and a sweater and then he drove me to Sebago Lake, where we strolled up a path and then off of it a good mile or so. This is where Edward showed me how to hunt moose. He wrestled a large bull to the ground and invited me to come drink, which I did, deeply and thankfully. Its blood was warm and thick in my throat, and a bit on the flat side as far as these things go, but I did feel surprisingly sated and adequately nourished as I let the spent animal drop from my grip.

I looked down, inside myself, and saw light swirling in my chest. It bubbled and rose and felt like effervescence under my hardened skin. I felt like I could levitate, like I might just float with the lightness of my being. I felt real joy for the first time in many, many years.

"What do you think?" Edward asked, expectantly. "Could you do it again?"

"You know, I think I could," I said, a broad smile breaking across my lips as I pulled several coarse hairs from my mouth. "I feel so light. I can imagine it's much easier to face yourself in the mirror when you develop a practice of hunting animals."

"That's the whole point," he said. "It gets better with time and practice."

"How do I look?" I asked.

"Peaceful," he said. "Radiant."

"Thank you," I said. "I mean it."

"You're very welcome." Edward helped me to my feet.

"This is such an incredible gift—I would like to repay you somehow," I said, so buoyed by the enlightenment I felt. "There must be something that you'd like—something I can do for you."

"Well, yes," he said, a sportive light in his eye. "There is something I'd like very much."

"Is that so?" I asked, my ears perking up at his tease and the swirling lust growing inside of him.

"Yes," he said. "It involves some rope and an evening of your time."

Did Edward think that playing at bondage with him would be some chore for me? Something to be endured for his pleasure as way of repayment for the great gift he'd given me? It was such a silly, simple thing to ask, I could not refuse it. I had been on both sides of this kind of play many times, and I would have played with him anyway, all he had to do was ask. No life altering experience necessary.

Edward said he would meet me the following week. He would come to watch me perform at Jim's and then he would take me home, where I would then repay him for the hunt with an evening of my sexual submission. I agreed without any reservation.

The days that followed were some of the best I'd known since entering this doomed life. I could think more clearly, I had written three new songs and I'd completely reorganized everything in my loft, from the books to the sheet music to the many scattered contents of my wardrobe. I wasn't worried about going out in public with the red eyes of a satiated vamp or the blackened eyes of thirst, straining to keep myself from pouncing on the more tender prey I found in the clubs.

There was only one problem with all this good feeling. That hunt had opened more to me than just a new way to feed—it had unlocked a corner of my psyche that I hadn't visited since before my death. There was a new kind of optimism I was feeling, and this was a direct threat to the nihilism that kept me at home in the gloomy corners of the world where I was damned to dwell. But there was nothing to do about it. It was like the gift of sight—once you see something, you cannot unsee it, you can only stop looking.

The night of our date arrived and Edward came alone this time to watch me perform. I could feel his eyes on every small movement of my hands over the guitar, on the subtle vibrations from my chest as I sang more clearly than I ever had. Every so often I would imagine him naked, imagine myself on my knees before him, knowing he would read the contents of my fantasy. Then I would spy the cold fire of his lust spiraling inside of him.

Two can play this game, Edward Cullen, I thought and caught his nod from across the room.

Back at my loft, he was ever the gentleman, taking my coat and guitar and stowing them for me. Then he came and stood before me and I could see the red intensity of his hunger pooling in his abdomen, down in his pelvis, and I smiled.

"Mr. Cullen, I think you might have missed me this week," I said.

"I did indeed, Miss Brown," he said. "And I brought you a gift."

"Oh?" Though I had a very good idea of what it was.

He pulled out of his coat pocket a long but simple piece of rope, thin and coiled like a snake, sturdy and unobtrusive, the kind you might see tying boxes down to the deck of a freight-liner at the docks.

"What's this?" I asked coyly. After all, it was a thin little rope. I could easily shred it with my fingertips. But as I considered it, I felt anticipation tingling inside my chest, bubbling up into my head, out to my limbs as I watched him slide his fingers along the coils ever so deliberately.

"This, my dear Mercy, is the rope of an 18th century vampire slayer," he said, and then paused to study my reaction. I felt my eyes go wide with disbelief, and then he continued, "I bought it from a gypsy the last time I was in Algreciras. It was blessed by the monks of St. Bees back in 1552 and has the power to ward off all supernatural elements. It was used to capture vampires and bind them before they were publicly destroyed in flames."

"Oh my," I said, stunned by this impossible find, unable to say more. I peered into Edward's brain and saw the showering sparks of his cognition, the fiery reds and yellows of his churning desire, matching the fuel that spread through his core.

"Close your eyes," he said.

"Wait," I said, suddenly filled with trepidation.

"I swear no harm will come to you," he said, his tone serious.

"I wasn't worried."

"Yes, you were," he said. "Now close your eyes or I'll have to blindfold you."

"Fine," I said, taking one final look at the erection straining in his pants, and that made me feel better. I closed my eyes, but then he wrapped a heavy blindfold around my head anyway. "Well then," I said. "You're not taking any chances, are you?"

"Not tonight," he said, and as he said the words, I could hear him smirking even though I couldn't see. "Now take off your clothes. Everything but the boots."

"The stockings, too?"

"Leave those," he said, fingering the elastic of my thigh-high fishnet. I pulled my dress up over my shoulders, and then removed my bra and panties. I could feel his presence just mere steps from me, could sense his gaze resting on my face, and then my neck and shoulders, straying to my breasts and belly and then there, to the most private part of me. He made me stand there beneath his gaze, waiting patiently for some move on his part, until every inch of my skin began to hum with anticipation.

I suddenly felt that wisp of a rope lassoed around my waist, rough against me. He pulled me across the room like prey in a snare, blind but intensely sensitive now to feel of things, the warm air of the loft, the heavy, soft cloth of the blindfold, the coarseness of the rope against my back, and then I felt the cool touch of glass on my breasts, then my arms and face as he pressed my naked body to the full length window.

"Edward Cullen… " I began to protest.

"It's so dark in here," he casually interrupted me and stroked my back affectionately, like I was a pet manx. "It's almost a shame to keep such a lovely sight to myself, really. I wonder, shall I turn on some lights, Miss Brown?" he asked. "It would vastly improve the view from the street, and I would be able see your fine form all the better."

You wouldn't dare, I thought, but then stopped the words from coming out of my mouth, realizing that a dare was the last thing I wanted to put to Edward just then.

"As you wish," I said, compliantly.

"Good girl," he said and then stroked the curve of my bottom. "Let's leave the lights off. I'm in no mood for sharing tonight anyway."

The rope slid from my hips and then it was gone, but in the next second I heard it slithering and felt its pitted surface winding once around my neck and tightening, and then I felt it again, and then a third time. I had no need for breathing, but still my hands went instinctively to the makeshift collar, feeling it close against my windpipe, causing me to feel a flutter in my belly and a tingle between my legs. He knotted it and let the long end hang loosely down my back like a leash. It was not too tight, but it was securely fastened there and I did not protest.

"Hands behind your back, Mercy," he said, and as I obeyed and felt him tie my wrists tightly behind me with the dangling end of that slayer's leash, another door opened there in the darkness of my psyche. Surrounded by the sound of his stillness and the scantness of his speech, immersed in the feel of my naked, blind and bound body and stunned by the bareness of my very thoughts and desires as they lay helplessly exposed to him, I began to take those short, shallow breaths the humans take when they are nervous or giddy. The influx of oxygen did nothing more than remind me that I was no human, that I'd lived and nearly died without ever knowing love, and that after all the casual tumbling into bed with vampires over the years, not once had I willingly experienced such an overwhelming vulnerability to another being as I now felt.

This was not play—it was real submission.

I would have trembled with the magnitude of this realization, cursed my own naivete, but if I could not control Edward's access to the contents of my mind, I would not let him see how undone my body had become in this position. He would know my arousal by scent, he would know my excitement by reading my thoughts, but I would control my body's response to the fear I felt. I willed my mind to silence and when I could not achieve it, I simply stated, "Mr. Cullen, I do believe you are the most dangerous lover I've ever had."

"I am certain of it," he said.

He turned me around and then backed me into the glass window. He trailed his hand lightly along my hairline and then pulled my hair from its tidy bun and combed his fingers through, now raking the loose mane of a wild mare, an act that caused me to shift my position and feel the light strain of the rope against my neck and wrists, and this made me wild with want. But in my state of blind immobility, I could do nothing but wait to see how he would use me to his satisfaction.

Edward let his hands settle on my shoulders, his lips trailing softly, too sweetly along the contour of my face, then onto the fullness of my lips, the tip of my chin, and then along the curve of my neck and shoulder. His hands skimmed over my breasts, his thumbs circling each nipple into a tight point. Then he gripped me around my waist, his eager grasp a more honest telling of his intentions than his steady kisses trailing who knew where. He caressed the etching of the heart on my breast and fingered along the outer line curiously, feeling the indentation in my skin.

"Don't tell me there's nothing inside here," he said softly. "I will never believe you."

"Only my immortal shame resides in the emptiness beneath that mark."

"I can feel the fire of your passion here," he said. "There is such potential for you, Mercy Brown."

"Not with you," I said. "That's a promise I know you will keep."

"That inevitability is the only way you'd ever allow me to take you this far."

And then Edward kissed me, his tongue a persuasive emissary for his intent. He pushed my thighs apart with his hand and stroked between them lightly, damp and aromatic with my compliance. Then he knelt before me, an act that took me by such surprise I looked down, as though I could actually see anything with the heavy cloth wrapped around my eyes. I felt the smoothness of his face glide over the taut skin of my belly, his nose nudging the crease of my leg and then he drew a deep breath in through his nose.

"There's something I'd like to ask of you," he said.

"If there's something you want from me, now is the time to let me know."

"I want you to sing for me," he said.

"Now?"

"Yes," he said.

"Well… what would you like to hear?"

"Diamonds," he said.

"Oh," I said and then felt his tongue, laced with venom, drag that effervescence across the need of my skin. I swallowed the air and tried to remember the first line of the song, and though it was quite difficult, I began to softly sing.

I used to believe

My fingers were diamonds

And the men they would pay me

Just to draw them

All night long

Edward pushed my thighs further apart and slid just the tip of his tongue into me. I shifted against the glass and felt the rope pull against my neck and moaned loudly, and then he stopped.

"Keep singing," he said.

"It's very difficult when you do that," I said. "I can't concentrate."

"Don't argue," he said. "And don't concentrate. Just sing."

So I began again, keeping myself very still so that I would not put more pressure against my windpipe, but no matter how I tried I could not keep my voice strong and even-toned. He began to thrust his tongue up inside of me, his thumb pressed to my clit, circling with increasing pressure, until I could not think of words—they came out of me as sputters, gasps and groans.

And you can encircle me

Your own little island

And you are the archer there

And there are trees, all those trees…

I was all but screaming the final line of that verse, grateful I had no neighbors above or below. I'd never known such a feeling before, never knew a feeling like that could exist—not in reality, not even in the finest moments of my imagination could I have conceived of it. Edward's tongue was hard, steadily stroking inside of me as I stood naked, blind and restrained, singing that song to him until the notes were stopped from the spasms of the strongest climax of all my years. When the peak of it passed and there were just smaller aftershocks and he rested his ear on the soft curve my belly, I finished for him.

Speak not of violence

There is peace on our little mountain

So I'll race you for those diamonds

And I will meet you there

All night long.

"Thank you," he said. "That was the first song I ever heard you sing. For weeks I've been wanting to do that while you were singing it."

You are unravelling me, I thought. Is that what you intended?

"That's enough, Mercy. Release yourself from your bonds," he said.

"No," I said, still shaken by the force of my release, the realization that I still had the capacity to be vulnerable. I felt as though the bonds were the only thing holding me together. Edward pulled the blindfold from my eyes and I first noticed the softness of his smile.

"There now," he said. "You already have, see?"

I looked down and at my feet and saw the broken pieces of the rope binding my wrists were on the floor, not the tattered remnants of some magic slayer's lasso at all, but the shabby pieces of an ordinary sailing line. He pulled the rope that still hung from my neck and gave it a light snap and it broke easily against my neck, and this he let drop to the floor.

"You lied." I said, incredulous. "That was no vampire slayer's rope."

"I know," he said. "That's an old line from my boat."

"Why?"

"How did it feel?" he said.

Terrifying, I thought. And incredible. Unlike anything I have ever felt. I will never be the same, and it is all your fault.

"That's why," he said. "I wanted to be part of your story."

Osa Bella - The End! [Twilight Fanfiction]

If you do something with all your heart, it will change you. I don't care what it is. Writing, working, raising kids, reading, falling in love, following a blog, planning a trip, meeting online friends in a faraway place for a weekend for no other reason than the fact that you know it's going to be awesome, you know it's going to be an experience you'll remember the rest of your days—what I'm trying to tell you all is that I'm not the same Myg I was before Twilight, before Osa Bella, before all of you.

So thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love and enthusiasm you have given Osa Bella and the encouragement you've given me. In case you are wondering if it makes an impact, please know that it absofuckinglutely does. I wouldn't be posting this from Forks if it wasn't for all of you. And Forks is a long, long way from Jersey, folks.

Osa Bella would be a whimper, a suggestion of what you've read if not for the love and attention and dedication of a whole team of people, so please put your hands together, first and foremost for SnarkierThanYou, without whom Osa Bella simply would not exist. STY was my seductress, she has been my muse, my cheerleader, and my mentor. She was the one who got me to read Twilight, she was the first person to ever lay eyes on Osa Bella and she was the one who insisted I share it with the world. I can't post a single word of this without her approval. I love you, STY. I cannot believe it took Twilight for us to figure out that we had to be much, much closer friends, but I will always be grateful we got here. (And same goes for that little punk, Jenny Jerkface, who lives down the damned street for me and who I never even met until New Moon was in the theaters.)

STY, Jenny Jerkface and Latchkey Wife gave Osa Bella her first true home and her best, most loving, supportive and fun audience right here at Twitarded. Thank you forever and ever, ladies. Mr. Myg and I always say, no matter how many readers we get anywhere, our best readers are right here. I could do little but write for you all the rest of my days and be a very happy Myg.

The sweet VitaminR70 is my location consultant and has read every word of this—multiple times, people! She's held my hand through many renditions and has been unfailingly enthusiastic every step of the way.

TexasKatherine, well, you all know how awesome she is, but did you know she's also an amazing beta? I roped her into this half way through and she is Mr. Myg's tag team pal on the snarky beat-downs in google docs. All done with love, of course, she is relentless in her pursuit of purging the suck out of my early drafts (and there's plenty of suckage in those words, and not the good kind). I always say if your betas don't kick your ass, fire them. Thank you so much, TK. I can't write another word without you. Sorry.

Later in the game, Gkkstitch found herself with a little free time after Lolashoes wrapped This Hungry World and I abducted her into the Osa Bella beta vortex. She has read and re-read and re-read again the last several chapters of this story and her contributions have also been ass kicking in the best of ways. Thanks for jumping into the game and helping to bring this ship into port, bb.

At the very end of re-writing this, I had a bit of a melt down and really needed a fresh pair of eyes. I slipped a rough draft of the last four chapters to Lolashoes for some hand holding and she was kind enough to read and give virtual cuddles and hugs and tell me it was all going to be okay. Thank you so much, Lo. Some of you may have noticed that Osa Bella has picked up a few more readers since we started out here at Twitarded. Lolashoes is largely responsible for that with her twitter endorsements and RTs and the interview she did with me for Peas and Carrots. She's probably the sweetest person I've never met and I may have been inspired to write some femme slash in her honor, no wait, that actually happened.

You know I can't wrap this without a proper shout out to Mr. Myg, who right now is back in New Jersey, single-parenting my 20 month old twin boys so I could  get my crazy ass on a plane to Seattle and hook up with a bunch of you out here in the promised land. What the hell kind of husband would do that? An incredibly generous, supportive, and insane one. Well, Mr. Myg is pretty much the antithesis of insane, but he knows what's important and when this trip came up, he said, "Myg, you have to go."

You also know how hard he's kicked my ass in the editing department, or rather you may not since you're not allowed to read any Osa Bella that hasn't been through the Mr. Myg filter. The man knows how to write, folks. If you think Osa Bella is at all well-written, thank him because he made it so. And for those of you who love Osa Bella's Edward? All I can say is, he takes lessons in awesomeness from Mr. Myg.

Now, please grab your sniffs because I need to make a special dedication.

Those of you who were around these parts for Fandom Gives Back already know that I lost my kid sister this year to cancer. What you may not realize is that Osa Bella is what I did to cope with my grief. I started writing it in the final stages of her illness and became obsessed with it after she died. I guess I was trying to escape the pain, find some respite, which I got plenty of right here reading Twitarded every day. What I began to realize was that Bella's struggle in Osa Bella was my way of coming to terms, yet again, with the fuckawful certainty of death and the pain of loss and figuring out how you just fucking go on and live and find joy in your life after that. I did figure it out, again, and I have to tell you, you all were a very big part of that path for me.

Anyway, I'd like to specially dedicate Osa Bella to Amanda, my kid sister. Kid, I don't know where you are or if you can hear me, but if so, please do NOT, for the love of God, let Dad find out about some of the shit that goes on in Chapters 21, 24, 25, 26—anyway, you get the idea. Your baby B told me she's going as Bella for Halloween this year and I have to dress the Myglets as vampires. Mr. Myg gave the big eye roll over that, but you know he can never say no to B. Since she's never even seen the movie (I promise to show it to her when she's older), I am just going to assume that's your way of telling me you're still here and you've got my back. I want you to know I'm still here and I've got yours, too. And I'll damn well make sure B has just the right accessories, all the way from Ffffffooooorrrrrkkkkssss, to make her the best 8 year old Bella ever.

Now, grab the sniffs, clean your shit up. We've got a story to finish.

When we last left our badass hero Bella and her now second ex-fiance, the dreamy sailor Edward, they'd learned that some dreadful tragedy worthy of a National Geographic cover had gone down in the wake of Bella's great escape from the beach at La Push. The bears had swam out to follow her, and they couldn't be turned back. They were drowning out there (and shit, when I went to La Push on Thursday and stared out at the ocean? I could see the heads of black bears struggling in the water and I nearly doubled over—no lie. It sucks, sometimes, to have an overactive imagination). Anyway, Bella and Edward made the very difficult choice to turn Reckoner around and go back. Last I heard, Jake asked Bella to marry him to keep her from being dragged off to Canada by the bears, which I personally think was totally kickass of him under the circumstances, and Bella accepted, but only because Edward asked her to. See, Edward knows Jake will keep her safe, and this he needs more than he needs anything else. Word has it Edward found his way to Jake's house and was waiting to see Bella one last time.

I wonder how that's going to go down.

Now, here's your pdf.

So, this is it, guys. Well, okay, we've got a couple of outtakes to discuss and I think there's an epi brewing too. But this is the real end. The place it was all headed. The answers to all the questions. They're here.

Let's do this thing.


Love,
Myg
Forks, WA
October 2, 2010 

CHAPTER 35

Contrition

Day broke under a cloudless sky, soft, pink rays rising up over the tree tops, suggesting another uncharacteristically sunny morning. As we approached the Black house Jake let go of my hand and grimaced a little, like he was hiding a great discomfort, but not all that well. I nervously twisted the new engagement ring on my finger, like turning a small lie concealing a much bigger falsehood. But my sense of duty trumped my sense of romantic idealism. So I couldn't marry the man I truly loved—I hated the fact, but I had a tribe that needed me, and sometimes you just have to step up. This was one of those times.

The five bears following us paused at the end of Jake's driveway as they were met by two wolfs, one I recognized as Leah, and she directed them to the lawn across the street. Six other wolves from Jake's pack were stationed around the perimeter of the Black's property and their temporary Commander in Chief appeared to be Charlie, who sat on the porch in a rocker with a shotgun across his lap.

"What are you doing?" I asked as Jake and I approached.

"Just providing a little disincentive for anyone unfriendly, that's all," Charlie said, eyeing the bears who sat across the street on their haunches, sniffing the air. I looked at him with gratitude, tearing up a little. "Edward saved your life," he said. "I owe him that much, at least."

I leaned over the shotgun on Charlie's lap and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He raised his eyebrows and nodded at the door. "He's waiting for you."

[PSST...click "Read More" to keep going!]

Osa Bella - Chapter 34 "Ride Your Darkest Fear" [Twilight FanFiction]

Hi.

In case you had any doubt? Things are about to get pretty rocky. Feel like I should warn you of this here. I also feel like I should warn you, I am not sure when the hell I'm posting the end. This week, yes, but what day, I don't know. I have a whole ton of packing to do tomorrow, and I'm on an early flight Wednesday. And there are two, not one, chapters left now because there was a last minute editorial change on where the chapter breaks go. So...

Did I mention this is dark? BECAUSE IT IS. Commence anticipatory flailing in 5...4...3...2...1...

Here's the pdf.

As soon as I know when the last chapters are posting, I'll get the word out on Twitter (you can follow me at @Myg).

So, when we last left our pals Bella and Edward, Edward had a massive FAIL moment when he tried to give Bella immortality vamp-style. If there was such a thing as vampire viagra, I think TexasKatherine would have prescribed some for him. But like all disappointments in life and in stories, strong characters find a way to come to terms, and I think that's pretty much where Edward and Bella were when we finished Chapter 33. In Chapter 34, there are some new terms thrown at them. Some terms that are pretty impossible. I wonder how they'll do... okay, so I already know how they'll do, but you don't. Here' where you find out.

Love and warm cookies from the oven,
Myg

CHAPTER 34
Ride your darkest fear

From Reckoner's bow I watched the waves as they rushed beneath her hull. It felt so good to move, to feel the wind at our backs, driving us forward into whatever future awaited. I would handle it, however it came down, I decided. I would stop crumbling in the face of my fear.

Know what's worse than dying on your spouse, Bella? Zack's voice was clear in my head.

No, I thought. I really don't.

Underestimating her. Or him, as the case may be.

I turned to look at Edward. He was pulling lines, concentrating on the angle of the sails against the wind. He didn't look forlorn, or lost or frightened. He looked content. Determined. Hopeful.

It would be a good sail to Maui, I thought. Plenty of down time with him. I smiled as I recalled our last sailing trip together and how much I loved having Edward all to myself. We would have a little time to plan our wedding, to think about starting a family, to dream about the places we'd go and the things we would do. I walked back to the cockpit with a smile on my face.

"Hey, beautiful." He reached for me and pulled me into a hug. "Feeling better now?"

"Yeah," I said. "Just thinking."

"What about?"

"About how lucky I am," I said.

Edward tightened his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "I love you," he said. Then he let go and took the helm, adjusting our course a little. "We'll have to hug the coast for now, but we can't go in too close because the river bars can be hell."

"If we're sailing coastal, can we get cell reception?"

"We're not that close, but we've got a satellite connection. Do you want to call your father?"

"Yes," I said. "I want him to know that I'm okay. Otherwise he might come looking for you."

"Definitely call him then," he said with a small laugh. Edward locked the helm and disappeared below and came back in a moment with a phone.

"Hey—you had a satellite phone and didn't call me?" I said.

"I had no idea who might have your phone and I had no intentions of warning Jake I was coming."

"He knew you were coming," I said. "He was out looking for you."

"Well, he didn't find me, did he?"

Edward handed me the phone and I held it for several minutes. A certain dread filled me as I thought about La Push and that bear queen fate I'd just narrowly escaped. I had the strongest urge to avoid that call home, but I couldn't stand the thought of Charlie worrying, not knowing I was safe. As I pictured him with bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep he'd surely suffer if I let him wonder, I found my courage.

"Bella, thank God," he said, his voice breaking at the sound of mine. "You're alive."

"Of course I'm alive, Dad," I said, feeling sick with guilt. "I'm so sorry I made you worry."

"I thought you drowned," he said, choking up.

"I told you I would run with him."

"But how? Your clothes were on the beach and you were just gone. It made no sense. I thought you got desperate… I thought the worst."

"No, Dad," I said. "We're sailing to Maui. I'll send for you when we make landfall. We're going to get married."

"Bella… " Charlie paused. "Bella, there's a problem."

"What is it? Are you okay?"

"It isn't me," he said. "It's the Ani Tsa' gu hi…"

"Let them think I died. It's the only way I can escape them."

"Bella…" he said and paused. "They followed you."

"What?"

"They swam out after you."

"Well, they didn't find me," I said, and then registered the alarm that crossed Edward's face as he listened to our conversation.

"I don't think you understand," he said. "They all—the whole tribe is out there, swimming out to sea, looking for you." He paused again, and then pulled out his strongest, most stoic cop voice and said, "There've been casualties."

I went cold. "What do you mean, casualties? People have died?"

"Yes, Bella, they're drowning," he said. "And more keep coming. We've got teams of hunters here with tranquilizer gus, but we can't keep up. We tried to block off the beach, but they're moving down the coast now. We've called the Coast Guard and there are some volunteers out there in boats, trying to coax them back to shore, but they won't go."

"How many?" I asked, feeling my heart constricting in my chest.

"We've lost count. Bella, it's… it's a nightmare."

"Hamani," I choked. "What about Hamani?"

"He's here, waiting for you," Charlie said. "He says you'll return."

"Tell him he has to stop them."

"He can't," Charlie said. "He's tried but he's just one man."

"What about Jake?"

"He's trying to round bears up with the pack, but they won't follow him anymore. I don't know what we're going to do…"

"Oh no," I whispered. "Dad, what have I done?"

"You didn't know," he said. "You can't blame yourself."

"It doesn't matter," I said. "Tell Hamani I'm on my way."

Horrified, confused, anguished, I hung up and dropped to my knees, shaking. But for once, Edward didn't rush to my side, didn't try to comfort me. Instead he sprang forward onto the deck, up to the bow and hung his head over the railing.

After a few moments, I collected myself and went to him. In his hands, Edward held the forward anchor, crushed into a ball like it had been tin foil. He turned to face me, his eyes fierce, black, hollow with rage. "I don't want you to see me like this," he said, his voice eerily calm.

I put my hand on his back, then my arm around his shoulders and he turned and embraced me so tightly I thought I'd have bruises around my rib cage. "Bella, I don't want to give you back," he whispered. "I know that makes me a monster, but I don't care."

"No Edward," I said. "It makes you human."

"I am seriously considering taking you to Maui anyway. Fuck the bears. I don't care if the entire species disappears at this point. Just say the word and I'll do it. I know that makes me an awful, selfish bastard but I can't help it."

I really had to think about what Edward was suggesting. It wasn't our fault that the bears mistook me for Hala, right? I tried to tell them the truth, but Hamani willfully ignored me. How dare he put this kind of responsibility on me? I was one small woman. All I wanted was to be with the man I loved, mind my own business and go on my way. How dare the Ani Tsa' gu hi hitch themselves to me in this way? I never asked for this. Didn't Edward and I deserve some happiness? For fucking once?

Then I imagined dozens and dozens of black bears, swimming out into the ocean, looking for me. I remembered how it felt to wear out in the water, to almost drown. I imagined this happening over and over and over, one bear after another. Because of me. Because of Edward. Because of us.

"I don't want to make this decision alone," I said. "It's too big."

"You're right, I'm sorry," he said. "But I need a minute to calm down so I can think, because right now if I go back, I'm going back with a shot gun and some bear traps."

"Okay," I said. "I'm going to change course and take us north."

"So your mind is already made up, then," he said. "We're going back."

I hadn't realized it until he said it. "Yes," I said, and wiped the tears streaming down my face. "I love you so much and I don't want this tragedy be our legacy. Imagine living the rest of our lives with this on our shoulders? I can't do it."

"I'll never forgive myself for doing this to you," he said. "Not for all of eternity."

"You didn't do this to me," I said, looking out over the waves. "It just happened."

"Everything I've done has put you in more danger," he said. "No matter my intention, I've only brought you misery."

"Stop it. Everything you did, you did out of love for me," I said. "And the happiness I've known with you has been so bright, it obliterates the darkest corner of my misery, Edward. It will always be that way. No matter what comes."

He pulled back from me, studied my face and lovingly brushed the hair out of my eyes. He gave me a sturdy nod and said, "Okay then, we're losing time."

"I know," I said.

He went back to the helm and called, "Prepare to come about."

I moved out of the way of the swinging mainsail as he turned the boat and headed us back to the tragedy unfolding at La Push. I went back to the bow and spotted the white head of Hala a full boat length ahead of us in the water, swimming home.

"Are you fucking happy now?" I yelled out into the sea.

But Hala never turned around. She just kept swimming.

#

We talked all night as Reckoner sailed us north. After every angle was looked at, inspected, turned over, considered and then reconsidered, our situation came down to two impossible, irreconcilable truths: the bears would kill Edward if he went near them, and if I ran, they would follow me. Even to tragic ends. So Edward and I were going to have to separate, at least for now. There was no way around it.

"Well, we don't know what the future holds, right?" Edward said. "We just have to deal with the situation in front of us right now."

In any case, it had become clear our immediate future could not include our wedding. My disappointment nearly broke me and probably would have if I didn't have an entire population of black bears to save from a watery death.

“Come here,” Edward said as he watched me brooding over this, my heart an iron weight in my chest. He put his arms around me, strong and resolved and we stood there quietly, looking out at the gloomy sea. Then he tilted my face to look me in the eye. “I want you to promise me something,” he said, quietly.

I did not like the way he was looking at me then. I knew he was going to ask me to promise him something impossible, something wretched. “No,” I said. “Please don’t...”

“I want you to marry Jacob,” he said.

He could have just slapped me across the face. “I don't know if that’s still an option,” I said.

“If you don’t marry him, they’ll take you away.”

“If I can’t be with you, I don’t care,” I argued. “I’ll wander in the woods with the bears.”

“No, Bella,” he said. “You’re not a bear. You’re not equipped to survive like that.”

“I'll get some outdoor gear, a satellite phone or something. I'll take some wilderness lessons.”

“No, absolutely not. You're not going to disappear into some world you don’t know, alone, frightened, away from your family and friends. I know what you’ll do out there.”

“No, you don’t,” I said.

“Yes, I do," Edward's patience slipped and he raised his voice. "You almost killed yourself today, and that’s far from the first time that’s happened.”

“That’s not what I was trying to do,” I said. “It was an accident.”

“You have a hell of a lot of accidents, don’t you?" He glared at me. "You accidentally overdosed drinking and taking pills? You offered me your blood after I nearly killed you in bloodlust? You fell out of a tree? That’s not a coincidence, Bella.”

“What exactly are you insinuating?” I asked, my heart pounding.

“Whether you’ll admit it to yourself or not, part of you is driven to self-destruct, and now I can't be there to protect you. It has to be Jake.”

Edward was right, and this pissed me off greatly. But I couldn't deny that in my worst moments, I could be, and had been, suicidally reckless. With all the pressure on me, facing another separation from Edward might trigger another depressive episode. If that happened while I was out in the wilderness with the Ani Tsa' gu hi, who knew how bad I might get? Edward knew the safest thing for me was to be surrounded by family and friends at La Push, even if it meant I had to marry Jake.

I sobbed into Edward's shoulder and he put his arms tight around me, smoothing my hair and whispering words of comfort, but it somehow just pissed me off more. I was so grateful for his love, his concern, his understanding. I felt safe encircled in his arms, in his love, but it was all going to be ripped away from me again, and now he was asking me to marry another man on top of it?

The angrier I got, the harder it was to be near him. I tried to push him away, but as I struggled he just held me tighter. I pounded his chest with my fists until it hurt, and then I hit him even harder. He finally held my arms to my side and I just screamed in his face.

“I hate this!” I screamed. “I fucking hate this!”

“So do I,” he said, sadly. "You'll never know how much."

"How can you ask me to marry Jake? Do you think he's going to marry me and then agree to sleep on the damned couch?"

"That's between you and Jake," he said, his eyes flickering with the rage he fought to contain.

"You can't be serious," I said, shuddering, imagining myself in bed with Jake again. "I don't want you to let me go that easily."

"Do you think this is easy for me, Bella? Really?" he said, his voice rising. "I am never going to let you go. Ever. But I need to know where you are and that you'll be safe. I need that much more than your fidelity."

"I don't want to marry Jake," I said, crying.

"It could be awhile before we can find a way to get you out of this position. If you marry him, you can stay at La Push and I know your father and Illeana will keep an eye on you. You said Hamani will let you stay there without interference, right?"

"Yes, but… " I said.

"Then you'll marry Jake and the bears can go back to whatever it is they were doing before all of this happened. When things settle down, I'll find a way to get you out of there."

"You want me to marry Jake and then leave him?"

"Yes," he said. "I do."

"That's fucked up," I said, exasperated.

"I don't care," he said. "I can't let you go where I can't follow. If you marry Jake, you'll be safe at La Push until we can get you out of this."

"I can't believe you're telling me to marry Jake!" I yelled. "And now you're fine with me sharing his bed? What the fuck?"

"Of course I'm not fine!" He backed me against the outer wall of the cabin and pressed his nose to my neck, then into my hair and inhaled deeply. "The thought of you with him makes me sick with rage," he seethed in my ear. "You are mine. You will always belong to me."

"That's right," I said, tears streaming down my face.

He kissed me then, his mouth urgent, opening onto mine, his tongue sweeping, tasting, claiming and I breathed into him my assent and my final capitulation. Then he pulled his face back and studied mine for a moment, his dark eyes shining and full of pain.

"Nothing will ever change that," he said, and then he ran his fingers along the bite mark on my neck. "Not even marrying Jacob Black."

#

Dawn rose insistently out of the east onto a crystal clear day. There would be no cloud cover, no fog to protect Edward from the invasion of television news crews and the growing crowd of onlookers that now filled the harbor. The sun would be fully up soon and our window of approach would close.

I had cried so much in the night I was empty of tears. I had prayed to every god I knew for forgiveness. For strength. I had plumbed the depths of my self loathing and arose empty of all desire, and all emotion except one. Resolve.

I would put this right.

As we came up the coast, we began to see the small black spots out bobbing in the water. Black bears struggled against the tide, on their way out to sea. They crowded the coastline, from Strawberry Bay all the way up to First Beach. There had to be over fifty boats along the coast and for each boat another bear fighting to get past it, a relentless procession of them following me to their doom. Every bear in Washington State, maybe even in the Pacific Northwest, must have made its way to this tragic circus.

As the sun rose higher in the sky, Edward started to reflect light under it like a beacon. He pulled his hood up, his sleeves down and donned a pair of sailing gloves.

“This isn't going to work,” I said. “You can't let them see you.”

He came about and headed back out to sea while we deliberated an approach. But I knew there was only one way in.

“Edward, I have to go.”

"I'm going with you," he said.

"No, you aren't," I said. "They'll kill you. You've got to stay out of sight."

"Look, I had a major role in causing this disaster and I need to do something about it. You came back here"

"Edward, you can't do anything about this right now without getting killed. This is something I have to do alone."

We continued the argument wordlessly for several minutes, his eyes locked on mine, and I know he was hoping I'd back down, but this time I did not. As much as I wanted him by my side, the threat of him being destroyed was too much. As though he'd finally reached the same conclusion, understanding that his presence would and another layer of distraction to the problem at hand, he finally let it go.

"So stubborn," he muttered, shaking his head. But then he kissed me on the forehead and hove to, Reckoner swinging gently left and then right in the breeze. He came and pulled me into his arms and held me. “Please, please be careful, Bella."

"I promise," I said.

"Whatever happens here, and whatever comes next, remember that I love you. And I will come for you."

"I know," I said.

In a regrettably painful moment, he looked down at the engagement ring on my hand and said, "Why don't you give that to me to hold onto for now?"

I took my engagement ring off and handed it to him and as he took it from my fingers, I started crying. "When will I see you again?" I asked.

"Soon," he said, brushing my tears away. His eyes glistened and his mouth turned to a small, sad smile. Then he kissed me, softly, on the forehead and took a slow, deep breath. I allowed myself to linger in the scent of him, one final time, that essence of all good things in the world, stowed safely in the vault of my memory. He touched his lips mine, a painfully tender goodbye.

“I’m really proud of you, Bella,” he said.

I smiled at him sadly as we said a silent goodbye to our happily ever after, but I turned before I choked up, for fear I'd lose my nerve. Then I climbed to the bowsprit and took off my shoes. I looked back at him one last time, my fantastic love, shining under the sun. He nodded, encouraging.

"Be safe," he said.

Then I leapt from Reckoner's bow and dove down into the water.

#

My limbs were strong, stronger than I remembered from the previous day. The new dose of Edward’s venom had invigorated me, had given me greater power and speed. I raced forward like an Olympic champion, into the harbor, never looking back to see what course Reckoner set.

I reached my first bear, a smaller female struggling way out ahead of the pack. She gave a low whimpering growl as she saw me and I swam right to her. I hooked my arm under her forelegs and started to swim on my back towards the shore. She rested against me wearily, dead weight in the water.

Another bear began to swim toward us, and then another. If that trend continued, I’d soon be overwhelmed with bears needing a rescue and I’d never be able to swim back with more than one, even as strong as I was. As though she sensed this, my passenger twisted and kicked herself free of me and began to power back to shore next to me like a relay partner.

There was another bear, treading the current right beside a small fishing boat, being coaxed by a diver. As we passed, it began to swim towards us.

"This way!" I called, and powered to the beach. Another bear saw us and followed, and then another, and then soon all of the bears were following us, a swift and certain escape.

I felt the sand beneath my feet and began to walk up onto the beach. A huge crowd had gathered, complete with camera crews from the national news outlets, government officials, tourists and nearly all of the Quileute Nation. Hamani stood in the middle of them all, the tears he shed obvious to me, even from a distance. Jacob stood next to him, arms crossed, face fixed in a scowl, his eyes trained on me. Charlie and his small militia of hunters paused with their tranquilizer guns to watch the strange spectacle.

I looked around me as I trudged out of the water. To my left, to my right, behind me, I was flanked by an army of black bears, one of the strangest looking processions in history.

We walked out of the water, onto the shore. The news teams and the government workers took several paces back from us, put off as they were by the bears who followed me. Teams of FEMA agents shooed the rest of the onlookers back behind a barrier.

I approached Hamani and he gripped me by the face and touched his head to mine, tears falling down from his eyes to the sand, mixing with my own. Then he wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm so sorry," I cried. "I didn't know, I didn't know."

Charlie came running over to where we stood, breaking through the crowd of bears that gathered around. Hamani released me and I was immediately enveloped by the reassuring embrace of my father. I sobbed until I crumpled in his arms.

"Dad, I'm so sorry," I cried.

"I know," he said. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Sue came and wrapped a warm blanket around my shoulders. "You're so cold, honey," she said. I nodded and then felt her arms warm around me, too.

Jacob walked over to the water's edge, and stared out at the ocean, scanning the horizon. He didn't say a single word to me. I tentatively approached him, his eyes were cold and distant.

“Where did you come from?” he demanded without the courtesy of looking at me.

“Edward brought me,” I said.

"Where is he?"

"He's at sea."

"Bullshit!" he snapped. "He needs to answer for what he's done!"

"He didn't do this—I did," I said. "And I'm here to answer for it."

“Bella, it's such a nightmare.” His voice was pained as he finally turned to face me.

"Show me," I said, touching his arm. "I need to see."

Jacob pointed to the tree line, where a two rows of dead bears were laid out, sixteen black mounds of damp, matted fur sprinkled with sand and strands of seaweed. The beach was littered with the tranquilized bears, who were now surrounded by the surviving bears who'd come back from the sea. We walked to the corpses, mortified at the sight.

"How many were lost at sea?" I asked.

"We lost count," Jacob said.

"Hala's brothers and sister?" I asked.

"They're gone. They were the first to drown."

I sank to my knees, overwhelmed by the devastation. Now Hamani had lost his entire family. They died because of me, along with how many others?

I thought about the members of the tribe who'd saved my life after I'd fallen from the tree. Thought about how they'd pursued me in the woods after Edward had found me. They thought they were trying to save me. Protect me. All because they believed I was something I wasn't.

Hamani and Anna Marie came over to us. Anna Marie, quiet for once, placed a warm hand on my shoulder, and Hamani placed his hand on my other shoulder. I reached up and held it.

Then I got to my feet and visited with every single dead bear and placed my hand into its wet fur and apologized. I knelt beside the last bear a long time, until finally Sue came and draped a towel around my shoulders. “Let’s get you some dry clothes, Bella,” she said.

The Quileute Tribal Council requested help for digging graves.  According to custom, we had to get the bodies into the ground by sundown. I was grateful and surprised when every single volunteer came to the burial grounds to help with such a depressing task. After changing into dry clothing, I joined them at the clearing in the woods and began to dig.

For the rest of that day, Jacob avoided me. He did not speak to me. He did not dig with me. He didn't come anywhere near me. I didn’t try to approach him, either. I understood the injury I had caused him with my betrayal. I knew he needed some space, and I had no idea whether he would still agree to marry me. But I couldn't worry about it then.

When the graves were dug, we committed the bodies to the earth and then went down to the beach where a large fire was built. The elders led the gathering in several songs of mourning, low melodies that stretched across one hundred voices and floated out to sea as darkness filled the sky.

#

I stayed on that beach all that long, clear night tending the fire with Hamani and the remaining bears, who now meandered in a daze after waking up from their tranquilizer-induced slumber. Charlie tried to convince me to come to Sue's and get some sleep, but I wanted to stay with the bears, at least for that night. He gave up arguing and came back with three sleeping bags, a sandwich and a beer I didn’t drink. Hamani gave the sleeping bag a funny look, shrugged his shoulders and then lay down, resting his head on it like a pillow.

Charlie and I stared wordlessly into the fire for a long time until he finally fell asleep in his sleeping bag next to me. I listened to the steady rise and fall of his breath, the slight rattle at the back of his throat and felt grateful he was there. The beach was quiet other than the sound of the water and the crackling and snapping of the dying fire. I continued to watch the embers until they all burned out, small reminders of the mortality we shared. I fell asleep wondering how long I might yet burn.

In the very early morning, I heard soft footsteps in the sand and opened my eyes into the paling darkness. Jacob whispered something to Charlie, and he got to his feet groggily, looked at me, and then walked off towards the Black's house. Hamani stirred in his sleep but didn't wake as Jake came and handed me a cup of coffee. I caught its aroma, strong and forgiving.

“Let’s take a walk,” he said and gave me his hand.

Five black bears followed us. Three of them I remembered them from the swim home, and the others had turned up sometime in the night. We all strolled along the water’s edge back towards Jake's house. I sipped the hot drink and felt it warm my stomach.

“Jacob, I am really sorry,” I said. “You’ll never know how sorry I am.”

"I know," he said. He kept his eyes straight ahead but hooked his arm through mine. 

“They still think you’re going to marry me, don’t they?” I asked. “Otherwise they would have taken me into the woods by now.”

“Yeah,” he said.

“It’s okay,” I said. “I know you don't want to marry me.”

“I never said that," he said. And then before I could brace myself, I found myself crying again. “Could you please not do that?” he asked. “Come on, Bella.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, wiping my eyes. “I feel so fucking bad for those bears—those people who died. I will never forgive myself.”

“You didn’t know,” he said.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “I let my own selfish desire blind me from everything else. I just couldn't see what was really at stake here. I will never let that happen again.”

“So what's the deal between you and Edward now?” he asked, glancing down at my naked ring finger.

"We obviously can't get married right now, with all that's happened," I said, my stomach clenching at the thought. "I need to deal with this bear issue.”

“Edward's at the house,” he said, studying my reaction. I flinched as I felt anxiety gripping my throat, choking me from the inside out.

"You didn't kill him?"

"Of course not," he said. "Bella, what kind of an asshole do you think I am?"

“He came to convince you to marry me, didn't he?"

"That wasn't the only reason," Jake said. "And he didn't have to convince me."

"Well, whatever Edward might have said, I don’t expect you to marry me. I have it all worked out. If you can just play along for now, we can pretend to postpone the ceremony and I can get some wilderness instruction so I can survive out there. I can get a GPS and a good satellite phone and a little solar generator so I can stay in touch with you guys, and I’ll get a decent packing tent. Then I'll live off the land. I just need the training. I’ll get good winter gear, come back for holidays, that sort of thing.”

“Loca,” he said. “No way are you doing that.”

“Jake,” I said, my eyes tearing up again. “You don’t want to marry me. I know you don’t.”

“You don’t know anything.” He stopped walking and took my hand in his. “I know you've been through hell and there's a lot of pressure on us. But I also know something else."

"What?"

"I know that I love you," he said, and then pulled a beautiful little diamond ring out of his pocket. "And I'm not letting you get dragged off to Canada by a pack of bears, okay?"

"Jake…"

"Bella, will you marry me?”

"Jake," I said, tearing up. "You deserve so much more than what I can give you right now."

"Do you love me?" he asked. "Even a little?"

"Of course I do," I said. "You know that."

"Well, that's something, right? We can come to an understanding, I think."

"You deserve more," I said.

"Stop saying that," he said. "It's annoying."

“Okay.” I hugged him. He pulled back to look at me and brushed a strand of hair out of my face.
“Is that a yes?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

"Okay, then." He nodded, a silent acknowledgement of the understanding we had. We would be husband and wife, knowing, but maybe never speaking, of the shadow that loomed in my heart. He slipped the ring on my finger and I tried not to wince.

"I can't believe you got me a rock," I said. "You didn't have to do that."

"Do you like it?"

"I love it," I said, my voice catching as I made a ridiculous attempt to sound upbeat. We started walking towards the house again and he held my hand, his fingers steady and warm as they intertwined with mine, cold and lifeless.

Osa Bella - Chapter 33 "Bring It" [Twilight FanFiction]

You know what they say about good intentions, right?

When I was planning to post the final chapters of this today, I sort of forgot my parents would be here from out of town this weekend, that I had two days on the road last week, and that I wouldn't have enough time to work on it. So, well, I am really sorry to make you all wait two weeks and then give you just one chapter. But that's all I can serve up right now, because the others are still baking. And the last thing in the world we need is a half-baked Osa Bella chapter. Not after all this time.

Luckily, none of you are strangers to missed Osa Bella deadlines. (Unless you're new to Osa Bella, and if you are, Welcome! This isn't the first time I've botched the posting schedule, and even though there's little schedule left to botch, it probably won't be the last time.)

My intentions (uh oh) are to give you all of the chapters within the next week. I'm trying to have the final chapter posted before I get on the plane on Wednesday. If not, well, then it will post from you know where. (Hint: FFFOOORRRKKKSSSSS!)

If you want to follow this story on fanfiction.net, go here.

If you want to read from the beginning, go here.

If you'd like a .pdf of this chapter, click here.


Oh and dudes?

You totally rocked me in the Hidden Star Awards--I won for best author!!!! I couldn't honestly say if I am the best author out of those nominated, but I can definitely say I have the world's greatest supporters. Hand jobs shakes for all of you in Forks. Big hugs and kisses too, thank you all tons. I am really flattered to have won.

So, when we last left our heroes Sailorward and Swimmerella, Bella had almost drowned chasing that silly Kermode out in the middle of the pacific. Okay, not the middle, but way too far from shore. This she did after she got tired of waiting for Edward to get his ass back to La Push to save her from marrying Jacob Black (Cue the: Ew! Gross! Retch!) in an attempt to appease what appears to be the entire North American population of black bears.  Last I heard, he told her he'd had it--he was making her a vamp. I know you're all wondering how the hell that's going to work out, so let's take a look see.

See you hookers in the comments. And have I mentioned in this post yet how much I adore each and every one of you, and your comments? Because I really, truly do.

xo,
Myg

CHAPTER 33

Bring It

Edward fired up Reckoner's heater—probably the first time he'd ever used it. My head felt water-logged, my thoughts straying from relief to anxiety as I considered the painful transformation to immortality I was about to endure. I struggled to stay awake even though I was freezing cold. He came back to the berth where I lay shivering and held me in his arms, tucking the blankets up under my chin.

"Have you started healing yet?" he asked and then kissed my forehead. "You've got some hypothermia."

"It doesn't… matter now," I said, shaking so badly I could barely say the words.

"Try to concentrate, okay? Focus on your breath."

I inhaled deeply but that started a coughing fit so severe it made me retch. Edward held me up, over the side of the bed until it subsided.

"Try again," he said, his eyes intense with worry.

I took a shallow breath at first and when I managed that, I tried a deeper one and then a deeper belly breath. Edward placed his hands gently over my heart and closed his eyes in concentration.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Praying," he said.

I nodded and closed my eyes and cleared my mind of everything except for the rising and falling of my breath, even tides, my lungs channeling oxygen into my blood stream, out and around my body.

I felt a tingle beneath Edward's hands that spread through my torso, then up my neck and down my legs and out into my arms. That feeling started to intensify and spread through my nervous system, first giving me a chill and then a ripple of warmth went through me, and then a stronger ripple, warmer than the last. A pulse began in my toes, in my fingers, painful and insistent, and then waves of heat began to wash over me.

"It's working," I said, my throat dry. "I'm healing now."

"I know," he said. "I can feel it."

"I feel sick." I put my hand over my mouth and Edward grabbed the trash can and sat me up. I heaved again as he held me over the side of the bed, holding my wet hair away from my face. It subsided and I lay back down, feeling a little better.

Edward went into the galley and came back with a bottle of water.  "Sip a little of this," he said, looking more confident. "Your color is back. Good."

"What difference does it make if you're going to change me?"

"Good circulation will carry my venom through your system more efficiently. Hopefully that will make it less painful."

I propped myself up on the pillows and drank. Edward sat down and took my hand, his eyes holding mine in a lock, searching for something, just like I remembered them searching that first time he held me on this berth, during that forbidden sail, after our first kiss.

"Can you ever forgive me, Bella?" he said before I could ask what worry lay behind those eyes. His mouth was a tight, concentrated line across his face, barely concealing his anguish.

"Forgive you for what?"

"For putting you in this terrible situation," he said. "If you'd never met me…"

"I'd be miserable, popping pills on my couch and married to Derek Banner. Don't even go there." The thought of it made me want to retch again. I winced and took another sip of water.

"I've put you through so much hell," he said. "I can't imagine how you feel."

"How I feel?" I looked at him, incredulous. How could he not understand how I felt? And how would I begin to express it?

Since Zack's death, my life had been vacant of any real happiness, void any real hope for finding any. The future felt like a series of countless moments to endure. Lifeless. Wonderless. The day Edward stepped into my life was the day I thought maybe there was hope for me. No—it was the day I knew there was. It was the day the future felt like it might offer me something more than a life sentence of emptiness.

"Edward, I feel saved," I said, my voice cracking.

"So do I," he said, taking my hands in his, running his thumb over my engagement ring. Then he bent and kissed the palm of my hand, and then the underside of my wrist.

"So then never think I'd be better off if I'd never met you," I said. "You know that's not true."

"Bella." He paused and looked away, then he leveled a serious look at me. "Tell me why you were swimming all alone out here," he said. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?"

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said. "But I just couldn't wait any longer."

"So you gave up?"

"No," I said. "Absolutely not. I was looking for you."

"You were looking for me way out here?"

"Hala led me out here."

"Who?"

"Hala, the Kermode," I said. "She appeared to me in the fog and I followed her out."

"She led you to drown?"

"No, Edward. She led me to you."

He nodded, wordless, intrigued. "You actually saw her?"

"Yes," I said. "It wasn't the first time."

I had never admitted my visions of Hala to Edward or anyone. That was partly because I wasn't certain I wasn't having a psychotic break, and I didn't want Edward to have Illeana arrange a psychiatric vacation for me. I was reassured when he took me quite seriously.

I told him what I now knew about Hala and her role for the Ani Tsa' gu hi—their belief that she was some kind of spiritual link for them. I talked about Anna Marie's claim that Hala's death created an epic spiritual crisis affecting the entire black bear population of North America.

"You're kidding me," he said. "She's claiming that all black bears are shape shifters?"

"That's what she said—they're all descendants of the tribe."

"They're all human?"

"Yes," I said. "Like a hidden human population."

Then I explained the story of Hala being the protector of the gateway to the next world, and how Hamani crafted a myth about Edward trying to gain entry to it by seducing her. I told him they believed I was Hala in human form, having forgotten my real identity and unable to phase back. And then I told him how Jake was being pressured to find him and kill him. "To steal my memories back," I said. "It's ridiculous. Like that would even be possible."

"But it's what they believe," he said. "You have to take it seriously, Bella."

"I know," I said. "But it's infuriating to me. I had no say in that, and I'm a central part of this new mythology."

"I suppose that's not how it works," he said.

"Edward, it doesn't even make sense. Just for the sake of argument, let's say Jake kills you and fulfills that prediction. How is he actually supposed to get my memories back? If you had them and you died, wouldn't my memories die too?"

"What did Jake say?"

"He said he wasn't going to kill you," I said. "But there's a lot of pressure on him."

"I'm sure," Edward said, looking grim. "We're going to have to stay away from La Push for awhile."

"Fine with me," I said. "I'm happy to just spend eternity in Maui if it comes to that."

"So you've been then?" He smiled. "It's a lovely place to spend eternity, I agree."

Spending eternity with Edward—that concept was beginning to sound real to me. I wanted to grasp it, hold it in my arms, take it inside myself and keep it forever. Not only was I going to marry Edward, I was going to be a vampire with him. Immortal. Forever young.

"I'm ready," I said. "I want to be a vampire now."

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I feel okay," I said, and it was true. I felt normal. "I feel pretty good, considering." I shifted under the blankets and brought my arms out and hugged my knees.

"How much do you want to know about what's going to happen to you after I bite you?"

"Nothing," I said. "I know it will hurt. Just promise you'll stay with me."

"Always," he said, squeezing my hand. "And when it's over and you're immortal, I'll show you a whole new world."

"You already have." I gave him a brave smile, hoping it might take my anxiety down a notch.

Edward leaned over me, took my face in his hands and brushed his thumbs over my cheeks. He held my face and breathed gently, exhaling over me. I inhaled his breath, fresh like daybreak, his scent clearing my mind. Then he kissed me, his lips soft on mine, comforting and reassuring in the face of what I was about to endure.

"If only there was a way to spare you the pain," he said, his jaw tightening.

"I'm not afraid."

"You don't have to be so tough," he said. "This is going to hurt."

"I know," I said. "Bring it." He gave a small laugh.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too."

Edward got up and drew the curtains. He pulled the blankets from me and lay me gently down and looked at my naked body for awhile, his eyes traveling slowly up and down, studying my human form for the last time. Then he lay next to me me and gave me one final, soft, loving kiss, stroking his tongue gently into my mouth, pulling my upper lip between his lips. He kissed my forehead, my eyelids, my nose and then he opened his eyes and looked directly into mine.

"Are you ready for me, Bella?"

"Yes, Edward."

He flipped me to my belly and moved my hair away from my neck and I began to shiver, not from the cold but from anticipation. Excitement. His lips strayed down along my spine and my skin responded to their touch with heat, radiating from each place they made contact. Warmth spread again from my core all the way out to my fingers and toes. I wanted him badly. I wanted him to fuck me, to eat me, to drink me, to take me.

"I need to make you feel good before I can stand to do this to you," he whispered in my ear. I began to moan quietly as he slid his hand between my legs and caressed me there. "Oh, my Bella," he said as his fingers slid over the slickness between my thighs. "How I love your fragile human body, but when I imagine the things I can do to you after…" I gasped as his lips pressed to the base of my spine, just above my tailbone. He dragged his tongue back up until he reached the bottom of my skull and gently sucked the skin at the base of my neck. He held me down, keeping me still as he slipped a finger inside of me, stroking into the damp heat between my legs. I moaned loudly into the berth.

"Drink me," I said, breathing heavily. "Drink my blood while I still have it."

He exhaled strongly and I felt his body tense. "No," he growled in my ear. "That's not safe."

"Please," I said. "I promise you can stop yourself."

"That's not your promise to make," he said. "Lie still now. We're getting close." Then I felt him slip another finger inside of me, sliding and turning, finding that rough spot along the front of me and then stroking deliberately until I was coming hard, all over his hand. "Edward," I called his name, groaning in pleasure.

"That's it, my love," he said. I felt his tongue snake down to where my neck meets my shoulder, cold and hard and deliberate in its touch, tracing a new point of entry for his venom. “You are mine now and forever."

"Yes," I said, breathless, tightening around his fingers. "Forever."

Then his teeth sank into my flesh, quick and deep, not so much tearing as piercing, each tooth a razor slicing into me. I felt my blood rushing to the site of the new wound and as his venom began to course through me, I braced myself for the intolerable pain.

But the pain didn’t come.

It was nothing like the first time he bit me. I could still move. I could still talk.

But I didn’t do these things.

Instead I just lay there on my belly, my eyes clenched shut, waiting. My head began to throb like I'd had a bottle of wine and enough amphetamines to kill a baby whale. I felt heat intensify in every part of my body, but no burn. My muscles contracted, released, expanded, constricted like I was working out. I felt my heart pounding and my blood flowing like a river in a rainstorm.

“Bella?” he asked, his voice tense. “What’s happening?”

“I don’t know,” I cried, opening my eyes.

"What do you feel?"

"It feels like electricity," I said. "I feel like I'm surging or something."

"Your heart is pounding," he said, putting his hand over the middle of my back. "Are you in any pain?"

"No," I said. I rolled over saw the confusion on his face and began to worry. "I'm not in any pain. What does this mean?"

"I don't know," he said. "I've never heard of someone getting that much venom and not being in pain. At the very least you should be paralyzed."

I willed myself to feel pain. For the transformation to begin. "Is anything else changing? Do I look any different?"

"You look flushed," he said. "That shouldn't be happening." He paused, listening, his eyes wandering over my body. "You're in tachycardia."

"What?"

"Your heart… it's racing."

"I know," I said. "I don't think it's working, Edward." I started to panic. How could he inject me with all that venom and it not transform me?

"No, it isn't," he said, gritting his teeth.

“Do it again,” I pleaded.

"I don't think it's a matter of more venom. That hit should have transformed a bison."

"Well, why isn't it working then?"

"Bella, I don't know," he said. "Maybe the first bite I gave you behaved like a vaccine and you developed a resistance."

"A vampire vaccine? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"It's just a theory, okay?" Edward scowled, his brow creased with worry. "We'll watch and see what happens. I need to talk to Carlisle and we'll send for Mercy when we get to Maui. She might be able to sort it out."

I pulled the pillow over my face and gave a frustrated yell into it. Tears began to stream down my face as a realization set in. If I wasn't becoming a vampire now, maybe then I couldn't become a vampire at all. My thoughts began to race along with my relentlessly pounding heart, straying into territory I didn't dare go. I was seeing myself again at Zack's funeral, the coffin, the mourners until it all shifted and it wasn't Zack, but me, dead and gone and Edward withering under the heavy burden of grief.

"Edward, I'm going to die," I said, nearing hysterics.

"What?" he asked. "What's going on? Is it your heart?"

"No, I can see it. I'm going to stay human and die and leave you for all of eternity." I felt like I was on a very bad trip. I gripped the bed until I felt my nails piercing the mattress cover. "God damn it!"

"Bella, calm down," he said, taking my hands in his. I pushed him away and sprang out of bed, away from him.

“Don't marry me,” I said, sobbing. “You need to find a mate that won't die on you," I choked out. "Mercy. You can marry Mercy.”

“Bella, what are you talking about?” he said. "I'm not marrying Mercy."

"Okay then, Tanya," I cried. "She had her fucking head torn off and she didn't die."

“Calm down,” he said. "You're not making any sense."

“I know what it’s like to lose a spouse, Edward,” I said, sobbing more. “I can't do that to you. I won't!”

“Bella, stop it, you're hysterical,” he commanded, now on his feet. He backed me into the wall and gripped my head in his hands, forcing me to look into his eyes. I closed mine. "Look at me," he said. I focused there until I started to breathe normally. Then I noticed my own heart, just the damned relentless beating of it. Edward placed his hand lovingly over it and then kissed me softly on the lips. "First of all, we don't know for sure that you can't be changed. And second? Your love will carry me through all of eternity, no matter how long we have.”

He kissed me again until my tears stopped, my breath deepened and my body went from rigid to soft beneath his touch.

"What are we going to do if I can't change?" I asked, weeping.

"We're going to get married," he said. "And we'll live our lives, just as we planned."

"We planned for me to become a vampire and spend eternity with you," I cried. "I feel like I've failed you."

It was the first time I ever thought I might see Edward cry, and truth is, I think the only reason he didn't is because he couldn't.

"Never," he said. "Don't ever say that, and don't ever think it. I love you exactly how you are and would never change a hair on your head if I wasn't so damned selfish. If you stay human, it will be better for you, and I won't have to worry about you being damned with the rest of us."

"Being damned? Are you insane?" I asked. "There's only one way I can be damned, and that's to be kept apart from you."

"Well, we'll just have to make sure that never happens again, won't we?"

"But it will happen!" I crumpled, curled into a defensive ball and pounded my own head with my fists. Edward knelt down and took me by the wrists and held me securely until I was screaming unintelligibly and heaving sobs so heavy I thought the boat might pitch from the force of my grief. 

Edward held me on the floor until the surge of energy his venom had caused was all spent in agonized wails. He tensed around me, feeling my pain co-mingled with the weight of his own. However brave he was, I knew he was every bit as heartbroken that I might remain mortal.

"I'm so sorry," I said, once I felt calm enough to utter the words. I turned on my knees and stroked his face and placed a gentle kiss just below an eye where I imagined a tear might have fallen under different circumstances.

"Bella, if I get to love you, live with you, breathe with you, marry you and have a family with you, I can't ask for more than that. I won't ask for it. That will sustain me until the very end of days."

Edward brought me to my feet and led me back to the berth. He quickly disrobed and we slipped in between the covers and he held me, his hands exploring with a cool, gentle touch. He took me then, quietly, slowly, deliberately, until all I felt was his complete adoration, the totality of his devotion. He cherished me in the way only impermanent things like visions and dreams and memories can be cherished. He felt me everywhere with his hands, he laid his lips upon every inch of my skin, he inhaled me and spoke in soft words of the future he promised to give me.

"We'll sail down to San Diego and then head west until we hear ukeleles," he said, tracing the outline of my face with his index finger. "Then I'll send for your father and we'll get married right away. After that we can sail as long as you like while we have your storybook house built. How does that sound?"

"It sounds good," I said, stretching beneath him. He kissed me on the nose and smiled.

"Okay, let me make you something to eat and then we'll check the weather and see what kind of sail we're in for. Ready for a little open ocean cruising?"

"Yeah, I think so," I said.

As I thought about the adventure before us—the one that would culminate in my starlit wedding to Edward Cullen, my optimism began to rebound. In his careful, deliberate lovemaking, Edward reminded me that some things about love are eternal, reaching beyond the physical manifestations of our selves. He'd grounded me in that realization, and in the deepest part of my soul I knew this union tapped into something much greater than my small life, or his.

It was something that could not die.

~~~Osa Bella Intermission~~~

Hello ladies, and if you're out there lurking, gents. Myg here, bringing you this dramatic pause in your regularly scheduled Osa Bella update.

Feel free to take this time to go catch up on other things, you know, laundry, re-organizing your shoes, calling your second cousin to wish her good luck on her divorce. Whatever it is you might have otherwise neglected in order to read Chapter 33, I encourage you to go on and do that.

I had to make an executive decision this week whether to kill you all with some fairly evil cliffies or to give you one long-ass chunk of story to finish you off. Yes, I said finish you off. And I meant it.

This is a piece of art called "Cliff Ogres." I'm the one on the right.

I decided to go with the latter course of action because, really, I would fucking hate to be left on the cliff of the next two chapters, personally. There's some fair warning for you. I didn't write this serially, and I don't think it necessarily reads best that way. I feel like to give you all the best reading experience, I need to hand you the last three chapters at once. So that's what I'm going to do. But, I won't have all 15k+/- words of it ready for you until next Saturday. I am sorry for that, but I do think you'll understand my reasoning when you read it.

In other news, Osa Bella and I were nominated for our very first ever fic awards! Am I a douche for bringing that up? I don't know what the proper etiquette is on something like this. We're up for "best all around story" and "best author" rising star awards for the Hidden Star Awards. These awards are for stories who haven't won any or many awards. I'm totally flattered to have been nominated.

Anyway, I can't fucking believe it's almost over, you guys. When it's all said and done, I will have so much to say to you about how incredible writing this story and sharing it with you has been. I am over the moon that I can give a bunch of you real hugs and ass slaps when we all get to Forks.

I've got to stop typing this now, because I've got three fucking chapters to wrestle into shape for my small army of betas (without whom, Osa Bella would be hardly a shadow, a whimper of what she is by the time you read her).

Love and kisses until next Saturday,
Myg