I'm On a Mission From God.

So I am kinda wondering if I am starting to creep myself out a little bit but I really haven't been the same since I wandered to Confessions of a TwiCrack Addict yesterday [and btw Thanks TwiCrack for making yesterday one of the most unproductive days of my life - lol!] and lapsed into a near-catatonic state when I came upon THIS photo:

[I will find an excuse to post this picture at least weekly, ftr.]

Is it wrong of me--at my age--to go weak in the knees like this at the sight of him??? Honestly, I had been thinking that R-Pattz's appeal had been starting to wear off just a teeny tiny bit lately - the fuzzy face and short do' he's been sporting the last few months weren't really doing it for me. So I hadn't planned on being quite so dazzled by the GQ spread. Now I feel like the secretary at Forks High when Edward turns on his persuasive charm: I have all kinds of alarms going off in my head and most of them are shouting "Too young! Too young!!!" Should I consider this a problem that needs immediate attention, or is it like I tell DH when he checks out pretty women: you can keep looking at the menu, you just have to remember that you've already ordered? I mean, I realize I'm not a teenager anymore, but I'm not dead, right? Right?!

OK, I will have to save the moral dilemma for some other time - for now, I am off on my mission to go out and hunt down a copy of that issue of GQ (and maybe some picture frames) and I'm not coming home until I find one (er, better make that "several"). It will be mine!

P.S. If you are too young to get the reference I'm making in the title of this blog, you might be too young to be reading this blog.

P.P.S. My Twi-partner-in-crime and co-blogger JJ has just made me break down and weep openly by confessing to me that she didn't get it. ARRRRGGG!!!

And Here I Thought We Were Being Clever... or Rude.

We here at Twitarded really never expected anyone to even read the stuff we post. It started as a sort of ha-ha-let's-be-silly thing into um-no-I'm-actually-fucking-this-crazy and we've both pretty much let the obsession take over.

Snarkier named this blog. Let that be said now in case we ever get super famous and have a Paris/Nichole falling out or something. Maybe we'd even get out own reality show but... well, we're boring and slightly less pretty than those two sluts. And we're not astonishingly stupid, either.

Anyway, I digress. I thought the Twitarded name was funny and a bit un-PC, something that I'm always a fan of.

From Urban Dictionary:

1.	twitard
	pronounced twi-tard One who takes fandom of Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer, to a level of or beyond obsession. They often flames forum postings trying to defend the book, regardless whether the book was being critiqued negatively or not. They are also prone to using all caps, not checking their spelling/grammar, jumping to conclusions, falling in love with Edward, and biting people's heads of for just saying they didn't like the book.

Ha! We're in the freaking Urban Dictionary now (that means we're, like, totally fucking awesome, right?)

Funnily enough, the person who entered that definition in the UB apparently isn't very Twitarded, after all.

Don't make fun of me and all of my Twitarded friends or I'll give you a paper cut right in front of Jasper...or I'll La Push you off a cliff...or, even better...I'll provoke the Volturra and blame it on you! I am a Twitard!

It's the Volturri, honey. You're not twitarded, you're... just a little slow.

[Snarkier Than You simply cannot resist the temptation to glom on to this post...]

Ahem. Let me just say that I choose to embrace my Twitardedness. I started this blog (now that I've been outed - again!) because we had a conversation that went like this:

Jenny Jerkface: I'm starting a blog - want to write for it?
Snarky: Sure! What's it about??
JJ: You know - my usual - politics, atheism, rants about anything and everything...
S: Cool! I'm in! Can I write about Twilight?!
JJ: Um, maybe once?
S: How about I'll be the special "All Twilight" correspondent on your blog? It'll be awesome!
JJ: Er...ah... Suuuure... On second thought, let me think about it... [turns, runs]

And Twitarded was born! (with JJ in tow, I might add...)

Hopefully I will never take it to the level described in the Urban Dictionary. You'll stop me if I do, right JJ? And you will know because DH will have kicked me out and I will be sleeping on your couch. Speaking of stopping the obsession [ack!! Noooo!! You can't make me!!!], when I wrote "Twilighters Anonymous???" up there in the site description, I didn't even know that there really was a "Twilighters Anonymous" website. Which I now frequent, btw, and it is all kinds of wonderful. Although that site is to Twicovery what an AA meeting with an open bar, jello shots, and beer pong would be to a recovering alcoholic. Just sayin'.

P.S. My boss snuck up behind me as I was writing this and scared the bejesus out of me. I actually jumped and did a full-on Bella-worthy flush. Oh God, I think I just outed myself to my boss!! Wow - it's been quite a week here at Twitarded...

DH Outs Me to the In-Laws!

A week or so ago DH and I went our separate ways (temporarily), off to see our respective families for the day (his mom was visiting from Florida and it was my nephew's birthday, so it had to be done). The following week we (jointly) met up with DH's family en mass for lunch at Maggiano's (yum!). Everyone was there: my mother-in-law, two sisters-in-law and their S/Os, and an assortment of nieces and nephews of varying ages. Now don't get me wrong, I am lucky to have a MIL I adore and she likes me back. Nevertheless, my jaw hit the table when the first thing she did when we had all sat down was to look me straight in the eye and ask "So Debbie, did you bring Edward?" Luckily, I wasn't in the middle of sipping a beverage or anything, because I would have either 1) choked or 2) shot said beverage out my nose (never a good look). Seriously - I was speechless for a moment. This may be because I was absolutely 100% positive that I had never mentioned my Twilight obsession to his family (or mine, for that matter), and DH had conveniently not mentioned that he had outed me in my absence the previous weekend. I shot him an accusing look (his response: "What? I ran out of things to talk about, so...") before admitting to everyone that yes, I actually had brought mini-Edward along for the ride that day. Luckily, Edward's a real charmer and won over the ladies (and some of the boys...) in no time flat--MIL and SIL even posed for a pic!

Edward is Just Such a Sweetheart Sometimes!!

Sometimes Edward just doesn't get the credit he deserves. Not only is he super good looking, with inhuman strength and speed, he's wicked smart too. But wait, there's more to our favorite vampire!! Every day he helps me out, even with the simplest tasks and he never complains or gripes. In fact, he just about falls over himself to help me out.

For example, a couple of weeks ago I went into the store for a bottle of wine and Edward insisted on helping me get it.

After that, we skipped over to the supermarket for some ingredients. I was making a nice veggie pasta that night for ML. Even though he doesn't really think human food is all that appetizing, Edward insisted that I use only the best canned ingredients. He didn't even complain that I had nothing for him to eat (well, nothing that wouldn't kill me, anyway). Instead, he just quietly disappeared while ML and I enjoyed our dinner. What a good sport!

And just the other day I was so bone tired from a long day at the office that Edward offer to go all Spidermonkey for me. I told him no thanks. I mean, I know he has perfect reflexes and moves so fast no one would see him but this is NYC and there is a lot going on! Plus, I was wearing a skirt and that would have been just awkward. He huffed a little at that (he just REALLY likes to care of me) but still was more than happy to hail me a cab.

So, thanks Edward, for being such an awesome dude!

Tina Fey Called It: Robert Pattinson Really IS a Sexy Devil!

OK, maybe R-Patts isn't really Satan, but the Edward action figure is sure as heck sporting a set of devil horns! I happened to notice them last night. Who knew?! OME, you never fail to surprise me...

I present for your consideration Exhibit A at right:

(P.S. Please excuse my shoddy camera skills - I just got a new camera phone and I'm still getting the hang of it. Plus it was ridiculously more difficult to draw on the screen than I had expected it to be. Seriously. Those lame, shakily-drawn arrows you see there were the best of about twenty attempts. Now I know why Perez Hilton sticks mainly to little dots and drips.)

New Moon Contest!!!

I haven't visited the official Twilight site in a few days months (bad Twi fan, bad!) so I was rather surprised when I saw the New Moon contest. Yay, contests! And this one is even better than the other ones I normally sign up for because it doesn't involve white t-shirts or buckets of water! ** Sweet!

The thought process that swiftly followed went roughly like this:
Sweet! Contest. I like winning things... Is there an age limit? Am I beyond the age limit? Even if there isn't an age limit should I try to cling to the last vestiges of dignity I have and NOT enter the contest? I wonder what's for dinner. RPatz is hot. Should I be thinking about things like this?!

When I clicked on 'official rules' I realized that, age limit or not, I was too damn old to enter the stupid, lame, boring old contest. Why?

Because I couldn't read the gah-dammed type, that's why. It was too small. It was super itty fucking bitty. My eyes began to tear, then bleed. I need to borrow my Grandmother's magnifying monitor thingy to read that damn rule list.

Here's a sample:






See? You couldn't read it either!!


** Disclaimer - It's been brought to my attention that some people might not realize I'm being sarcastic about this. I am. For your sake and mine, I would never, ever enter a wet t-shirt contest. Unless there was a lot of money involved...

OME Gets a Lil' Touch-Up

I know that he likes everyone to think his mane is 100% pure & natural bronzed vampire-y goodness, but after Snarky had her red tresses touched up the other night, she noted that mini-Edward's highlights were looking a tad washed out and were possibly in need of a little TLC. [He looks very Lawrence of Arabia/Rudolf Valentino-sexy here, no?? The mini-towel really suits him somehow...]

I guess we need to cut him some slack - after all, he IS a vampire. How could he possibly maintain that perfect "I spend ALL my time in the sun" look we all know and love without a little help? We all know he wouldn't like to make a commotion with the whole sparkle thing by actually spending time soaking up the necessary rays to maintain his sun-kissed locks.

P.S. Somewhere out there in Hollywood-land right now (or one day very soon!), R-Patts is sitting in a fancy-schmancy hair salon with hundreds of pieces of foil springing out from his head, getting his Edward on, pre-New Moon shooting. I for one am really glad that his hair has grown in a bit since the buzz cut and that any moment now he'll be all nice and highlighted again, because he was starting to look like a wookie--or maybe an ewok--there for a little bit (did you see those pics from the Vogue party he attended a few weeks back???). We should also count our lucky stars that Catherine Hardwicke decided not to go for the "long-haired Edward" look - he had the extensions put in and everything, according to the soon-to-be-released Director's Notebook. This is the "timeless" 'do that made Brad Pitt [young Brad Pitt! "Thelma and Louise"-era Brad Pitt - hotter even than present-day DILF Brad Pitt!] and Tom Cruise [who was sorta hot at the time and not totally creepy like he is now] look decidedly icky in "Interview With the Vampire" - whew - crisis averted! Thank you, CH!!! Here's to hoping that everyone now working on NM will continue to show similar good judgment...