Twitarded Has A New Look!!!

OK we realize that nobody is as excited about this as we are but we FINALLY got our very own personalized look here at Twitarded!! This was a major group effort - I cannot give enough thanks to Pillow Biter for taking our artwork and text and making all sorts of buttons and banners that we'll figure out how to use one day!

Seriously - how does the button thing work? I am mystified! Conversation from earlier today:

STY: YAY!! Take a look! Pillow Biter made our button for us!!
JJ: WOO-HOO - that's awesome - we have to do something nice for her...
STY: It's SO nice to finally have one... It's about time!
JJ: Er, do you have any idea how the button actually links to the blog?
STY: [huge pregnant pause] Oh CRAP - I have no fucking idea! Pillow Biiiittterrrr - HEEEELLLPP!!

Anyhoo, we'll figure out the details later! In the meantime, I'm going all Academy-Award-speech for a moment: I'd like to thank PB who locked her kids in the basement sent her kids off to do something wholesome so she could focus her attention on us for a few minutes, and also of course I need to thank DH, who should probably graduate to "Mr. Snarky" status from this point on (with all due respect and props to Mr. Ginger and The League at Twilight-Headed) - he's the one that created our lovely artwork! And I would like to give a shout-out to Anna at Peace. Love. TWILIGHT!, since she offered to help us with this a while ago (unfortunately it took PB creating her own "special" Twitarded button using the pic of Edward and the bright-orange faux-penis to really launch us into action!). Finally, Stewie Twitard helped us with scanning and downloading fonts (all this time you thought we were kidding about being completely technically inept? well, we weren't...).

Let us know what you think!!

P.S. That's me on the left, and JJ on the right. If you see us out and about sometime, make sure you come on over and say "Hello!"

But be forewarned. We bite...

Team "Leave Robert Pattinson Alone!"

BEEPBEEP-BEEP-BEEP-beepbeepbeep!!! We interrupt this normally tawdry blog to bring you the following Special Public Service Announcement (with assistance from The Society for the Protection of Robert Pattinson):

Image from HERE.

There's been a lot of fuss made recently in Twibloggyland over the fact that Robert Pattinson has essentially spent most of his off-set time in Vancouver cowering in his windowless hotel room for fear that should he venture out in public, some crazed TwiFan is going to abscond with him and force him to live in her closet and make beautiful babies. You've probably all seen the recent beseeching "please stop following him" tweets from [purported] cast members, the taken-without-permission photographs, and the over-use of hoodies and sunglasses (R-Patts has commented that his incognito gear is starting to backfire and make him more easily recognizable - things are b-a-d).

Then over the weekend, I got an email--well, a self-proclaimed rant, really-- from Twitarded reader K_InTheFlo who opined that R-Patts was acting glum and might be in need of a celebrity intervention of sorts - one where sex-symbols-of-years-past (Cruise, Pitt, Depp - even Nicholson! we went deep...) would offer him some of their collective wisdom on how to handle his relatively-new-found fame (her suggestion for the title of the Robert Pattinson documentary: "How to Deal" - lol!). We emailed back and forth a few times discussing it, and we both ultimately agreed that we feel bad for poor Robward. I mean, if I had been able to use modern technology to stalk a 21-Jump-Street-era Johnny Depp, I probably would have dropped out of school to pursue him. But it wasn't an option. But in this day and age, we almost expect 24/7 access to the lives of celebs. Whether they are freshly exploding onto the scene or imploding after a few too many years in the spotlight, we expect to see it all, and we're desensitized. Being a recognizable actor involves an inherent degree of privacy loss (being hot isn't helping him in this area), but I think it's time that some of the stalkers and paparazzi take a few giant steps backward. He's done practically nothing else for the better part of the last year but promote Twilight, the DVD, and then got right to work on New Moon, and frankly I don't think we can blame him for wanting a little breathing room. The fact that he's still so unfailingly gracious to all the Twifans is really commendable, actually (and is one of the reasons all of us remain so smitten - sigh... way to duel the fire, Rob...).

I would normally find some relevant photos and I know that there are plenty of "incognito-hidey-Robward" pics out there, but I am not going to post any of them here. That's right: we have principles here at Twitarded. Selective principles, but still.

On a funnier note, all of this DID remind me of this classic YouTube vid that was made sometime around the time of the TwiCon '08 furor, prior to the movie was released, at about the time that folks started to realize holy crap these fans are totally bat-shit crazy!!

From "SaveRobward" -





(If you want to see more, this is the abbreviated version, believe it or not...)

And as usual when I am on YouTube hunting for a specific video, I see something shiny and wind up inexplicably killing an hour or two watching fan-made Twilight movie trailers, cats on treadmills, and sleepwalking dogs. But when I came across this video, I knew I had to share. It's kinda choppy and vaguely annoying, but when I got to the "Say hello to my leeettle friend" part, I nearly choked (you've been warned). Obviously this is #3 in a series and if you like it I would highly recommend watching the other two, because they're also pretty funny (maybe even better than this one but I can't resist a good "Scarface" reference), and hell, you didn't feel like accomplishing anything today anyway, did you? Good. Enjoy!

Twilight Widowers Anonymous

Every now and then, when I look up from the computer or a Twilight book, I get a little pang of guilt at seeing ML eating dinner all alone on the couch. Mind you, it's a teeny little pang, but it's there nonetheless.

And I know he's not alone. I know there are thousands of women that are, at this very moment, glued to a computer, sucking down as much Twi information as they possibly can. Others are probably buried in Eclipse for the sixteenth time, analyzing the exchange between Jacob and Edward in the 'tent scene' and leaving their significant others to languish alone in the other room.

Oh, let's be real here - we're just looking for another glimpse of Robward's hotness.

We are thankful our S/Os haven't burned our books and DVDs because it would really suck having to clean up the blood and hide their bodies but I'm sure some of you, like me, do get a twinge every now and again that isn't related to Twilight.

It is an addiction, ladies. An all-consuming, all-encompassing addition. Our loved ones need help as we battle feed our addiction by ingesting copious amounts of photography featuring Robward, Jacksper and Kemmet. We don't need them hovering around us while we drool on the keyboard, do we? Of course not!

Mmm... Robward...

That's where Twilight Widowers Anonymous comes in. Hubby panting down your neck because you haven't spoken to him about non-Twilight related things in two weeks? Send him to TWA! Of course, this only works if you have two computers. If you don't, make sure you SO never sees this post.

In all honesty, this guy is hysterical. He's got a fantastic sense of humor. And patience, apparently, since he's married to Twifanatic.

Actually, now that I think about it, perhaps we shouldn't let word spread... this could end badly for all us Twitards.

But Twilight Widower, please let us know if you are available for play-dates with other Twilight Widows - ours are well-behaved (usually), witty, and will bring their own booze. They are also currently bored out of their skulls and would likely welcome the distraction. Just don't even think about plotting against us. Remember, you are vastly outnumbered and we will crush you if need be. : )

The Video That SHOULD Have Won The New Moon Contest

So today (or yesterday - one of those - but since this is Twitarded and as you know we're perpetually late, it's probably the latter...) Summit Entertainment announced the winner of the New Moon "Be A Part of the Movie" contest. We knew a little bit about the contest itself mostly because JJ posted something about her thought process upon learning of it: "Sweet! Contest. I like winning things... Is there an age limit? Am I beyond the age limit? Even if there isn't an age limit should I try to cling to the last vestiges of dignity I have and NOT enter the contest? I wonder what's for dinner. RPatz is hot. Should I be thinking about things like this?!" - see her original post here if you'd like to take a gander - and consequently we got a TON of traffic from people looking for info on the contest. Sorry, people who wanted legit official rules and stuff!

Anyway, the unicorn they ultimately chose as the winner had made a humorous rappin'-white-boy video. It's cute. But honestly, after reading about another one of the entries on Letters to Twilight today, I gotta say that they picked the wrong submission. I'm not trying to diss the guy who won, but it seems like maybe Summit doesn't have the best grasp of their audience. Or they just don't care. Because if the contest winner had been chosen by the fans/popular vote, I think Rachel's submission would have won. Click here and scroll over to Rachel's name to view.


Beautiful, right? It really captures the essence of New Moon and what makes it so special, imho.

Long story [not so] short, UC and Moon over at LTT are trying to track down this person, to thank her and send her a little from-the-heart consolation prize. I doubt that anyone here at Twitarded missed the LTT post (hey I read and comment over there, too, and I see some familiar names and faces in the mix!), but I'll do my part to get the word out, just in case. Rachel, phone LTT!

Edward Mini Makes Me Eat My Own Words

Damn him.

This entire incident happened a while ago (Twitardy, remember?) but the computer that these pictures were stored on has been on the fritz. As in, not fecking working. Seeing as how my computer trouble-shooting knowledge is 're-boot, re-boot, re-boot. Fuck. Didn't work.' it's sort of a miracle I managed to pull these up.

Anyhoo. There is a bit of a back story to these pictures.

This is Soundwave. Soundwave is a Transformer. He's probably about twenty years old and he belongs to ML. When we first moved in to our apartment, ML plopped Soundwave on our bookshelf...

You have to squint, sorry. We apparently read in the dark.

Me - What the hell is that?

ML - Soundwave. He's a Transformer.

Me - I know what he is. Why is he on our bookshelf?

ML - He looks cool there.

Me - {rolls eyes} It's a toy, ML. What are we - ten? This is a grown up apartment. Can't you put him with in the back room with your Star Wars and John Wayne posters?

ML - It's Clint Eastwood, not John Wayne

Me - Same thing.

Yeah, I'm a bitch. I'm pretty sure that one day ML is going to smother me with a pillow or something. For whatever reason, Soundwave never made it to the back room and I never really pushed him on it (see: pillow smothering reference).

Fast forward a year or so. STY and I are in my apartment.

Me - Holy fecking shit!!! You got an Edward doll?! You ROCK!!!

STY - {Jumping up and down like a five year old tweaked out on chocolate cake} I got one for you, too!!

Me - {Squeals} This is AWESOME!! Ooh, let me get my phone so we can take a picture of him.

{ML wanders in, warily.} What's going on?

Me - {waves Edward in his face} STY got me an Edward doll.

{ML stares for about 10 seconds, rolls his eyes and then gets this very sinister looking smile on his face and walks out}

Later on that night...

Me - Where's Edward?

ML - Who?

Me - {{Sigh}} Edward. I need to put him in my bag so I can take him to work tomorrow.

ML - Oh. I put him on the bookshelf... next to Soundwave.

Me - Oh, thanks. {Stops. Recalls previous conversation. Grimaces} Oh. oh.

ML - {with that damn grin again} What are we - ten? Why don't you put Edward in the back room...

Me - This is different!! Totally different!! {Grumbles and shoves Edward in purse}

And yes, I am ten, apparently, because I decided that Soundwave and Edward needed to have a fight to the death.

The fight was much more brutal then it looks...

Naturally, Edward won. And yes, Soundwave is still smugly sitting on my bookshelf. Apparently if I have a toy, ML gets one too...

ML wandered by as I was getting ready to post this ...
"Hey, ML, so, let's say Edward the sparkly vampire and Soundwave are, like, dueling to the death," I say. "Who do you think would win?"
ML pauses, considering this with a very serious look on his face.
"You'd have to check Soundwave's stats and special powers." he says. "It would really depend on that."
Then he walked away to take the garbage out.

I love that man.

Exclusive Breaking Dawn Sneak Preview! [Spoiler]

Ah, yes, it's Saturday! And because I'm a mature, responsible adult, I've been utilizing my time efficiently by cleaning, cooking, food shopping, trolling YouTube for my daily Twilight fix. Er, I mean the fix after the one I get from making the rounds to all the blogs and websites we follow. I guess I need a lot of fixes. Or professional help. One of those. Anyhoo, some of the videos people post on there are LMFAO-hysterical, others...not so much. A few were downright dismal--bafflingly bad, even. However, I stumbled across this lovely little gem and it's definitely snortle-worthy (not sure how I feel about the music, but it's worth it - trust me).

This actually may be the only way that they will be able to get Breaking Dawn made without getting an NC-17 rating, so would-be screenwriters and directors, pay attention!



When I had wiped away the tears and fully recovered from that one, I remembered that lovely mmMoxie once sent us a link to another video that, I kid you not, had me pounding my fist on the desk because I was laughing so hard it hurt.

Like just about everything we've put up on Twitarded of late (but for entirely different reasons), this video is potentially offensive to almost everyone, so naturally, I asked JJ's opinion on whether or not I should put it out there. We all know that JJ is very sensitive to content that might be inappropriate...

STY - I'm thinking about posting the Hitler video...
JJ - Yes! Do it!
STY - But do you think that would offend people???
JJ - Are you seriously asking me that? In case you missed it, I posted a picture of Edward with a dildo. I might not be the best litmus test for offensiveness...
STY - Point taken. Regardless, I guess if we can post a picture of Edward with a fluorescent-orange vibrator, we can post the Hitler video. One week, two dicks!

So, here goes. And thanks again, mmMoxie! [mM, I don't think you are a Twitarded follower - gasp! - but I wanted to give credit where it's due!]

Robward, Jacksper, Taycob, Kemmett: When Did This Line Get So Blurry???

I'm lookin' at YOU, missy!

OK, ladies [cough-cough] - let's all settle down a little bit and show a little decency for a change, shall we? Just for a few minutes. Hey! You there in the back--looking away furtively--I see you! Pay attention! We'll still have fun and if I have to somehow find a way to include "love custard" in every post I write from now on I'll do it, but nobody really wants that, do they??? Don't worry - even if things are more PG for the moment, it will give everyone a chance to take a break from all that heavy breathing you've been doing of late (trust me, I know all about it).

Moving on...

Back in the relatively-recent-past when I was still sane and had first discovered Twilight, I used to say - with all sincerity - that I was only enamored of the characters in the book and that was absolutely it. Sure, I thought some of the actors that had been cast in the movie were damn easy on the eye or whatever, but I told DH with a straight face and in all sincerity that I was absolutely only interested in the books and the characters in them - not the actors. The actors brought the story to life, but it was still just about Edward, Jasper and the whole hot make-believe clan.

And yet here it is six or seven months later, and I've somehow posted more than one "SQUEEEE!!!"-type post here at Twitarded that was all R-Patts, all the time. How could I not?? And suddenly, JJ and I are debating how icky it is to think that maybe Taylor Lautner is looking pretty buff these days. Actually, we're not even so sure that's legal, what with him being seventeen and all (please tell me he will no longer be a minor when the movie comes out).*

Somehow in the past several months the line between actor and character has become blurred. It's no longer Edward/RPattz - it's Robward. Jackson/Jasper? Jacksper (and btw we LOVE watching him do that baseball bat twirly thingy. You are a hottie, Jacksper!). It was insidious, creeping up on us so slowly we didn't even notice until one day I was relaxing on my Edward pillow while making out with the cover of GQ... Or was I relaxing on my copy of GQ while making out with the Edward pillow??? Oh, whatever...

Jacksper says "relax."

And hey, speaking of Jacksper, did you hear that his band will be in town soon??? Suddenly we're talking about how we'll swing the trip to the 100 Monkeys show in some town I've never been to and will probably get lost trying to find (GPS or no) in south Jersey... And I have to ask: what the fuck happened to me??? I guess this is what being Twitarded is really all about...

Jacksper, Ashlice, and Kemmett, chillin' Cullen-style.

photo from here.

*I tried to find a Taycob pic and then a Taylor pic but after much searching I just felt like a dirty pedophile and called it a night.

Note: Somehow this whole thing doesn't transfer over to Kristen Stewart... There's just no "Krella" [sounds like a monster] or "Belsten" [sounds like a British butler] - nope, doesn't work. Sorry, K-Stew.

Krella, get yer evil claw outta Robward's mouth!

P.S. I know I am trying to keep it clean here today, but I just want everyone to know that I had to look at a LOT of smut to find a non-porno image of a "stern schoolmarm."