Summit once again raises the bar on complete and utter douchbaggery

[Well, not really. Not yet, anyway but it's only a matter of time so...]

Oh, Summit, how we love your tyrannical ways. We thought it was awesome how you took down our merchandise from Zazzle because it had OUR logo on it. You, dear Summit, are the Machiavelli of the movie industry. Out of 1 to 10 on the Douchebag-of-Epic-Proportions Scale (patent pending, bitches!), you rate in at 16. You must be so proud.

I don't own this, I swear! I'm in no way, shape or form attempting to use this logo as my own! Please don't send me to jail for this, Scummit.

We actually didn't think you could break your record of extreme asshole-ry but it turns out we were wrong. Apparently some woman spent a few days in the slammer for filming a short clip of New Moon. From the article:

The Chicago, Illinois-area woman captured three minutes of the film on her video camera while taping part of her sister's surprise party at a Muvico theater in Rosemont.

Theater managers contacted police, who arrested Tumpach. She spent two days in jail. Now she faces a felony charge of illegally copying a movie.

Okay, okay, maybe this wasn't Summit's doing. Whatev. The nice thing about NOT being a news blog is that I can spout my conspiracy theories until the cows come home. Or the fat lady sings. Or RPattz decides he wants to horizontal tango with me.

Anyway. Now, here's the thing: if this chick was there to videotape the entire film and sell it, then yes, I would say "sucks to be you, you fucking moron. Don't drop the soap in prison."

Just like, for example, the dude who bought an extra ticket for the New Moon premiere fundraiser we attended not too long ago.

First of all, the dude stuck out like a sore thumb mainly because he, um, like, had a penis AND it was obvious he was not there with someone who was in possession of a vagina. He was also acting a little squirrely - you know, fidgeting, doing his Best Bella, fixing the fucking recording device he clearly had nestled in his hood... that sort of thing. To be fair, I really didn't even notice him until STY and Sister Snarky pointed him out and that was just after the cops threatened to cut off anyone's fingers if they were caught with a recording device. Two seconds later, the doors opened and a high pitched keening that could be heard from Mars erupted. Mr. Movie Pirate Guy clutched his ears and went fetal and maybe cried a little and it was totally obvious HE HAD NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT HE HAD GOTTEN HIMSELF INTO.

Sucker.

But this chick? She wasn't like Mr. Movie Pirate Guy. According to the article, she caught the three minutes of film...while videotaping her sister's surprise birthday party.

I was blinded by Jacob's white teeth and mesmerized by his abs... I swear I didn't even know the film was rolling...

Also according to this article:

"The motion picture industry has encouraged theater owners to adopt a 'zero-tolerance' policy prohibiting the video or audio recording of any portion of a movie," Muvico Entertainment, which oversees the theater, told HLN's "Prime News."

Hey, I think piracy is a shitty thing to do, don't get me wrong. But what this chick was doing wasn't piracy. Has Summit gotten involved yet? Nope, not as far as I can tell. However, given their track record of being, um, twatty, I doubt they're going to be all butterflies and daisies about this. In fact I picture it going something like this...

Minion at Scummit - Sir, there's been a report that a woman who was taping her sister's surprise party also capture some images of the film New Moon...

Some VIP douche at Scummit - Let's waterboard the bitch before we execute her. [Rubs hands together in a way that only evil villains can do] By the way, have we threatened to sue any bloggers for making up their own logos that have nothing to do with us today?

Minion - uhh, um, no, sir.

VIP - What am I paying you for?! We own EVERYTHING, remember? Go ruin someone's day before I have YOU arrested for copyright infringement!!!

"Hope you enjoy the mooooooovie!!!"

Now, I know that our opinion of Summit entertainment lingers somewhere along the lines of a pile of stinking shit but I doubt they are going to just let this go. I think that any other studio would just wipe their hands of this and chalk it up to this chick must making an unfortunate mistake. I mean, she already spent TWO nights in jail. For catching two snippets of the movie on her video camera... while taping her sister's party...

Summit? I doubt it. What do you think?

P.S. I HAD to go back and add this killer pic made by Amcas @ Why Not? Twilgiht, RPattz and Me - love it! We bow to your pic-manipulating superiority - thanks!!

The RPattz Paparazzi Pictures You WANT to See...

Okay. So by now I'm sure that all of you have heard about and/or seen those fuck-awful pap pictures of poor Robert Pattinson trying to have a boy's night out. Honestly, we feel bad for the guy. But, being who we are, we feel compelled to address this situation in the only way we know how: by fucking making fun of it.

Speaking of the "paps", I find it humorous that the nickname for them is the same thing we ladies have to endure once a year. So, basically, the paparazzi are to RPattz what a freezing cold speculum and a set of stirrups are to us.

Anyhoo. You know us: we love us some Robert Pattinson. You can't commit to the time suck that is being a Twilight blogger without feeling the luuuurrrv. But, as everyone who has been paying attention for a little while knows, we poke fun at everything. No exceptions. When the shit hits the fan, the fan makes shitty jokes.

That being said, since we're just as shameless as the next person, when we heard that, er, RPattz [cough**OPattz**cough] was in town, we decided we were gonna beat those paps fuckers at their own game. Frankly, I think our stalk-y efforts yielded superior results! We're not gonna quit our lame day jobs, but if we did , those assholes better watch their backs.

Plus, we'd rather you check these out instead of those other fucking photos.

I mean, seriously, we hounded poor OPattz...

We snapped pics of him "takin' care of bizness"


Doin' his laundry...

Hangin' with some celebs...

Chillin' at home with his peeps...



We even got him headin' into his new "home base" where someone cough**KStew**cough may be waiting!




In the end, despite the fact that OPattz was more than a little pissed that we made him drop his shit, he was nice enough to show us some of his mad shiznit dancin' skillz.

We heart you, OPattz!!

Twidom To The Paparazzi: Leave Robert Pattinson Alone!

Here at Twitarded, we usually either slack on the weekends or find some cute/smexy/lol-funny/adorkalicious videos to post. But late this afternoon (ok it might have been late this morning but whatevs - we were both home nursing mild-ish hangovers from last nights get-together at my place) I got an email from Jenny Jerkface:

This is from Thinking of Rob Twitter - we need to participate!

1. We need you guys to take a pic of yourself with your arms across your face or hiding. We'll post them on ToR and say "He doesn't want this"
   
2. We're doing a special post at ToR. @emscharitykiss gave us a great idea. To protest pap pics here's what we're going to do:

So here's the scoop: the next few months are going to be fairly Rob-less. Yes, it hurts me too, but let's just admit it and know that somehow we'll get through it together. Sure, there will be the Remember Me to-do and maybe a little DVD promotional action, but we've been spoiled and we miss The Precious after last month's Rob-O-Rama. Sadly, the paparazzi are all too happy to feed on our desire for more Rob and I imagine that the price paid for Rob pics rises exponentially as he spends more time avoiding the spotlight and trying to catch a much-deserved break.

I get that being a movie star means people want to see your picture, whether you are on the red carpet or taking out your trash. And he's been very gracious about the whole thing - more so than most people would be! But it seems that the paparazzi are getting more and more aggressive every year, and their parasitic behavior has just gotten out of control. I don't want to see RPatts becoming any more of a shut-in [I typed "shit-in" but caught it - ha!], and I know that you guys want no part of feeding this ugly machine, either. Most Twiblogs already avoid pap shots for the most part - at least the ones that are clearly intrusive and unwelcome.

So here's the point of this ramble: Thinking of Rob had an awesome "let's band together and use the Twidom Force" idea! Take a picture of yourself in your best "LEAVE ME ALONE YOU FUCKING PARASITES!"-anti-paparazzi pose. Email it to ThinkingOfRob@hotmail.com. They'll be posted on ToR to get the message out: He doesn't want this and neither do we.

Pictures below were posted earlier - mine too! - there were hundreds and they just keep coming... The response was so overwhelming that her blog crashed and tech folk had to be called in to remedy the situation. So what are you waiting for?! Grab your camera and snap away! Late-nite drunk pics are THE BEST! Um, not that I would know... Nope, no hair-of-the-dog Saturday night hijinks for me! Yeaaaah... Er, anyway - send your pics to ThinkingOfRob@hotmail.com - include your Twitter name or blog/website and get the word out if you have the means!

Robert Pattinson doesn't want this and neither do we!

Is It Too Soon To Be Planning My New Moon DVD Release Party???

Total-win mock-ups (this and below) that will likely shame whatever crap Scummit puts together - compliments of Apinea via My TwiLife and TwiCrack Addict.

I've been watching and rewatching my Twilight DVD recently (and I FINALLY listened to the commentary - twice! - and was cracking up! and yes I lurv Adork-a-Robward that much more now...) and it suddenly occurred to me that the New Moon DVD can't be that far off! Of course I was figuring that it would come out before the June release of Eclipse [can you say "Twiple Feature"?!] but then did some calculating and figured that since the Twilight DVD came out on March 21st, the New Moon DVD release should be right around the same time! Wooo!! Just around the corner! Sort of...

That bitch did it again. Dammit.

This is JJ last year in Texas when she should have been here with me... for the DVD release. Did I mention she's a total fucking two-timing twatwaffling donkey-sucking bitch? I love her, but it's true.

Last year when the DVD came out, Jenny Jerkface ditched me and ran off to SXSW with Mini-Edward! I was distraught! I couldn't even go to the Hot Topic midnight DVD release party! OK, truth be told, I wasn't sure if I would have went to the release party at Hot Topic. But I am unquestionably and irrevocably out of the Twi closet now and damn it, I'm going this year! When that teen behind the counter at Hot Topic hands me my invite, I am not going to get all sheepish and scurry out of the store without making eye contact! I'm gonna look right at him and say "Thanks!!! I'll be the older chick dressed as Bella! See you then!!!"

This disc and I have a hot date in March!

Er, but here's the potential catch: JJ is going to SXSW again this year. She JUST booked her hotel room. And finding a hotel room for SXSW is like finding the Holy Grail. I should be happy for her. But I'm not.

I'm selfish and I want her to be here. No excuses, no matter what the cool cause.

We had the following email convo today:

Snarkier Than You: When is SXSW?

Jenny Jerkface: 3/17-3/21 - why?

STY: because if they release the dvd the same time they did last year and you're not here i'm going to freak the fuck out on you, that's why.

JJ: Oh. Crap. Yeah, probably they will. Please don’t hate me. Gizmo will keep you company! I'll get an early flight back!

STY: You better! and i will count you in for the midnight hot topic dvd release party this time?! Fan-freaking-tastic! because i would have been really really REALLY PISSED if you'd ditched me two years in a row. if my twi-partner-in-crime wants want to ditch me two years straight for SXSW, she'd better start a fucking band, STAT.

JJ: I just told on you to my Mom. LOL!

STY: if you're not around on the DVD release date, I'm gonna ask your mom to be my new Twi-bff. So there. you can't keep us apart forever.

If JJ is away this year, I am yanking her admin rights and replacing her... Or painting her house red and black in her absence and getting a giant inflatable wolf to put in her front yard. And maybe some some wolf-pack standees... and a naked Edward (don't you worry how - I'll fucking make it happen! Scorned Snarky is extremely resourceful!!).

What do you think you'll do for the release of the NM DVD?? How does it compare to last year?? Tell us all about it in the comments! And if anyone wants to preemptively apply to be my new Twi-Partner in Crime (I had zero takers last year but we have more than three followers this time around so my prospects are exponentially better...), you know how to get in touch with me...

Mini-Edward Gets Neglected! How Did This Happen?!

It occurred to me recently that while I never travel anywhere without Mini-Edward, he has been horribly neglected these last few months. In my defense, he goes with me everywhere! He's endlessly entertaining when I'm left waiting in random doctor's offices and even let me hold his cold little hand for comfort when I landed in the ER a few months back (but all the blood and IVs make him a little edgy...er, me, too, for that matter). But lately, I just forget that he is in his special little Twilight pencil case Awesome-Twi-Action-Figure Tote rolling around in my handbag. I mean, he went to the New Moon premiere (natch!! he was even on my list of important things not to forget along with the tickets and booze!) and he only made one brief cameo in the deserving clutches of "The Hands of Twilight." And we were there - lollygagging around - for hours and hours... In hindsight, I felt kinda bad. Granted, I was pretty hopped up that night - I practically forgot my own name and if pressed I may have called myself Jenny Snarkface or Snarkier Than Jerks or something like that. I get anxious easily - what can I say?


All I can say at this point is...I'm sorry Mini-Edward! When you and your North Side of Town doppelganger [aka JJ's Mini-E] first came into our lives, we took advantage of every possible photo opportunity. Hell - we made photo ops every chance we had! Before we even started blogging (er, or at least when we first started the blog), we were just taking pics and sending them to each other. Then if finally occurred to us that it might be funny to other people and needed to be shared with the three other people who were reading Twitarded in the early months of this year.

Mayhem ensued...

He's been our best drinking buddy...

...and sometimes he over-indulges.

He likes his hair done "just so" - this is post-highlights!

Plus he's a very good instructor.

He's not afraid of needles or tattoos...

...and he always lends a hand at the office.

Knows how to deal with a bear!

and "borrow" a car...

...plus make new friends...

of ALL sorts!

And then... Well, I don't really know what happened... FanFic? New Moon? The life-sucking force that is Real Life? Who knows... What i DO know it that I am repentant and am going to make amends. You will be seeing a lot of Mini-E in the near future. Starting...NOW!

Don't judge. I still love STY even if she's been distracted...

This is a nice segue for me (score! I love it when a plan comes together...), because I want to give a lame-but-heartfelt mea-culpa/apology to all those folks who donated to the Auction/ALSF kitty and are still waiting for their buttons - and to the folks who bought buttons in the last week or two-ish...

Buttons are on the way! Errr...almost all of them! We like to be inclusive here at Twitarded and we'll tell you what's going on even when we've fucked up. Although in this case, I place at least part of the blame for the delay on the good ol' United States Postal Service.

Long story short-ish... Or not - ok fuck it here's the scoop and it's long:

I didn't consider how many buttons I'd be mailing out when I said that everyone who donated ten bucks or more would get one - and I KNEW that we wanted to raise thousands of dollars! Yup - my degree is in English. Not math. And sometimes I am short on common sense... Oops. [But just so you all know, we donated more than $3,100 to The Fandom Gives Back/Alex's Lemonade Stand - thanks!!! - and TFGB has raised more than $87,000 in total - wooo!!! I still get a little teary over this amazing show of support... I am blown away!]

I used up every envelope and piece of stationary I own and then attacked my greeting card stash (those of you who get a random birthday or Mother's Day card, you've been warned). Things got hinky.

I ran out of buttons. Twice. The bag of envelopes you see Mini-E chillin' with above is round three and there are a LOT of envelopes in there! I still have about forty people to get to (I'll have to wait for the next batch of buttons to send them - sorry!!).

The post office - or should I say the two people at the counter this week who are NOT my usual folks - totally screwed me and suddenly wanted to charge me double what I'd been spending to mail buttons (over $1 in the US and more than $2 for international - AND I had to fill out customs declarations for every non-US letter. fml!). So I have been lurking around trying to get in there when my usual peeps are manning the counter...

So, it was a little bit of a debacle and I'm sorry to keep everyone waiting... Thanks for being patient! Fine, I know nobody is patient these days but at least now you know that they're on their way so maybe you can stop cussing me out. Over this, anyway.

Twitarded Gifts, Goodies and Some Mad Photoshop Skillz...

If you squint you'll see that my birthday cake has Edward's name... and mine written over it. Squee - that means we're meant to be, right? Right?!

So, it's December. New Moon has come on and gone [well, the premiere, anyway], my birthday has passed, and Thanksgiving has left me with limited clothing options since apparently stuffing a shit-ton of turkey, mashed potatoes and a variety of pies, cakes, and pastries into your maw makes you plump up until you look like a fucking Weeble Wobble.

Weebles wobble but they don't... oh just shut up, whore. Pass me another piece of pumpkin pie.

Anyhoo, I was recently ransacking the spoils of my birthday/holiday season and realized that being a Twitard makes for some amazingly awesome gifts.

Like the one from VitaminR70, for example. VitaminR has been on the Twitarded scene since day one. I don't think I can even remember a time when she wasn't commenting on our blog and she even sent Snarkier Than You and I some special Sniffs tissues way back when, in preparation of New Moon. [STY note - So I was out with Mr. Snarky the other day and he sniffles and then asks me if I have a tissue... I actually paused because I knew that the only ones I had on me were these special "meant for sopping up tears and snot spilled at New Moon ONLY" and I wasn't sure I wanted to give him one. Actually, I said "Um, nope - sorry..." and then realized I was being the worst wife EVER and relented. Grudgingly. I am not sure he was sufficiently appreciative of honking into the "she liked imaginary men the best of all" Sniffs, either.]

Incidentally, both necklaces were made with an "R" Scrabble tile. Very fitting.

This time she was awesome enough to send us some adorable cupcake necklaces [homage to Clipped Wings & Inked Armor] AND two tall boys of honest-to-fucking-goodness Rainier beer, which I ripped out of STY's paws, growling and slavering like a vicious werewolf. Well, not slavering, I guess. Maybe just drooling a little.

Nom, nom, nom

It doesn't end there - Texas Katherine [affectionately known as TK or Bitchface] was also sweet enough to send us a little sumpthin' for the b-days. It was an astounding array of Twi-related goodness which included Toblerone [shout-out to Emancipation Proclamation - yup, fan fiction pwns us.], Crazy Core Skittles [which I secretly hate her for because now I'm officially fucking addicted - see first paragraph] and a card that sings to me whenever I open it, which is often because I'm a freak.

Plus, it annoys the shit out of ML so that's a double-score.

Opening TK's box was like opening a fucking treasure chest of Twilight-y goodness

Hellooooo crack. I would have taken a picture of the actual bag but it disintegrated from me licking it constantly.

Even the non-Twitards got me Twi-related goodies.

This is a "meanbag" from etsy - given to me by none other than the fine Mrs. OPattz. You might remember her husband from this post.

It's perfect for me! Damn, she knows me well. One day soon, ML or STY will probably become very intimate with this Meanbag. Every time I pick it up it hisses, "aim for the face, you pussy!! THE FAAAAAACE!!!" I have refrained thus far but the temptation is overwhelming...

Mrs. OPattz also made me a card that said something along the lines of "Remember when I told you I hated you? Oh wait, that was the other way around!!" It was cute. And totally true. I'm such a bitch.

Shit, even Mommy (not a)Jerkface got into it. Last week we finally got together for a small birthday celebration and I found this picture in my card:


I'm not sure what's funnier - the fact that my mom took the time out to photoshop this [and it's MUCH better than anything I could even attempt to do] or the fact that, when I asked her to send me the jpeg, she titled it "in your dreams..."

Basking In The New Moon Afterglow...Or Not?

You can't turn away from me for a second...Stop pretending.

In the build-up to the release of New Moon, things seems almost unbearably exciting. The anticipation was palpable - the blogosphere practically crackled with energy and people questioned whether they might have some sort of mental breakdown on The Big Day or in the days leading up to it [well, except for JJ, who was concerned she was going to crap herself. That's my girl...{{{sigh}}}]. The feeling was comparable to that of being ten years old and having Christmas, a trip to Disney World, and the last day of school all rolled into one breathtakingly stupendous super-event! (Er, except we're NOT ten years old and the event in question stars a panty-soaking hottie.)

Aaaaaand now it's over.

**cricket**cricket**cricket**

So how are we doing now?

In the days after seeing the movie, I felt the anti-climax set in... Was the honeymoon over??? Now what??? Perhaps the fact the Thanksgiving was just around the corner kept people from immersing themselves right back into the Twidom. Or maybe the holiday was a convenient reason to take a breather and recharge the Twilight batteries... JJ and I were around, but things seemed a little quiet...

What do you think? I know that like me, most of you - whether you have a blog or not - spend an inordinate amount of time online pursuing all things Twilight (and yes, "all things Twilight" includes spending hours and hours looking at hot pics of RPatts and storing them in that secret folder on your computer). Even when I'm not online, I'm still thinkin' about Twilight and blogging (there is apparently no "On/Off" switch for this, or if there is, mine is stuck). Have you been cutting back lately? On a crash Twiet?? Thinking maybe you need to sneak a non-vampy book into your Twilight Saga rotation??? Or are you already starting to build up to Eclipse--with a nice big dash of Rob-a-licious "Remember Me" thrown in to help pass the time between now and June?

Let us know what you think! Are you still burning at a wolfy 108 degrees? Are you cooling off like Edward and his sparklepeen??? Answer the poll below and then tell us what you think in the comments!