We're Sorry: The Blog You're Looking For Has Been Shut Down

Normally we don't get into politics here but this one affects ALL of us.

In solidarity and protest against SOPA and PIPA, Twitarded is joining the big wigs of the internets like Reddit, Wikipedia, Boing Boing and hundreds (if not thousands) of other sites and blogs by going on strike tomorrow, January 18th from 8:00 am to 8:00 pm.

SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act) could have a devastating effect on numerous websites, even little ones like ourselves. We are taking a stand against Censorship and urging everyone to educate themselves on this bill and contact your representatives if you agree that SOPA is a really bad fucking idea.

Why is it so bad? (Excerpt taken from here)

The broad definitions in the bill create tremendous uncertainty for nearly every site online. This sounds like hyperbole, but it is not. Defenders of the bill like to claim that it is "narrowly focused" on foreign rogue infringing sites. Nothing could be further from the truth. While PIPA targets only foreign sites, the mechanism by which it does so is to put tremendous compliance and liability on third party service providers in the US. SOPA goes even further in expanding the private right of action to domestic sites as well. We've already seen how such laws can be abused by looking at how frequently false takedown claims are made under the existing DMCA. Of course, under the DMCA, just the content is blocked. Under SOPA all money to a site can be cut off. Under PIPA sites will just end up in court. Or, with both laws, an Attorney General can take action leading US companies to have to effectively act as network nannies trying to keep infringement from being accessible. None of this is good for anyone building a startup company these days. The massive uncertainty around this, combined with the need for a huge legal department sitting in "the garage" as a startup begins, will certainly slow down the pace of innovation in the US, while likely driving it elsewhere.

While it's true that our President has said he will not allow the SOPA bill to pass (but PIPA is still alive and kicking), it's important that our government realizes that we will not tolerate their efforts to take away our freedom of speech. Copyright infringement is a shitty thing, without a doubt. But these two bills are the absolutely dead wrong way to handle this.

List of sites joining the strike - here

Joining in the blackout? Register here We encourage anyone who wishes to participate to join in the blackout.

Find more information about SOPA here, here and here. Oh, and even though this is Cracked.com and not meant to be taken seriously, here is a very funny and alarmingly true possibility with PIPA/SOPA.

Or check out this video from Stop American Censorship:



Thanks,
Twitarded

P.S. - if you are participating in the blackout, please let us know in the comments before 8 am tomorrow!!

My Latest TV Obsession: United States of Tara

I recently came across the Showtime series called United States of Tara created by Diablo Cody, the Academy Award® winning writer of Juno. Suburban wife and mother Tara Gregson juggles her family and career while suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder — a condition formerly known as multiple personality disorder. It's never a dull moment in the Gregson household, as Tara's supportive husband Max and their two teenaged children, Kate and Marshall, try to lead as much of a "normal" life as possible.

Tara and her alters... can you guess who's who?

Tara's family is saddled with having to deal with the various people Tara becomes -- Alice - a 50's housewife desperate to make everyone happy, Buck - an ornery Vietnam vet who loves his beer and the titty bars, and T - a slutty 16 year old who seems to get Tara in trouble a lot. And that's only the first season. But I don't want to ruin it for you so you'll have to watch to meet the other "alters".

 Let's just say I'm obsessed with this show right now. I love that it's just a half hour so I can easily sneak an episode here and there. And it's only 3 seasons -- totally manageable and I expect to finish season 3 tonight. Toni Collette is ridiculously amazing as Tara and her many personalities. It has got to be a lot of work keeping them all straight! John Corbett is totally humpable in his role as Tara's husband Max. And their two kids are very entertaining -- Kate, a sassy teen (Brie Larsen), and intellectual Marshall (Keir Gilchrist) -- I almost watch it more for the cast than the actual plot.

Love this family -- this cast is so much win!

So during my marathon watching this weekend (it's been too cold to do anything else but snuggle under the blankets and watch TV), I noticed something... This show takes place in Overland Park, Kansas. There is a scene in season 2 that shows the exterior of a restaurant. I thought it looked really familiar so I went back and sure as fucking shit, it's the exterior of a restaurant in Freeport, Maine called Azure Cafe. I nearly crapped my pants.

Seriously... I even had to take a picture of my TV screen!

And even funnier, in season 3, daughter Kate appears to be schlepping around a brand new LL Bean tote bag -- which doesn't fit her style at all. Looks like the production crew did a little shopping while filming locations in Freeport. I totally cracked up. Kate has a very eclectic style -- in one episode in the final season, she wore a bear jumper that was freaking awesome. If you're looking for something fun to add to your Netflix queue, I recommend giving Tara a try.

I can't figure out why I love this jumper so much, but I do. And I don't even like dresses.

It's a quirky dark drama with some laughs sprinkled in... especially when Buck is around. And if you've already seen this show, what did you think of it? I don't have much experience with mental illnesses but I thought this show was done well.

Who needs a new internet time-suck?! YOU DO!

Everyone needs a good distraction, right? I'm vaguely reluctant to tell you about my new favorite time-suck as there is the possibility that you will forsake Twitarded for the shiny new toy, but I trust you. Mostly.

I recently discovered Imgur. We are woefully behind the times and/or late on just about everything, so you might already be haunting this site, but humor me. It's basically funny pictures. Who doesn't like funny pictures?! I'm long-winded but not really great at actually explaining things, so I'll let the images speak for themselves. Below is a ridiculously random sampling of the photos you'll find on Imgur:

For the sake of full disclosure, let me come right out and admit that there is not a lot of this - 

huminnahumminahummina...

...but it's still - strangely! - genuinely enjoyable. Sometimes people just post cool photos of their relatives- 

 

Three generations of awesome.

...and as the laws of cute internet time-waster sites require, there are a LOT of great pet photos. Because really, outside of the Twidom, what is the internet really for other than entertaining yourself with cute dog and cat pictures? 

I want one. All of it.

But wait! There's more!

This one made me think of Latchkey Wife...

I don't have kids but I feel your pain...

 Come closer, mailman...

Baby hamsters!!!

Anti-snooze-alarm clock (please just get a new clock, whoever you are).

Not on Imgur either, but you wouldn't need an alarm clock if you had this in your bed. j/s.

Plus there are funny memes...

...and the people who respond ("Dumb Guy Poses" below) -

There are also lots of awesome gifs, but I don't know how to copy a gif into the blog, so you'll just have to take my word for it (and if you know how, please send me detailed instructions).

There is the usual plethora of hot chicks in geek regalia. If you have boobs and anything resembling a storm-trooper outfit, you will find love here. As long as your definition of love is fap fodder, there won't be any problems.

In fact, my only minor problem with Imgur is that according to their FAQ section, "Imgur" is pronounced "imager-er" or "imager." But I guess it's the interwebs and if you want to say that ";oskhd;hbxlkjhbg" is pronounced "Smooches!" and enough people believe you, then more power to you.

Stop-Motion Bookstore = Full of WIN!

I was paging through boingboing looking for distractions at work the other day when I came across this absolutely delightful video - really, it's the most charming non-Twilighty, anti-snarky, not-even-a-little-bit-smexy thing I have ever posted here. Probably. My memory is for crap, so who can say definitively? Anyway, happy weekend - enjoy!

Heeeeeere's... Flowbeeward?

People, the world has ended as we know it. There are flames shooting out of the center of Earth, aliens are doing bad things to innocent people and we're all fucking goddamn dead.

Or Rob Pattinson shaved his head. One of those.

(You must check out the rest of the pictures over at ROBsessed!!)

Nooooo! Where's the sex hair??

Oh! Sexy crooked smirky thingy!! Me likey...

 As you're reading this, someone is madly writing out a steamy BettyWhite/Rob Pattinson fan fic. Guaranteed. Rule #34, bitches.

Gone is the disheveled coif, the sex hair, the bouffant. I daresay this is more on par with the what-the-fuck-were-they-thinking hairstyles he sported in all the movies except Twilight. What was he thinking? Did he wake up one day and decide, "fuck it, this hair is too much trouble and gets in the way of my smoking and drinking Heinekens" and decided to take a trip to a barber?

From Bellasugar:

The scruffy beard might possibly negate that haircut...

Or maybe him and KStew hit the sauce, got loaded and Flowbee'd it off in a drunken stupor.

Either way, he's got a sort-of-but-not-really-shaved head. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure what the fuck it going on but all I know is his hair is missing. Well, most of it, anyway. But here's my thing - WHY is he the only guy with a mostly-shorn head that doesn't look bad-ass?

Okay, he looks kind of badass here. Or drunk. Or bored.

Here's a video clip of his new 'do (from Hollywood Life)



Now that filming for all the Twilight saga movies is complete (sob!) I wonder if he's going to keep his hair short or grow it back to it's you-know-you-want-to-fuck-me length.

Level with me, Twitards - do you love it or hate it?

Alternate Spider Monkey Lines

[Jenny Jerkface here - Texas Katherine is still on a little bit of a hiatus, what with being busy raising future generations of wise-asses and all. However, because she endeavors to make the rest of us here at Twitarded look like procrastinating shitheads, she did leave us a few posts to put up in her absence. Thanks TK!]

I always wonder about movie clips that hit the cutting room floor. Were they better or worse than what we saw on the big screen? Why do some scenes make it in & some don't? Why do my roots grow out really fast, but my hair never seems to get longer? These are all questions I need to know the answer to. 

The first time I saw Twilight, I was totally in the moment when we were in Edward's bedroom. (Notice how I inserted myself into that situation.) Then, he flew out the window like Peter Pan and said "You better hold on tight, spider monkey." What just happened here? Catherine Hardwicke apparently gave Rob several options for that line and the spider monkey one is the line he picked. WHAT WERE THE OTHERS? What on earth could have been worse than that?

 

Here are several alternative lines off the top of my head:

• Dude. This isn't where I parked my car.
• Bella, there's a locust in your hair.
• Want to see my spider monkey?
• Sweet. You can see Waylon's body from up here.
• I smell bacon.
• Did I leave the iron on? 
• Wanna go half-sies on a deer later? 
• Hold onto my ample chest hair. 
• So, do you come here often?
• Tree climbing would be such a turn on if we were like ten or something.
• Last time I was here an eagle shit on my head.
• The spot right below us is where we're going to get married before I inject you with my demon baby batter.
• Your hands smell like ketchup.

Those are my options; now I'd like to hear your theories.

Am I Too Old For Uggs???

I try to steer clear of wearing clothes or shoes or following trends that would be easily categorized as "too young" (er, except where sparkly vampires are concerned, anyway). I grudgingly stopped shopping in the Juniors Department a long time ago, and have been know to tease friends-of-a-certain-age if their clothes tend to come in odd sizes. Note: nothing made for a person my age comes in a 7, 9, or 11...and thankfully, the "Bella dress" sold by Hot Topic years back was sized S-M-L, so I didn't have to break my own rule to stash it in my closet - woo hoo!  

Recently - like in the past year, I discovered the perfect pair of skinny jeans, and ended my years-long embargo of that style. Seriously, don't give up until you have tried Loft's Modern Skinny cut - while I realized that in theory all skinny jeans are created somewhat equal, these are one of the few cuts that don't make me look like a big-rumped ice cream cone. Once the weather started turning colder--you remember those two days last year when it acted like winter, don't you?--I decided that one possibly-questionable fashion acquisition deserves another, and declared that I needed a pair of Uggs. And I say "Uggs" like people say "BandAid" or "Kleenex." Although does anyone really say "Kleenex" when they mean "tissue" or is this just a really convenient example that people use even though it's not true? Anyway, armed with birthday gift cards, I scoured Zappos and Amazon to find the perfect pair (Bearpaws, actually) -

They're like slippers on crack! In a good way.

I love them. They are ridiculously comfy and are neither too hot nor too cold - they somehow manage to keep my feet at "just right" temperature at all times, indoors or out. However, it has occurred to me that maybe there is such a thing as "too old for Uggs"??? While doing Very Serious Internet Research on this topic, I found lots of pics of the Twilight cast and their Uggs (yes, we can make almost any topic Twi-related) -

Ashley Green has a well-documented love-affair with Uggs -

And the wolf pack dudes all wore them when they were running around the set half-nekkid -

Including Taycob, who must have been freezing when they shot the scene below, which thank goodness was filmed from the waist up, as I almost thought that this must be photo-shopped until I realized that you just couldn't see his feet in the actual movie -

Even Bella wears Uggs in Twilight, although not the kind you might associate with the brand. And Kristen Stewart wearing Uggs isn't really going to help me answer the burning "am I tool old for this?" question. I mean, I have tights that are older than she is.

Didn't see this particular shot on the movie...

...this one either. But cute shoes.

P.S. I am also considering buying a pair of Danskos to fill the hole in my shoe wardrobe where a basic black shoe with a little bit of height but not high-heeled goes. Because I am at a loss and have a lot of pants that are too long for flats and too short for real heels (and it would be nice to wear socks again). Please tell Texas Katherine that I love her and I am sorry, since I am pretty sure she's not speaking to me at the moment. But at least I won't be wearing these UggCrocVibram demon hybrids anytime soon, so maybe she'll be thankful for that?

I don't care if these make your feet feel like they're being kissed by bunnies and massaged by RPatts.
Or massaged by bunnies and kissed by RPatts. Just NO. Also, they cannot be unseen. Sorry.

So is there such a thing as "too old for Uggs," or am I good as long as I don't pair them with a tiny mini-skirt and a midriff-baring shirt?