Daisy Was a Motorcycle Bitch

This might seem just a little weird but I'm convinced in a previous life my bloodhound, Daisy, spent her days riding bitch on the back of a Harley. Yeah... I know it sounds a little crazy but did you expect anything less on this blog?

Sort of like this but not really.

I also like to give my dogs voices. Since I've only known Daisy just over a year, I've yet to figure out what she would sound like if she had a human voice. But George... well that one was easy... Sam Elliot, of course.

But I digress... (really, really digress...)

We take the dogs for a walk almost every day since if they don't get even just a short walk, they're like two Tasmanian devils whirling feverishly throughout the house, getting into ass-loads of mischief. Well, actually the old man doesn't do much whirling. Too tiring. During our walks, Daisy is a nosy Nelly. She has to see what all the neighbors are up to, check out kids playing in their yards, etc. You know, normal dog-type stuff.

Baaaaaaaaaaad dog! This is what happens when there's no walk.

She loves to check out the traffic too -- most of the time a little too close for our comfort. Not sure she gets that if one of those giant steel boxes on wheels hits her, she'll be as flat as Flat Stanley. She's not too bright.

But nothing gets her attention like a motorcycle revving along down the road. She doesn't just check these hogs out in passing. No sir-eee. She stops and lovingly watches it both approach her and then drive away down the road out of site. It's not until it's gone, or we've yanked on her leash, that she continues on her merry way.

It cracks us up because she does it every single time. No matter what type of bike, no matter who the rider is, she wants it. Bad.

I told Mr. LKW the other night that I though she may have been someone's old lady (yes, I watch too much Sons of Anarchy) and she misses the days of the breeze blowing through her long red ears hair.

She wants to ride on the back of him his bike... me too.

I've never been one to believe much in reincarnation until I had dogs. (And after I read A Dog's Purpose which, btw, is an awesome book but have plenty of tissues available. It's a tough one.) So pet owners... what was your furry friend in their previous life?

Book Recommendation - Dark Places by Gillian Flynn

This past week I went up to the Finger Lakes with a few friends for six days of relaxing, swimming and drinking. Well, they did a lot of swimming, anyway. It took me 3 days to grow the balls to swim out past the dock and even then I'm pretty sure the folks alllll the way across the lake could hear me shrieking in pure, unadulterated terror. Because water makes me feel... uncomfortable. In an "ohmyfuckinggodI'mgonnadie" kind of way.

 I'm almost in the water.

So, instead of doing a whole lot of swimming, I did a whole lot of reading.

One of the books I absolutely devoured was called Dark Places: A Novel.

The synopsis:

Libby Day was seven when her mother and two sisters were murdered in “The Satan Sacrifice of Kinnakee, Kansas.” As her family lay dying, little Libby fled their tiny farmhouse into the freezing January snow. She lost some fingers and toes, but she survived–and famously testified that her fifteen-year-old brother, Ben, was the killer. Twenty-five years later, Ben sits in prison, and troubled Libby lives off the dregs of a trust created by well-wishers who’ve long forgotten her. 

This book is both a mystery and a tale of self-awakening. Gillian Flynn's writing style is stark yet incredibly descriptive. The first two sentences, in fact, had me sucked in immediately:

I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. Slit me at my belly and it might slide out, meaty and dark, drop on the floor so you can stomp on it. 

There are certainly some dark themes in this novel, and the story switches between present day and the tragic, violent past. The main character, Libby Day, is a self-hating, depressed smart-ass, yet somehow ends up being endearingly flawed, as she navigates through the memories of a family that didn't have much of a chance at happiness in the first place.

But not all is murder and mayhem in Dark Places. Somewhere, between the past and the present, there comes the realization that there can always be, no matter how bad the past was, a light at the end of the tunnel.

Yo Man, You Got Any Kale Chips?

Last week I bought some kale chips at our local farmer's market. They were obscenely expensive, but I am trying to come to terms with the fact that good-tasting-and-good-for-me food is more expensive than only-good-tasting food like potato chips and cheese balls. Luckily the kale chips are also obscenely delicious.

These taste so much like cheesy pizza toppings that I am almost certain they are made with magic since they are both vegan and gluten free. Also it took me most of the week to "get it" and put the name and the logo together (it's kale leaves. in pants with a bow tie. Chippin' Kales. get it? GET IT? ok you are better than me).

So today I packed up a snack baggie with wholesome raw kale goodness and when I got to work I tossed it out on my desk...

 Did someone say it's 4:20?

So yeah, no more baggies filled with kale chips - gonna have to bring the whole box or none at all.

Shake Your Groove Thang!

 Note to self: find this song! Also, improve penmanship.

Back when I was in college I had a roommate who used to lock herself in her bedroom so that she could dance around like a maniac for an hour. This was exercise. Her music of choice was a mix-tape that she had christened "Marge's Bubble-Butt Workout Tape."

Music makes you want to shake your ass and move around. Well, some music does that. To me. When I hear a particularly peppy song with an awesome beat, I mentally add it to the STY worky-outy playlist that may someday get my butt off the sofa or get me out of bed early for a run. Or a brisk walk. Let's be realistic: I don't run unless being chased.

Anyway, at some point last week as I rocketed down Route 1 on my way to work, I heard a song on the radio that HAD to be added to the mix. I grabbed my trusty Sharpie and blindly scribbled out a reminder on the back of my shopping list and here it is (I can almost feel the calories melting away already - if only it was that easy) -



So what songs motivate you to shake your ass? Do you have a workout playlist or a "Marge's Bubble Butt" mix that gets you grooving? Share it in the comments! This may be the day that I actually create a playlist on my iPod...

Pre Fireworks Fireworks... Cosmopolis-Style

Yeah... right now there are fireworks in mah pants. Just sayin'.

I figure everyone is busy getting ready for Independence Day activities so I'm going to make it so simple for you tonight. You're welcome.

Just watch... admire... drool and faint. *thud*

(The music is not exactly my favorite, but TheBrunella80 did quite an amazing job on this video! Bravo, BRAVO!!)



Have a very Happy July 4th. Be safe.

xoxo

Kristen Stewart for Balenciaga: Discuss

So this new Kristen-Stewart-for-Balenciaga ad came out today. I guess the highest paid actress in America needed a lil' side gig for some mad money - hey, room service is pricey! Or maybe she just liked the dress because it's fancy and short and it also has pockets, and you know that you really can't beat pockets in a cool dress. Pockets! What's not to love?? I just bought a great new dress with pockets, too! It looks just absolutely nothing like this:

I am kind of mixed on this look - I mean, yes, she's gorgeous. But they did kind of make her look a little alien-y. Or zombie-ish. C'mon - she hasn't looked this pale in any of the "after"-Bella stills I have seen for BD2! I don't know; maybe it's the black detail down the front of the dress that just says "cadaver" to me. I am sure that this dress costs more than my car and an ounce of the perfume would set me back enough to have me eating ramen noodles for dinner every night for a month, but meh.

Still wrapping my head around the shoes. I guess this is the platform-super-heel backlash? I have always has a soft spot for clunky black shoes...

Thoughts???

Magic Mike Was... Well... Magical!

*SPOILER FREE*

I can't actually write a true review of Magic Mike tonight because my head is still spinning and I can't seem to get this goofy grin off my face long enough to really sit back and think about what I actually thought of the movie.

Let's just say Channing Tatum has come a long way from this...

Ice, Ice Baby...

To giving stripping advice to David Letterman...

Am I the only one who can't stop staring at his crotch? I think I'm waiting for it to do some tricks.

I've never been to a movie with so much hootin' and hollerin' and clapping -- bunch of dirty 'ol women! And I'm pretty sure at one point I was laughing so hard, I did my best Jenny Jerkface snort. If you've already seen the movie, you'll know what I mean when I say that I can't wait for the DVD and the pause button.

Did you make it out to see Magic Mike this weekend? If so, what did you think? Please no spoilers for our friends who haven't seen it yet... I'll be putting together a more comprehensive review when my brain returns to my head after spending most of tonight in my pants.

PS. I want to thank whoever called me in the middle of the movie while my phone was on vibrate. In my lap.