Saturday, March 28, 2009

Edward Says I Swear too &^$#$ Much

This isn't exactly Twilight related but...

You know how Edward never swears in the book except for that one utterance during the van-almost-squishes-the-crap-out-of-Bella scene?

I'm not like that at all. Not even close. Totally different universe, in fact.

I live in the Dirty Word World. I just can't help it. When Bella yells 'Holy crow!!' in the book, I'm thinking "There are far stronger words you could use to get your point across." I bet if she screamed 'Slow down the *&#% car right now, you $$%^& $%^^!!!' Edward wouldn't have rolled his eyes at her and acted all condescending.

Anyhoo, Edward pointed out to me not too long ago that I have a fecking potty mouth. Then again, my mother, Mrs. (Not a)Jerkface [who actually now reads this blog - egads!] has mentioned this, as well as Snarkier and ML. Actually, I believe ML first noticed me because I was shrieking cuss words like a rabid banshee with a bad case of tourettes at a party. I suppose this explains why he puts up with my obsession of snapping pictures of Edward in various states of mayhem and, if it's a good day, debauchery. (STY might have a similar story, if I recall correctly.)

STY's story - You scared the piss out of me the first time I saw you play a fighter video game. And the first time I saw you legitimately enraged by something I was so frightened that I almost lost control of my bowels.

Now, I know that we've already claimed we're a site geared more toward adults, but we don't want to offend anyone because of my trucker's mouth. Or sailor's mouth. Why is swearing occupational, anyway? I don't get it... Why can't I have a 'financial supervisor's - oh, never mind.

Anyway, I must admit I'm finding it a tad difficult not spew the the seven dirty words on a regular basis, which is why you'll often find other nonsense words in their place. Oh, and I tend to beat the shit out of the word 'dude', too. Just in case you haven't noticed, that is. Mommy [not a]Jerkface suggested I tone it down a bit and, while I love you, Moo, I just have to be me. Swear words and all.

Honestly, if anyone is offended by my language, you really should be grateful that you only have to read it and not listen to it. Because, on top of my sewer mouth, I have a really bad New Jersey accent. Even other people from Jersey make fun of it. I mean, I tawk - not talk. (Just for the record, this entertains STY to no end and one day she will go too far and I will beat the &^%$#*!! snot out of her.)

Oh, and in the future we will be putting disclaimers on any posts that are for adults only. Apparently STY has discovered some Twilight fanfiction that is definitely H-O-T and will report on it later...


  1. I'm so glad I've stumbled upon your blog. Because 2 of my favorite words are dude & the F-bomb. I try really really hard to type posts with out them!

    My idiot-fictional-vampire-hater hubby thinks it's too much! And he's a cop! He says my 'potty-mouth' is worse than most crack-whores he has to deal with. (I guess that's bad?)

    Anywho, back to the longest comment ever. I love your more adult-ish Twilight blog. =] I won't be offended.

  2. i love you girls! keep it coming!

  3. Love the blog, not offended by the language. I actually feel i relate much better knowing that you use f-bombs.

  4. haha- that's what makes your blog so... endearing, for lack of a better word.

    And while we're confessing, I never swear. I just don't. Or didn't. Until I fell for Edward Cullen so hard. Now I can't talk about him without saying "damm" (note the m instead of n. That's my justification that I'm not REALLY swearing. Warped, I know.)

    So now I always catch myself saying "Damm Edward Cullen." Damm him and all his hotness warping my brain. Oh, and a blog named "Pillow Biters" isn't exactly proper either. See what he's done to me? Damm him.

    Swear on...

  5. Dude, you're a grown up, cuss away. I used to be a terrible potty mouth ... and then I had a baby, and now I'm trying to be more creative with my filthyness. Which usually means I say "eff the effing effer" instead, but whatever. As long as I have to read a minimum of the two words I hate (words for certain female body parts ...) then it's all good :)

  6. Dude, I love the crap outta cussin. I've been known to make a trucker and a sailor blush with my...colorful, for lack of better word, vocab. The only thing that would make it better, or worse if you're a prude, is if I had a New Jersey accent. I ain't gonna lie Jenny, I'm a little jealous. So I say, sail on sailor!! Or, keep on Truckin! ;^)

  7. Thanks all! It always makes me so warm and gooey inside to read your comments. You guys rock.

    I have to say I'm relieved that a few of you are diggity-down with the f-bombs.

    @aunt_B - the downside of having a Jersey accent is that it automatically lowers your IQ by at least six points. The upside, however, is you sound like a total bad ass when you're traveling outside the state (thanks to the Sopranos, etc.)

  8. Yes, but a Jersey accent is the only thing standing between me and my dream of becoming a document forger for the mob!

  9. I heart you:) I swear like a mofo but have to try really hard to curb it around the short people around here that call me Mom! I haven't always been successful; there's nothing like hearing your two year old exclaim, "what the fuck?!" from the backseat. Yeah, I'm still working on it!!

    Please, please, please for the love of all things Twilight, share the fanfic with us. I've recently became obsessed and have found so many good stories but they are all incomplete so here I sit waiting for updates! I need some new ones!

  10. I have a potty mouth too. I think that's the only reason my readers like my blog. LOL I think you should say whatever the fuck you want. (Sorry to your mom =)

  11. I have a friend who had to stop swearing after her kid called her boyfriend a 'lazy asshole'.

    @Tiffany - my poor mommy has had 31 years to get used to me. She kinda shakes her head a little but I think, secretly, she thinks I'm a tad funny. Still haven't decided if that's good or bad yet...

  12. I think I would have broken up with the boyfriend - rather than watch my mouth - if my kid called him a lazy asshole too, lol.


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