Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Ask and You Shall Receive: Racy Twilight FanFic!

I'm waiting for you in the meadow... Won't you join me???

Note: if you are not as comfortable as everyone else seems to be with the fact that Twitarded's sensibilities are currently planted firmly in the gutter, read no further and whatever you do, don't follow any of these links. Really. We [heart] you, too, but come back tomorrow (we mean it this time). And, er, Mommy (not a)Jerkface, we need another day. Sorry. Oh - and btw, your daughter is corrupting me. Just sayin'. Did you have any idea your kid was such a slut?

OK, OK - I hope that everyone isn't going to be disappointed by any of this! Some of you have probably already happened across some of the links I'm posting, so if you know of anything particularly juicy that I haven't included, let us know about it! And everyone else here, too, for that matter, since we all seem to be dying for some M-rated Twiporn. Tworn? Twirotica???

Anyhoo - these tend to be incomplete - as in, they cover certain "missing" parts of the honeymoon or whatnot, but they are not complete stories (so don't get mad at me when they end - lol). Then again, it will keep you from having to dig through each one to get to the good stuff.

THIS is a version of "Isle Esme" that is probably the most well-known... [Bella's pov]

THIS one - also called "Isle Esme" is a little longer, and a little juicer imho... (It has two parts, too - don't miss the second one!) [Edward's pov]

Go away - can't you see we're busy?!
Image from here.

THIS one is called "The Cottage" - there are several similar variations out there (at least). [Edward's pov]

THIS one is called "The Submissive" - as you can guess from the title, it might not be everyone's cup of tea. But if you're into that kinda thing (and I've read your comments and I have a feeling you just might be...), it has 37 chapters and oodles of juicy graphic details. It does not stick with the basic Twilight story the way Isle Esme does, which is usually a bit of a deal-breaker for me, but somehow it still works. Did I mention is has 37 chapters?! Think "Story of O" meets "Twilight" minus the vampire stuff. I realize that's a lot to wrap your head around, but trust me... [Bella's pov]

THIS one is ok - also not all that Twilight-esque but kind of interesting...

And if I can get something out there that's not TwiPorno but is rather rather just really fucking funny, please go and read THIS - I came across this when I was over at TwiCrack Addict one day and clicked on a link to the manuscript. Unfortunately, the manuscript had been removed (stupid copyright laws!) - but this was hysterical (and not rated M or XXX) - if you are mad because my TwiPorn didn't pan out for you, read this before coming after me, ok???

I may have not looked before I leaped earlier when I chimed into JJ's comments, but I promise to come up with new recommendations in the future! I have to admit, I'm still a newbie when it comes to fanfic (mostly because I don't think I have room for it in my day given my current level of Twilight obsession, but I can say, having read nearly every form of erotica that I can get my dirty little paws on--from The Pearl to Carrie's Story to X--that I love me some racy fanfic...

There was another person I came across who basically was picking up where Breaking Dawn leaves off (and I thought doing a pretty good job of it) but I can't find it for the life of me... I will keep looking... Stay tuned!

P.S. Added bonus section: "things that didn't make it into JJ's Breaking Dawn post":
  • spooge (this is why you got "love custard," folks - you're welcome...)
  • The Purple-Headed Warrior
  • fuck juice
  • cum dumpster [note from JJ: what?! What's wrong with that?!]
Good night, ladies fellow TwiSluts! I have a feeling everyone will have pleasant dreams...


  1. Where the hell did you find that picture?! I need to blow it up, cut that bitch out of it, and hang it over my bed.

  2. Everyone go find a story called Frenemies by McVampy over at fanfiction.net.

    It is hands down, the best fan fiction story. No kidding!!!

  3. Now, now...you have to give credit where credit is due. I used 'spooge' in my comment. 'Love custard' was good...although I doubt I'll ever look at custard in the same way again, lol.

  4. Sorry, Koolio - I vetoed "spooge" from JJ's rough draft that was in the works for days (she wasn't kidding when she said my comments were along the lines of "you CAN'T say that!" and "Too far! TOO FAR!!!" ).

    I should have posted the pics I sent her as I was about to revoke her admin/posting rights... Dang! I meant to do that... Maybe tomorrow...

    : )

  5. There is SO MUCH smut in the world of fanfic. It borders on porn. OK-ok, most of the rated "M" stuff actually IS porn.

    (FYI - Frenemies is being pulled by the author soon...go read it NOW, it's total WIN!) http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4794348/1/

  6. Take STY's advice & read The Submissive! Like her, I don't really enjoy alternate-universe (I like to keep it all like it could fit into the actual saga) but the Submissive (told in Bella's POV) is really really great. AND, the author is working on the whole thing from Edward's POV - called The Dominant (she's halfway done with that one). A 3rd story is set to follow that. Good things come to those who wait!

    Lastly, as many of you know, Wide Awake is such a huge cult hit in the world of Twilight, so be sure to check that out. Twicrackaddict had a link to the author and the story a while back... It's really heartbreaking/angsty/sexy/healing all at the same time. Also alternate universe, and SO good - oh, and incomplete at the moment, but she only has a couple of chapters left to write.

  7. Um...I'm just gonna say it...cuz I'm not ashamed(sorta)....I've read most of these already.

    Frenemies is next.

    I need help for this addiction. Like a hotline or a support group or some shit. Wait...nah...I take it back! It's been too good to me. =]

    TwiSluts unite.

  8. I haven't read any of these yet, so now I have just that much more porn, I mean fanfic, to read! I do have three children to rear, people! I can't spend all of my day reading fanfic and pouncing my DH. Well, I can, but DCFS will come knocking on my door. Take pity on me!!

    PS - but please keep posting good fanfic/porn, because "since I'm going to hell, anyway"....

    PPS - DH says, "Go, fanfic." And STY and JJ - can your DHs keep him occupied for a bit while I slog my way through my fanfic backlog? He'll bring Scotch. You're dolls!!!

  9. The Submissive is wonderful and The Dominant is even better and I don't normally read that type of fanfic, but my hubs is definitely glad that I do now. The author also has a hilarious one shot about the day Edward brought home the bed.

    I also have to say that I am a HUGE fan of Wide Awake. It has brought me to tears and left me on the edge of my seat waiting for the next chapter. She has just started another story as well.

  10. Thanks for all the links! I am so very excited to start reading all these. The tricky part is getting my laptop away in private--must read these away from the small offspring and without the hubby giving me shit..hmmmm.

    BTW, I am not sure "Love Custard" is any less naughty than "Spooge"--I like them both ;)

    Hooray for Twirotica and Twinography. All that worry about JJs post and everyone is loving it.

  11. I've been venturing into the world of fanfic secretly for months now. It's great to FINALLY have suggestions,STY. Thank you!

    Oh and JJ cum dumpster is killing me. Not to mention The Purple-Headed Warrior, I think you totally could have used that one. ;)

    @Anne- I've been reading Wide Awake as well. Crazy good yet extremely long. I had to take a break at chapter 43 when I realized I hadn't done anything for two full days but sit at my laptop reading. Like Heather, I've got a few kids and they were NOT happy with me.

    @ VitaminR70 - I totally lock myself in the bathroom when I'm reading wonderful smut filled fanfic. Hell, I do that when I'm reading romance novels as well! However, I'm a total blusher, which makes everyone in the room wonder what the heck I'm reading.

  12. I had no idea about fanfic. Whew. You broke my fanfic cherry last night and, oh, what a night it was, lol.

  13. I thought this was hilarious: http://twilighted.net/viewstory.php?sid=284

    "Midnight Desire" by Twilightzoner. In it, (s)he has replaced all the vampirism with sex. Every time Eddie is fighting against the bloodlust he ends up ... well you'll see. :)

  14. OMG! I need a cigarette! Was it as good for you as it was for me? Where has this fanfic been all my life?

    BTW you can't just unleash this on someone at work. I had check a mirror just to make sure I didn't have JBF(just been fucked) hair and then try to wipe the JBF smirk of my face before customers realize that something has gone wonderfully awry.

    I can't wait to get home, my husband's not going to know what hit him!

    1. haha. I was reading this and thought" yeah that is exactly how I felt my first time reading Twiporn hehe. My husband has mixed feeling ( he saw me reading about Edward and his assets) Go twiporn!!!

  15. Thanks for all the comments & suggestions - keep 'em coming! Maybe we'll start keeping a running list [er, JJ - get on that, will you, techie girl? thx.]... It's clear that nobody in these parts has had their fill of TwiSmut! Sorry some of you have read those links - I may have been out of my league with making fanfic recommendations [Tasha, I'm lookin' at you - lol!] but I'm a fast study and I will keep prowling for new stuff to keep us entertained and, um, other things!

    But seriously, if you haven't check out story I happened across over at TwiCrack's blog - it might not be dirty, but it's a damn good snarky rewriting of the beginning of Twilight and it really cracked me up!

    @hnybunny22 & bethe - thanks for the tip! "Frenemies" is a great read - interesting, too! Written almost more like a play or a screenplay - pretty much dialogue only, and it works!

    @Anne - Thanks for noting that there is an "Edward's pov" counterpart to "The Submissive" - I swear I was in such a hurry to get this post up last night before the angry, impatient Twitards picked up their torches and pitchforks and came after me that I missed a few things! Like the fact that what got me started looking at M-rated fanfic (I admit it's my first criteria when I sort/search) in the first place was the GQ interview where R-Patts says that he reads fanfic and thinks a lot of it is "surprisingly well written and hardcore" or something like that... Thanks for the tip, Robward! lol...

    @VitaminR70 - i think i might be taking the laptop with me to work today... : )

    @cuteangiek - JJ is full of gems like that - don't worry, i amsure you will see more in the near future now that we know what a bunch of dirty birds our blog followers are (really - we picked up like 15 new people yesterday!! too funny...).

    @koolio - glad to be of service! i had actually been actively avoiding fanfic because i am not sure how i am going to find time to read it, but somehow i am going to have to make it work!

    @anon - thx for the tips - we'll definitely check out your suggestions!

    @Scarlet Phoenix - "JBF hair/smirk"?!? omg - i spit my tea when i read that! and maybe it IS time for me to start smoking again... : )

  16. fanfic is a recent (as in the last two weeks) discovery for me but im totally loving it. i dont really like the ones that are straight up smut. if i want porn, ill just watch some porn...

    i like the ones that are different from twilight or take a different look at twilight. wide awake is obviously the best one out there, but other ones i love are

    "the list" - http://www.twilighted.net/viewstory.php?sid=2026 - it has tons of smut, but it also is a good story. it doesnt stray very far from the books either, so some may prefer that.

    "seducing ms swan"- http://www.twilighted.net/viewstory.php?sid=158 - it picks up after eclipse in an "if edward never came back" situation. but dont panic! its not team jacob! also, so far no smut, but its really well written and just awesome.

    and now for something completely different
    "the fallout"- http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4946176/1/The_Fallout - i have a soft spot for post-apocalyptic fiction so maybe thats why i love this one so much. so much angst. certainly not for everyone however.

  17. Sweeeeeet! And such perfect timing too! I just finished a book last night and was looking for something to read before going to bed! Maybe the husband might benefit from this post!


    Ok, as some of you mentioned, we all have lives, kids, jobs, houses to tend to. Personally, I have 2 small kiddos to keep me busy. And at my house, we don't have a laptop - just a desktop. SO! A few weeks ago I got sucked into the Wide Awake phenomenon. And I COULD NOT stop thinking about it, scheming ways to find time to read MORE, etc. And frankly, my butt was sore from sitting at this computer all evening... So here's what I did: I got a really cheap ream of recycled paper and printed it out on my laser printer. Then I'd take one or two chapters with me around the house so that if I had a spare moment, i could indulge. So if my 9 month old needs extra rocking to put her to sleep? I just read a chapter or so. It's very convenient. And I recently admitted my latest time-suck activity to a good friend here, and now SHE wants in on the action. So I have passed the printed pages to her, and now I don't feel so bad at having used a whole ream of paper printing out fanfic. And besides, you can always recycle it!

    I keep posting because I am just SO excited to see that I am not alone in this whole fanfic discovery! I fell into it a few weeks ago, and was immediately hooked. I had my college roommates in town for my daughter's baptism week before last...but all I could think about was "how can I get home & get everyone in bed so that I can READ DAMMIT!" Such a good feeling...one that I've not had since reading the Saga last fall. Who knew this was all out there (though I assumed it was...but more for Trekkies, or Star Wars or LoTR fans)! I have to say, my husband thought I was insane, but then when he started to see the "effects" (wink wink) he has offered to stop by Office Depot & pick up more paper...

    Thanks for all the recs, and even though some of us have read some already, it's good to hear what others are reading & finding interesting. I'm just so glad I found you all!

  19. Oh, yeah! Now I have stuff to read at work, hmm... I mean at home. Last post I was reading from your site, my 11 year old tried to read over my shoulder and I had to tell her to 'get lost chicklet'. She's like ok, ok! 'Mom's gotta look into some twi-porn' (ok I didn't say that part :)Oh and BTW, last night my 9 year old took her birthday money and bought a stuffed bat. I asked her why at the cashier's desk and she said, 'duh mom, because of Twilight'. I was like, 'oh lord, what have I done to my girls'. We are a family of female obsessed Twilight fans.

  20. Great, I have now been at work since 9 AM and done nothing all day but look at and read Twi-porn. Well...I did go to lunch...does that count? Where did the day go?? Thanks ladies!!

    P.S. I'm glad my boss is (mostly) computer illiterate!

  21. @ JJ & STY- YAY for new followers! You guys truly are for awesome.

    I read the Art Model last night. WOWZERS! & started The Submissive. I stayed up far to late, but just couldn't stop! ;)

  22. Had to take a human minute from reading The List... wanted to thank you for the juicy reads!

    Thank you for your response Snarkier, I'm re-posting this here. I think we were both writing these at the same time. I've read above and see that many, many of your followers agree. I agree with everything all of you have said, and the change in my day is almost identical. I didn't even know how to use blogs before and I had no idea this was going to happen to me when I was taken to see the movie. I have also read, re-read and listened to all the books. So, thank goodness that Twicrackaddict had a post one day about Wide Awake, a fanfiction. That got me into the wonderful world of Twilight fanfiction! There are communities on fanfiction.net that will give you the best stories with over 1000 reviews, be sure to click M rating if you want the very spicy ones that will make up for all of your frustration while reading the fade to black honeymoon scene in Breaking Dawn. Wide Awake, and The Red Line seem to be the biggest and they're both awesome. But there are thousands more! And I read them on my phone, I copy and paste them and send them as an attachment to my Kindle, and now yayay!!! Twilighted.net who has premier fanfics pre vetted for quality, is doing podcasts of the most popular ones, so you can listen to them on your drive/run/not cleaning the house!!!! And my husband doesn't know what hit him, they're sooo hot!! Some really talented people are writing! The stories can take some getting used to if they're AU 'alternate universe" cause the plots are diff but same characters. So many wonderful versions of Robward. Enjoy and I'm happy to send links if someone needs help finding what I'm talking about. Check out www.twilighted.net, www.livejournal.com, and www.fanfiction.net.

  24. I cannot even tell you guys how tickled we are over the response to these latest posts! Not only are we all a bunch of [ahem] "mature" [yeah, right - lol!!] Twilight fans but we also all looove the dirty stuff. Woo-hoo!!

    @TwiCrack - Awesome idea! Frankly, everyone should bookmark this page because there are a TON of fantastic suggestions for fanfic here and it's going to take a while to get through them!

    @Anne - Another fantastic suggestion - sometimes it's way easier to manage a few pages of good ol' fashioned paper than the laptop! And so ecologically sound with all the sharing and recycling - lol!

    And whoever put up the link for "Warmth" (must be on another post - sorry I forget who left that comment!) - I was ABSOLUTELY looking for that one yesterday but apparently fanfic can be hard to track down sometimes even when you know the name - so Thanks!! That one is definitely supposed to be a winner...

    @scentaddict - yay for reposting! definitely worth it to have this info all here - lots of great suggestions, especially podcasting...

    OK - time for me to go follow one of these links and get myself in the spirit! You guys all rock, and to all you new followers, tell us what's on your mind if you haven't already!



  25. WHY did edward have to call his schlong 'AROUSAL' in part 2 of the 2nd isle esme? WHY!??? WHY???

  26. new to the site but not new to anything else that goes on around here :) I'm sure you are aware but thought I'd post just in case over at live journal http://community.livejournal.com/twilight_adult/ and found this version of Isle Esme http://kariann1222.livejournal.com/2975.html Her author’s notes: This is a series of missing moments from Breaking Dawn, starting with Isle Esme. Since Stephenie skipped over the good stuff, I couldn’t resist filling in some of the gaps.

    Haven't read the other ones yet but plan too!

  27. New to the site, and you guys rock my socks. Or, is it that you guys get my rocks off? Oh wait, that's for boys ;)

    Love the TwiPorn links, and have to share a line from Frenemies that is the smooge in my milkshake: "Christ on a buttered bagel, she's gonna let him plow her no-no spot!"


  28. I read The List and Let Your Light Shine over at Twilighted and gotta say....I need a ciggy (they are NC17). Those were the best I've come (heh, heh, come) across in the fanfic universe. Thanks for helping me with my twiaddiction... : )

  29. Was the fanfiction Sunrise? Starts after Breaking Dawn with a pretty hot Chapter 11!

  30. i read all of the ones sty posted,......... hrmmmm......... OME! loved it!!! i must say the submissive one was rather interesting, brings some new things to mind, lol.

    *side note* i just wanted tyo say u all r awsome. i stumbled upon this blog the other day, and for the 1st time i didnt feel like i was alon e in my twilight obsession. None of my friends really get why i liek it so much, but u ladies seem to understand completly. its refreshing to be able to just say things and not worry bout gettin the "you've-got-to-be-kidding-me!!!-Shes-talking-about-twilight-again!!!!!"look. U really rock!

  31. One of the websites that takes off after Breaking Dawn is BellasDiary.com

  32. Submissive was a bit much for me - however, I LOVE that Jacob is Edward's dog!

  33. Not sure if this link will work or not, but this is the ultimate in Rob smut, I Love L.A., by feathers_mmmm: http://www.twilighted.net/viewstory.php?sid=1764&ageconsent=ok&warning=5

    Other good ones:
    One Week (more Rob smut): http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4960171/1/One_Week

    The Dominant (counterpart to The Submissive): http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4918631/1/The_Dominant

    The hottest Edward/Bella story I've seen, The Office: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4871509/1/The_Office

  34. I haven't even followed the links yet (too busy bookmarking them all) but already I know I'm in trouble. There are only so many times you can re-read those practice sessions in Elipse! This promises to be a long night - thanks for introducing me to the world of twiporn... I suddenly understand the purpose of fanfiction...

    Anyone know any good links for Jasper/Alice or Carlile/Esme?

  35. There's on awesome Fan Fic site which takes off where Breaking Dawn ended. It's Bella's Diary - and written like it was actually her diary. So far it's the best one I've come across (not rated R though, lol)

    The website is called http://www.bellasdiary.com

  36. Loved the two Isle Esme's. Went and read some of those authors other stories, very good also.

  37. Hmm. New to the whole twitarded thing here. Had i known how bad this was, I would have started reading this stuff a while ago.

    I'm loving it. and I'm a guy currently working on New Moon... I got some reading to do here.


    My blog about how I use twilight to attract unsuspecting women who can't hold back their urge to squirm when Spunk Ransom rubs a nipple.

  38. I'm late to the Twitarded party (just found you via CNN) but JJ & STY, you complete me.

    You had me at sparkle peen.

  39. @Face Punch - You had me at Face Punch, I have to be honest. Totally fucking spewed. Love it.

    Welcome to the party! Glad you could make it. Just think of yourself as fashionably late. Don't worry, the girls will help you out here.

    On the other hand, if you're just discovering fan fiction and it's your cup of tea... we'll talk in a few months when you're all caught up.

    Oh, who am I kidding. We'll never be caught up.

    Cheers! :)

  40. Please check out me & My co-writer TheRani1981's fanfic.. It's called Master of Disaster:

    "My name is Edward Cullen and I am a Dom. I am not a Dom by choice. I did it for HER. When I first saw her at one of Jasper’s play parties, I felt my world changing. I decided to do anything to be with her. AH/AU OOC Graphic Lemons and Dark themes.."



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