Monday, May 4, 2009

Edward Mini Makes Me Eat My Own Words

Damn him.

This entire incident happened a while ago (Twitardy, remember?) but the computer that these pictures were stored on has been on the fritz. As in, not fecking working. Seeing as how my computer trouble-shooting knowledge is 're-boot, re-boot, re-boot. Fuck. Didn't work.' it's sort of a miracle I managed to pull these up.

Anyhoo. There is a bit of a back story to these pictures.

This is Soundwave. Soundwave is a Transformer. He's probably about twenty years old and he belongs to ML. When we first moved in to our apartment, ML plopped Soundwave on our bookshelf...

You have to squint, sorry. We apparently read in the dark.


Me - What the hell is that?
ML - Soundwave. He's a Transformer.
Me - I know what he is. Why is he on our bookshelf?
ML - He looks cool there.
Me - {rolls eyes} It's a toy, ML. What are we - ten? This is a grown up apartment. Can't you put him with in the back room with your Star Wars and John Wayne posters?
ML - It's Clint Eastwood, not John Wayne
Me - Same thing.

Yeah, I'm a bitch. I'm pretty sure that one day ML is going to smother me with a pillow or something. For whatever reason, Soundwave never made it to the back room and I never really pushed him on it (see: pillow smothering reference).

Fast forward a year or so. STY and I are in my apartment.

Me - Holy fecking shit!!! You got an Edward doll?! You ROCK!!!
STY - {Jumping up and down like a five year old tweaked out on chocolate cake} I got one for you, too!!
Me - {Squeals} This is AWESOME!! Ooh, let me get my phone so we can take a picture of him.
{ML wanders in, warily.} What's going on?
Me - {waves Edward in his face} STY got me an Edward doll.
{ML stares for about 10 seconds, rolls his eyes and then gets this very sinister looking smile on his face and walks out}

Later on that night...

Me - Where's Edward?
ML - Who?
Me - {{Sigh}} Edward. I need to put him in my bag so I can take him to work tomorrow.
ML - Oh. I put him on the bookshelf... next to Soundwave.
Me - Oh, thanks. {Stops. Recalls previous conversation. Grimaces} Oh. oh.
ML - {with that damn grin again} What are we - ten? Why don't you put Edward in the back room...
Me - This is different!! Totally different!! {Grumbles and shoves Edward in purse}


And yes, I am ten, apparently, because I decided that Soundwave and Edward needed to have a fight to the death.


The fight was much more brutal then it looks...

Naturally, Edward won. And yes, Soundwave is still smugly sitting on my bookshelf. Apparently if I have a toy, ML gets one too...

ML wandered by as I was getting ready to post this ...
"Hey, ML, so, let's say Edward the sparkly vampire and Soundwave are, like, dueling to the death," I say. "Who do you think would win?"
ML pauses, considering this with a very serious look on his face.
"You'd have to check Soundwave's stats and special powers." he says. "It would really depend on that."
Then he walked away to take the garbage out.

I love that man.

33 comments:

  1. JJ-You so crack me up...and make me want to get my own Little Edward;) Problem is I know my nine and six year old would go blab it to their teachers and friends. I have to work with these people everyday; they really don't need to know how Twitarded I am!!

    As for Transformers, I know nothing about them, but I'm pretty sure Edward could kick this Soundwave's ass!!! Yep!

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  2. Hilarious.

    It just reminds me that all men still have the inner 10 yr old within them.

    Women will always love vampires!

    And our men will sometimes over look our craziness.

    hahahahahahaha

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  3. I love the mini-Edward picture posts. They are seriously the most hilarious things I've seen in my entire life!

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  4. Oh, Edward would soo win. Edward is immortal and can't get hurt, guess except if you rip his head off. :) I've got to get own mini Edward.

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  5. @ JJ - Tomorrow I am sharing this with my son, for sure. Why is it that now I can't leave my house without him?? Is that a disease? I went to pick up some food the other night & found myself talking to the darn thing while I was driving around??? WHAT THE HECK?


    @AJ - I'm a mother of four. Ages 9 to 11 mths. My daughter’s class is raising chickens & I DISPARATELY wanted to take a pic of Mr. C with said chickens. I rushed into the classroom after school while the teacher was still outside talking to parents. I was so excited because there was NO WAY I was going to ask my daughter teacher if I could take a picture of mini Mr. C with her chickens... low & behold the teacher’s son & his friends (high school kids) were all sitting there. My daughter said, "Hey Mom, are ya gonna get out Mr. C?" I slapped my hand across her mouth super fast & ran out of the room! Then I had to explain why we don’t talk about mommy’s toy!
    I honestly love it & so do our kids. Damn the man, is what I say! Get one, you’ll have SO MUCH FREAKING FUN! Wow that was long! Sorry! LOL

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  6. That is brilliant. And DUH Edward would win. He can tear up metal easily, and he's practically indestructible. Actually, Soundwave would probably hurt himself trying to kill Edward. TAKE THAT TRANSFORMERS.
    Wait, that just gave me a brilliant movie idea...instead of the usual good Transformers vs. bad Transformers, why don't the good T's just give the Cullens a call. That fight would be so much cooler, plus the movie would make a ton more money because all us hopeless OCD-sufferers would watch the movie over and over again!

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  7. heheheheheeeee....I *heart* commentaries!

    Edward the sparkly vampire would SO kick Soundstage..oh I mean SoundWAVE's ass! He's Edward freakin Cullen.

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  8. JJ you are too funny girl! You're never too old to have an Edward doll. Speaking of...my 6 year old was opening her birthday presents on Saturday and she opens one and I scream! Everyone stares at me and I have to collect myself...someone gave her an Edward doll! Now I'm trying to figure out a way to steal it without her knowing :)

    @AJ...lol, now she's gonna talk about how she's not supposed to talk about "Mommy's toy!"

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  9. Ummm hello, Edward would so win! Did you see what he did to the van? He eats scrap metal for breakfast!! Your blog is, seriously, HILARIOUS!! I am happy I came acrossed it! Nice to know there is a place I can come to without having to drag my 12 year old niece. (Yes, I admit I have used my niece before to get my Twilight addiction!) Keep up the awesome blog!

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  10. Is it me, or did it look like Mini Edward was DANCING with Soundwave? Could have been the last scene of Twilight, with Soundwave instead of KStew. Ehehehe.

    You girls freakin' RAWK and I love it.

    xoxo times a million!!

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  11. JJ,
    No frickin' way. We are of like minds. My Edward doll is looming over DH's Speed Racer in the armoire in our bedroom. We, too, are apparently 10.

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  12. Everyone needs a Little Edward. Mine is proudly displayed on my kitchen counter where I can enjoy his company daily. My whole extended family was at my house yesterday for a BBQ and no one said anything...I forget it might not appear normal to others. ML himself sounds like a doll.

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  13. where might one look if one was interested in buying a mini-edward? lol

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  14. werewolves- Borders is where I adopted my BFF Edward.

    I love this post, I shared it with my husband and our roommate! they loved it! proof I am not crazy after all! i'm not the only one who takes pictures of plastic edward! hehehe

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  15. Is it wrong that I noticed the chickens in the background, and then started to giggle..(ok more like laugh like a crazy person), cause the words COCK FIGHT popped in to my head!.....brings a WHOLE new meaning to this photo essay ;)

    Now I want a BFF Edward Doll!!!
    *Track 10

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  16. If you think what you and ML do is bad (then again, maybe you don't!), I know a guy who's saved all those Mickey D. toys since he was a little boy. Now that's creepy!

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  17. Stacy (formerly SEJ207)May 5, 2009 at 8:29 AM

    Transformers, more than meets the eye... Transformers, robots in disguise!

    Edward would so kick Soundwave's ass! We all know that Edward is nimble and fast and strong, while that stupid transformer is bulky and slow and plastic! Edward would make that loser boombox wish it was never assembled...

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  18. Love it! I would totally have a Eddie doll if I knew my kids would not try to steal him away from me! Told my DH that we could play Star Wars and Twilight together - he just laughed. Glad to know that there is someone else in this world Twitarded too!!!

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  19. You are so friggn hysterical.

    Ok, so what if Soundwave suddenly came to life and said "Edward, I am your father". ha ha

    WTF, just totally freaked myself out!?!?

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  20. @AJ - I have to admit, it's kind of difficult explaining why you have an Edward action figure. (I say this as he's sitting on my desk at work but my co-workers already know I'm crazy).

    @Anon #1 - what is it about vampires that make us love them so? LOL! And I definitely channel my inner 10 year old frequently...

    @Kate - Thanks! I love how creative people are with their mini Edwards. It's just too much fun to stop!

    @CuteangieK - It is a disease, I hate to tell you. But it's not fatal (just embarrassing). :P

    @Danielovemuffin - Those were the same arguments I used last night when I was having an in depth discussion about this! LOL! Personally, Soundwave doesn't stand a chance...

    @Tasha - lol. I originally was calling Soundwave 'Shockwave' but ML corrected me. And huffed a little about it, lol.

    @Anon #2 - I would have died laughing to see someone shriek when they're kid opens up a present. That is too funny!!

    @Bobina - I've used my niece as an excuse, too. And I don't even have one!!

    @onlydarcy - It's a dance to the death, dude!! LOL!

    @pillowbiter - HA HA!! I suspect that there are a lot of showdowns between Edward and someone else. Let's face it, if we're dorky enough to be this obssessed, then our SO's are probably equally geeky. LOL!

    @Anon #3 - I thought the chickens were kind of funny... plus I couldn't figure out how to crop them out of the picture, LOL!

    @KDgrimmer - Glad they enjoyed it!! I figure this is just another way to get the hubbies to accept Twilight - by having Edward beat the crap out of their toys...

    @koolio - now THAT is creepy. What exactly does he plan to do with them? You know, never mind. I don't want to know...

    @Stacy - Thanks a lot. Now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all day! ;)

    @Huntress - See? Twilight brings families closer together.

    @VitaminR70 - It's hard to remember that this isn't exactly... normal, lol. And ML is a doll. Veeeery patient with me...

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  21. So to marry up two of your posts - this one, with some of the smutty ones from last week (particularly Edward in the backroom by the adult toys), I say the dolls should come in a 2 for 1 pack: Edward the DOLL, and Edward the Dildo (I think this was VitaminR70, several others, and I talking about that?!) Then, BOTH could be "Mommy's Toy." Naturally, both would sparkle, but only one would be appropriate for the kids to see :)

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  22. @Anne - Ok, THAT made me absolutely guffaw. I even had a snort at the end.

    Damn, we ARE a bunch of dirty birds... I love it!

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  23. OME! I was just copy and pasting a couple of these posts in emails to my friends to see how frickin' hilarious this blog was.....but now I'm gonna hafta just show her the damn whole blog. It's the best one I have read in a minute. I LOVE IT! Y'all crack me the eff up!

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  24. @ JJ - My son (age 5) thinks you are BRILLIANT! & being the extremely smart little man that he is, has determined that Mini Edward would beat Soundwave in a fight hands down. I'm sure his father is going to be thrilled to hear about this. ;)

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  25. @ kdgrimmer Thank you!!!!! You get a cookie for helping, choices are choc chip or penut butter cup! lol

    hrmmmm a trip to borders this week is in order then.::crap im sooo gonna spend too much moneyy this week. i walk into borders and know im gonna drop at least $60. CRAP!!::



    ** random question!! Has a date been set for the next monthly twi-smut-fest? i started to write one, but idk when it will be done. but im hoping to share it when it is.

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  26. @Kullen 79 - Oh goody!! We love bringing people over to the darker side of Twilight!! ;)

    @cuteangieK - LOL! See, that kid is SMART! You're raising him right, that's for sure!!

    @I punch Werewolves - we're working on it, I promise!! It's going to be a little touch and go the first few months but we promise we'll deliver!!

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  27. My hubby has a 30 year old Optimus Prime on our bookcase. I'm getting a Lil E to add to the collection.

    Good to know we're not the only ones. LMAO
    A

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  28. this edward obsession is beyond me, but whaddya know? I geddit! peter-pan pan complex unite! but I reckon that edward and soundwave will just end up jammin for eternity since edward does have a massive collection of music (even in cassette form at that!)

    btw, love your blog. I'm another 30-something going on 10 here from the land down under. ;)

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  29. I'm catching up on my Twiblogs (so, yes, I definitely qualify as 'addicted' according to the quiz you posted later) . . .

    So, speaking of Optimus Prime . . . JJ, have you read Twilight Widower's site lately? A few entries ago, he discussed Edward v. various superheroes/villians and who would win in a fight. It's HILARIOUS. You must read it if you haven't yet. :)

    Love, 'the other JJ' :)

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  30. @JenJam - Thanks for the comment! Actually, I think Twilight Widower's blog was inspired by this one! It just goes to show that we are just as dorky as our mates, sometimes. LOL!

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  31. Just found your blog yesterday and have to say you ladies are hilarious. I have completley given up trying to be productive today and am going through your archives. This one in particular had me laughing and crying at the same time!

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  32. @Kullen 79 - Oh goody!! We love bringing people over to the darker side of Twilight!! ;)

    @cuteangieK - LOL! See, that kid is SMART! You're raising him right, that's for sure!!

    @I punch Werewolves - we're working on it, I promise!! It's going to be a little touch and go the first few months but we promise we'll deliver!!

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  33. @AJ - I have to admit, it's kind of difficult explaining why you have an Edward action figure. (I say this as he's sitting on my desk at work but my co-workers already know I'm crazy).

    @Anon #1 - what is it about vampires that make us love them so? LOL! And I definitely channel my inner 10 year old frequently...

    @Kate - Thanks! I love how creative people are with their mini Edwards. It's just too much fun to stop!

    @CuteangieK - It is a disease, I hate to tell you. But it's not fatal (just embarrassing). :P

    @Danielovemuffin - Those were the same arguments I used last night when I was having an in depth discussion about this! LOL! Personally, Soundwave doesn't stand a chance...

    @Tasha - lol. I originally was calling Soundwave 'Shockwave' but ML corrected me. And huffed a little about it, lol.

    @Anon #2 - I would have died laughing to see someone shriek when they're kid opens up a present. That is too funny!!

    @Bobina - I've used my niece as an excuse, too. And I don't even have one!!

    @onlydarcy - It's a dance to the death, dude!! LOL!

    @pillowbiter - HA HA!! I suspect that there are a lot of showdowns between Edward and someone else. Let's face it, if we're dorky enough to be this obssessed, then our SO's are probably equally geeky. LOL!

    @Anon #3 - I thought the chickens were kind of funny... plus I couldn't figure out how to crop them out of the picture, LOL!

    @KDgrimmer - Glad they enjoyed it!! I figure this is just another way to get the hubbies to accept Twilight - by having Edward beat the crap out of their toys...

    @koolio - now THAT is creepy. What exactly does he plan to do with them? You know, never mind. I don't want to know...

    @Stacy - Thanks a lot. Now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all day! ;)

    @Huntress - See? Twilight brings families closer together.

    @VitaminR70 - It's hard to remember that this isn't exactly... normal, lol. And ML is a doll. Veeeery patient with me...

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