Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Is My Family Twitarded? And Edward For Rent!

On Saturday, ML and I went to my parents' house for Daddy (not a)Jerkface's birthday. My Dad rocks. So does my Mom. That's why I'm so kick ass - I have parents that are amazing (technically I'm crediting the 'rents for my coolness, so that's not vain, right?).

Naturally, I brought Edward with me since he's my ever-faithful traveling companion. Somewhere around cake/coffee time, the topic of conversation turned toward Twilight. I don't recall exactly who started it but I'm going to assume it was me. I mean, I'm the only one in my family obsessed.

Never one to miss a possible Edward opportunity, I yanked him from my tote and presented him shamelessly to my parents, brother Jerkface and his lovely wife. Have I mentioned lack of social filters before? Oh, I have. Sorry.

What happened next got a little dicey. Suddenly, everyone was... well, they were taking pictures of him. And seemed to be having a really good time of it, too. I quickly realized that I was potentially losing photo-ops so I announced that every picture of Edward belonged to me and that any conversation thereafter may or may not end up on the world wide web. Everyone agreed (suuuuuckers).

I knew Mommy and Daddy (not a)Jerkface would because they know about the blog. Brother Jerkface (aka "the Unicorn") does not (this is called 'Little Sister's Revenge'). And would probably kill me if he did. Or at least maim me a little, like James did to Bella. I nearly burst out of my skin, I wanted to talk about this blog so badly!! But, I couldn't. It was a sad moment.

Needless to say, we went about our merry ways until tonight, when I received an email from Mommy (not a)Jerkface. It read:

JJ, I hope Edward enjoyed the party. Love, Mom

I shit you not, that's what it said. Right?! Mommy (not a)Jerkface is the best!! And she even enclosed pictures. Including this first one, which they took when I was out of the room. The nerve!

Despite his very spotty history with celebrations, Edward jumped right in!

Ever the gentleman, he insists on handling the coffee service personally (good thing he's so strong!).

Coffee too hot? No problem! OME will blow his intoxicating, cool breath on it until it's just right.

When I called Mommy (not a)Jerkface to ask let her know I was posting her pictures she said they had a lot of fun taking pictures of Edward and that she could see why STY and I are so crazy into it.

With that being said, I am now officially renting out Edward. He's got a weird smudge on his right cheek that I can't get off but other than that he's good to go. He's very photogenic, patient, and enjoys being put into awkward, humiliating situations. You can rent him for fifteen dollars a day. A fifty dollar deposit is required but will be returned as long as Edward makes it back to my purse with all his limbs. And his head. **

**Warning - lack of maturity not included. Not responsible for loss of dignity, social status, or significant other. Jenny Jerkface Ltd. cannot be held liable in the event of incarceration and/or committal to mental institution. Use at own risk.


  1. OMG. Those pictures were a riot!

    See, my parents are just so not cool. I would start talking about Twilight and my father would say something to the effect of "Is that how you spend your money?" and then a long-winded discussion of finances would ensue.

    A few years ago, when my daughter decided her American Girl Doll needed an ink pen tattoo, the American Girl Doll people said Oxy vanishing zit cream would take any stains out. Sure enough, it worked! I would suggest you try that on Edward's face 'cause Edward shouldn't be having any kind of smudges!

  2. Excellent account of the birthday party. I'm glad it was all merriment and no paper cuts.

    Your disclaimers were the best!

  3. @ Koolio - I think my parents have just resigned themselves to the fact that their kid is always going to be a bit... off. lol.

    @ 86 Rabbit - Paper cuts! Ha!

    And I'm glad you liked the disclaimers! :)

  4. Stacy (formerly SEJ207)April 22, 2009 at 12:40 PM

    Since you shit on my SEJ207 name, I guess I will reveal my true identity. (SEJ, my initials and 207 is my area code - yep, in the great state of Maine. We even have some Twitards up here!) I am in hysterics over the latest entry! Edward is so popular at parties... all the ladies love him!

    I am doing my best to entrench my mom into the world of Twilight -- she is currently halfway thru BD but has yet to see the movie! Soon, very soon we will watch it together. I can only hope she loooooves it as much as I do! She's been kinda reluctant (WTF) and it's pissing me off.... (Plus I think she's Team Jacob...pffft.)

    Is it wrong for me to wish away the summer so I'm that much closer to New Moon??

  5. JJ that is great. I actually just adopted myself an Edward, and am on vacation right now with my parents and in-laws...they all think I am nuts!! but it makes everyone laugh...unfortunately AT me not WITH me.

    love the disclaimer!

  6. Charmer isn't he.....hhmmmmmm.

    You guys rock-as ever

  7. @ Stacy - we kid because we love you! :)
    I wanted to get my mom into Twilight but apparently she's just interested in the doll. Plus, I think I might be weirded out if Mom and I ended up having the same crush on RPattz or something, though I do intend to watch the movie with her. lol.

    @kdgrimmer - There is something about the Edward that makes you impervious to strange stares and stifled giggles, isn't there? I'm glad you like the disclaimer!!

    @-Corr - Indeed, everyone loves Edward. He's just got that... charm about him. :)

  8. I love the last photo, cuz 'Edward can blow his cool intoxicating breath till the coffee is just right'! OMG, I am cracking up (ok, I'm here at work, but shhh). Your site is the very site I look, right when I start my computer everyday. Love your blog, kiss Edward for me!

  9. Yet again love the post and all the comments!
    Wish I had something random, phenomenal and brilliant to add other than that but I don't.

    I too loved the disclaimers.

    And Honolulu Girl: You've got me laughing out loud for real!

    Thanks for the great afternoon distraction.

  10. I am pretty sure this post is going to push me over the edge from "thinking about" buying a Personal Edward, to actually BUYING a Personal Edward. I absolutely LOVE that your mom & dad had so much fun photo-styling with Edward! Brilliant!

  11. Honolulu Girl: I am with you. This is the FIRST blog I hit as soon as I get on the web.

    Awesome job again JJ!

  12. @Honolulu Girl - Edward's blowing kisses at you right now.

    @cuteangieK - you're adorable, funny and you like us. That makes you perfect in our book.

    @Anne - REMEMBER - I'm not responsible for what might happen after your purchase of the Edward doll.

    But I do guarantee you'll have a fucking blast with him.

  13. @Lainey and Honolulu Girl - MUHWA! (That's supposed to be a big fat wet sloppy air kiss, in case you didn't know...)

    We started this blog just to amuse ourselves. I have to say - we truly enjoy amusing you guys. I've been in the blogger world for awhile and this is the nicest, quirkiest and snarkiest (in a good way!) bunch of folks I've been around. We heart you.

    Ok, enough sappy for now, dammit. ;)

  14. ::blushing::

    Oh and add a big goofy grin as well. ;)

  15. Freakin sweeeeet! I'll take him. My bday is coming up and I will have tons of Edward-y photo opts. Such as me...possibly getting inebriated with a few secret cop readers.(shhhh)

    I'll let him ride in a patrol car too...and of course, frisk me...uh..I mean criminals.

    And don't worry...my hater hubby will "dealt with" by secret cop readers if he attempts harm to your precious Edward.

  16. Absolute best use of a Personal Edward I've ever seen. Not that I've seen many..

    But definitely hilarious :). I got over here from somewhere else but cant wait to read more!

  17. JJ - no, I certainly won't hold you responsible, but I will send photos so that you can see what Edward is up to!! Maybe folding some laundry, helping stir a cocktail or two (since he seems quite adept in the beverage service arena), keeping me company whilst reading blogs, etc.

    I do wonder, though...what would happen if he were to see photos of "himself" on the various sites I visit?? Would it be like when Harry, Ron, & Hermione use the time turner to go back & set the Hippogrif free, and they cannot let their past selves see their current selves? Would all hell break loose? Would my Edward wonder why there are photos of him pouring coffee in a house that is not mine? I think we must find out!!! :)

    PS - Twitarded is also one of the first ones I hit each AM. I love it for the "personal Twilight musing" because most of what is out there is just the same "breaking news!" over & over again. Kisses! And, hope your work weeks get better FAST.

  18. I just got an Edward (actually I got 2, but that's another story ....) and he is lovely. I'm lucky because I have a 4 year old daughter so she can be my cover, no one has to know that he is mine, we can share. She sleeps with him every night, its so cute. Now I'll be on the lookout for possible photo ops!

    Love you guys! Thanks for all the great laughs.

  19. i have no clue how i came across your blog but i did and i'm glad. and even though i could be your daughter i feel the exact same way you do about twilight.

    it feels nice to know not all twilighters are pre-pubescent,braces-wearing, Hot Topic shopping, twelve yr olds.


  20. JJ and STY,

    I am so glad to have found you guys! I didn't even know my illness had a name...now I know...I'm a twitard. Personal Edward looked like he had a fab time at the party. You girls are the sh**. So glad I found you!!


  21. Welcome to the Twitard sisterhood, Darcey!!

  22. I am getting one as soon as I cash my checks!! Yay! I need one!!!

  23. @Honolulu Girl - Edward's blowing kisses at you right now.

    @cuteangieK - you're adorable, funny and you like us. That makes you perfect in our book.

    @Anne - REMEMBER - I'm not responsible for what might happen after your purchase of the Edward doll.

    But I do guarantee you'll have a fucking blast with him.


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