Naturally, I brought Edward with me since he's my ever-faithful traveling companion. Somewhere around cake/coffee time, the topic of conversation turned toward Twilight. I don't recall exactly who started it but I'm going to assume it was me. I mean, I'm the only one in my family obsessed.
Never one to miss a possible Edward opportunity, I yanked him from my tote and presented him shamelessly to my parents, brother Jerkface and his lovely wife. Have I mentioned lack of social filters before? Oh, I have. Sorry.
What happened next got a little dicey. Suddenly, everyone was... well, they were taking pictures of him. And seemed to be having a really good time of it, too. I quickly realized that I was potentially losing photo-ops so I announced that every picture of Edward belonged to me and that any conversation thereafter may or may not end up on the world wide web. Everyone agreed (suuuuuckers).
I knew Mommy and Daddy (not a)Jerkface would because they know about the blog. Brother Jerkface (aka "the Unicorn") does not (this is called 'Little Sister's Revenge'). And would probably kill me if he did. Or at least maim me a little, like James did to Bella. I nearly burst out of my skin, I wanted to talk about this blog so badly!! But, I couldn't. It was a sad moment.
Needless to say, we went about our merry ways until tonight, when I received an email from Mommy (not a)Jerkface. It read:
JJ, I hope Edward enjoyed the party. Love, Mom
I shit you not, that's what it said. Right?! Mommy (not a)Jerkface is the best!! And she even enclosed pictures. Including this first one, which they took when I was out of the room. The nerve!
Ever the gentleman, he insists on handling the coffee service personally (good thing he's so strong!).
Coffee too hot? No problem! OME will blow his intoxicating, cool breath on it until it's just right.
When I called Mommy (not a)Jerkface to
With that being said, I am now officially renting out Edward. He's got a weird smudge on his right cheek that I can't get off but other than that he's good to go. He's very photogenic, patient, and enjoys being put into awkward, humiliating situations. You can rent him for fifteen dollars a day. A fifty dollar deposit is required but will be returned as long as Edward makes it back to my purse with all his limbs. And his head. **
**Warning - lack of maturity not included. Not responsible for loss of dignity, social status, or significant other. Jenny Jerkface Ltd. cannot be held liable in the event of incarceration and/or committal to mental institution. Use at own risk.