I kid, I kid! Honestly, I'm cool with you hatin' on us. Seriously. If I wasn't such a twitard, I'd probably hate me too. Lately, I've been trolling the web and visiting some of your blogs and sites. Damn clever, some of you are. Not nearly as slick as, say, me or STY (toot toot!), or a whole lot of other Twibloggers out there (Pssst - check our blog roll - oodles of brain-tingling funniness can be had at those sites!) but some of you definitely made me L-O-L. A few even got me LMFAO. Go you!
I thought about linking to your sites but that's just like opening the gates of hell. I imagine it's safe to assume that you folks are just as OCD as we are and will eventually meander your cranky asses over to our site and then it'll be like WWIII or something. While I always love a good fight, I'm not going to spend my day arguing the good and bad of Stephenie Meyer's vamp series, 'kay? Twitarded is not a democracy. Sorry.
Now, I don't speak for all Twilovers out there but it's come to my attention that there are some misrepresentations of the Twi reader demographic. I'll focus on us old biddies (and by old I mean over the age of 25. Really? You bastards!).
We realize this is not exactly 'high brow' literature. No one is clamoring to trade For the Whom the Bells Toll for Twilight. Honest. Yes, we like the books. We LOVE the books. We would make out with the books if it didn't get the pages all wet and muck up the dust jackets. It's just that we know that everyone needs a little 'brain porn' once in awhile. It's a silly story that tugs at us in just the right way. I don't bash you for looking at Hustler or whatever. Just think of Twilight as our version of a naked lady with big tits.
Nor are we a bunch of uneducated house fraus who sit around in our muumuus wishing our hubbies were Edward. We understand that it's just a story. Brain candy, remember? Sometimes War and Peace just doesn't cut it when you've had a long, tortuous day in the office. Sparkly vampires, on the other hand, do. I'll let you in on a little secret: Twilight isn't the only thing we read, 'kay?
We are not all fat, ugly virgins. Are you a four-eyed pasty freakster who chills in front of his computer all day? Maybe, but probably not. You don't like it when people slap stereotypes on you and we don't either. Now, I don't know what my fellow bloggers look like, but it's safe to say we aren't a bunch of drooling hags looking to jump some young guy's knob. In fact, from what I gather, most of us are married or at least shacking up with someone. Sure, we might talk about how Robward gets our motors revving but that's all it is... just talk. There isn't someone out there that plays a little part in your fanasties? Really? I think you're lying. I KNOW there is someone you fantasize about doing the horizontal tango with. Why don't you just admit it.
Do I wish Edward was real? Fuck no! If Vampires actually did exist that would be one more thing I would have to be paranoid about. I've got my hands full, what with the crackheads, thieves, murderers, and human sociopaths. I'd prefer not to add any mythological beasts to that list, ya know?