Friday, May 29, 2009

15 Step - Chapter 3 Twilight Fan Fiction


Achtung! This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction, so go on easy on me, okay? At least use a little verbal lube before you tear into me.

For the newbies this is the third chapter. If you want to start, go here.

15 Step is going to be posted chapter by chapter. I don't intend on it being too long but... we'll see. This story is Bella's POV. Everyone is a human. I did attempt to keep a decent amount of the original stories in this tale.

Oh, and as always - thanks STY. You're the wind beneath my wings (and you're old if you get the reference... like us, dammit)

Disclaimers - The characters, naturally, are Stephenie Meyer's and I've just warped 'em a little to suit our, er, "needs." The titles of the chapters and anything in italics do not belong to me, either. The titles are actually song titles and the italicized bits are pieces of lyrics that I've pulled from songs.

And, this goes without saying, these stories are intended for mature, adult readers. Well, adult, at least. Eighteen and over only.

Author's notes to follow story.

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CHAPTER THREE – WRECKING BALL

Monday morning arrived wet and dreary as I dragged myself down the stairs and out to the truck. Charlie was long gone, probably down at the station. I was thankful that he left before I got up – it made keeping conversation to a minimum much easier.

I couldn’t help but seek out Edward’s Volvo as I coaxed the truck through the parking lot. I found it, dwarfed by some monstrosity of a jeep that looked like it could run over a small tank. Jessica and Mike stood not too far from it, leaning against a blue van and chatting with some other kid whose name I couldn’t be bothered to remember. As she did every morning, Jessica waved wildly, gesturing for me to come join them. I gave her an obligatory short wave back and skirted around the building, hoping to avoid any sort of conversation. The girl just couldn’t take a hint - I wasn’t interested.

My thoughts were still on Jessica as I climbed the steps, feeling a little hyper-conscious of the throngs of kids moving around me. Any day now hows about getting out of this place/ Anyways/Got a lot of spare time/Some of my youth/and all of my senses on overdrive… I reminded myself sternly that I only had to endure this for another year before I could start my own life. High school was merely a transitory stage.

Edward came into view as he turned the corner and I looked at him, wondering if he was going to say something to me. Emmett, his brother, walked next to him, massive and intimidating. Edward glanced at me quickly, expression inscrutable, before shouldering past me and murmuring something to his brother, who laughed loudly. My cheeks flushed and I picked up my pace in the opposite direction.

So that’s how it was going to be. No problem. Ignoring people was what I did best. Angrily, I twirled the lock on my locker and slammed my books inside. Then I headed to Biology with every intention of pretending like the person sitting next to me did not exist. As the late bell rang, however, Edward’s seat continued to remain empty. Seething, I realized Edward must have cut class, kyboshing my plans.

I couldn’t shake the annoyance as I walked absently to my truck, barely aware of climbing inside. I pushed my book bag up against the driver side door and stretched out across the bench seat, my boots resting against the passenger door, flipping idly through my iPod, unable to decide on a song to listen to. Frustrated, I gave up after twenty minutes and stomped off to English.

While part of me was relieved Edward had chosen to ignore me, another part was oddly disappointed and, as the English teacher droned on in front of the class, I mulled over this revelation, twisting it around in my head.

“Miss Swan?” The teacher’s voice broke through my thoughts. '

“Er, yeah?”

Her lips twisted into a moue of disapproval. “Would you like to tell me your thoughts on this novel?”

Fuck. The class turned to watch me and I blushed hotly, especially when I realized the tiny black haired girl who was calling Edward last week was staring at me intently.

“Uh, I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I didn’t read the chapter.”

“I’m afraid I’ll have to mark you as a zero today then, Miss Swan.” The teacher swung around to her desk and scribbled something on a pad.

“Whatever,” I heaved under my breath. Her head snapped up.

“Excuse me?” Her tone was dangerous.

A brief internal battle ensued; while one part was begging me to keep my mouth shut another egged me on. As usual, the latter won.

“I said, ‘whatever’,” I replied in a petulant manner. That good part of me groaned and left me alone with only a devil on my shoulder.

“Is there something wrong with the novel?” The teacher took on that simpering timbre that adults do when they know a kid is going to get herself in a whole lot of trouble. As usual, I took the bait.

“I just don’t see the point in reading,” I glanced down at the title, “Wuthering Heights. I mean, who cares? This isn’t going to help me later in life. It’s just some bullshit story.”

The class tittered at my language and I gathered my books together, already knowing what the teacher was about to say.

“Go to the office!” She seethed at me. I was already out the door. This is the ballad of the young offenders/Leave no manifestos/ save graffiti in the train yard/ These legs were made to run...

Edward smirked at me when I walked into Biology class the next day and I knew the black-haired girl had told him what happened. I dropped my textbook heavily on the desk, slumped into my chair, and waited. It didn’t take long.

“How was English yesterday?” He asked casually.

“Tell your friend she has a big mouth,” I replied sourly.

“Ah, ah, leave poor Alice out of it.” I caught Edward’s grin in my periphery. “You, dear Bella, are the talk of the school now.”

“Goody for me.” I turned sharply toward him. “Hey, wait. Speaking of talking - why are you talking to me?”

He seemed surprised by the question. “Why not?”

“Um, because you ignored me yesterday.” I made a face at him and turned away, brushing a stray lock of hair from my face. “And anyway, I don’t think I want to talk to you, either.”

“Why not?”

Heaving a sigh, I frowned at him. “You’re starting to sound like a broken record, you know, “ I pointed out. “I don’t want to talk to you because you made me look like a jerk in front of those guys on Saturday and…” I glanced around to make sure no one was paying attention and shook my bruised knuckles in his face.

Edward rolled his eyes. “You’ll never see those guys again. And I am sorry that I hurt you. It wasn’t my intention.”

“I’ll probably see those guys every time I see a band play!” I hissed. “I just hope they aren’t there this Saturday.”

“You’re going back to that place?”

Before I could answer Mr. Banner walked in and Edward dropped the subject.We focused on our lesson, though I could tell Edward wasn't willing to let the conversation end.

As usual, Edward followed me out to my truck after class.

“Are you going back to that place this Saturday?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“And you think those guys will be there?”

I rolled my eyes and bit my lip, irritated. “I can’t predict the future, Edward. But, yes, probably.”

“That one guy is bad news. Trouble.” There was conviction in his voice.

”Your point?”

Edward regarded me thoughtfully, a small smile on his lips. “You don’t need any help with trouble.”

I snorted and climbed into my truck. “Don’t I know it.”

_____________________

Charlie’s cruiser was parked in front of the house as I steered the truck into the driveway. The sound of a basketball game greeted me when I opened the door and I assumed Charlie was sitting, enrapt, in front of the TV. I was wrong.

“I got a call from your principal today.”

I froze with my foot halfway on the stairs. Charlie turned around from the microwave, looking displeased.

“Oh. Yeah.”

“Oh yeah?” he repeated, dark eyes flaring. I swear I saw his mustache twitch. “That’s all you have to say?”

I sighed. “Look, I got a detention for it. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Okay? Is that better?”

“Is this how you treated Renee?” If Charlie was trying to guilt trip me, he had another thing coming; it wasn’t going to work.

“Renee never would have cared. She was…occupied with other things.”

“Three strikes, Bella.” Charlie waved his spoon at me. “That’s all I’m giving you. I’m the chief of police – I can’t have my…“ he paused, struggling to dredge up the right word, “my ward running around causing problems.”

“I understand, Charlie.” I muttered, my lips pursed shut. “Loud and clear, Chief.”

I took the steps two at a time and slammed my bedroom door behind me. I glared at it, trying to ignore the feeling of heaviness sinking in my chest as I scrabbled for the iPod, stuffing the earplugs into my ears. Then I flopped back on the bed, kicking my book bag off with a scuffed sneaker. My ward. Whatever. I sighed as the screech of guitars drowned out my thoughts. I'm in this prison you built for you/In this situation I don't know what to do/Always something makes me think things don’t have to be so wrong/You put up walls with nothing spoken/In your weakness you're so strong…

I knew I was mad at the wrong person and that didn’t make me feel better; it made me feel worse. I was Charlie’s ward and he was the closest thing I’d ever had to a father. Hell, he was doing more for me than my own Mother was. No matter how grudgingly he offered his home to me, it was more than my own father ever did. Charlie was helping me out. I had to remember that.

I tried to be on my best behavior for the rest of the week after my tiff with Charlie. By Friday, most of my classmates had stopped whispering every time I walked by. I might not have been in the English teacher’s best graces but I kept my mouth shut and read the chapters. As I wandered absently through the halls of Forks High, my thoughts were on Wuthering Heights; I pondering the irony that I had actually found myself enjoying the characters when I accidentally plowed into some girl.

“Oh, crap!” I exclaimed as she spun around to face me. “I’m sorry!”

“Watch where you’re going!” she retorted angrily. Her hair was short and blonde and her face was twisted into an angry grimace. Her friends stopped, watching with mild curiosity.

“Uh, yeah.” A tremor of annoyance rippled through me. “That’s why I said ‘sorry’.” I turned to walk away.

“Bitch,” she muttered under her breath, just loud enough for me to hear. Someone laughed.

I froze. Willed myself to keep walking. But I couldn’t.

I pivoted slowly. “What did you say?” My voice was coldly cautious and my fists seemed to clench on the their own.

“I said,” the blonde took a step closer to me, “’bitch’. Gotta a problem with that?”

I sized her up, my promise to Charlie forgotten. She was taller than me and probably had me in the weight department, too – not that it made any difference.

“No. I don’t have a problem,” I grinned widely, baring my teeth, “but you sure do.”

I slammed her against the locker before she could open her mouth, my forearm pressed into her throat as her eyes widened in fright and surprise. Adrenaline took over; it was as if I was outside of myself watching the fight unfold before me.

“What are you doing?! Let Lauren go!” Someone shouted behind me. “Stop it!”

A crowd quickly gathered and began yelling at us, momentarily distracting me enough that Lauren managed to wiggle free from my grip and took the opportunity to grab a fistful of my dark brown hair. Tears welled involuntarily in my eyes as she yanked and I heard myself growl with indignation. I bashed her again, hard, against the locker and she cried out hoarsely as my fist connected with her solar plexus. You see me and you laugh out loud/ You taunt me from safe inside your crowd/My looks they must threaten you to make you act the way you do/ Red, I'm seeing red!…

“Fight, fight, fight!” the crowd chanted behind us. I watched with grim satisfaction as Lauren went down in a heap. I was moving in again when I felt strong, muscled arms grabbing me from behind. I struggled, howling, completely focused on pummeling the girl on the ground.

“Knock it off, Bella,” a voice rasped in my ear. “Before you get yourself in even more trouble.”

Edward’s emerald eyes were dark and his expression almost angry as he pulled me away from Lauren. I wrenched myself from his grasp, only to find an older male hand clamping down on my arm. Mr. Banner threw me a reproachful look as he dragged me in the direction of to the principal’s office.

The cracked, plastic chair that sat outside the office was put there specifically for ingrates like myself and the fact that it was beginning to feel familiar to me didn’t bode well.

I was so screwed. I slouched in my seat, scowling as the principal picked up the phone to inform Charlie of my transgressions. In the next room over, I could hear Lauren sobbing and her melodramatic theatrics made me want to march right in there and slap her around some more.

After a brief talk with Charlie, the principal turned to me. “You’re to leave the school immediately,” he said brusquely. “And not come back until the Monday after next. This suspension will go on your permanent record, Miss Swan. I don’t know how they handled things in your old school, but at Forks High we take fighting very seriously.”

I kind of wanted to hit him too, as he stared down his nose at me. Thinking better of it this time, I pulled myself to my feet, signed the suspension paper and stalked outside.

“Meow,” a voice I immediately recognized drawled from behind me. I didn’t even turn but kept walking swiftly toward my truck. “Someone’s got a temper.”

“Oh, bugger off, Edward, will you?” I groused. “Just leave me alone.”

Edward caught up with me easily and I turned my head so I wouldn’t have to look at him. I desperately wanted him to leave; I knew I was perilously close to crying and the thought of crying in front of Edward made me cringe in horror.

“You’re lucky you didn’t get expelled,” He told me reprovingly, running a lean hand through his tousled hair.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I retorted as I yanked my keys from my bag and fumbled to shove them into the lock. Edward plucked them from my hands and I sucked in a big angry breath.

“Edward!” I shouted savagely. “Give me my fucking keys! Now!”

“Relax, Bella,” he said, sliding the key into the lock. “I’m not the bad guy here.”

“Of course not,” I snapped. “Because I am. I’m always the bad guy. The perpetual fuck up.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he said softly as he pulled open the door and motioned me inside. I climbed into the truck and Edward nudged me over, sliding in next to me and shutting the door.

“What on earth are you doing?” I asked, mystified.

“Giving you time to calm down.”

“Can’t you just go away?” Even to my own ears, the words had the ring of defeat. I closed my eyes, wishing all of this could just go away. Wishing I could be back in Arizona, or anywhere else, for that matter. Anywhere but this forsaken place. This place is a prison and these people aren't your friends… There’re guards at the on ramps/ armed to be teeth/ and you may case the grounds from the Cascades to Puget Sound/ but you are not permitted to leave...

“I don’t want to,” Edward stated, as if there was no argument.

I groaned. “Why? I just don’t get it.”

He was quiet for a moment. “You… intrigue me, I suppose.”

“Thanks?” I wasn’t sure if it was a complement or an insult. I leaned my head against the passenger window and sighed.

Edward paused, as if he was searching for the right words. Or was unsure of what he was about to say.

“You laughed at me,” he admitted. “Most people here tend to keep their distance from me and that’s the way I like it. But you… you laughed at me.” Edward barked a laugh himself. “I found it… curious that you were so fearless. You’re not like the other girls here. You’re so… reckless. Unafraid of consequences. I just wonder what goes through your head when you do stupid shit like beating up Lauren Mallory.”

My own snicker was weak. “I’m not so sure I know the answer to that one myself,” I told him.

“How long are you suspended for?” Edward changed the subject abruptly.

“A week. Charlie’s going to murder me. Or kick me out. I’m not sure which one is worse.”

“I’m sure your Dad won’t kick you out,” Edward meant to be soothing but his words just stung me more.

“He’s not really my Dad,” I mumbled, regretting the words the moment they flew from my mouth. I did not usually volunteer personal information.

Edward arched his brows. “Really? Who is he then?”

I sighed. “Long story, Edward. Listen, I probably should go before they call the cops on me. Oh wait, they already did,” I laughed bitterly at my own joke.

It seemed as though there was a question burning in Edward’s eyes but he merely nodded and opened the door, exiting the truck. Just as he was about to shut it, he stopped, studying me. I raised my eyebrows at him, leaning over to reach for the door. Instead, he moved closer and caught my hand. His hand was warm and firm; the contact shocked me and all I could do was stare, perplexed.

“Will you do me a favor while you’re suspended?” he asked, his voice somber but sweet.

I shrugged. “Maybe. What’s the favor?”

“Don’t do anything stupid, okay? You seem to like getting yourself in trouble.”

I laughed. “I’ll try my best, Edward. That’s the best I can do.”

Edward gave me a small crooked grin but there was a worried look in his eyes. “Well, be safe, then. See you when you come back.”

He waited there until the Chevy grumbled to life, his arms folded across his chest, watching as I slowly made my way out of the parking lot. I glanced in the rear view mirror just before I entered the main road, and saw Edward still standing there, looking oddly alone.

Charlie was, as I expected, absolutely furious with me when I got home. The light drizzle that had persisted all day erupted into a fantastic downpour and I stood in the hallway, shivering and drenched, as he ripped in to me.

“You couldn’t last one week?” he blustered angrily. “One damned week?! You promised me on Monday that you would watch yourself and yet I get a call four days later telling me you’re suspended? For fighting?” He threw his hands up in disgust. “Really, Bella, I don’t know what to say.”

Neither did I, so I remained quiet, riding out the storm. He ranted on, his dark brows furrowing together.

“I don’t know, Bella,” Charlie shook his head, “this isn’t what I signed on for. If Renee hadn’t already moved to Jacksonville I think I would just ship you-“

My head snapped up; something cold wrapped itself around my middle, shooting up my spine. “She what?”

“Moved,” he sighed. “With that ball player husband of hers. She didn’t want to tell you until she was settled in.”

“Are you going to send me there?” My voice was barely a whisper. Charlie shook his head.

“I can’t,” I heard regret in his voice but I wasn’t sure if it was for him or me. “It’s an adult community – no children.”

“Oh,” His burly form blurred in my vision – I felt like my throat was stuffed with cotton. “I see.”

Charlie gave me a sympathetic look. “Bella, I –“

I cut him off. “Well, I’m sorry I’ve caused all this trouble, Charlie.” I said in a mechanical voice. “I really am. May I be excused?”

He nodded and I trudged up the stairs, my legs wobbling, as the rest of me was suddenly too heavy to carry.

My mother wasn’t coming back for me. Somehow, I think I knew that but now it seemed so… real. Something hot and wet trickled down my cheek and I angrily slapped the tears away, curling up on the bed desperately, my rain boots muddy against the comforter. My mother wasn’t coming back for me. I patted the bed for my iPod, my sanctity, and turned it on as quickly as my numbed fingers would allow. Yeah this is how it ends/ after all this time/ everything just fades away/ worn-out and empty and all alone/ with nothing left to say/oh it's all too big to make a difference/ it's all too wrong to make it right/ yeah everything is too unfair /everything too much to bear…

I don’t know how long I laid in that uncomfortable fetal position before the sorrow morphed into anger. It started slowly, almost softly, crawling through my body, heating my blood until I was boiling, pissed. I sat up in the bed and was trying to clear my head when suddenly I couldn’t breathe.

My lungs were filled with coal and ash. I wheezed and doubled over, feeling as if something was constricting my airways, cutting off my air supply. I gasped, panicked, trying desperately to catch air, reminding myself firmly that there was actually nothing physically wrong with me.

I hated her. It was the hatred that was choking me, making stars dance before my eyes. I hated her all the more for making me feel this way. Quickly, I grabbed my headphones, my hands shaking as I scrolled through the music, looking for something soothing, relaxing. My breathing slowed slightly but I found nothing relaxing or soothing. I gave up and switched to a harder beat. My heart sped up to match as my emotion soared toward volcanic intensity.

My boot struck the wall across from my bed with such force it knocked an adjacent picture to the floor, the glass shattering, glittering almost prettily. All of my fears came true/black and blue and broken bones you left me here I'm all alone/my little piggy needed something new/nothing can stop me now/I don't care anymore/nothing can stop me now… I stared viciously at it for a moment before launching the second boot through the air; it landed squarely on a small bookshelf, causing an eruption of paperbacks to scatter to the ground. From somewhere came the strangest sound, a guttural, high-pitched shriek that pierced through the music banging in my ears. Then the cursing started, even louder than my shrieks.

“You fucking bitch!” I screamed, decapitating a lamp with my book bag. “How could you do this to me?” I shoved a notebook off my cramped desk, it’s contents scattering in a flurry of papers. “What did I do to you?!”

“BELLA!!” Charlie stood in the doorway, his eyes wide, horrified. “Bella! Stop this right now!”

“Why did she leave me?” I yelled back, kicking over a chair. “Why? What did I do? How can she fucking do this to me? What did I do, Charlie? Tell me – what did I do that was so bad they don’t want me? That made her move someplace where I’m not even allowed to be with them? That selfish fucking asshole –“

“Bella!” Charlie took a tentative step toward me. “Calm down, please.”

“Calm down?” I gave a hysterical little laugh. “My own mother wants nothing to fucking do with me and – “

“Bella, please,” Charlie’s voice turned soft, pleading. “You’re bleeding, you’ve hurt yourself.”

I looked down numbly at my hand; it was oozing blood but couldn‘t recall what I had cut it on. Then I looked up at Charlie. He was watching me with such a sad expression that I wanted to disappear between the floorboards. My fuck ups were becoming a regular thing these days. I glanced around the room I had successfully destroyed; glass shards glittered in one corner while the lamp keeled over in another, it’s shade broken and smashed.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Charlie,” I mumbled dully. “I’m… so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Charlie said too quickly, clearing his throat and looking utterly uncomfortable. “Here, let me look at your hand.”

“No, Charlie,” I responded thickly, even though I was trying to keep my voice even. “You don’t have to worry. I’ve caused enough trouble. I can take care of it myself. I’m sorry.” I took a step toward the door but stopped, unwilling to get too close to him. He must have sensed my hesitation because he nodded softly and stepped away.

“Ok, Bells,” he said quietly, a little helplessly. “You take care of that yourself. If you want to… talk, just let me know. I’m here.”

“Thanks, Charlie.” My insides felt frozen; my voice sounded like a stranger’s. Numbly I headed to the bathroom and locked the door. As I watched my blood swirl down the drain I felt my bile rise. Tears burned in my eyes, fighting to get out even as I tried to swallow the feelings threatening to burst out of me. But I wasn’t strong enough.

The sobs came painfully, wracking through me as if some inner force was shoving them out of my body. Blindly I reached for the shower, turning it on, hoping the sound of pounding water would obliterate my cries. Charlie didn’t need to hear this.

I stripped down quickly and stepped into the shower, the water hot and punishing against my skin. I knelt down, until I was sitting in the tub. I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, my head tilted down, rocking, as the water pummeled me. And I let the grief take over.

_________________________

I know a few of you thought Edward was being an asshole in the last few chapters. I realize that right now neither of them are all that... likeable but I implore you, give them a chance. They'll surprise you.

Chapter Title - Wrecking Ball by Crooked Fingers

Lyrics (order of appearance - song, band)

Any Day Now - Elbow
Young Offenders - The Constantines
Hoboken - Operation Ivy
Seeing Red - Minor Threat
This Place is a Prison - Postal Service
Numb - The Cure
Piggy - Nine Inch Nails

39 comments:

  1. I disagree. They may not be the most moral, likeable, self-sacrificing characters as we saw in Meyer's series. But, there is something to be said about conflict and honesty. The characters are great and more realistic than any other fanfic I've (TRIED) to read. I am intrigued by your writing and find the story fascinating.

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  2. Well, shit Sunshne02 - thank you. That is actually the nicest thing anyone's ever said about my characters.

    I wanted them to be real, truthful. And, judging by your comment, I just may have succeeded. Thanks again. :)

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  3. JJ, this is great. I love angsty fanfic, but what I particularly like about your story is the painful isolation Bella is in. In SM's work, Bella's isolated in kind of a mental way: she doesn't see herself clearly, she's naturally shy and reserved. Which worked great for the novels. But I love the raw way your Bella is isolated: her mother is screwing her up in a psychological way that just spells YEARS of therapy. And how sick am I that my first thought was, "This is great! She's going to be so screwed up!" Yeah, I love the angst. Keep it coming!!

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  4. Totally love that your story is angst. You made me cry. I love that!

    You are doing a great job.

    Thanks for adding the playlist! Also, do you have a plan on when you will post? Sorry don't mean to be pushy but I know I will get antsy when I don't see updates.

    Did you mean to add Billy in the Charlie/Bella confrontation after she gets suspended?

    If so, my brain is gonna go crazy trying to figure out why he was there!

    Again, love the story. Can't wait for the next update.

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  5. Thanks so much for the comments!

    @Lainey - No, I didn't mean to add Billy. That was actually just a very strange typo. Weird. I corrected it. But you have given me ideas... sweet! :)

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  6. I've thought about it. I'll have to see how this plays out first. I'd like to, though.

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  7. Ok, I don't know if it's my hormones but this chapter made me cry. I feel so bad for Bella but I really like the inner strength she has in this story. Other fanfics tend to make Bella too weak which sometimes gets on my nerves. Maybe too weak for my tastes. My favorite part so far is Bella kicking the shit out of Lauren. Not sure why, but reading it made me feel better. :) Can't wait for chapter 4.

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  8. Totally digging your story...I like that Bella has an aggressive side. Generally author's only make the guys the badasses, times are a changin'! Keep up the good writing...and maybe you can find a way to add some "whore flaps" or "muff donkeys" in there, lol!!!!

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  9. I am a fan of angsty fan fic and yours is shaping up to be a great one. Sooooo proud of you...

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  10. I like how you've made B&E in to real people!

    We get to see them sad, angry, lonely, snarky....not just I neeeeeeed you, I want yooooooou.....yadayadayada.

    But my goodness!, the way you wrote Bella losing it in her room and then crying it out in the shower! Whoa, your good girl! My heart hurt for her there.
    Can't wait to see how this all goes! :)

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  11. JJ ur doing such a great job!!!! im def looking forward to reading more.


    ............. r u gonna use the swear book to help with any creative names our 2 hard asses might feel the need to use?

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  12. Thought you should know that I love your story and your blog! I read it everyday! I do a youtube channel for Twilight related stuff only and one of my days is Hump Day in which I highlight one or more naughty Twilight Fan Fictions of the week and you will be the highlight for next week! http://www.youtube.com/ApplesnFeathers

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  13. Nice job, JJ.

    I think Punch Werewolves his a good idea - I think Bella is angry enough that she needs to use some colorful phrases, lol. Perhaps she's not done with giving Lauren a good tongue-lashing?!

    I like the softer side you gave Edward. Hopefully, Bella will pull that stick out of her ass soon too, lol. ;)

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  14. Good Turn of events-Bella has no home with mom.
    I'm enjoying this so much! Yes - I agree with others - Angsty reads rock. Thanks JJ! Nicely Done.

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  15. I am totally digging this story! I seriously love that Bella is a total bad ass. I loved the ass whooping she gave Lauren, and the total attitude she gives Edward (a little taste of his own medicine!) Keep it coming (I can't wait for the dirty stuff to begin, especially if your short story is any indication of just how dirty you can write!) Thanks for giving the FanFic a go - you're doing an awesome job! Rock on. (I have a new Google ID - formerly Stacy207)

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  16. I like that you are making them a little more real than SM did. Come on, Bella didn't even have an IPOD or a cellphone!!

    I can't wait to see if either of them drink or take drugs(that sounds weird but when reading NM I kept waiting for Bella to get involved with the "bad" crowd and party up a little bit to live dangerously.) Still love me some Edward :)

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  17. @sunshine/@heather--I ccmpletely agree with your comments.

    I definitely got all choked up when she freaks out. The abandonment she is feeling is truly palpable and it put a big lump in my throat and made me weepy. Of course, as a mother, I am thinking how could Renee do this to her child? This only made it more emotional for me. I, too, love that she is angry and angst--definitely makes Bella more spicy.

    I also agree that you should throw in some more "colorful" language--it seems a bit tame for you ;)

    I look forward to seeing where this all goes JJ. I am sure all of us are waiting for more Edward soon too--thanks for sharing all this with us.

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  18. awesome awesome story! im loving it so far! BUT U SAID THAT THIS IS ONLY FOR ADULTS AND THERE ISNT ANY ADULT CONTENT IN IT? IS THERE GOING TO BE LATER IN THE STORY??? BUT I LOOOOOOVE IT! IT MADE ME CRY!

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  19. this is a great story so far. they might not be all sunshine and rainbows, but its realistic and angry and angsty and sometimes thats really preferable. i think its great.

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  20. JJ - Simply Brilliant!!

    Can't wait for next chapter. :)

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  21. It's just great. I can't wait to read the next chapter. This was just as good as the previous entry

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  22. Well done JJ! Everyone else on here has pretty much said what I was going to.. so I don't want to repeat! :)

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  23. Thank you for the great comments!

    I know many of you are eager for the 'adult' stuff to start. I'm trying to keep the flow of the story as natural as possible. We can't have Bella jumpin' into the sack on the first date, can we? Well, yes we can but... :) I promise, I'll get there soon. In the meantime I'll try to get some shorts up for you.

    I am insanely pleased that my story has evoked emotion from many of you. Even if it is a sad one.

    Thank again for you comments!

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  24. Awesome story! Your writing is terrific. Can't wait to see what happens next!

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  25. I finally had a chance to read it - great stuff! My heart was breaking for Bella when she destroyed her room...

    And the nerd in me also really appreciates the flow of your writing and lack of typos! :) I get distracted with that kind of stuff, even if the story is good. :)

    Are you planning on putting this on FF or Twilighted so it's all put together nicey-nicey?

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  26. My gaytard life is not allowing for fanfic. :( LIFE WTH?

    This is the very next thing I am reading.

    Oh and WOOT to over 41,000 visitors and all the followers! WOWZERS how the Twitard nation has grown. Fin.

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  27. wow cool, i like it !! It took some time to get into the characters, specially while reading the first chapters. One had to erase a bit SM´s Bella and Edward so that one can read your story unbiased, but then it turns out pretty cool.
    And as i now read the 2nd part, you got me ! :-)) Now one starts understanding Bella and i love her fight with Lauren-the-bitch!
    Waiting for the next part, go one JJ your doing a great job.!!

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  28. OMG! First, you totally just made me deal with a customer with tears in my eyes. (that lady's prolly thinking this bitch is nuts!)

    I FUCKING LOVE IT!(and yes I have to drop the F-bomb in respect) I'm so tired of Bella being so pansy, seriously. Just cuz we have emotions and usually cry does not mean we'll take shit and be mopey. I love that she kicked that bitches ass. (She has to have a lot of built up agression. When I get mad, I'm breaking something be it a face or whatevers in reach. Nice to see that side represented)
    I love the realness. Teenage years aren't all bunnies and daisies. And I love that's she's into music and doesn't like to read.

    Listen I know you have a life and everything but you got me and I'll be waiting very impatiently for the next chapter. Very nice! I'm very impressed and thirsty for more!

    STY lock her in the damn closet and throw away that key girl!

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  29. If that comes off a little on the extreme side, I'm not going to apologize, because that's how strongly I feel about it. Awesome that you were able pull so much emotion out of me and everyone else apparently. I literally felt the rage and the heartbreak.

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  30. my last comment was the one bout adult stuff and i was totally juss wondering and i completely get that u have to keep it natural and i like it better like that anyways, once again great story i love it =)

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  31. Oh I am LOVING this story. But hurry up cuz I don't like waiting. LOL You're doing an awesome job!

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  32. OK I'm waiting for my 4 favorite fanfics to post something. It's like you all have your periods at the same time! wtf. waaah.OK - We all have been waiting for WideAwake, I'm also grooving on "In The Blink of an Eye" "Wild SWan" is my new fav and you JJ!!! I love angsty tough Bellas.
    Highly recommend these toi your readers. BUt shit. I can't wait to find out what your Bella does after being so abandoned. How will it reveal to Edward- I'm sure with an effin lot of angst. But she can't get herself kicked out of H.S. now can she! Seems like drugs or alcohol may be next. OK - I'm just blowing air out my ass - hoping when I'm done - you posted. I'm selfish- What can I say!

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  33. Wow JJ, your writing is great and your characters are so strong! Well done, I'm waiting for more! And I was panting so much after Le Petit Mort I had to wait to calm down before I could write to you!
    Will there be any way to get email alerts when you update the story? Or do you want to consider also uploading it to fanfiction.net so we can get alerts when you put up new chapters? Either way keep it up, it's great!

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  34. @scentaddict - Thank you! The email alert is a good idea. I'll have to tinker with blogger and see if I can come up with something.

    I should hopefully be posting chapter 4 sometime next week so stay tuned!

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  35. So I'm really really wondering what Edwards back story is?? Why he's perceived as a bit of a trouble maker. Your Bella obviously isn't the suffer in silence type, but I hope this outburst brings her and charlie a little closer at least so there isn't so much awkwardness and avoidance. Pissed about what her mom did tho. Bring on the next post!

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  36. I always love the dark twifanfics!

    No matter how Edward is portrayed, he's always so sexy...sigh

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