Monday, May 25, 2009

Memorial Day with Edward Cullen

Ah, Memorial Day weekend. Every year ML and I throw our tent and sleeping bags into the car and head down to his friend's house where we kiss our dignity goodbye and say hello to whiskey and shame.

Well, I do, at least.

ML's friend, we'll call him Mr. X, lives in a small, very quaint town. Actually, he also owns a church in town, which he is renovating. It's at this church that, ironically, most of the bedlam goes down. It's your typical Memorial Day melee - lots of food, drink, music, Bocci Ball, Horseshoes (imo, this is the WORST game to play when you're tying one on) and of course, drinks. Oh wait, I already mentioned that.

We quickly throw our tent together so we can begin carousing because, honestly, trying to set up a tent when you're three sheets to the wind is really, really hard. Or so I've heard.

Our tent is the ugly gray one, not the ugly yellow one.

ML groaned audibly when I whipped Edward out of my bag. It seems that he's still thinks that maybe, just maybe, one of these days I'll leave the damn doll at home. Wishful thinker, that one.

Unfortunately, it rained like a mother effer yesterday, but that didn't do anything to dampen our spirits!! In fact, despite the hell waters that were unleashed, even the bonfire persevered!

At one point, STY texts me, asking if it's raining. I snap a picture of myself chillin' in my rain gear.

Sorry this picture is so blurry - my cell phone had a bit too much wine...

Instead of being all nice and telling me that maybe standing around an open field in the middle of a thunderstorm isn't the brightest idea or maybe some other thoughtful inquiry into my well-being (since I know that STY finds my occasional camping trips puzzling; she prefers to experience nature by viewing it through a thick pane of glass, preferably with a cocktail in hand), I get this instead:

That's a lotta tit for camping...

Right? Freaking biatch is SO judgemental!! That's why I love her though. And anyway, shortly after this picture I did get absolutely soaked and had to change into a less titty-accentuating top. So there.

The festivities carried on late into the evening and when I finally shuffled off to my sleeping bag there were still people playing guitars and stuff.

And then there's morning...

There is only one thing that sucks about camping out. It doesn't matter how late you were up the night before, or even how much whiskey you may or may not have consumed. It is inevitable, if you are sleeping out of doors, that you will wake up punishingly early.

I finally came to woke up when I became aware of the fact that I was sweating like a whore in church. Couple that with a pack of dogs wuffling around the tent and a screeching banshee with wings in the tree above me, there was no way I was getting anymore shut eye. So I climbed out of the tent to survey the damage.

I could hear the pathetic groanings of the collective Hungover masses emanating from their tents as I started to pull my sleeping bag out to hang it up. And that's when I saw this:

Don't see it? Look closer:

Yup. It looks like Edward had an AWESOME night last night, too!! Poor guy looks like he's a hurting.

Mini-E finishing up his cougar, bear and/or bad vamp patrol - he did a great job!

Sadly, all good things must come to an end. The tents were packed up, the beer cans collected, and the fire doused with water. Until next year, that is.

Hope you all have a safe and happy Memorial Day!!! You know Edward has strong feelings when it comes to our safety...


  1. you know you had an awesome night if you wake up with your face right smacked on the floor and then one of your arms is extended in suspended animation of trying to "reach" for something (the pillow, the bed, the doorknob..) lol! I swear to god I have the same compromising picture somewhere.. Hey JJ, don't you dare leave mini-E at home! you also have to look out for his safety too right? ;)

  2. Hilarious. As a Edward lover & tent camper...this made me laugh.

  3. jenny jerkface = farken funny!

  4. Looks like fun, nice pics. Loved STY's comment and hungover mini-E.

  5. Sounds like a fun time was had by all! And kudos to STY for calling you out on your "camping gear" or lack there of. ;)

    I wonder what kind of crazy shit a vampire has to consume in order to have a hangover the next day? hmmm....

    Can I come next year??

  6. Ha ha Loved that OME was face down on the floor in the tent, too funny! CRAZY!!

    Hangover's in tents - Priceless. Hair of the dog I always say. :)

    Why do holiday weekends go faster that regular old weekends, maybe it's the drink that does it?

    Read Cocktails & Dreams and The Submissive - Phew, over the weekend, bloody brilliant! PHEW wee Batman!

    Can't wait for your next chapter of 15 Steps.

  7. @Faith - It's even better when you wake up halfway up the stairs to your room with your shoes still on, too. At least, that's what I've heard, lol. I thought the fact that there is a water bottle in Edward's 'reach' was pretty darn funny.

    @Anon- If you're a tent camper than you know EXACTLY what I mean about mornings!!! Sometimes they are great - other times they are just so horrifyingly awful.

    @n7of9 - Thank you!! Most people equate Jenny Jerkface with being a douche but I much prefer being funny. :P

    @Lucy W - STY is notorious for throwing out the comments I don't want to hear, lol.

    @Aunt_B - I'll let you in a secret - I don't wear pants. No! Not like that, dirty bird!! I prefer skirts and dresses over pants. They are more... comfortable. So, unless I'm doing some serious hiking/backpacking, I'm all about the dresses.

    And Aunt_B, you just gave me the BEST idea. A Twilight Campout!!!

  8. I'm there!! Only if by Campout you mean staying at a hotel!! LOL

  9. WOW the idea of a Twitarded gathering...... in a field! Could you imagine! whoa..!.......BYOE

    Oh yes and I loved the recap, the drunk E,(reaching for the water! hahaa) and so glade he kept you safe from the bad vamps!

  10. @Aunt_B - Sadly, my cheapness often prevails over my desire for comfort. Which is probably why STY and I have never vacationed together...

    @Track 10 - Hmm, maybe we should do a tele conference instead... LOL!

  11. OMG, a Twitarded campout?!?! The debauchery! The smut! The shear masses of Pocket Edwards that would undoubtedly be present! The Mini E's would have to FIGHT over the raccoons & whatnot! Which is fine, because then we wouldn't have to share our whiskey/wine/whatever! OMG, the Event Planner in me has the wheels spinning... Tents, hotels, the possibilities are endless.

    Also, too much titty? AWESOME. You guys are THE BEST. Am now curious to see how STY spent her weekend!

    Off to set-stalk italy via the computer. Productive, oui??

  12. Twilight Campout - Brilliant idea!!

    "altogether now, Koomby yar my lord, koom by yar...." (pls tell me you sing that campfire song so I don't feel like a complete ding-dong?)

    Oh my god could you imagine a field full of "TwiHard's" holy crap it would be hysterical. :)

  13. Well in that case how 'bout I hang w/STY and judge you on your outfits??

  14. @Anne & Limey-1996 - I can't quite decide if that would be terrifying or a ton of fun. LOL!

    @Aunt_B - That works, lol! She's a big fan of pointing out the fact that my fun bags are always hanging out but I'm damn sure the two of you could come up with a plethora of complaints!! :P

  15. Yes, you've got a point but you only get one life to live and you just have to do crazy sh** in this big wide world makes it more fun.

    Could you imagine the cackles and hysterics especially if we all had our Pocket Edwards!! haha I'm sure the local paper would have a field day, white jackets come to mind! Can you say "nuthouse" haha

  16. "Hair of the dog" was definitely on JJ's mind - she didn't mention that when I called her at 11:30 the following morning, she asked me if it was too early for a beer (to which I said "no," naturally - camping is like going fishing: all the normal rules of acceptable alcohol consumption go out the window).

    And if you guys plan a Twitarded camp-out, please make sure there's enough space for me to park the big-ass RV that I will be renting and sleeping in (if you are extra nice to me you can use the bathroom. I may also be open to accepting bribes for shower privileges).

    : )

  17. STY, I'll go halvsies with you on the RV cuz momma don't do the outside no mo!!

    JJ, I'd only give you crab about your, um, fun bags 'cause I'm jealous!! And, I love to make fun!! LOL

  18. JJ, I meant crap, not crab...finally got rid of those things! LOL

  19. glad to see that u and mini-edward had a great time.nice pics, after my shitty day, they made me giggle and smile, so yay!!!

    ......... i took one the other day, gotta figure out how to upload it tho

  20. JJ:

    Begging your forgiveness in advance...but, in light of your debauched camping excursion, I feel compelled to ask:

    Is your mini-Edward capable of, er, pitching a tent??? ;P

  21. @Aunt_B - You'd give me crabs?! I think we need to get to know each other a little more... (sorry - couldn't help myself) :P

    @Limey_1996 - Man, the local county jail would be really perplexed when they suddenly had to throw thirty women, ages 25-50+ into the drunk tank. Not to mentioning confiscating all those Edwards!!

    Actually, that might be worth it... LOL!

    @STY - I did? Shit. Just kidding. I totally remember asking you that. When you reminded me. :P

    @IPW4F - Shitty day? That sucks! Glad I could make it a teensy bit better!

    @Mrs. Robinsane - I understand that Edward was trying to mack it to some of the ladies at the party but unfortunately did a few shots too many of Wild Turkey and ended up with the deal breaking, utterly embarrassing 'whiskey dick'.

  22. @STY & Aunt B, this momma don't do the outside either...I'm all about the RV. Plus, where else would we screen Twilight from???

    Pitching the tent... heh heh heh....why didn't I think of that?

  23. Sometimes it's best to be the last poster! So much freaking fun.

    Oh and JJ I completely agree with this statement:

    "I can't quite decide if that would be terrifying or a ton of fun. LOL!"

    Especially if someone is handing out craps.


  24. Or crabs. LOL I'm so ridiculous!

  25. OMG, you guys crack me up! Hubby wanted to know wtf I was laughing so hard about.... That's great!

  26. Whiskey dick! LMAO!!!!! Poor Pocket Edward, can't he get ANY love?

    I don't care if the various hubsters/SOs/whatevers cart us all off in white jackets to the funny farm, I'm ALL OVER a group meeting of mini-Edwards and their drunken fans/owners. What says, "I need help," more than getting drunk and talking to dolls, I mean action figures?

  27. hahaha.. my safe word will be whhhiskey! Great post!

  28. The idea of a bunch of crazy women from all different backgrounds getting together (out of doors, no less) with an equal amount of Edward action figures is either totally ingenious or the setup for the creepiest porn I never want to imagine. Woo! What a mouthful! (that's what she said, lol)

    Ok, on that note... I probably should get off the computer now... ;)

  29. I didn't get to read through anyone else's comments so I'm not sure if anyone else noticed this but you looked absolutely Volturish in your rain gear, lol. Other than the boobies, that was the first thing I noticed, lol.


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