Friday, May 1, 2009

Robward, Jacksper, Taycob, Kemmett: When Did This Line Get So Blurry???

I'm lookin' at YOU, missy!

OK, ladies [cough-cough] - let's all settle down a little bit and show a little decency for a change, shall we? Just for a few minutes. Hey! You there in the back--looking away furtively--I see you! Pay attention! We'll still have fun and if I have to somehow find a way to include "love custard" in every post I write from now on I'll do it, but nobody really wants that, do they??? Don't worry - even if things are more PG for the moment, it will give everyone a chance to take a break from all that heavy breathing you've been doing of late (trust me, I know all about it).

Moving on...

Back in the relatively-recent-past when I was still sane and had first discovered Twilight, I used to say - with all sincerity - that I was only enamored of the characters in the book and that was absolutely it. Sure, I thought some of the actors that had been cast in the movie were damn easy on the eye or whatever, but I told DH with a straight face and in all sincerity that I was absolutely only interested in the books and the characters in them - not the actors. The actors brought the story to life, but it was still just about Edward, Jasper and the whole hot make-believe clan.

And yet here it is six or seven months later, and I've somehow posted more than one "SQUEEEE!!!"-type post here at Twitarded that was all R-Patts, all the time. How could I not?? And suddenly, JJ and I are debating how icky it is to think that maybe Taylor Lautner is looking pretty buff these days. Actually, we're not even so sure that's legal, what with him being seventeen and all (please tell me he will no longer be a minor when the movie comes out).*

Somehow in the past several months the line between actor and character has become blurred. It's no longer Edward/RPattz - it's Robward. Jackson/Jasper? Jacksper (and btw we LOVE watching him do that baseball bat twirly thingy. You are a hottie, Jacksper!). It was insidious, creeping up on us so slowly we didn't even notice until one day I was relaxing on my Edward pillow while making out with the cover of GQ... Or was I relaxing on my copy of GQ while making out with the Edward pillow??? Oh, whatever...

Jacksper says "relax."

And hey, speaking of Jacksper, did you hear that his band will be in town soon??? Suddenly we're talking about how we'll swing the trip to the 100 Monkeys show in some town I've never been to and will probably get lost trying to find (GPS or no) in south Jersey... And I have to ask: what the fuck happened to me??? I guess this is what being Twitarded is really all about...

Jacksper, Ashlice, and Kemmett, chillin' Cullen-style.
photo from here.

*I tried to find a Taycob pic and then a Taylor pic but after much searching I just felt like a dirty pedophile and called it a night.

Note: Somehow this whole thing doesn't transfer over to Kristen Stewart... There's just no "Krella" [sounds like a monster] or "Belsten" [sounds like a British butler] - nope, doesn't work. Sorry, K-Stew.

Krella, get yer evil claw outta Robward's mouth!

P.S. I know I am trying to keep it clean here today, but I just want everyone to know that I had to look at a LOT of smut to find a non-porno image of a "stern schoolmarm."


  1. phew! i was getting worried...i thought we all might never return from the gutter we have been dwelling on the past couple days. LOL

    ps...i love Taycob more than Jacob! movie-jacob makes my 23 yr old heart go pitter-patter!
    i. am. going. to. jail.

  2. Yes! I vividly remember the day about a year ago when I was all consumed reading some online forums (trying to get all caught up on everything I'd missed) and reading about how all these girls/women had transferred their love for Edward onto Rob. And I remember thinking "give me a break! I will never do that! I mean I think he's hot and all but I love Edward and I would never transfer that to Rob just because he's playing Edward."

    Um, what I don't remember is exactly when I ate those words . . . BIG TIME!

  3. "It was insidious, creeping up on us so slowly we didn't even notice until one day I was relaxing on my Edward pillow while making out with the cover of GQ... Or was I relaxing on my copy of GQ while making out with the Edward pillow??? Oh, whatever..."

    This is why I love you. You get me, you really get me. ;>

    Yeah, it's all about the RobWard, the RobArt, the RobVador, the Jacksper, the Kellet, etc...

    Look, we're all two skips and a booty shake away from stalking these poor guys anyway. Might as well give them cute nicknames we can get tattooed on us in prison while we serve our time for being armed and twicrazy.

    With that said, I love you all and you ARE the wind beneath my wings...

  4. I'm with ya there. I have never been so into an actor before. Being (cough) years older than Rob--I'm a little shocked at myself for stalking this man on the web the way I do.

    It used to be all about the books, but my complete absorbtion with this man cannot be blamed on my love of all things Stephenie Meyer.

    Anyway, "if I'm going to hell..."

    Why not???

  5. @ ang ~ do you think they'd set up a special ward for us? i mean we would be the craziest most dangerous in there, i think theyd need to keep us sperated from the general population.

  6. the twilight show in my head has turned into the rob show. there is no edward. its all british accents in there when he eases up next to me and puts his mou... i mean... ummm... what?

    i think its so easy to switch it up because there was some mighty fine casting. if there was anything they did right in this movie it was the casting. i mean not only is rob a hottie mchotterson, but hes all musically inclined and even all emo like edward. same with kellan and taylor. they seem like they are kind of alot like the characters they are playing. so its easy start lusting after the real person instead of the character because "thats (a little more) normal" and at least a slightly more achievable fantasy. haha.

    at least thats how i justify to myself.

  7. @ I Punch Werewolves
    Uhm, no, I think they call that the psych ward.

  8. I am going to see 100 Monkeys in Jersey on the 23rd. Mind you I live in IL.....but I am seeing him in NJ....remember the family motto...Nicely but Firmly....Oh dear...must get my head out of the Jackson gutter.

  9. Yeah, I was all snobby like that in the beginning. "He's just the actor"...blah, blah blah. Now I am seriously debating picking up my own little edward and buying a box of the twilight candy. I hope my husband still loves me and my kids forget all about this someday.

    xoxo times a million to you girls!!!

  10. Oh, man - I am dying laughing over your Edward pillow/GQ comment. DYING.

    I feel so close to you right now. Really - you do an amazing job of expressing the love/shame I have with all things Twilight.

  11. Love the post. I also started thinking that Jacksper was a hottie when he started flipping and twirling the bat. I'm with you as well in that I don't know when I started fantasizing about rob instead of Edward! I work from home, and used to be productive. Now I find myself searching thru sites, looking for the latest pics and news.

  12. Yeah, I remember saying, "On no, I'm not lusting over a 22 year old ... it's just the character." Ha! What finally did me in was the Robward LAX escalator butt shot (check it out at New I mean, for all the descriptions of Edward's perfections, we never heard about his perfect ass, did we? But, saying Robward, instead of Rob, helps me stay in denial (a bit) that I'm lusting over someone WAY too young. Gotta admit, when I'm reading Twiporn, it's definitely Robward in there (sometimes the English accent makes it too - hey, fantasize what you like!), but SORRY KRELLA - no room for you in my fantasies! Keep your evil claws off MY Robward! By the way, kt, love the term "hottie mcHotterson" ! Thanks for keeping it real Twitarded women!!

  13. i'm beinning to wonder if there are any 100 money fans left at the concert or if it's just a bunch of well twilight adorers....

    Damn it got me to!!
    And i am still pretty new at the twicrazyness...

    i thought people from the netherlands aren't suppose to be this obsessed.... they are supose to be all sober and such...

    But my 25 year old hart is al twitarted right now.... damn

  14. Stacy (formerly SEJ207)May 2, 2009 at 8:55 AM

    Here's the thing... if you say you're lusting after Rob, he's a 22yo (almost 23!) actor which ain't too bad even when you're my age (ahem, late 30s). But then you want to qualify it by saying you're really in love the the character... Edward... HELLO, he's only 17! And this doesn't make you feel MORE dirty? YES, YES, YES it does... and sorry, I LIKE it! Did someone say something about going to hell? Yep, me too... in a HANDBASKET!! Anyone want to join me??

    Will you ladies be doing anything special for Robward's b-day in a couple weeks?? I think it deserves a celebration that we don't have to say he's 22 anymore!

  15. I love this blog! 40 is looking me straight in the face, I have 2 kids and a wondeful husband - and I am 100% addicted to this twilight insanity. I thought I was losing my mind! I am so glad I found you! I almost peed my pants reading your entries from April.

  16. @Kdgrimmer - I always thought Taycob was cute... for a kid. And then I saw the wolf pictures... I guess we'll be sharing a jail cell!

    @amcas - scary, ain't it? LOL! We used to scoff at people who were all into RPattz... I think "Letters to Rob" recently recently did something about bad Rob fans that was hysterical. Definitely check them out.

    @Kat - I've never been like this about an actor before either. I don't usually get starstruck. It's Edward that started it and I'm sticking to it! lol

    @ IPW4F @ Ang - And the psych ward it is. At least we all know we'll have lots of company...

    @DarceyK - Don't worry about the kids. This is nothing a few years of therapy can't fix... :P

    @anon - I'm telling ya - we had no idea just how many of us were out there. We're still shocked. I can now lick the GQ cover with pride, knowing that I'm no longer a weirdo... right? RIGHT?!

    @Jenny Penny - what is with that bat scene? I have no damn idea why that is so hot but it is. Too bad Rosalie is in the background trying to ruin it...

    GMV - Hottie McHotterson! LOVE IT!! STY and I always call our friends Drunky McDrunkerson when they get a little tipsy...

    @100 Monkeys - I have to admit, they aren't exactly bad. And the fact that they list Man Man as one of their influences kind of makes them better (Man Man is a really good band).

    Netherlands, eh?

    @Stacy - LOL! But I can justify the Edward lust because he's actually old as shit. He only looks seventeen... well, at least, that's how I justify it.

  17. @JJ - My mom is pushing 80 and justifies her obsession the same way - as a matter of fact, she says he's an older man!

  18. sigh...i told my boyfriend the same spiel (and i meant it at the time)...and now, look at me! secretly watching the movie over and over on youtube when i know he won't be home.
    with reckless abandon i say, "i loves me some robward...and jacksper...and i might have a slight girl crush on ashlice!"


  19. @ jj ~ the pysch wards arnt so bad. i used to work security in one. i think they'd need a whole new wing or bilding to house us.

    ....... funny lil tibit..... i was out lkast nite with a few friends at the bar visiting one of our other friends. so the bartender is a closet twi-freak, im one of the few who knows. he read the blog with all the vampsicle stuff. so we were sitting there trying to think of a new drink...... we came up with one we've un-offically ( cuz i dont think the resturant would let us officially name it this) melted vampsicle........ i have a picture of it, but idk how to put it on here.


  20. you guys slay me!!! i LOVE reading everyone's comments - unfortunately my internet connection was down until not so everyone's probably moved on and jj's already got everything covered anyway (as usual!) but we were cracking up last night reading what everyone had written... I'm officially um, "borrowing" [ok stealing - might as well call it what it is...] "two skips and a booty shake away" and you can bet that jj is adding it to her vocabulary as well - we almost fell of our chair when we read that! ang/amcas, have we ever told you you're our hero?

    and i absolutely think that using "robward" etc. somehow absolves us of our real-person online-stalker guilt. or in-person stalky guilt, speaking of that upcoming 100 monkeys show (i am honestly not sure if i can bring myself to go but we'll see!).

    do you think that when they build us that "special" ward they'll let us decorate with twilight gear? and it will have a dvd player and a nice tv and the internet, right? right???

    "melted vampsicle"?!?! [MUST. FIGHT. URGE. TO. SAY. SOMETHING. DIRTY!!] whew - that was a close one... so spill the details: what's in a melted vamsicle??? OK fuck it i just can't say that without thinking "limp vampire dick" - WFT is WRONG with me?! I used to me more normal. A litte bit. I think. And btw i just explained (as best i could) the whole "vampsicle" thing to DH and i gotta tell ya', it reflects pretty poorly on ALL of us - lol! : )

  21. Ok, I saw the movie first so Edward will always look like Rob except for the TwiPorn stuff out there which I'm not sure who I'm picturing but that's a differnt story. Let me also add that the recent New Moon Wolf Pack though is breathtaking to say the least. F*** those abs. Tanned and Buff versus Pale White and Perfect? Awww Rob.. Ok, so my husband dies in a plane crash, I become a big time producer and I bump into Rob and he falls in love with me. That's my fantasy and there's more but you know.. My husband doesn't like the fact that he has to die in my fantasy though but since we're not looking to get divorce that's the way the cookie crumbles in my fantasy :) Ok, ok, I kid. I do love me some Rob and I admit it. When New Moon comes out in Nov. we'll all be reminded of why we are twitarded. :)

  22. ok - I'm a bit behind here...first off. this whole twiporn thing is crazy. And when I say crazy, I mean amazing. And i'm sucked in, hardcore as you say. pun....intended? So thanks ladies - you are fabooosh!

    So I started reading Frenemies, but then it got pulled off the site. And I see from comments it may still be around somewhere - anyone know where it will turn up? I'm so annoyed because it was 1. awesome 2. hilarious 3. I was only done with 7 chapters....booo.

    So, please help a twitard out - anyone, anyone?

    And woah - I'm addicted to the Submissive and now the Dominant. Holy smokes - thanks for the tip about staying with it - that first chapter was like, "What?" and then I kept going and I was like, "Woah...."

  23. @STY ~vanillia vodka, tequlia, sour mix, and a splas of apple flavoring .......... it came out cloudy white and cold.........hahah. it sounds weird but mixed together was rather suprisingly amazing, but cmon it is a vampsicle lol. i have a pic of what it looked like, but idk how to post it

  24. PLEASE dish on where you found the Robward Cullinson shirt (picture) - - hilarious!

  25. I like everyone else have decided to just embrace my inner tween. I've been posting Super Secret Facebook Notes for months and months now, feeding the inner cravings of my Twi-loving friends. I think it's just best to freaking embrace it and admit there is just no going back. Suddenly I am posting Sexy Saturday pics and drooling like a moron. Truly it's lovely.

    However, as a mother of four, who owns the Shark Boy and Lava Girl DVD I will NEVER be able to look at Taycob as sexy! Or maybe I just won't let myself... is that possible??

    @Kristen - I can help you out. Just need an email address. ;) I haven't read it yet. It's on my list.

  26. I so embrace my inner tween here. At 30 I feel like a 13 year old at a Jonas Brothers concert when I hear their names.

    I must say I seperate the characters from the actors and in no way do I think that Rob can sparkle like diamonds. He is shiny from the sweat running down his hot body when the sun hits it and reflects mini rainbows. well...maybe he does sparkle then...I thought I was making a case there...

  27. OK, I officially love you guys. I can hardly work (and I have a lot of work to do!) between keeping up with all the Rob sites and info every day. I am "ahem" a bit older (well maybe more than a bit) than he is, but I'd do him in a second if I had the chance. Hey, men have been lusting after younger women forever and that is normal right? And really, do you really picture Edward 17 when you read the series? But even so, an older man frozen in the body of a 17 year old? Every woman's fantasy if you ask me!! I remember 17 year old boys quite fondly!! LOL

  28. I'm psyched to have found your blog, and have been sharing the Twismut with my coworkers...and yeah...same thing happened to us. It started out all about the books, and don't people know Robert Pattinson isn't really Edward Cullen? And suddenly Robward is my desktop background...

  29. OK, I'm a little late on reading this post but... YAY for Jacksper twirling the bat and knocking it back and forth - he is a hot-hot-hottie!

  30. I'm psyched to have found your blog, and have been sharing the Twismut with my coworkers...and yeah...same thing happened to us. It started out all about the books, and don't people know Robert Pattinson isn't really Edward Cullen? And suddenly Robward is my desktop background...

  31. @ ang ~ do you think they'd set up a special ward for us? i mean we would be the craziest most dangerous in there, i think theyd need to keep us sperated from the general population.


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