Thursday, May 14, 2009

Some e Cards for the Twilight Lover in All of Us!

There is nothing I love more than trolling the internet for all things Twi-related in my spare time. Well, except reading Twi smut, that is. Actually, if we want to be really honest, smut in general. Oh, and drooling over pictures of RPattz is kind of nice, too. Oooh, and I really really like... er, never mind - you probably don't want to know.

I am also a huge fan of finding websites that make me laugh so hard I end up snorking some sort of beverage out of my nose. Or the ones that cause me to squeak out a surprise fart, for that matter (don't you hate when that happens?). There are a few non-Twi sites (heresy! Get the stake and some gasoline! Where's my pitchfork?!) listed on our blog and, thanks to Letters to Twilight, I have only recently emerged from a week-long bender with Texts From Last Night. Damn you, ladies, damn you!

Naturally, if I can find a mash-up of these intellectual** pursuits on one site, well, that just makes me all fucking gushy inside.

Which brings me to another favorite ol' site of mine - some e cards. Let's put it this way: if Hallmark is Santa Claus, then 'some e cards' is the big brother who told you when you were six years old that Santa died a painful and horrible death in a flaming sleigh wreck. And that it was all your fault.

I shit you not, I actually clapped my hands like a little kid at her birthday party when I found these. I may have even squealed. What can I say, it's the small things that excite me (that's what he said - wait, that makes no fucking sense... or does it??? hmmmm...). Regardless, prepare yourselves to squeal, snortle, and spew. And then figure out who is worthy of being the recipient of these awesome cards:

Uh... NOPE! It sure didn't work that way for me, anyway... If anything, "dirty me" just wanted to rip that halo off of Edward's righteous head and use it in ways that would make him blush if he were physically capable of doing so...

I'm listening... Go on...

Note: This only works if you are a really really HOT 107-year-old vampire! This is a VERY important detail! Do NOT forget the hotness factor.

** Intellectual - [in-tl-ek-choo-uhl]
1. a person who places a high value on or pursues things of the more complex forms and fields of knowledge, such as toilet humor, vulgarity, snarky witticisms, hilarity stemming from the misfortunes of others, debasing sexual jokes and any insult that starts with the words 'douche' or 'twat'.


  1. I am an intellectual!
    See, mom, I is smart!

    I totally knew I was...

  2. The first one is now my desktop background.
    Thank you!! ;)
    (And no, it will not. The abstinence message actually increases the Herculean urge, I think)

  3. I have decided nothing will squash my Robert urges...

  4. Love these, the first one especially! I agree, the abstinence only makes it that much more forbidden, and as a result, only THAT much hotter.

  5. oh i LOVE "texts from last night" too! last weekend i introduced one of my friends to twilight, and then we sat and read TFLN for an hour! Good times!!

    i always knew i was an intellectual! thats why my husband married me! LOL

    ps...douche is my favorite word! true story.

  6. Love it! Where else can us TwiTarded fans find sneaky farts, santa is dead, fucking gushy on the inside intellectuals?? ha ha

    Abstinence = inevitable explosion in your underpants!

    Groovy just groovy!

  7. I love having such a fancy adjective to describe myself now.
    And I'm in total agreement with everyone so far regarding the first e card.

    LOVE 'texts from last night'.

  8. twilight has infected everypart our lives now, so why should e-cards be any different.

  9. @JJ--Just when I thought I couldn't heart you anymore than I already do you had to go and post that you place high value on the word 'twat'--definitely in my top 5 insult words. I once worked in an office that was all women and when we got really stressed out we would all start calling each other "you dumb twat"--for some reason it always put a smile on our faces and made us giggle. The e-cards are hysterical--especially the first one.

  10. Please don't ever stop farting when you snork, because that just might ruin my very existence. Just saying. As always, I too am falling more in love with you.

    @kdgrimmer - Douche is an all time favorite around this house. Terms such as douchebaggery & doucheface are often used. I shall now think of you when I use this wonderful word... umm that's in a good way, by the by. *wink*

  11. The e-cards are cute. The first one sums it up pretty well. Oh, and I married an intellectual and after 12 years of marriage, I am now an intellectual myself and forget it. My daughters never stood a chance, they too revel in potty humor (as we call it in our home)
    They are little intellectuals! :)

  12. this post reminds me of one of my most favorite quotes.

    "The intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex".-Edgar Wallace

    can you be part intellectual? id like to think of myself as one but sometimes i find it hard (thats what she said) to be more interested in stuff other than smut, twilight and dirty jokes...

  13. oh my edward, do i love me some e cards. my best friend (who i can't get to read twilight, wah) and i send them back and forth to each other all the time. because we have sick senses of humor like that.

    i'll also have you know that i have been reading twismut ALL WEEK. and avoiding my other duties in life. all thanks to twitarded...and wide awake...and the submissive...the dominant...well, you get my point.

    thanks for nurturing my dity girl tendencies.


  14. com is BY far one of my favorite websites. I practically peed myself from excitement when I realized I could create my own cards! For anybody just becoming familiar with this site...kiss the next 3 hours goodbye!!!

  15. Holy fucking shit that some ecards site is the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen! I just sent one to my coworkers that said "TGIF motherfuckers!" Bwaaaaahaha.

    Oh ya, and I am definitely and intellectual because for me, there ain't nothing better than toilet humor with a potty mouth!!

    Oh and by the way... I'm a little behind but I am about half way through Wide Awake and OMG it's sooooooo good! All I want to do is read it at work (which really isn't the best venue for reading smutty-smut-smut!)

  16. Some e cards is hilarious. My personal favorite is "Maybe it's the booze talking, but I want you to know I love booze."

    Have you see the website dedicated to disgusting Weight Watchers recipe cards from the 70's?
    The comments are ridiculous.

    I also love this website of vintage 50s ads. I love anything mid-century modern with a little weirdness thrown in. The Demonic Tots and Deeply Disturbing Cuisine section is bad ass.

  17. oh mmMoxie - I didn't know you were a mid-century mod chick, too! eames, wegner & saarinen get me almost as worked up as twismut, just in a different way - lol! i will have to check out those websites...

  18. TGIF ...and TGI'm TwiTarded..

    It's the only way to go!

    I'm an intellectual..Therefore I Snork!

    Thx Ladies!

    Stacy - ya got to send it to me - motherfucker!

  19. @cuteangiek you always know how to make me all warm and fuzzy inside!

    @JJ i enjoy the little things too! but dont tell my husband that...he'll get a complex! LOL

  20. Ahhh! You found one of my favorite sites! Screw Hallmark. My friends only get ecards from someecards. Because I'm an ass like that. :D

    I hadn't realized that someone had posted Twilight ones yet! I should have. It was only a matter of time.

  21. I know this has nothing to do with this, but...have you ever seen "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", the one with jhonny depp. HAVE YOU SEEN HIS SKIN TONE IN THERE!!! HE COULD BE A FREAKIN CULLEN...and as it's jhonny depp, he's hot even in disguise XD

  22. Whew! Things have been mad crazy over at Twitarded since I've been gone. Sorry, I would have responded sooner but I was in TERRORIST ATTACK TRAINING at work today. Yup, they are even reinstating the whole 'duck and cover'. Ok, ok, they didn't call it that - I forget what they called it because I was too busy giggling over the idea of thinking that my fucking desk from Ikea is going to save me in the event of a terrorist attack.

    I digress - it's been a long day.

    I knew all you gals/guys (need to be PC) were intellectuals of the highest order. Seriously. Otherwise we wouldn't see each other eye to eye, lol.

    I am also tickled pink by the fact that some of you enjoy throwing out the douche every once in awhile (not literally, I mean. Well, I guess in a literal sense but... ah feck it, I need a glass of wine).

  23. Holy Shite. Love the first e-card...I would totally ravage him senseless...

  24. JJ, I felt like I was reading my own blog post.
    Seriously, were we seperated at birth? You had me LMFAO on the beverages and farts...there is nothing better than a good chuckle and I thank you for that one!


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