Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Team "Leave Robert Pattinson Alone!"

BEEPBEEP-BEEP-BEEP-beepbeepbeep!!! We interrupt this normally tawdry blog to bring you the following Special Public Service Announcement (with assistance from The Society for the Protection of Robert Pattinson):

Image from HERE.

There's been a lot of fuss made recently in Twibloggyland over the fact that Robert Pattinson has essentially spent most of his off-set time in Vancouver cowering in his windowless hotel room for fear that should he venture out in public, some crazed TwiFan is going to abscond with him and force him to live in her closet and make beautiful babies. You've probably all seen the recent beseeching "please stop following him" tweets from [purported] cast members, the taken-without-permission photographs, and the over-use of hoodies and sunglasses (R-Patts has commented that his incognito gear is starting to backfire and make him more easily recognizable - things are b-a-d).

Then over the weekend, I got an email--well, a self-proclaimed rant, really-- from Twitarded reader K_InTheFlo who opined that R-Patts was acting glum and might be in need of a celebrity intervention of sorts - one where sex-symbols-of-years-past (Cruise, Pitt, Depp - even Nicholson! we went deep...) would offer him some of their collective wisdom on how to handle his relatively-new-found fame (her suggestion for the title of the Robert Pattinson documentary: "How to Deal" - lol!). We emailed back and forth a few times discussing it, and we both ultimately agreed that we feel bad for poor Robward. I mean, if I had been able to use modern technology to stalk a 21-Jump-Street-era Johnny Depp, I probably would have dropped out of school to pursue him. But it wasn't an option. But in this day and age, we almost expect 24/7 access to the lives of celebs. Whether they are freshly exploding onto the scene or imploding after a few too many years in the spotlight, we expect to see it all, and we're desensitized. Being a recognizable actor involves an inherent degree of privacy loss (being hot isn't helping him in this area), but I think it's time that some of the stalkers and paparazzi take a few giant steps backward. He's done practically nothing else for the better part of the last year but promote Twilight, the DVD, and then got right to work on New Moon, and frankly I don't think we can blame him for wanting a little breathing room. The fact that he's still so unfailingly gracious to all the Twifans is really commendable, actually (and is one of the reasons all of us remain so smitten - sigh... way to duel the fire, Rob...).

I would normally find some relevant photos and I know that there are plenty of "incognito-hidey-Robward" pics out there, but I am not going to post any of them here. That's right: we have principles here at Twitarded. Selective principles, but still.

On a funnier note, all of this DID remind me of this classic YouTube vid that was made sometime around the time of the TwiCon '08 furor, prior to the movie was released, at about the time that folks started to realize holy crap these fans are totally bat-shit crazy!!

From "SaveRobward" -

(If you want to see more, this is the abbreviated version, believe it or not...)

And as usual when I am on YouTube hunting for a specific video, I see something shiny and wind up inexplicably killing an hour or two watching fan-made Twilight movie trailers, cats on treadmills, and sleepwalking dogs. But when I came across this video, I knew I had to share. It's kinda choppy and vaguely annoying, but when I got to the "Say hello to my leeettle friend" part, I nearly choked (you've been warned). Obviously this is #3 in a series and if you like it I would highly recommend watching the other two, because they're also pretty funny (maybe even better than this one but I can't resist a good "Scarface" reference), and hell, you didn't feel like accomplishing anything today anyway, did you? Good. Enjoy!


  1. "ridin on the bus, ridin on the bus" HAHAHAHA these vids crack me up every time i see them! "i'm going to kill you!" *snicker*

  2. oops! i got so distracted my the videos that I forgot to comment on the rest of the post! (see, A.D.D. hella) anyways.
    ever since the GQ interview came out i have felt so bad about all the crap Robert has to deal with (and the rest of the cast). i even have dreams about protecting Rob from the crazies!! srsly. i wish i could tell all the crazy stalkers to back the eff off!! because if these professed fans really "cared" about Rob they would want him to be happy and would respect his when he asks not to have his picture taken! just because you are a celeb doesnt give people the right to invade your privacy ALL the time. if I ever see Rob or Kristen walking down the street (which i never will because I live in the middle of fretchin nowhere) but in the off chance i do see them, i will smile and maybe even nod...and KEEP FREAKIN WALKING. okay rant done.

  3. Oh shiznit! Did you see, It's Twilight Bitch?!

    Freakin funny! Thanks for posting these:)

  4. haha i love those rob vids. "rollin wit my hooooo-mies". sigh. i miss middle school sometimes. lol.

  5. ROLFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

    leave him alone......::visin in her eyes:: leave hiim alone and speak to his agent. best part was the visin

    ..... WTF!!! the thing that stuck out most bout vid number 2 was the my little pony song excerpt.

  6. werewolves- the my little pony song is totally stuck in my head now and before that I had Scooby-Doo's theme song stuck in my head, so I'm pretty much on the verge of blowin my brains out! lolz

  7. OK--the first video--woah. The best part was hearing her kids running around in the background. The second one--that was hysterical. The My Little Pony part was especially awesome (so glad my beer was away from the computer) was all great...I still need to watch the other two.

    As for the overall message here--I totally agree. I feel so bad for him. I truly don't get the stalker behavior and these people need to back off. I live three hours from Vancouver and I have no desire whatsoever to go up there looking for cast members. I would be lying if I told you I haven't thought of some rockin' fantasy scenarios but, honestly, it ends there. Much like the Twitarded posting a while ago--if I ever actually saw Rob by chance, I would not bother him (and I might even turn and run too). Also, to be honest, I would not put my 16 years-older-than-him mug in any photo with him--it would only take away from the beauty--trust me, I have a photoshopped photo with my face added over KStew's---it is very, very funny but a little sad too :( OK back to reality. People need to lay off and give Rob a break. I think you can tell my fighting words are kind of lame but I am trying to sound threatening--ha! Piss off stalker chicks!

  8. This is a topic I could go off on & so I will leave it at this, as always well played, STY. :) I completely enjoyed the post & all the lovely comments afterward. Honestly, I couldn't even watch that first video. :(

  9. since i was too busy laughing at the my little pony song and the eye drops i didnt really hit upon the actual meaning here either.

    Its easy for people to say they put themselves into this situation, and to an extent i agree. DONT BITE MY HEAD OFF YET!! LISTEN FIRST!!! choosing the profession they did, having fans want pics and autographs is somewhat to be expected. but to the extent they are stalked and have to stay locked in hotel rooms is a bit much.

    i do feel bad for him, well all of them infact. none of them thought this was going to be as big as it was, and then bam your tabloid fatter everyweek. its got to be tough. i mean i know if for some reason i saw robward walking down the street id prob want to get a pic and have him sign random body parts, but i wouldnt wait ouside his hotle room for that oppertunity.

    seeing how bad this can be gives me some ideas for the future. i dont think ne1 here knows im goin to film school, wanting the end result me being a director in l.a. And in the unlikly even i get to do big budget flicks with top stars, i know ill be using a decent portion of my budget to get super tight security to keep the stalkers away.

  10. Ok, you know when you feel so bad for a person for how they are acting you just can't watch them and you either a- change the channel or b- walk away. Yeah I had to "change the channel" on the 1st crazy video. I mean..Seriously!! As for the 2nd video.. HAHAHAHA loved it. I agree, people do need to back off. By what other people are doing (making videos telling people to back off (shudder) or chasing them down, is only going to make them become more unapproachable.

  11. So does this mean I can stalk Jackson for awhile and not feel guilty about oogling Robert? Good, then I will do that!

  12. rob is so cute! :)

  13. omg..your blog never fails to crack me up...I'm gonna die soon from laughter overload! but seriously, the rob-stalking is over-the-top ridiculous... get a life stalkers!! rob can have one...

  14. I agree - keep the crazies away from poor Robward. AND thanks for reminding me what it was like drooling over Johnny Depp in "21 Jump Street" - my best friend and I used to gather our meager post-grad $$ for a six pack and settle down to get all melty over the show we simply referred to as "Cute Boys". Brings me back!

  15. My homegirl and big time twitard Stacy just e-mailed me that "I made the big time".LOL! Yes I feel like I did! Love that Bitch Video. OMG. And i really did not think the chick was serious - I thought it was an act. But some fans are that scary..ya can't tell.
    So - yep.Hate to see robbie all glum and paranoid. he needs a big bro to lend a hand and show him the ropes. A day with Nicholson in a convertible not giving a shit about fans would do him some good. Some stories over lots of liquor about the fan girlz Jack poked (or at least the ones he remembers) would be good role modeling. C;mon the guy is 23. He can not stay in a cell. But then again all that angst - which rob is prone to anyway- may be good for his acting. I'm torn. But when we see him smile and be easily accessible - we are happy. That's the deal. It's kind of selfish.. when he's happy - we feel good. so please robbie - we are on ur side and want to help you.. say no to the hoodie...
    that'sall for now! thanks for the props STY!

  16. hey everybody! just to clarify a bit: i honestly don't think there's anything wrong with checking going to where they are filming and checking things out if you are so inclined. um, sure some folks have gone to greater lengths than others to make that happen, but whatevs - if you have the time and money and feel like putting some effort into making that happen, more power to ya'! some people have gotten great pics and have told awesome stories as a result of waiting at a respectful distance and not breaking the rules. but i DO think that the people that are deliberately sneaking around and hunting down the cast/r-patts in locales where they are clearly looking for a moment of privacy crossing the line.

    @kdgrimmer - i LOVE that line from Family Guy, too! so funny... that is stewie, right???

    @AJ - i'll have to check that out! there is a LOT of stuff on youtube i have yet to see!

    @kt - i loved that part, too! "rollin' w/ my homies" was post-my-middle-school-days, but it cracks me up! : )

    @IPW4F - (& kd & everyone...) sorry we'll all be humming the my pretty pony theme - my bad!
    and i agree that with fame comes some loss of privacy. just the way it is. but i remember reading i think in one of the older EW articles about how the whole thing was about to explode and r-patts was so not ready (in the interviews opinion, anyway). it's got to be a lot to deal with. so sure, he signs autographs. but he should be able to go get a beer without being trampled or photographed a gazillion times.
    oh and when you are rich and famous, take us with you! i fetch a mean fiji water...

    @VitaminR70 - glad you were able to avoid any beer spillage/spewing - lol! and i agree, i'd have a harde time approaching any of these folks if i ever happened to see them. and i REALLY need photoshop. like right NOW. : )

    @cuteangiek - just be happy that i didn't post the loooong version - lol! it just goes on and on and on... ugh!

    @Bobina - they are all SO nice (it seems) about taking pics with fans and stuff - i hope they're able to maintain that attitude for a few more years! : )

    @Cullen Hiney Tingles - err... i'm not q-u-i-t-e sure that what we had in mind! lol! but sure - it will give robward a break! : )

    @Zuhaini - he IS so cute! that's both why he's so stalker-friendly and why we want to protect him all at the same time, right? : )

    @faith - glad to provide entertainment & laughs! and yeah, the serious stalkers have gone crazy!

    @GivMeVenom - i have fond memories of watching 21 jump st too - what the hell ever happened to everyone else on that show? richard greiko, where are you now?! lol...

  17. @K_InTheFlo - hey there! yeah thanks for the input - i agree that he needs to not let "glum robward" totally take over, or he's gonna be a brando-esque mess by the time breaking dawn rolls around! hopefully he will keep up his cheerier side and not let the stalkers get to hem too much. hate to say it but he probably needs to start traveling with a security detail (only half-kidding - lol!). but he's too young to give up having a normal-ish life when he needs it. he should move to nyc and people will mostly leave him alone. except me & jj - we'll totally go stalk him if he's that close to us! ; )

  18. first .. i love reading this blog, you guys are really hilarious. second..i am glad to see this campaign of "leaving rob pattinson alone" starting to surface. seems like he is starting to get reclusive, even if it is his nature, and that makes me feel bad for him. it's good to know that even you guys who are obviously insane for "Robward" can even see that it's getting out of hand. maybe others will start to come to their senses eventually. :)

  19. I feel badly for Robert. I read an article where he stated that he is learning to sprint to outrun the fangirls. How sad. Why can't people just stalk him on the net like I do? He doesn't know it and I still get my Robward fix!

    On the other hand, I don't feel THAT sorry for him. He has stated many times that his life is great right now. He is the most famous man on the planet, has lots of great friends, a lovely family, a job he obviously cares a lot about, is a multi-millionaire, and smokin' hot too. His life doesn't suck that badly.

    ((((((Don't kill me, I love him too))))))))

  20. @ STY ~ no doubt i wont forget u or jj when i hit it big ::crosses fingers:: although u should know i have at least 5 years of school left. since you've allowed me to let my inner twi-tard shine thorough the pleasure would be mine to let you get me a fiji, lol

  21. Amen! The Twicast are all sort of like the Beatles in "A Hard Day's Night" at the moment...

  22. Poor Guy! He's probably scared to fart incase it gets taped.

    Could you imagine that being on YouTube?! - "Ok I'm under RPattz's table and he just let one drop that could break the sound barrier, watch it later on......".

    But in all seriousness "leave the kid alone". (I think that was a quote from the movie "The Wanderer"?).

  23. I loved your post! Really what is the deal with stalking RP across a continent so you can spend 1.5 seconds next to him in a blurry photo?

    And here's the thing with that. Unless you are Angelina Jolie, HE'S PRETTIER THAN YOU! You don't even look good standing next to him!!!

    Sorry, got a little emotional there for a minute. Please carry on being the voice of reason for fans who don't wait outside his hotel room and yell, "Bite me, Edward!"

    ♥(different aj than the one who posted above)

  24. @AJ - Lol...And here's the thing with that. Unless you are Angelina Jolie, HE'S PRETTIER THAN YOU! You don't even look good standing next to him!!!

    That's Hysterical and oh so true.

    I've NEVER been the type to have a fan crush but Rob..Oh Rob...And I admit I've had the Daydream of seeing him on the street (yes-i'm working on THAT Fanfic-ha)..Then I just freeze, thinking of this very thing that AJ writes about, because I will just feel way more PATHETIc than i do right now - responding on a blog about some freakin gorgeous hot young celebrity that 10 year old girls are screaming for. Hell - then I send a "self-proclaimed rant" (luv that - so true) to STY about my concern for our guy. OY. It's pathetic...But True. And dare I say I am happier for the TwiTarded Godesses and their over 30 humor - giving us a place to be big girls (dare I say cougars) who are hot for Robward..

    STY snarkily pointed out that the web creates this fierce detailing of our sparkle man/boy.
    And she is so right. I never would have survived being a teenager with all this info. I would for surely have lied to my rents and headed to vancouver roaming the streets wearing a hoodie myself. I would have seen kristen stewart and said - hey Kstew - I'm K-ess. OY..I would probably have arrived dressing just like her to lure Rob into my so skewed world. I never would be able to do homework ever again.
    No I'm just so much better off here - writing to the blogesses my heartfelt yearnings for protecting Rob's Sanity and of course his Vampsicle. (Ha - couldn't resist that one).

  25. Stacy (formerly SEJ207)May 7, 2009 at 4:03 PM

    @K_InTheFlo, You bring up a good point about if we were teens with Twilight! I think we've discussed before and I stated that most surely my parents would have had to commit me to a mental institution for help with my obsession with Twilight....if I'm this bad at 38... holy SHIT!

    Poor Rob... I think he needs a bunch of 30+ ladies to protect him wherever he goes. I'm up for the job... I'd love nothing more than to punch out a couple rabid teens trying get up in my boy's face (or vampsicle)! Back off bitches! (I'll scream with my club flailing...)

    Peace out fellow Twitards.

  26. @Stacy (formerly SEJ207)
    Bwhahahahah. Flail that club. I can see it..And while you're at it dress in planet of the Apes Human Wardrobe..
    Or actually how about some MadMax. You'd look so cute and bad to the bone in that. Haha.
    Yes - his Twitarded Posse. He needs some T.P. that won't hurt his ass! haha. No just watch out for it!

  27. It'll be GREAT!!! We'll be like the Hell's Angels guarding the Rolling Stones!! Only we won't kill any hippies. Unless they get too close...

    Not sure I can go with the "TP" moniker - lol - but JJ and I were actually making references to "Team Twitarded!" earlier, so...

  28. P.S. Could one of the stalkers please follow through on that fart thing and put it on youtube? and THEN stop stalking - really!! Because that would be HYSTERICAL!! Isn't part of Edward's charm his lack of bodily functions and "human moments"? But still - lol!!

  29. Gotta comment. I have seen first hand the scary out-of-control people out there who are in love with twilight and it's cast. Some people just don't know when to draw the line at realty and fantasy. What's scary is when they honestly think that Robert Pattinson IS Edward-or closely 'in tune' with him anyways. I have been shocked and appalled at the level of crazy I've seen online. That's why I choose to come here to get some twilight info -it's light hearted and fun. and you can understand that people are people and book characters are fictional. I've already told myself that if I ever see Robert Pattinson out and about in public, I will not ask for a photo, and will not ask for a autograph. And act like a normal 26 year old woman-and not revert back to being 16. :p (Not like that would ever happen, I live in Arizona!).. But that poor guy needs to be left alone! You can say hello- but the chasing, stalking, etc needs to stop. It's one thing to go to a set and watch quietly- another to mob the poor cast whilst screaming, crying, shaking, etc.. I never liked Star Wars but my hubby tells me that this kind of 'looney' is keen to that... *shakes head* You should have seen the people actually dressed up *to the hilt* as Alice and Jasper at the mall- who were FULL ON acting out the characters. What douches!...I could go on for days with more crazypeople examples...

    Okay my rant is done. Note to crazies: Leave Robert Pattinson alone already! :p

  30. @ Stacy, Kintheflo and STY - I'm in!! I mean, we're from Jersey - they teach us to break kneecaps in the second grade. LOL!

  31. Stacy (formerly SEJ207)May 7, 2009 at 10:21 PM

    Wahoo - the Twitarded Posse, Team Twitarded, whatevs! (But we won't call ourselves TP!!) Breaking kneecaps of crazed obnoxious Robward fans everywhere! Hey, I'm from Maine... they teach us to use a shotgun in the second grade. Gotta shoot yer own food up here! (JK) We're here to protect and service, oops, I mean serve!! Somehow I think this wouldn't end well...maybe with all of us in our own special (possibly padded) cell!

  32. @ Stacy - I don't know - I've been to Maine a few times... I don't doubt the second graders know how to use a firearm... beautiful state, btw.

    And I think, at this point, padded cells are inevitable... lol.

  33. @Jayme - thanks for chiming in! And, um, you couldn't pay me to be 16 again but I honestly don't think I was ever as crazed as some of the fans are these days (and I was NUTS for Star Wars!)... I'm glad you've found the "loony but not too loony" vibe over here at Twitarded to your liking! The more of us there are, the more normal we look, as i keep sayin'...
    : )

  34. This comment has been removed by the author.

  35. Please count me in for Team Twitarded! It's those crazy people that make the rest of us embarassed to say we're obessesed, I mean, fans. ;)

  36. Look people LEAVE ROB ALONE. Cause if you don't, when I actually assault...uh I mean meet....him he will freak out and run for cover rather than have sex with me...uh I mean talk to me. Yeah, that's what I meant.

    Seriously, I think this is actually going to ruin what makes Rob so loveable. His humble ways, his quirky loveable ticks...the ones you see when he's doing an interview and he's nervous as hell...those things.

    I will vow to stop stalking him AFTER i meet him. Hey, maybe he just needs to have a date with every female fan in america...kinda like the Bachelor, but much bigger? It might solve SOME of his problem.

  37. OH NO..headline today:
    Pattinson Reaches the peak of HOTNESS..

    Stacy, JJ, STY - Get the clubs out - he needs us now more than ever..

    Let the Flailing begin!
    The SpunkGUARD on the Scene!

  38. OK SpunkGUARD sounds like a condom brand..
    but it's got a ring

  39. @STY -I agree- I wouldn't want to be 16 again- bad hair cut. *lol*.. My hubby LOVES himself some Star Wars- total freak about it- kept it in the closet until after we said "I do".. *smart man, or else I would have run away..LOL JK*... He just laughs and says he can relate when I talk about twilight- Today- for an early mother's day gift he bought me a mini-Edward figure!!!!! What a man! :) And yes, you looneys are just the right amount of looney-without delving into crazy. :p I feel at home here! Love you guys!!

  40. @Melissa - Yay! The more the merrier. And at least we keep our, um, well, obsession confined to the interwebs, ya know?

    @Heather - You crack me up!! You kinda scare me, too. ;P

    @K_intheflo - Spunkguard sounds like a prescription for an STD, imo. "Have a spunk outbreak? Get Spunkguard! Long lasting cream to keep the..." er, I'm gonna stop there. LOL!

    @Jayme - I agree, 16 again? Um, hell no. ML loves Star Wars, too! And, obviously, Transformers... this just proves we're as geeky as our boys, lol!

  41. JJ- LOL, we totally are. My man likes transformers too- Had a bunch of the toys- lost them in a move once. But he's still got all his star wars stuff- just in boxes now. *lol*. It's funny that we've delved into that part of geekdom... I never considered myself geeky- until now. :( I'm a bit sad over it. Plus I was stunned by my hubby today- when giving me a mothers day card (homemade- he's a fantastic artist- will have to send you a scan of his werewolf pic he drew inspired by him reading new moon) wherein it said that he was sorry he couldn't get me Robert Pattinson for mother day.. LOL... then when I told him that it was okay, and I didn't love RP THAT much *little white lie inserted there-hahah*- he goes onto tell me- "What's funny, is you didn't even like him at first when you saw the movie the first time, or even after you read the books..." wherein I said "oh yeah? then when did I start lovin me some RP?" and he replied: "After you listened to that song he sings at the end of the movie-went gaga over it *It was let me sign*, and then found out it was him singing- you were a goner from there. you love his voice.".... DAMN!!!! My man pays himself some attention!!!! Moral of the story.... Hell I don't know... *lol* I'm just glad I've got a guy who doesn't mind my RP love,and I think it's sweet that he knows exactly why my RP love started and indulges me in it! lol- I'm a lucky mom this mother's day. :)

  42. Holy Shit, it's SPUNKASAURUS!!!
    I almost peed myself and what the hell is up with 0:33 and 0:58 and 1:28

  43. My friend introduced me to your blog last evening, and I've been working my way through the archives ever since. I'm probably the least Twitarded of my friends, having only read the series through once, owning no merchandise, and only having seen the movie 3 times I think...and also I don't own it. All that said, this site is the golden ticket. I can't stop reading. HILARIOUS!! I'm going to have to introduce some others to it!

    I don't think anyone else mentioned, but my first thought on the Leave Robert Pattinson alone! video, was that it was a spoof of Chris Crocker's infamous Leave Britney Alone! video from her crazier-than-a-shit-house-rat days. I could be wrong, but that's my guess of what this chick is doing, though with an authentic air of concern for RPatts. Be that as it may, there are still plenty of whack-jobs out there. Poor RPatts :(

  44. My friends and I made the Leave Robert Alone video over a year ago. And as most pick up on it was a spoof of Chris Crockers Leave Brittney Alone and we used some elements (the eye drops) from Seth Greens spoof of the same video. It is funny to us that people actually take her seriously. She does not love Rob or is obsessed as some think. She just happens to be a very talented actress. We hope our video makes people laugh but on the same note we do wish people would leave these poor actors alone!


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