I have a friend at work, we'll call her "Office Snarky" or "OS" for short (I try not to make friends at work; I made an exception for OS and I stand by my decision but it's unlikely you will ever find me introducing another office-friend) who is aware of how obsessed JJ and I are with Twilight. She honestly doesn't get it, and although after much cajoling she had dutifully been lugging around my copy of Twilight, she's not feeling it. I secretly believe this is because OS is actually a guy in a hot chick package - she definitely rated "Man" on this gender test (you have to join to take it but it's a hoot!). Before the long Memorial Day weekend, I wandered over to her desk to get an update on her progress. It wasn't going well...
Office Snarky [pounding my poor, temporarily-unloved copy of Twilight on her desk]: "I will keep reading this if you promise me something will happen! I am two hundred and sixty fucking pages in and not a fucking thing has actually happened! You HAVE to watch True Blood. In True Blood people are having wild animal sex in the first five minutes!"And she has a point - the opening sequence in True Blood - the HBO adaptation of the Charlaine Harris Southern Vampire Mysteries book series - is sexier, dirtier, and more scorchingly tawdry than anything that ever has or ever will happen in Twilight (why do you think there's so much porn-worthy fanfic out there?). OS had been talking up True Blood for quite some time, and apparently JJ and I had finally heard enough about how hot the show is and set our sights on watching it the second it came out on DVD (in a fit of rage, I cancelled HBO the morning after I watched the series finale of "The Sopranos" [note from JJ: jftr, I was also SO fucking pissed] ). Late last week after a stop at Blockbuster I sent this pic to JJ:
Anyway, we watched. And we really REALLY liked what we saw... The day after the inaugural screening, we had the following exchange:
STY: [whispering conspiratorially into the phone] OMeffingG that show is unbelievable!!! What did you think?!?
JJ: I want to let him do dirty things to me.
Me: I'm just excited that I can lust after this guy and not feel like a pedophile or a skanky cougar!
This is Bill.
In short, I am encouraging you to cheat on Twilight with True Blood. Not only that, but it's like I am beseeching you to cheat on sweet, adoring, faithful Twilight with Twilight's hot, no-good-but-drop-dead-sexy older brother who probably doesn't even know your name and is never going to call you again after the deed. I may be premature in posting about this series, as I have seen all of
One more thing: I KNOW that some of you will have to drive three towns away - in disguise! - just so that you can rent or buy True Blood without anyone finding out about it. DO IT. Get your hands on these discs somehow. Then watch them in secret if you must. I don't care if your own private screening takes place at 3 a.m. out in the mini-van with your ass smushed into the baby seat so that nobody finds out. Just make it happen, and you can thank me later.
P.S. I am not doing a "Twilight vs. True Blood" smack-down here. I'm just sayin' that if you like Twitarded and love Twilight, there's a really really REALLY good chance that you are going to flip over this show. I have enough room in my life for one more obsession. OK, not really; this probably means I am going to have to quit my job or something to find the time I need to devote to it, but I'll think of something...
P.S.S. I have to ask: wtf happened to us?! I never used to want to get into anyone's pants like this... Is it ironic that chaste, abstinence-promoting, Twilight has apparently had a massive impact on my libido (and that of every other person who reads this blog, as far as i can tell...)?