Saturday, May 30, 2009

What Bella Did After Seeing Robert Pattinson Semi-Naked In Italy

JJ says I need to shut the fuck up about the on-set pics from when they were filming in Italy last week [not that I need to clarify which pics I am referring to here - I am sure "the pics" would have sufficed but I digress...] or she is going to march over here to force me to look at them. But if I get something wrong about any of the related details here, forgive me. I haven't seen the photos. I am saving myself like it's my Twilight virginity and the wedding's not until November (I have apparently undergone some sort of "Twilight revirginization"), but I practically had to slap a chastity belt on my computer for a few days there.

Regardless, believe me: I got the general gist of the situation. The day those pictures came out, I swear our blogroll changed from Twilight fansites to something sounding more like it belonged to Dicklicker Productions. There was definitely a collective change of panties on that day and some brilliant person out there called it 'the orgasm heard round the world'. I'm pretty sure if our blogroll could speak, it would be moaning, squealing and groaning with the rest of us. Here are a few choice excerpts taken from the Twitarded blogroll on May 27, a day which will live in Twilight infamy:
Reunited and it feels SO good!

Fell Out of my Chair Again Today...


Deposit This in your Spank Bank!

There He Is!

Too Much!

You will Die. I did.


Hubba Hubba!

Team Edward VERY Shirtless!


And my personal favorite that sums up everything neatly without even saying a word:

So I did what I always do in dire situations like this: I went to YouTube and watched some Robert Pattinson/Edward Cullen hotness for a while until I calmed down (a little. I was, after all, still ogling my fave inappropriate crush dude). And I found the videos below - all made by Starlight88, who rocks! I know a lot of you have seen some version of this in the past, but I encourage you to watch them all since I think her versions are the best, plus she captured Bella'a "o-face" quite nicely imho. Judge for yourself:

Here's the original Edward version... This is the BEST!

...and because there's no such thing as too much Twilight & Edward Cullen here at Twitarded (and because Starlight88 had a lot of awesome videos to choose from - definitely go check them out!), here's another video she made to the "Like a Boss" SNL short music:

P.S. We all know Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are probably boinking each other's brains out 24/7 (I read it in the tabloids so it MUST be true!) so she's probably seen all that (and more! sigh...) already. Otherwise she would have went as nuts as we all did last week. Ha! That PROVES it! She just outed Robsten Pattinstew!!


  1. I admit that I did briefly check out a few of those pictures, though I have used a great deal of restraint.

    However, the only reason I am abstaining from looking at those is so I can scream "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! HE'S BEAUTIFUL - I TOTALLY WANT TO GOB HIS KNOB!!!" in the middle of a crowded movie theater on Nov. 20th.

    That way, if STY doesn't faint from Robward's hotness, she'll do it out of embarrassment. :)

  2. @STY - I am so glad I am not the only one in the "True Love Waits" corner, it's a lonely corner. Kdgrimmer thinks we should all get purity rings. I think that is a fabulous idea and we should wear them while reading our twi-smut.

    @JJ - That will surely be the words that come from my lips and then I will die. The End.

    Oh and P to the S: I LOVE THESE VIDEOS.

  3. I will tell you the same thing I have told cuteangiek...

    Go on with your bad self! I am so proud of my NM virgin friends. I can't do it...for I am a twi-slut.

    It's "Worth the Wait" (right angie??)
    I teach sex ed curriculum named Worth the Wait and I have never giggled so much teaching it as I have this year b/c of all my Twi-abstinence inclined pals.

  4. OMG!! Love those videos, especially Edward's version of jizz in my pants;)

    And when I read this "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! HE'S BEAUTIFUL - I TOTALLY WANT TO GOB HIS KNOB!!!" I choked on my beer!

  5. @AJ - Muhwawawa... my work here is done. LOL!

    I can't stop watching 'The Boss' video. It's so fucking funny.

  6. I love those so much! Maybe instead of Twi-abstinence, you might just want to try Twi-protection. Like look at spoilers with REALLY dark sunglasses on. Come on New Moon trailer... just a little while longer!

  7. Oh, great.

    I barely survived Abward Week (like Animal Planet's Shark Week: trust me, you'll need to be constrained by that shark cage, when you finally catch a glimpse of Abward's "pectorals"...).

    And now you've given me two new fantasy permutations of Robward: Jizzward and Bossward.

    *job candidates preferred by Mr. Bossward: employees who suck *

  8. Oh my god dude, I love that Like a Boss video - I was totally cracking up! And the Gob his Knob comment made me almost fall off my fucking chair! You guys totally kill me!

    I'll admit, there is no fucking way I could have survived last week practicing "half naked Rob abstinence" - just knowing those pictures were out there had me needing to take a cold shower. So yes, I looked... a lot! I don't care if his abs were airbrushed... they were spectacular! (*wiping drool off chin*)

  9. LOL!! "Jizzward" - I love how to date we have found NOTHING that someone here at Twitarded can't kick up a notch on the dirty-meter!

    And yes it is lonely in this corner but we are in good company. Plus I totally plan on watching the New Moon trainer until my eyes fall out of my head. I'm looking at it like the equivalent of someone saying they're a virgin except for all that anal they had before them finally gave up the front door. It had better not disappoint!!

    JJ, if you don't shout that out in the theater, I'm gonna. Everyone in the theater is totally going to be holding their breath and you're going to be able to hear a pin drop and then BAM! there you go. It's gonna be awesome. You are brilliant! But of course I knew that already...

  10. @STY - It truly is fabulous company in the purity corner. :) Well, I'm STUPID and not watching the trailer... So please enjoy it for me. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY watch it over and over and over.

    I have a feeling that after all is said and done the theater might burn down because my panties are going to EXPLODE.

    @AJ - That one was for you! (Oh and my verification word is forkso. Appropriate, no?)

    @Ang- You are from whom I got the True Love Waits slogan. That's a keeper for sure!

    @Randomly G-Licious - Oh I'm not wasting my first time seeing that gloriousness with freaking glasses on! I'm going balls to the wall unprotected. Bring on the twi-crabs and screw playing it safe. My cries will be hear from the fatherest reaches of this world. The End.

    P to the S: Holy Crap, he's everywhere. Hannah Montana just said Robert Pattinson! LOL

  11. Yeah, so thanks for nothing here. I was trying to secretly check on you granny rammers under the guise of doing something productive, and I ended up gaffawing so hard at Edward that my husband came in and completely caught me.

    That one scene of him at the lab table when I throws his hand up over his mouth threw me into a coughing fit.

  12. I think I jizzed in my pants watching the New Moon trailer.

  13. #2 that's ME! Yea Second Place! Twitarded makes me downstairs happy!!

  14. So freaking funny!!! Everything I wanted to say has already been said.

    @mmMoxie - you nailed it, girl. the trailer totally made me jizz in my pants. question: can watching the trailer too many times make hair grow all over my laptop? Or is that just a nasty rumor?

    @STY - wow! your definition of "virgin" leaves A LOT of wiggle room. :)

    Now I'm off to watch the trailer again, LIKE A BOSS!!!!

  15. @cuteangiek--LOL! I lost count on how many times I needed a panty change tonight;) Word verification=perfect!!

    @Heather--You have a hairy laptop. Tee hee!!!

  16. So I was being good and not checking things out as I didn't want things to be ruined for me either with the movie.
    Until.. the shirtless pics were posted and then I went all crazy and couldn't get enough. (I need help!)
    The vids posted.. will most likely help me get out of my craving for everything 'new moon' until November.

  17. STY~ i argeed with you b4 when you siad u didnt want to see any spoilers and such. but i was on a blog the other day and one thing led to another and i couldnt tear myself away........... i feel ashamed now. as ashamed as a 17 year old virgin debating whacking off back in 1918, lol.

    ...... the trailers out now tho, so i guess repetitive viewing of that from now till november will have to be my punishment......

  18. I saw some of those pix on one of those trashy tabloid shows. I didn't turn away from them but I didn't swoon over them either, lol.

    And I, for one, am very suspicious about this non-affair that Kristen and Rob supposedly aren't having. I mean, we've heard him say that they aren't, but what about her? Has anyone heard herdeny it?! I think with all the time they've spent together, something's bound to happen.

  19. haha love the videos..

    Sorry but could not keep away from the half-naked Robward... Not strong enough. I was trying to hear Carlisle saying "find the will to stop" but alas I didn't hear a friggin thing all I saw was hubba, hubba and the hormones took over! haha


  20. The absolute best video. Like a Boss. OMG. That was BRILLIANT!!!! How their faces relay the song is so fucking funny.

  21. Last week's "Abward" week was intense... (sighs) :)
    I just love the Like A Boss video. It's my favorite.

    Just a thought: wtf was KStew almost kiss at the MTV Twilight Aw - I mean, MTV Movie Awards? Why the heck did she NOT kiss the dude? All I know is she gave millions of twihards some major blue balls last night.

    And I don't even have balls...

  22. The 'Like a Boss' video was freakin' hilarious. I think my husband might even find that funny.

    I honestly don't know how you virgins are doing it--I have absolutely no self control..I am truly, truly sick....but happy and sick. I think I am going to need to bring in a tarp to sit on in the theater! It's not the first time I have said it but thank goodness for pantyliners!

    I am going to watch the Like a Boss video again, then I am going to go to the trailer park and watch the trailer again in HQ...then I am going to fall asleep to some smutty fanfic--I need an intervention.

  23. @VitaminR70 - For me it's merely a case of stubborn stupidity, by now.

    I'm thinking you are on to something with those pantyliners. I think I might buy some Depends, however. Just to be safe. ;)

    Oh how I remember the days when I would watch the Twilight trailer on myspace over and over again... you are going to have one mighty fine night for sure.

  24. @cuteangiek--I am going with pantyliners only because there is already enough extra padding on my bottom--I figure the tarp will catch anything that gets past the extra long pantyliner--perhaps I should go with the slim maxi pad instead. Yes, yes, the slim maxi it shall be.

    Finished The Submissive last night--holy crap--loved that. I am not into the whole Dom/Sub thing so who knew it would have that effect on husband thanks you all for the recommendation.

  25. I died when those pics came out. I am currently in Heaven (AKA, my computer where I have them saved). I say to Rob, "I don't have... the strength... to... stay away from you anymore"
    Um... you guys are amazing!
    Bella Jizz in my Pants = WIN
    That is so what she did. (Or should have done... you are right, STY, she totally outed them!!)
    Boss video= HILARITY.
    p.s. Angie, HOLLA... the theatre is going up in FLAMES. And you are getting TwiSyph.

  26. @VitaminR70 - HOLY CRAP. You are always thinking these things through so thoroughly! (Side note: NEVER take a poetry class. You will rime and use alliteration like a fool CONSTANTLY!)I shall be thinking of you as I get myself ready for New Moon. FOR SURE! Creepy, no? hum... Oh well, it's true. haha

    Oh the Dom/Sub. How you make me cringe with absolute adoration! I kept wanting to look away but just COULDN'T. My son would touch me on the arm to ask me a question while I was reading and I would FREAK!

    @Etomyb - Oh I just had to say hi. lol :) That's all. Just I heart you a million.

  27. STEALING THESE. *evil grin*

    And will also proceed to jizz in my own pants :D :D


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