OK - we got THAT out of the way, sooo... HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDWARD CULLEN!!!
Let's see what The Secret Language of Birthdays has to say about June 20th [note: the Edward/Rob line is going to get blurry here. You've been warned. Oh and I am 99.9% sure that Stephenie Meyer owns The Secret Language of Birthdays and refers to it frequently... You'll agree with me in a sec, believe me].
Wanna know why people can't seem to keep their shit [shout-out to JJ!] together when they're near Edward (er, or Robward...), be it chicks falling all over themselves in the parking lot or cafeteria of Forks High or real-life skankettes elsewhere? I will tell you why: because June 20th is...
The Day of Ecstatic Appeal
You read right! I couldn't make this up if I tried... I almost choked on my wheaties [ok, fine, it was wine - don't judge] when I saw this. And it only got better as I continued reading...
June 20 people have a way of arousing [us! us!!!] strong emotions and bringing others out. Exceptional people born on this day can even experience or allow others to experience a loss of rational orientation [tell me about it!] or a heightened state. Such a state in extreme cases may be trancelike, ecstatic, even hysterical [uh-huh - seen it!]. Powers of ESP, psychic and predictive abilities [ming reader! ming reader!!!] are not uncommon among June 20 people.Are you fucking kidding me?!? OK fine - what else?!
Persuading others, in and of itself, is extremely attractive to many June 20 people.Really, The Secret Language of Birthdays is THE BEST BOOK ON THE PLANET (er, aside from Twilight and Creative Cursing, anyway... It's a very close 6th place!).
No matter how sensible or rational [or hot] June 20 people appear, there is usually an underlying irrationality in their make-up. Because of this, excitement and emotionality seem to swirl around them [WHEEE! We're swirling!]. Neither they themselves, nor those with whom they they are involved may recognize the fact that much of the excitement, instability, and adventure that arises may be a result of forces springing from deep within [their loins?] the June 20 nature...Indeed, to the extent of their "magic" powers [of turning women to mush with a single stare], those born on this day are not only capable of arousing emotion [among other things] but of controlling and directing it as well.
Despite having a profound hold on the feelings of parents, friends, children and others close to them, those born around the time of the summer solstice are often unaware of the extent of their influence...It is incumbent on June 20 people, therefore, no matter how much they would prefer to deny it, to become aware of their power to impact on others, and to direct this power away from wrongdoing.
Since no birthday party's complete without putting a little verb in "party," JJ and I took Edward out with us last night (it was after midnight, so it was technically the 20th and we figured we'd get an early start on the festivities). One of our fave bands was playing at our local dive bar, so we put on our party shoes and skipped our way to the subterranean den. And while it may seem inappropriate to give this mock-17-year-old a brew, please remember that he IS one hundred and eight now and he can drink whatever he damn well pleases. And he did... Oh, he did...
A marvelous time was had by all, although surprisingly everyone was a little worse for wear today with the exception of Edward. For an old dude, he sure knows how to whoop it up (I guess not having a liver can come in handy sometimes)!
P.S. I wanted to get all our little Edwards (and Bella, too, I guess; I know how Edward feels about her...) together for a party complete with decorations and cake and stuff, but I got as far as making a teeny hat out of construction paper [yes, my Twilight age-regression is complete; I am no longer at "teenager" - I've reached "surly grade-schooler" - now pass the paste, dammit - I'm hungry] and it looked like he was either wearing a dunce cap or was a Grand Wizard in the KKK. After much reworking I made one not-terrible hat, but I was done. This is how I spend my time. And yet I wonder why my house is in shambles.