Since I spent the entire day getting my "SQUEEEEE!!!" on vicariously through JJ, and despite being at my desk in another state was pretty damn excited about the whole thing, we thought you might like the blow-by-blow (plus I need to record this for posterity as I am going to re-read this every day for like the next month because it was SO much fun to be us today!) -
At 9:14 this morning, I get this email from JJ:
Sooooo, these are the directions to RPattz… [with MapQuest indicating he is a brief hop, skip and Twitarded heel-click in the air away from her office...]To which I reply:
Um, wow. I've actually been thinking one of us needs to start a post titled something like "I'm Not a Stalker. I Just Want to See RPattz." lol... That is tantalizingly close, I must say. You gotta do it.JJ:
I’m tempted, I have to be honest. But I’m also really lazy, lol. I was trying to get my coworker to go with me but she said no. then again, I could get down there and nothing could be happening and then I have to walk back (lazy, remember?) but I probably should go and check it out, right?At this point, we were both griping about being really really tired (Monday's are tough!) and faced with the actual real possibility of one of us laying eyes on Rob, we were faltering and starting to question our commitment to Sparkle Motion.
But then I rallied and sent JJ THIS:
JJ: That's not from today, is it?!
STY: Yupper. http://www.robsessedpattinson.com/
JJ: FINE! I'm going! LOL!
STY: YAY! I win!!!
I called her a few minutes later and she answered in a whisper "I'm there. He's right there. I see him..." And I do the world's quietest fan-girl "SQUEEEEEEE!!!" that I can manage...
Info was twittered, chatboxes were filled with all-caps blurbs, we were in Twitarded heaven!
For example, here are a few random text from JJ 'on the scene':
Uh huh. i didn't know he was so tall. And gorgeous. I mean, he's effing hot! I feel so stupid.Oh, and I'm charging my real camera and going back there tomorrow. If I don't get fired...
Holy sgt I'm shaking! [in her defense she had almost just been taken out by a cab.]
I'm here and so is RPattz!And here are the random texts from STY, who was sitting at her desk, ignoring the work piling up in front of her :
SQUEEEE I WANT TO GO TO THERE! CANI TWWET THIS??? [somehow I managed four characters of punctuation but couldn't spell"tweet".]
[in response to JJ's "are my tweets going through??"] Yes yes yes i am dying!!!!!!!! now take a pic ur killing me!!!!!!!!"But then things got a little... squiffy.
Reports start filtering in that poor RPattz got fan-fondled (or assaulted, if we want to get technical) - EW! Bodyguards, pay attention!! No wonder he's so paranoid... I could have done a better job of keeping chicks from hanging all over him. Those pics made me sad and also made me fear for JJ's willingness to haul her ass back down there tomorrow with a better camera. Because, let's face it, what those 'fans' did was fucked up.
And now we interrupt this recap of the days festivities for a what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-people Tirade (this really needs a trademark) from Jenny Jerkface...
Since it's apparent that there are more than a few mental midgets out there in Twi/RPattz land, I thought I would offer up some set 'visiting' advice. Granted, I'm no professional and am absolutely shocked that I didn't inadvertently ruin the whole fucking movie by accidentally tripping, maiming myself and/or others, or releasing some sort of toxic bodily fluid directly in front of the cameras.
But here's the thing, you beasts with breasts who were hanging all over RPattz - he has the worst/best job you could imagine. It's awesome because he gets to make lots of money and go to interesting places but it blows monkey nuts because he has to deal with douchetwats like you.
Hey... you, you [STY consulting Cursing Book] cunt biscuits!! - there was no barricade blocking me from from RPattz. But have you seen my pictures?! Um, they kind of suck. Wanna know why? BECAUSE I STAYED ACROSS THE STREET.
I don't want to touch some strange dude, no matter how hot he is. And you know something else? He doesn't want YOU to touch him, you skankhanky bitches who were trying to manhandle him into your lair. This is not rocket science, ladies (and I use that term as loosely as your vagina must be) - would YOU like someone to grab you in a headlock? I doubt it. Then again... well, that's neither here nor there.
I gotta admit, you crazy cunts kind of ruined it for me. And I lack social filters for fuck sake!! I'm telling you, it's a good thing RPattz isn't like me because I would have just started swinging (he really needs to get new body guards. Like Ninjas or something because those dudes were useless. I could do more damage with my purse and a Metrocard). STY has nine whole months of jeet kun do training and she could have had those beastly chicks in "the pinkie-lock of death" (she'd tell you how to do it but then she'd have to kill you).
All I know is that the next time I try to snap pictures at a set... I'll wearing Doc Martens along with my plaid dress. And not those namby-pamby mary-janes, either. I'm talking steel toes, bitches.
P.S. Before you spend countless hours plotting our demise, you should know that we're from Jersey and we know people in "waste management." Just sayin'...