Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Dear KStew - We Really Do Kinda Love You

We haven't exactly been kind to Kristen Stewart on this blog, I'll be the first to admit it. We've dissed questioned her acting "technique" and have pondered whether or not she was indeed nauseous during the entire filming of both Twilight and New Moon. Or constipated - I think it sort of flips between the two.

But we pick because we love! Let's face it - we're not really that nice to anyone, including each other and even you, dear reader! Frankly, "you stupid twat" is practically a term of endearment between Snarkier Than You and I, and I'm pretty sure our old neighbors thought ML and I were the most abusive couple EVER after overhearing a couple of our conversations that generally involved either the word "whore" or "bitch" (him) and "suck my dirty dick, assface" (me). And then we'd make out. I can't even tell you the things we said about the ferret. And we adore that scrappy, stinky creature. As long as you say it in a sing-songy voice, it's all good. Seriously.

One has to have thick skin to belong to this group. We get that. And if KStew ever stumbled across here and discovered that we've used such terms as "bellowing," "spastic," and "what-the-fuck-IS-she-doing?" she would probably understand the nature of the beast that is Twitarded and laugh it off.

Because she can. Let's face it: we can mock the little brooding waif all we want. She's still richer, younger, hotter and happens to most likely be boffing the Precious. What the hell does she care what we say?

Oh, what time do you have to drag yourself into the office, Chubby McBloggerface? A meeting at 8, you say? I'd say I was sorry but I'm too busy making hot pockets and sucking face with Robert Pattinson...

Either that or she'll have us blacklisted from every theater when Eclipse comes out. I'm not sure how she'll do it but it would probably involve a lot of scowling, sulking and bored looks on her part.

But we still love her.

More importantly, I want to like her acting. I really, really do. And that is why I'm actually looking forward to seeing both The Runaways and Welcome to the Rileys.

I like The Runaways as a band [um, because they fucking rock] and I'll even go so far as to say that I think Kristen Stewart makes an awesome Joan Jett. They both have big teeth.

I'm slightly concerned about the trailer because there is Z-E-R-O acting in it. I can throw shit against a wall and make it look like good acting.

Then I found this movie clip (possible spoilers? Not really?) and my hope was renewed:

...And promptly dashed. WTF, did she actually only say like two words? Fuck. Me. <-- those were my words, not hers. Regardless, I'm going to see this and I'm hoping KStew does a stellar job. Plus, Dakota Fanning has just been amazing in everything I've seen her in so there's that.

On to the next KStew film on my agenda (besides Eclipse but I assume that was a given) - Welcome to the Rileys. First of all, this movie is right up my alley because it sounds depressing and dark. I love that kind of shit. Secondly, it has James Gandolfini in it. Let's just say... I'm a really big fan. A really big fan.

Despite everything, I'll give Kristen Stewart this much - she's taken on some seriously heavy roles in these two movies and they are roles that I think a lot of young actresses would shy away from. If there is one thing that I do respect about her it's that she seems to be a down to earth kind of person.

Whatever. These movies better not suck.

Are you going to check them out? What's your opinion on them? Twitarded minds want to know...


  1. Oh Sweet Sweet (gag) JennyJerkface, how I heart you for doing a KStew post...and a slightly non-twatty one at that! Smooch!
    I also ADORE that pic of her. Kinda makes me feel a bit girl-crushy ;)Plus, she still has that bad-ass edge to her...

    Moving on...I saw Adventureland and thought the movie was mediocre, her acting was pretty good though. Now that I realized that her "twitchyness" is just who she is...I can't wait to see The Runaways, Welcome to the Rileys & The Yellow Handkerchief. (is that what it's called???)


  2. Definately want to see the Runaways. I actually saw Joan Jett & the Blackhearts in concert when I was in college, so I'm a fan. Her music kicks ass.
    The other movie...not so much.
    Also, I kinda want to fuck the Stew in that picture - she sure do clean up purty! Hmmm....the Stew & the Precious, there's a 3way I've never even considered.

  3. I know you twat waffles think I'm fucking certifiable, but I practically worship the Stew. I own every fucking movie she's ever been in, even for 60 seconds or less.

    I mean, she fucking played Jodie Foster's daughter, and according to that big book of Hollywood rules, that makes her instant motherfucking awesome.

    Kristen is raw. She's naturally angsty and self concious. And if nothing else, she is 100 percent geniune. Things only go south for her when she tries (or is forced **coughHardwickecough**) to be fake.

    I am being honest as balls when I tell you that I'd rather have a beer and a smoke at Applebees with HER than The Pretty One.

    And yes, I took my meds today, so fuck off. LOL.

    Mama Cougar
    The Cougar's Den

  4. i cant wait for the films both r very intresting to see kristen as a stripper i might laugh at ( not that its bad its just her in that role) but i more excited about that than the runaways, but yes kristen fan since panic room!

  5. I do think that Kristen will rock as Joan Jett because they share a lot of similar mannerisms. And the fact that Joan was on set and is a take no type of shite person, I feel that if Kristen didn't do it right, Joan would correct her ass and continue to do so until Joan thought it was perfect. And as you said, Dakota is in this film and the child is as close to perfection as there is in young actors. So she'll make up for any mistake that Kristen could ever make - well, I'm hoping that.

    As for 'Welcome to the Rileys' - it has James Gandolfini in it. Kristen could actually take a dump on screen and I wouldn't notice because James will be coming around the corner. I love this man and if he asked I would do whatever he wanted because there is just something about him and he can act with a paper bag and have you thinking the paper bag needs an Oscar because James transferred his goodness onto it.

  6. I'm undecided. Not sure if I'll see either one. Not cause I'm not a Stew fan, just kinda meh. Maybe the runaways, I dunno. I've never seen her in anything but twilight so maybe now's the time to see more of her.

  7. Oh JJ--- I love how you give a compliment...then take it away a little, then give another...
    I hear ya about the trailer not giving us any clue on the acting...the chair throw was all we got, but I am curious as hell about this movie b/c i LOVE joan jett; KStew, not so much.

  8. Forgot to add - if there's one think I like about her it's that she doesn't seem to follow the crowd. If you look at other 'actresses' her age, most of them, kinda look like/are acutally whores.

    Oh and I'm now having trouble not adding whore to the end of every sentence. I just wanna add it to the end of every sentence like a term of endearment, but, er, something tells me my manager might see that differently?

  9. @TJB - I love James Gandolfini - I just do. For those of you that listened to the Twigasm podcast he was part of my KFM. But I do think he's an amazing actor (shut the fuck up Latchkey and TexasKatherine)

    @MamaCougar - you are off your meds. I still love you. I do agree she's raw but... I'm not sold on her acting.

  10. @ Jenny FUCK. I just can't get anything past you. ***sulks off to take a double Paxil***

    What else of hers have you seen? Speak? Fierce People? The Cake Eaters? Into The Wild? All would make you feel better about her skillz.


    PS - The word verfication box is forcing me to type a word that is dangerously close to "cooter" so that I can post this reply. Scary!

  11. @Mama Cougar - LOL! Are we having a KStew throwdown? Okay, I saw Speak - she was okay. Adventureland - meh. Panic Room - it was a long time ago and every time I think of that movie I think of Forest Whitaker, which makes me think of Ghost Dog (one of my favorite movies EVER).

    She always plays the same kind of character. I like to see actors play different types of roles. And I'm a bitch.

    But I do like as CullenaryCurser said that she walks to the beat of her own drum. I dig that. I'm not a fan of the scantily clad, uber polished celebrity. I do respect that about her.

    {whispers} I still think her acting needs a little... work. ;)

  12. Oh crap, I hate to eat my own words but I did think she was good in Into the Wild.


  13. @MamaCougar I don't know you, but all of a sudden I love you. You couldn't have said it better about Ms. Stew...she ROCKS...for so many reasons.
    And, I'm not disillusion (most of the time)..I know Mr. Sparkly Peen is never coming after me, so it might as well be KStew.
    Twired Jen (check us out?!?)

  14. "delusional" <~~~ damn spell checker f*cked up the last one.

  15. I'm probably going to see them ~ but does she really have speaking roles?
    It doesn't look it from the clips!

    I WANT to like her ~ I really do... and ok yes ~ she is beautiful and probably doing things we dream of to the Precious...
    however I think she lacks the life experience to truly be able to get as much out of him as we could.
    (and the dirty kinky fuckery we can imagine!)

    I hope she does agreat job with these roles... I want to see her succeed. Ok ~ and so we can move on to picking her apart for more imaginative things! The acting (or lack of) is just too easy.
    We pick because we love ~
    and it's why we love you!!

  16. @JennyJerkface I will throwdown for my favorite Bitchface ANY DAY babygirl. And you can't have seen The Cake Eaters or you'd never say she plays the same character. You can't get more departed from angsty, lip biting Bella than playing a 15 year old girl who is dying of a neuromuscular disease and just wants to get laid before she kicks the bucket. In all seriousness, it IS my fav KStew performace to date. I watched it with my jaw on the floor.

    @Twired Jen Can we be besties? We can go to Happy Hour at Applebees and leave JJ locked in the trunk.
    (With RPatz. And yes, I added that as a gesture of goodwill JJ. Think trunksecks.)


  17. I want to see Welcome to the Riley's. I love James Gandolfini!

  18. Once again, I feel the same way. I want to love her! In fact, I stick up for her when others go too far in bashing her. Damnit she better be good in these!

  19. @MamaCougar...we can so be besties! But, can we skip Applebees and go to Chilis? They have a killer margarita called the El Nino.

    I haven't seen Cakeaters, but my Sister said it was awesome. And, I forgot to mention that I saw Speak too..on the Lifetime KStew was pretty sweet.

    PS if you look in our blog archive, you'll see sneak in KStew stuff now and then. Sista' Sarah is OBSESSED with we have alot of that too.
    xoxo Twired Jen

  20. I loved the movie Speak and Kristen in it. I will see these 2 movies, not in the theater mind you as I rarely see movies there any more (except for Twilight Saga movies), I will wait for DVD. I have added all her movies to my Netflix queue (and Rob's too) but with over 150 movies on the list it may take awhile to get to them. Man I wish I didn't have to work ;)

  21. @Mama Cougar I am on the ground dying. You’re too funny. Reall? You would rather be at Applebee’s with KStew? Damn... Okay. I’ve got Adventureland sitting on my desk waiting to be watched but unfortunately I have to watch Little Ashes first.

    I need a job where I can get paid to read fanfic, watch movies of my choice, and write my own dirty whore fanfic as well. Preferably one with benefits, vacation, 401K and 6 digit figure.

  22. I hate to admit it, too, but KStew looks pretty hot. I thought she was a big zero in the acting department until I saw Adventureland. She was pretty good. It could be that the script called for a smirky adolescent and Ellen Page wasn't available. (Thank God--Page would have wrecked the movie.)I will definitely watch Runaways and Meet the Rileys.
    PS- I heard you're going to Forks. Good times.

  23. Can't wait to see both! I love Kstew, acting and the preformance one gives I think is 45% directing, so who knows. Bitch better Rock Joan Jett though, The Runaways are fucking AWESOME!!!!

  24. SWEAR TO GOD my word verification was NUTOGISM!!!!!!!

  25. @Kathcom - Hey there! KStew has nice eyes. And a nice bod. Oh fuck it, the bitch is hot.

    Still not saying she's a great actress but I will check out The Cake Eaters. @Mama Cougar - see?! I'm giving her chances...

  26. Jamie said...
    I have a total girl crush on Kstew...ok, I'd do her. I think she's a cool ass chick, and I think I'd like to chill with her more than The Sparkly One. I'd rather do him though!
    I honestly think that the Twilight series is beneath her, and hasn't showcased her talent at all! I say that, and I love me some Twilight. Twilight has however made it possible for some of her other titles such as Welcome to the Rileys come to our notice. For this I am thankful.
    She was AMAZING in Into the Wild, and The Cake Eaters, and I made it my buisiness to see all her other movies as well. So, of course I will see these two as well.

  27. I'm kind of vocal about the fact I find Kristen really interesting so I'm excited to be seeing all three of her upcoming movies (though, is there even a release date for WTTR?)

    I agree with Mama Cougar, thought she did an amazing job in The Cake Eaters. I had seen interviews with the director before the movie, and she said that when she had screened it (this was before Twilight came out), people in the audience would come up and ask her where they found an actress that had Friedreich's Ataxia to do the role.

    Random- My friend and I were talking about Kristen, and can someone clarify this "girl crush" thing? I think she's pretty gorgeous and generally awesome, so yeah I might want to be her, but I don't want to make out with her lol

  28. Woot woot! Anyone who knows me knows I'm a Kristen, KStew, Robsten fan. It's the one area that Mrs. P and I don't agree, but she's been a good sport putting up with my KStew loving posts lately. LOL!

    I definitely want to see The Runaways in the theater. I think she's going to do Joan Jett right (she said that). I may wait for The Rileys to come out on DVD, though.

    For the record, I actually liked Adventureland. I thought she was great in Speak and Into the Wild. I haven't seen Cake Eaters, yet. Note to self. And when I think of Panic Room, all I can think about is poor Dwight Yoakam stepping away from his smexy cowboy hat, skinny jeans, and guitar to scare the bejebus out of me. That boy be ugly!

    @Twired Jen - I am clearly not raising you right. I have pimped Mama Cougar out many times on my blog. She's a riot, funny as hell, and a fellow Illinoisan (speaking of which, the boys finally pulled out a win tonight, Mary; about damn time!). And you have to visit her YouTube account and watch her hilarious videos!!

    @JJ - Hope you're feeling better! And one more thing . . . FFFOOORRRKKKSSS!!!


  29. @ Honolulu Girl - Hey, when you find that job you described, could you hire me as your assistant? I'd be happy to help you manage your fic favorites list and make sure you don't run out of alcohol & snacks.

  30. I'm definitely in for The Runaways - and Mr.AnotherJenny is all for seeing WttR..all he needed to know is that it was KStew and she pole dances. I am very interested in seeing the newer movies of Robsten - not as E&B. I want to see their mad skills!

  31. twi-obsessionwillbethecauseofmydivorceJanuary 28, 2010 at 1:02 AM

    Def. going to see both of these movies. Saw an interview where Joan Jett said she told her while she was playing "pussy to the wood, fuck the guitar"! Oh Em Gee I can't wait to see The Runaways. I actually think that her acting is waaaay better in her non-twi movies. Wonder why? Maybe the Pattz makes her nervous, gawd he'd make me nervous. Cake Eaters is the best I've seen her, I totally teared up watching that movie.

  32. Can't wait for these two! I'v put The Runaways on the calendar. Her and Dakota... so there.

    She seems so awesome and awkward in real life, and at the same time kinda intimidating. But I'd so smoke a doob' with her! I have such a girl crush. Have you seen her legs!

    LOVED her in Into The Wild and The Cake Eaters. Really want to see a movie she did a few years ago called Fierce People, but I really don't think Twilight lets her act really.... or even Rob. Anyways can't wait for her new movies and what projects she does in the future.

  33. I've never had an issue with KStew - I've liked her since The Panic Room. I get a little ticked off at other blog who just run her down. Why? Because her costar and probable boyfriend is Rob Pattinson. Sheesh!

    I love that she picks projects that are out of the ordinary - that she doesn't want to do the big blockbuster hollywood movies. She's more interested in being an actor than a star.

    She may have been twitchy and stuttery in the Twilight movies but I'd put her worst acting job up against anything Megan Fox has done!

    I didn't think I'd want to see The Runaways because I was never a Joan Jett fan either with The Runaways or The Blackhearts. I remember when The Runaways first came out. They were the opening act for The Bay City Rollers and as loyal BCR fans, we hated them on principal! LOL! 5 girls, 5 guys...on the road together, we didn't like the odds.

    I think I would like to see Welcome to the Rileys but might wait for it to come out on DVD.

  34. I'm with Mama Cougar, Twired Jen and Lisa on this one - I think KStew is a terrific actress. Her approach is so refreshing. I can't wait to see all her work.
    I think this is the only thing my husband and I agree on when it comes to Twilight. He was really blown away by her interpretation of Bella. And, for you evil minds out there, I know for a fact that this had nothing to do with her appearance, because she's not his type at all (ie. she's too skinny). :D

  35. I'm just shocked that Mrs.P didn't comment on her being tipped off the bed in the Welcome to the Rileys clip ;o).

  36. Um, okay. I have a confession. After seeing The Runaways trailer and the clip, I've kind of developed a girl-crush on KStew.

    I mean, have you seen that clip? SHE IS FUCKING HOT.

    Like any other human being, I thought the grunge/mullet look she had while shooting but now...

    I want to search for promotional photos. I want to screen cap the trailer. I want to download the clips onto my iPhone and listen to her dulcet tones and stare at her rocking 80s fashion.

    I can't explain it. I just really want to fangirl all over her and stuff.

    So, Kristen, if you're reading this *mouths* call me ;)

  37. "boffing the Precious"....and rubbing her hands all up and down hot, oiled, waxed, werewolf....I don't have to like her to want her job....all of them....mostly the "boffing the Precious" part though.

  38. Ridiculous--arguing over whether she can act. Who cares? Just keep pointing the camera at her.

  39. Jenny loves James Gandolfini... la la la de da! I bet he farts a lot. Does he Jen?

  40. "chubby mcBloggerface" LMAO. MamaCougar - ITA with you. Her acting in New Moon was so much better than Twilight - the scene in the rain with Jacob I was in tears - I didn't even cry when Edward left because I couldn't stop laughing at Robward say "I don't want you to come". Sorry my mind just checked into the gutter. KStew has had to endure a whole lotta crap from Twi fans and Robsessors (I was in the latter group a year ago)on their twitters and blogs hating on the Stew for banging the Precious. Girls are so petty that's why men run the world. We need to learn how to have each other's back more often. I'll stop the lecture. Great and funny post JJ!

  41. Oh, I forgot, of course I will see her movies. Mr. Jersey can't wait for Runaways - loves the rocker chicks. Always loved Joan and Kristen and Dakota will nail it I'm sure! James G. is the man. Mr. Jersey & I will most def see that as well!

  42. Questionable actress or not, she is totally my girlcrush. a) She's all rebel and shit and wears Converse to premieres, which I'd never have the guts to do, b) She's still young enough to pull off the grunge look (and I am not, by a wider margin than I care to admit) c) She is so far from wanting the celebrity lifestyle that I think people want to force it on her even more, and so far she's handled it with grace - maybe not in the details like interviews and not dropping awards on stage, but in bigger ways - her personal and social life, for instance, and d) Let's face it, she is hot - Allure photo shoot, anyone? I admire her for taking on these big roles and not becoming Hollywood Barbie the second she got famous. And, I love her for the role of Bella. If stupid MR hadn't written Bella to be so depressed and spastic, KStew wouldn't have to carry her off that way.

    Basically, I blame MR for everything.

  43. @17 Forever Lisa: Thank gawd I am apparently not the only other one to see the Cake Eaters. Adding that to my Netflix queue immediately. I really liked her in Into the Wild Also.

    @Mama Cougar: ROTFLMAO...please please please stay off the meds.

    And that picture of KStew, that is the one in my mental image any time I read a fanfiction.
    @twiredJen: that pic makes me a little "girl crushy" too

    vw: horgine.....hell ya I got the horgine! Gotta problem with that???

  44. Ugh...not enough coffee...I meant that I haven't seen Cake Eaters...

  45. I think KStew sucks. At least as Bella. I wanna see her other movies now though, they might change my opinion. And jftr, I thought she sucked long before I suspected she was banging the Precious.
    I do admire her I-don't-give-a-shit-what-people-think-of-me attitude, and RPattz could totally do worse. At least until he realizes he wants me. She's welcome to join in, but I still think she's a sucky Bella.

  46. I absolutely wholeheartedly love Kristen! she's my well...ultimate girl crush...and yeah she has a very crusty exterior, but she's sooooooo freaking sweet BTS in everything I've seen that it almost gives you cavities! about her acting...well...Twilight was...unspeakable off LOL...suffice to say I wasn't impressed...but I loved her ever since she was twitching and jerking on a hard floor in Panic Room, so it's easier to get over one odd's not like Twilight was a work of art...and besides...can you blame her? she had to stare at The Pretty while saying corny lines she'd never be caught saying in real life...of course all her silly mannerisms would come out...she was take? if the director wasn't happy with that she should have said so and make another double...CH didn' obviously CH thought it was good enough, so it's CH's fault! :D I can turn ANYTHING about Twilight into CH's fault! :D

    I can't wait to see The Runaways, because really, while enjoying my fix of Joan Jett music, I had virtually no idea who they were or why...I wasn't even in my parents projects when the band was rocking and rolling and snorting coke and whatever else they did...

    At this point, I am more anxious to see RM, BA, TRA and WTTR than Eclipse and BD...guess it has to do with how much they overplay Jacob...and how tight lipped they are about BD...and how they didn't even release some good stills of Eclipse...and how unimpressed I was with the script of Eclipse that leaked online...sigh...

  47. Can't wait to see both films, and anything else she was/will be in. I've got a lot to catch up, I've only seen her in Into the Wild and in The Messengers! It's great of you to post about her. And I love so much your hilarious we-bash-you-but-we-love-you way of doing it.

  48. I'll Netflix The Runaways only because I agree with you that The Runaways rock but I'm not going to waste $9 on it that I could use to watch Remember Me repeatedly. KStew deserves props for choosing movies that are outside the box but she's still irritating to watch on screen. I am NOT a fan.

    I don't care about her relationship with RPatz. I'm not jealous because I live in a land called "Reality". I just think he can do better than a greasy haired no talent sour puss.

  49. @mmMoxie - You are bluntly honest, which is why I love you so much. Let me know if we're playing Drunk Mad Libs tomorrow night!

  50. @Twilove1 Of course you can be my assistant when I land that job! LOL!

  51. @Honolulu Girl: Can I be your European correspondent? :)

  52. I am soooooo late to this freakin' party.

    I am on the proverbial KStew fence. Pretty much for the same reasons as JJ. I have softened a bit since it became pretty effing clear that The Precious is way into her and is clearly having relations with her. If he digs her then I guess I should give her a chance. I have always said she looks so much more beautiful when she has a smile on her face and she has been smiling lots since being with Rob...and I like that.

    @HG I want that job too..can we jobshare? @Kitty_Elvis has promised me she will hire me for that job when she wins her millions. Fingers crossed for a career change in our futures.

  53. Totally agree with pro-Into the Wild comments. That movie has stayed with me ever since I saw it. Frankly I think Emile Hirsch is WAY underrated-- he delivered a complete emotional KO, and KStew did a great job in her role-- way into him, trying to be cool about it. But as the great Rainey said, "That poor girl's just about ready to vault herself onto your fencepost."

  54. Adunno - the Runaways looks interesting but the others? I'm not game. Adventureland sucked balls and I want my money back still for that one.

    I guess my issue is - I just don't GET her. Plus all her mannerisms are the same in every movie...twitch, twitch, twitchedy, twitch. I'm just not a fan.

  55. Just found your blog yesterday. Love it. I'm a Twilight late bloomer... but that hasn't slowed down my obsession in the least. I may need an intervention at some point.
    I have to say that I liked Adventureland. And if Rob isn't going to be my boyfriend than who better to love him than KStew. I think he fancies her, either that or he gets wide eyed and smiley around all beautiful women. What a life he has in front of him. What a face. I digress...
    KStew is hot and better her than some bimbo. At least she has some substance.


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