Today is Mr. Snarky's birthday which means Snarkier Than You has very reluctantly left Twitarded alllll alone in the hands of yours truly. For some reason she thinks that if she leaves me unattended I'm going to do something totally offensive or evil or post nude photoshopped pictures of her.
Lucky for her I don't know how to use photoshop. Yet.
Despite the fact that I knew I had to post something tonight I waited until the very last minute to start writing. Actually, this is pretty much my MO for every post so I guess I can't really use that as an excuse. In my defense, I sat down last night with the full intention of writing this but instead got into an all out Twitter clusterfuck with Latchkey Wife, Texas Katherine, Moijojojo from Twigasm and many, many others. Seriously, it was like a crazy Twitter dance party last night and I think Moi may have slipped me a roofie but I now know what Nutella is so it's all good.
I also spent a good part of my evening [er, and day, to be honest] torturing Latchkey Wife by threatening to write a snuff-fic of her killing off Edward, which was really fun because apparently killing off Edward is her Kryptonite. She was all crying, "NOOOOO, how could you!! Pleeease, I'm begging you, don't do it!!!" and I was all, "Suck it, gangrenous vagina, the vamp is taking a dirt nap. HOW YOU LIKIN' ME NOW, ARIZONA?!"
Okay, okay, it didn't really go like that. But Latchkey is still a gangrenous vagina. Oh, and in case she's right and I'll get kicked out of the Fandom for making Edward buy the farm, I'm totally lying about all of this - don't believe her even if she has the emails.
That being said, when I woke up this morning I swore to myself I would sit in front of the computer and write something really fucking witty and awesome. So I sat in front of the Mac, booted it up... and decided to check FanFiction.net. Just one quick peek, and then I'd write the bestest post ever...
I'm such an asshole.
On the upside, I have a really, really spectacular fic recommendation for all you horny ladies.
It's called Burn and Shine by Pulsepoint and I think this Edward is in running contendership with both Tattward and Masterward for favorite Edward. This dude is one serious badass. And if you're a Jasper lover, this fic is for you! This is the first story I've read where I was seriously torn between Jasper and Edward. Well, to be honest I kinda wanted to have a Jaspward sandwich with these two characters. What? Are you really surprised?
The premise, taken directly from the author [because I'm a fucking lazy jerk] is "At first glance felonious Edward seems like nothing but trouble, but as sheltered college student Bella digs deeper she realizes he is so much more. Possibly too much for her to handle. ExB, AH, rated M for dark/adult themes and profanity."
It's incomplete but it had me practically licking the screen because Edward and Jasper are just plain fuckhawt. It's not for the very faint of heart but holy-wet-panties is it good. So check it out.
I'm off to watch Paranormal Activity because I'm all alone tonight, in a creepy new house that creaks and groans and I figured it was the perfect time to watch a horror flick about a possessed creepy, groan-y house. I'm so brilliant my fucking brain hurts sometimes...