So a long time ago I did a post on the wonderful town of Forks, Washington. At the time, I was thinking to myself "I will never set foot in this tourist trap." But as is the case with almost all Twilight-related stuff that I may initially consider WAY too fan-girly/geeky/over-the-top/impossible for me, my resolve has weakened. Considerably. And as is the case with many an implausible and ill-conceived notion that I find myself ruminating over these days, I blame Jenny Jerkface.
Here's a timeline!
Me approximately sixteen months ago: Forks? What's a Forks?
Me approximately fifteen months and three weeks ago: Forks?! TWILIIIIIIGHT!!!!! I love Forks!! But I would never go there...
[fast forward to this weekend]
Jenny Jerkface three days ago [not sober, making a late appearance at Mr. Snarky's birthday party]: We need to go to Forks.
Me three days ago: No. [I have written off more random seemingly-hair-brained ideas than this... I obsess. JJ Obsesses.]
JJ two days ago [sober; not dropping it - go figure]: We NEED to go to Forks.
Me two days ago: No. You're crazy. I can't go to Forks. I don't want to go to Forks. Why on earth does anyone go to Forks? [nervous laugh; I know I am starting to sound unsure; JJ will surely pounce on this crack in my resolve...aaaand she does.]
JJ early yesterday: We WILL go to Forks.
Me early yesterday: Mr. Snarky will freak if I go to Forks...plus I can't afford it...
New-in-it-DEEP-Twi-convert-Myg to me yesterday afternoon [leaning over and whispering auspiciously to me during her virgin viewing of NM - and I believe not at the behest of JJ]: So when is the Twitarded field-trip to Forks???
Me last night: If I sell my possessions and raise money for this on my own, how can Mr. Snarky really deny me??? I need a vacation... Plus it's for the blog... He won't mind if I fly across the country without him and go on vacation with you and not him, right? Right??? [note: Mr. Snarky will mind - on many levels - if I fly across the country without him.]
Let me state for the record that I have never not ever wanted to go to Forks. Why the fuck would anyone go to Forks??? Stephenie Meyer picked the location because it's the rainiest spot in the United States. She's been there.
Stephenie Meyer in Forks. If I knew how to photoshop a pic of RPatts in there I would, but I'm gonna leave the "Hoh" thing alone...
But none of the movie footage was shot there. The actors never shacked up there. You can't stay in the "Robert Pattinson Slept Here" room at the local motel (although you can sleep under a poster of Edward if that floats your boat). And for some reason, I suddenly want to go there.
I call dibs on the Edward bed [Bella's totally getting covered up with a towel or something]. Sorry JJ, you get the Jacob bed, but I promise not to turn you in to the dude from "To Catch A Predator."
I want to go despite the fact that it has Twilight cache in name only. And that I am almost guaranteed bad hair days. And that I know I would be better off planning to set-stalk Breaking Dawn when they start filming it in Portland or Vancouver or some other location that is definitely NOT Forks Washington (which could possibly happen as early as this fall!). I should go to the Chateau Marmont or the Isle of Wight or L.A. or Barnes and take my chances on having a Twilight-y adventure. Anywhere but Forks. It is SO unlikely that any major players from the cast would go there that RPatts and KStew SHOULD go there and sleep (and other things) under a poster of themselves and laugh about it just because nobody would ever think to look for them there. But I have the feeling that Twitarded (and Mini-Edward) are going to Forks. For real this time. I went from "Never!" to "Well of COURSE we have to go - it's our duty as Twitards to make a pilgrimage to Forks at least once in our lives or we won't get into Twitardia!" faster than you can say "mippple." [Sorry - saw NM again yesterday and revisited Nipple-gate.]
A t-shirt that says "Dorks in Forks"?! Yup - we'll need two of them. Do they come in sparkle? Btw these pic from the Forks "Dazzled By Twilight" store's "Hall of Fang."
Because where else can you let your Twitarded freak flag fly on this level??? I mean seriously - it's probably the only place on the planet that has out a HUGE black-and-red Twilighty welcome mat for us and all of our nutty antics. Which is one of the reasons why I want to go there and not set stalking. I just don't have the constitution for set-stalking. Especially not the way it is now. I mean, it's going to be NUTS for Breaking Dawn. BONKERS. I am more ballsy than I used to be but I would make a terrible set-stalker. Trust me. But I could do an excellent job of making a semi-condoned Twitarded spectacle of myself in Forks. They do have a bar there, right?? Or at least a liquor store? Oh never mind - I'll just bring a really big flask...
P.S. Have you been to Forks??? Want to go there with us?! Do you live there? Near there??? When is a good time to visit? Bad time?? We are open to any and all input [that's what she said], travel tips, and suggestions for ways we might embarrass ourselves while we are visiting!