Monday, January 4, 2010

It Could Have Been Worse...

[Since I just accidentally typed the title and then ptmfs*, I guess I will stick with this title. haven't done that in a while...Good times! Sorry for the premature eblogulation...]

I think it goes without saying at this point that I love Twilight. No offense but if you haven't figured this out, you're an Idiot, with a capital I. I love the books, I love the movies, I want to lure some of the cast members to my house so I can have my way with them (ok, maybe there's just one I would hunt down and bag while screeching "RAWR!", but a few I would let park their shoes at Casa Snarky). Despite that irrevocable truth, sometimes (ok, frequently) I can make fun of the books, the movies, and the cast. But I got to thinking recently that maybe I should just count my lucky stars, since as the saying goes, things could always be worse...

According to Stephenie Meyer, Twilight was originally titled "Forks." Which would have been a swell enough name, but doesn't quite have the same "KAPOW!" when shrieked at eardrum-shattering decibels. Nor does it have the same romance that "Twilight" has - imagine the Twilight movie posters and all the related stuff but with the word "Forks" under it instead of "Twilight." Not so good, right? And yes I realize that any half-awake toddler would know how to whip up a few smashing photo-shopped pics but I don't, ok??? It's on my 2010 to-do list.

"FOOOOOOOOOORRRRRKKS!!!" huh?

Jasper was first called "Ronald," and Rosalie was "Carol' (thanks to her love of Charlotte Bronte and Jane Austen, Edward was always Edward, and thanks to Stephenie Meyer's proclivity for having boy babies, we got Isabella/Bella - the name she was originally saving for a girl baby). I have nothing against the names Ronald and Carol, per se... In fact, my mom's name is Carol, so I like it good enough. But it's no Rosalie/Rose as far as embodying that "most beautiful woman ever" thing...

Ronald? Carol? I'm not feeling it...

Now THIS Ronald the Vampire makes sense to me...


The early pics/images of Edward were also pretty iffy - it took them a while to evolve Edward into the smexy vamp we all know and love... I wasn't around the Twidom for the original casting brouhaha but I suppose I can understand why some people got their panties in a bunch. They worked things out, but it was a little rough-going at first...

Why is he dirty??? Someone get Edward a manicure, stat! His nails look like he's been playing in the dirt. Why? Did I miss the scene where Edward makes mud pies? I thought that was Jacob? I am confused... And why he he doing that weird thing that skinny hipsters sometimes do with their belts and buckling it off-center??? Is that a vampire thing, too??? And way to make Bella/Kristen Stewart ten years older, too, EW!

Hair extensions were also vetoed - yay! I like long hair on guys. Sometimes. When it works. Mr. Snarky had long hair when we first started dating. But this wouldn't have worked. At all.

Didn't like this, either. Is that a Breck Girl or a vampire???

They also ditched the "homeless Edward" look. I love hobolicious Robward and all, but not like this... This look just says "vampire who lives under the railroad trestle" to me, not "hot rich Cullen vamp."
THIS is good hobo... [pic from ROBsessed]

See??? Things can ALWAYS be worse... I will quit my bitching... OK, that's a lie - we all know I am not going to stop complaining any time soon. I can't help myself! But as the other saying goes, I pick because I love.

*"ptmfs" = post this mother-fucking shit. Click the link for the very first ptmfs reference [ahem, check the URL]! It's a Twitarded tradition.

54 comments:

  1. i'm on pins and needles waiting to find out!

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  2. oh, do tell! don't do this! what happened?

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  3. premature eblogulation is messy, and embarrassing, but treatable.;-)
    (Lisa came up with the 'messy').

    I had NEVER seen the John Lennon Edward water color before. LMAO!!! That would have been bad...but I would have paid $ to see it for reals.

    Yes, it definately could have been worse!!!!

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  4. As for the ptmfs - I believe we were having issues with blogger that day. It wasn't that we disliked the post or anything. I was just getting frustrated and in an attempt to infuse some humor in the situation I titled the post ptmfs and then... accidentally published it.

    The look on STY's face is forever burned into my retinas. It was AMAZING.

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  5. Funny stuff, STY! You already know me and Mrs. P were giving you shit on Twitter about your premature publication. The second coming *wink wink* of your post was worth the wait, though, just for that Ronald McDonald vampire pic alone. LMFAO!!

    Great observations. It definitely could have been worse. I was late to the party and missed out on all of the early promo pics for Twilight. That Entertainment Weekly cover is creepy as hell! And just for the record, I LOVE that pic of Rob with the long hair. It made my top 20 fave pics list for a RobMusement post.

    Lisa

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  6. Yeah forks doesn’t quite have the same appeal. Glad she changed the name.

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  7. As the person who "guest blogged" the inaugrual (pun intended, if you go look you'll know what I mean!) Post This Motherfucking Shit post, I recall getting an email from STY saying "um, yeah, we were having trouble with blogger that day and we're so sorry there's photos of your baby under THAT title." Obviously (considering I let said baby chew on the President AND his contender) I didn't give a shit. But it was a funny story. Glad it continues!

    xoxo

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  8. INAUGURAL...I meant to correct my spelling on that comment before I posted it. DUH!

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  9. That Entertainment Weekly cover was a travesty! He looks like a clown and Kristen looks like a wax figure, and we all know the hotness that can result when they are photographed. Who in their right mind would look at that pic and say "There's our cover!" ??? Dumbass

    And, STY, I totally agree with the Lestat reference. Never understood that look -- too prissy to be sexy.

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  10. @Anntastic - We were HORRIFIED when we did that. I think that was one of the first post that we did that a reader sent us and we totally raped it by titling it "post that mother fucking shit". Seriously, I think STY almost went into seizures.

    We were so relieved you weren't mortally offended. :)

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  11. Carol????...all I think about is Channing or Burnett or King (showing my age here).

    I truly dislike that entertainment cover. It is weird on so many levels, I cant begin to list them all, but the dirt( like he just crawled out of the grave?) and E's lips( the make up crew should be ashamed) bug me the most.

    I think Rob could get away with extensions, due to his strong jawline and (drool) perfect face...But if the same make up crew were doing the extensions I think we should thank the powers that be that there were none...God knows what that mess would have looked like.

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  12. I thought it was "press the mother fucking send"... so I was close!

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  13. I truly shudder to imagine Edward's extensions as created by the Twilight hair and make up crew. And that EW cover? The name says it all -- ew!! I've seen that image here and there but didn't realize it was a "real" cover. Yeah. Coulda been much worse.

    Fkat

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  14. As disturbing as dirty Edward on EW was/is that was the first shirts off photo of RPattz and I own it and it is my profile pic on my laptop. I remember being pissed that he was dirty (and why did RPattz not put his foot down in defense of keeping true to the story?) but there was little Robporn way back then so this girl had to make do with that particular photo....and make do I did....

    @STY-Ummm, er, I had all sorts of other snarky wit to add to my comment but I am finding myself all hung up on the fact that your mother's name is Carol...ummm, that is my mom's name too...for real life. I think we need to officially have some blood tests run...you are most definitely my East Coast (much leaner and snarkier)doppelganger. I think I need another glass of wine now.

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  15. Wow! You mean this could have been "Forktarded"? And you and JJ could Forkify all of our lives? I'm soooooo glad that the title changed. Also Jasper and Rose.

    BTW, I have been doing a marathon of reading posts and FF because I have been off the computer since about Dec. 10th due to me moving and traveling all over creation for Christmas. I'm so fucking happy to be back in the Twidome.

    I haven't read all the posts thoroughly yet and of course I need to go through the comments. I love to hear what all you snatches have to say.

    Can't wait to spend 2010 with all you ladies!

    Hugs and Kisses!

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  16. @STY and Vitamin R - My middle name is Carol, and I have no doubt that we are related.

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  17. @vitaminR - omfg this is starting to get a tad creepy, no??? er, in a good way?? i thnk?? ok i am going to hit up the wine bottle again, too. cheers, west-coast carol's daughter! lmfao!

    : )

    p.s. my veri-word is "hotsties" - i don't know why but this has me in hysterics...

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  18. @MrsP - i should have attributed it but the drawing of "long-hair Edward" is from the Twilight Director's Notebook (which is really interesting, if you have never read it). Glad if didn't work that way with the extensions - and RPatts was totally relieved, too, so they said! lol...

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  19. @STY - I can remember emailing you many new moons ago and discussing how Catherine Hardwicke was sitting on a gold mine - Rob's audition tape, pictures of him with hair extensions, etc. Still hoping that surfaces one day...

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  20. I was so ticked when my Entertainment Weekly came in the mail that week. I thought the exact same thing..."why in the hell is Edward dirty and making a face like he should be riding the short bus?" I also wondered why Bella had the same makeup as the hooker sorority chick that lived in the apartment next to ours. It was maddness, I tell you, maddness! I also read and interview of Stephenie's when she said that MTV films wanted to buy the rights to the book and planned on turning Bella into a high school track star. Stephenie, thankfully, didn't care about the dollar signs and held out for someone who wouldn't totally change her vision for the book. So yes, it could've been WAAAYYYYY worse!

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  21. oh no!!! those pics of dirty edward and flat and weird bella!!!!!
    nooo!! they are like my worst nightmare....and the hair extensions in robs sex hair.
    it could have been worse indeed.
    but luckily everything went just fine!
    ronald i SO not a vampire's name.

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  22. twi-obsessionwillbethecauseofmydivorceJanuary 5, 2010 at 12:00 AM

    Wow that's all very interesting. I didn't know or see anything Twilight until the DVD came out. Thank Gawd it's all turned out the way it did or we wouldn't have the fandom or the fanfic or you guys oh shit... I'm having a panic attack. That would've sucked big hairy donkey balls!

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  23. Abso-fucking-lutely it could have been worse. One of my favorite books way before I was inducted into the twi-universe was "Watchers" by Dean Koontz. Did you SEE the shit someone made of that?! Yes, I read about the track star Bella and jet-ski action that coulda been and I'm ever so grateful that Steph hung tough.

    Does anyone else think that Bella on EW looks just like Magenta from Rocky Horror? I didn't get the dirty hands either. Oh, what if, what if...

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  24. I'm sorry, I have no idea what this post was about or what any of you have been blathering about in the comments. Please scroll back to HoboRob and check out the saucy curved finger of his right hand. Is he pointing at The Goodies? Is he come-hithering? Is he ::shiver:: showing us his powers?

    I am thoroughly catatonic, and drooling. Anyone else?

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  25. @STY--Love "west coast Carols' daughter"--Ha! Ha! Little does my mom know she has been brought into this insanity....oh and it is definitely creepy in a good way. Mwah!

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  26. Ummm yeah. What you guys said. I can't really comment cuz you all are just cracking me the fuck uppp *pops the p* and I am just gonna enjoy your banter. I usually come off sounding like an eeejit anyways...bah!

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  27. So I was thinking about the things that could be worse and I started thinking about my goofy hubby. Yep, it certainly can be worse…..I can think of 10 things right off the top of my head performed by my lovely husband in his short 36 yr old life…..
    1- Get drunk on a first date with a girl and call her an SOB.
    2- Play with your dogs and one of them mistakes your manhood for a chew toy.
    3- Fart in your cubicle 2 seconds before your boss walks by.
    4- Pick up a piece of wood in front of your office and accidentally say “Hey, I got wood” as a female co-worker gives you a dirty look.
    5- Take a drink from an empty coke can…you know the one that you forgot you were using as a chew spit can.
    6- A tree falls on your car.
    7- Go with your pregnant wife to her boss’ house as a mental patient with his butt hanging out, get drunk and throw up in the backyard.
    8- Ride down the stairs in green briefs on a sled of your clothing.
    9- Break up with a girl because she forgot her leftovers in your car.
    10- Tell your grandma that the cashews she sent for X-Mas are gone. When she asks why, you blurt out “She ate my nuts!”

    Here’s the funniest thing about this list…..My husband is a pretty shy and quiet person. Most of these things he is mortified about……but I truly think he was put on this earth not only to meet me and produce our awesome son but to give me tons of material and fodder to blog . You rock hubby and keep the dumbass stuff coming!!!!

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  28. @My After Car Is an XKR yes that was the first thing I noticed in the HoboRob photo too! My first thought was "OMFG he's pointing to his dick" Have a look at how long his fingers are....
    That EW weekly cover is eeww isn't it?
    AND why didn't Jasper & Rosalie look that hot in NM? Yeah forgot, henious wigs.
    W/V dipart-glad they diparted from most of those original ideas.

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  29. This just further confirms that, although she came up with the amazing original idea for Twilight, Stephenie Meyers was not equipped to completely see the saga through to it's full potential. Just look what so many amazing authors have done with fanfic.

    @Jennifer: are you the long-lost Iseetwipeople? We missed you!

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  30. Thank god Edward did NOT have that stupid ass long hair or looked anything like that picture on EW... I don't think I would have wanted to fuck him as much as I do... LOL!

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  31. OMG - I had no idea about the early pics of Robward. Fuck those are ugly! They would have killed the quiver immediately. Ugh!

    I forgot about that pre-mature eblogulation! LOL! Well - at least it doesn't happen too often!

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  32. "it could always be worse" is like my life's motto.

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  33. "short bus"- this is the second time within 6 hours I have heard/read this...someone please translate. Usually I can make the leap, but not this time.

    thanks.

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  34. That's the bus that the 'special' kids ride to school.

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  35. @jaima-when I come across a word or phrase that I'm not hip enough to understand, I check out "Urban Dictionary". Not that I'm saying YOU'RE not hip. Heck, I can only communicate in ONE language - sometimes not even that!
    ;)

    Fkat

    w/v: jayspild - considering the references to premature eblogulation, I'm thinking jayspild something dirty...Where do these freakin word verifs come from anyway??

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  36. [ok i don't know what happened to this comment the first time i posted..sorry if this shows up 2x.]

    Uhhh, yeah...Not the Fluffy hair. Maybe the long hair if I saw it PRIOR to GQ, VF, and premiere pics...but there's no turning back from all that hotness!!

    The PTMFS post was funny!!! I'm so jealous I was in the Twitardeddark and ROBwarddark at that point...or I might have been in the car to NY too that day!!

    @Twilove1...can I just say thank you to you? You made a comment the other day that might become my 2010 tagline..."I can only handle one husband and one unattainable irrational crush at a time." It was something like that...It is my new answer for everything from why I couldn't remember to pick up milk to why I still have Christmas gifts to buy to why I forget about laundry and chores when I'm deep in fanfic!!

    Here's a fun oneshot by the gal who wrote Wallbanger about E and B getting stuck in a bank during a blackout.

    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5083023/1/Vestibule_Style

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  37. @tsharee - sounds like a keeper! someone who can make you laugh is key, right?? : )

    I hadn't noticed the potential pointing going on in that photo, but now that i am looking i think you twi-sluts may be on to something! mmmm... pointy rob...

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  38. First, the HoboRob pic makes me squirmy with all the long finger porn.

    Second, I have NO IDEA how I missed the original ptmfs post?! My guess is that I had a 7 week old baby at the time. THat shit was hilarious.

    Third, it could have been SO SO much worse!!!!! Thank you for that reminder.

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  39. Thanks for the translation ladies. Being childless by choice and living in a country that does not have school buses per se.I could have guessed until Hell froze over and probably not got that one.

    Thanks also for the urban dictionary site, I bookmarked it.

    vw-fallyho (got that a bit wrong didn't they?...giddyup)

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  40. Premature eblogulation...Holy shit, thats too much! LOL! ;)

    Carol and Ronald...er...yeah. My cats names are Jasper and Alice. I can imagine calling my kitties to dinner, "here Alice, here Ronald."

    Um, no.

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  41. @twifiltered brain- Thank you! Your sweet comment and one shot rec totally made my day!

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  42. oh how I miss the Plain Gravy shirt...I wonder what hotel that magic got left in....

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  43. @Twifiltered brain - Just read the o/s rec you gave us the link to. LOVED IT! Thanks!

    Lisa

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  44. my god, edward with long hair as he runs up the mountain. streaming in the wind. too fucking funny. we would not have this pheno if they had ruined him that way. thanks for all the laughs. and i hate you all for telling me about fanfiction. i can't stop reading this shit.
    wv:demerse-

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  45. Hmmm, I like the picture of "older" K-Stew. I normally don't find her very attractive. I think she looks atypically hot there. Sorry, I'm gonna nullify your "ew".

    v/w: disfhoc. My train ride was going well until disfhoc sat down next to me.

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  46. Sorry, I am late to this party, but I had another thought I can't put down. What do you think you would have called this blog had the book/movie been titled "Forks". If I've gotten to know you 2 at all via this blog, my guess would be "Forked up the a$$".

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  47. Huh. What would we have called ourselves? Fork You, We Love Twilight? I Want to Fork RPattz Like an Animal?

    I wonder...

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  48. @CF4LIFE - Never too late. Great question.

    @JJ - Great answers. I actually can't wait to use those lines in RL. The "Fork you, I love Twilight" and the modified version of "Fork you, I love Rob" will definitely come in handy. Just sayin'.

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  49. I'm a fan of the Homeless look. :)

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  50. I'm a fan of the Homeless look. :)

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  51. @twifiltered brain- Thank you! Your sweet comment and one shot rec totally made my day!

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  52. I thought it was "press the mother fucking send"... so I was close!

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