[Some nice music (really!) for you blog-reading pleasure.]
So there's a lot of shit that I want to cover here tonight/tomorrow/whenever and while none if it is going to fill an entire post, exactly, if I smush all of it together and make one big totally freaking random wandering post out of it, it will work. Promise. It will be like Ben & Jerry's "Everything But The..." flavor ice cream where they throw a bunch of stuff in with the ice cream and it WORKS (ome it works). Only this will be better than that. [For the sake of full disclosure: no it won't be; nothing is better than "Everything But The..." flavor except maybe Chubby Hubby or possibly mixing Hagen Daz Caramel Cone and Chocolate flavors together. Because that shit's a guaranteed multiple taste-bud orgasm.
Plus, this randomness will give us more time to work on other more enlightening, "Deep Thoughts with JJ & STY"-kinda posts. Like the one JJ has been working on that's tentatively called "how music keeps me from going apeshit and murdering my fellow commuters." I'm looking forward to reading that one about as much as I'm looking forward to my next gynecological exam. I wonder - do they actually put the speculum in the freezer beforehand? Hey - I warned you: random, remember?
Anyway, here's "the scoops," in no particular order:
We are going to Forks the last weekend in September [9/29-10/2-ish]. I am really, really sorry if these dates doesn't work for everyone (even JJ was actually rooting for the last weekend in August while I voted for September). You can expect that there will be much much MUCH more inane rambling-on about this trip in the forseeable future. Seriously, we are going to talk so much about this trip to Forks that you are going to BEG us to shut the fuck up about it, even if you're going. But I feel especially sorry for the 17% of you who answered the poll with "Are you NUTS?! I'm not going to Forks!" because you're going to HATE us by September. And after September. Because after we get back, our visit to the Twitarded holy land is all we are going to talk about until Breaking Dawn comes out and who the hell knows when that will be? We promise we will make it up to you somehow. Even if it means that JJ gives oral to each and every last one of you.
Now, on to the sad news. [Is there an award for "most insensitive, asshole-ish segue"? yeah, I just won that]. You are no doubt aware that there is a telethon tonight to benefit the victims of the earthquake in Haiti. Things are massively fucked up there but went from bad to horrifically, heartbreakingly worse, and they need our help. I know I'm having a MAJOR "pot meet kettle" moment when I say this but we all need to stop whining about how crappy everything is every time we are stuck in traffic or our train is late (ahem, JJ - looking at you, twat-monkey) or the Starbucks barista doesn't froth the non-fat soy milk in your Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte just so or the stupid a-hole in front of you at the grocery check-out spends ten seconds too long rooting for coupons and your head just freaking e-x-p-l-o-d-e-s. Take a chill-pill and/or a deep breath (depending on your access to chill pills) and put it all in perspective. And then please donate. If you haven't already, take a minute today to do it. If you've already donated, do it again if you can afford it. If you're really lucky you might get to talk to Taycob or someone else uber-famous. Don't hold your breath for RPatts, though, ok? Nobody looks better when they turn blue unless they were in Avatar.
[note: ok we suck and the telethon will be over by the time we post this (oops), but you know what to do if you didn't do it already, right? Go to HopeForHaitiNow.org to donate.]
Speaking of which (fund-raising for Haiti, not Taycob or Avatar), one of our very own very talented bloggy besties is auctioning off a print of her artwork! Team Six Pack created an excellent replica of the Twilight novel cover and is selling a frame-worthy print via The Fandom Gives Back! Check out her auction HERE and don't forget to take a look at all the other things that FGB is doing to raise money for this cause. Do what you can.
Oh and Rob showed up REALLY beard-y. I'm pretty sure I heard Jenny shrieking all the way from New York City. She likes her men-folk beardy; I'm wishing he wasn't obscuring the prettah but I'll take what Rob-sightings I can get at this point. Even if he's appearing with the rarity and hirsuteness of Bigfoot (but you know what they say about big feet so whatevs).
(yeah yeah we know we've done the "we don't like paparazzi pics" thing but we're fucking hypocrites I guess.)
My work week sucked and ended with a virtual slap on the wrists from my boss, who either hates me, doesn't hate me, or doesn't care. One of those. Aaaand he probably knows about the existence of this blog. Fucking swell all around. Excuse me while I go back and read my own paragraph about how I should quit my incessant and not-very-well-justified whining. Where the fuck is the cheese and crackers? They would go perfectly with my whiiiiiiiiiiiine...
On the upside, I really got a HUGE lift in my day when the mail showed up with not one but two packages for me! I love getting stuff in the mail that is not bill-related. I suppose this is a hold-over from childhood when Sister Snarky and I used to fight over who was "Resident" and who was "Occupant." One of the packages was addressed to "Snarky fill-in-my-real-last-name-here"!! Apparently a couple of people took pity on me when I mentioned that I was coveting JJ's RPatts calendar and didn't have one of my own (and was messing up dates as a result) and sent me calendars! Well, Dangrdafne felt sorry for me and Twilove1 wanted to contribute to our prizes for out 1st Anniversary contest/give-away and I asked her if it would make me a REALLY bad person if I kept it for myself and she said no. Because she's cool and not judge-y like that. But thanks to the joint efforts of Dangrdafne AND Twilove1, I can totally have my RPatts calendar and eat it, too. Or something like that. Translated: I get to keep a calendar for myself (ok two - one Twilight and one RPatts) and STILL add one to the prize kitty. Thanks Dangrdafne & Twilove1!
[JJ's note - WHAT THE FUCK? You can't keep BOTH!!!]
OK fine I will just keep one of the Robert Pattinson Calendars. Sheesh! JJ, you ruin ALL my fun! Because the January/February page of the Twilight calendar is Edward pics and I REALLY want to keep it. Damn you. Ruiner! Oh and there's also an Edward bookmark from Twilove1 which will be added to the prize list ('cause it's paper!).
I am also thrilled to be able to tell you that Red Bella has graciously agreed to donate another custom-embroidered masterpiece to the Anniversary contest/give-away prize pile!!! I can't say if it's a t-shirt for you or a t-shirt for your mini-Edward or racy undies (just remember: our design is TAKEN) because she's so fucking fabulous that she'll work with you to create whatever Twilighty goodness it is that is embroiderable and fulfills your little heart's desire. And that stuff is time consuming on her part and expensive and she rocks for making the offer again. Thanks Red Bella!
Oh and don't forget that you gotta be in it to win it, so send us something Twitard-y already, you whore flaps! Submissions should go to Twitarded@gmail.com. Those of you who sent to me directly at my Snarky email will be shot. I kid, I kid! Sort of... Aaaaaand I need another cocktail AND another read of my earlier "stop whining!" paragraph, clearly.
On a totally unrelated note (and without a good segue, natch), The Bloggess has accepted our marriage proposal and I think we'll arrange it so that we'll all be honeymooning in Forks in September. Because really, what could be more perfect for the Bloggess-Jerkface-Snarker family (we're "The BJs - WOOOOOT!)??? Nothing, that's what. Except possibly moving to Twitardia with all of you and living the Twitarded way, surrounded by friends. Or bedding RPattz. It's a toss up, I gotta be honest.
And as promised, here's your RPatts vid! Because I really am that much of a twat. You're welcome.
P.S. This vid is from Suzy in Germany and I hope that she is not 12 years old (but she could be for all I know).