Monday, January 18, 2010

Share Your Twitarded Naughty Bits For Fun & Prizes!

Did someone say "put your naughty bits on the cake"???
[Thanks again, Stoney @ TwiSoup for the pic!]

To help you help us celebrate our one-year anniversary (tardiness be damned), we're giving stuff away! Because we are uptight traditionalists in these parts [ha!], we are giving away the "official traditional" first anniversary gift of...PAPER! What better way to celebrate a year of obsessively reading, analyzing, rereading, and making fun of the Twilight Saga than to give away a deluxe Twilight Saga boxed-set made entire of...PAPER?! Admit it, it's brilliant! And still in keeping with tradition but with a nod to things we love here at Twitarded other than the Twilight Saga, we'll also be giving away a copy of Creative Cursing. Paper cursing generator - woot!

This is the box set - it includes some extra stuff!

It does NOT include Edward (sorry).
You can use this to find a suitable way to express your disappointment.

Be happy we're not doing "modern 1st Anniversary," or we would be giving away this clock instead.

As is the case with most good stuff, there's a tiiiiny catch... But it'll be fun! We LOVE when you share stuff with us, so we're asking you to send us any little bit of Twitarded goodness that you see fit. We're not asking for "real" stuff-stuff (although I'd be lying if I told you that we don't go bonkers when people actually mail us goodies) - it won't cost you anything except maybe a little bit of time. Email us something that says "Twitarded" to you: a photo of the "Twilight corner" (aka "mini-shrine") that we know some of you keep in your homes, a shot of you in your Twitarded or Twilight-themed gear (or a pic of Mini-E or FSE hijinks!), a YouTube vid where you do your best Bella [JJ's note - PLEASE send these videos!!], a story that is funny or poignant or both as long as it relates to Twilight or Twitarded in some vague way (how did you find us? what do you think about the community we have here? spill it, sister!), or just say "enter me in the contest, whore-flaps!" - that's acceptable, too (but we hope you'll put a tad more thought into it).

Whatever it is, email it to by midnight EST on Sunday January 24th and we'll select two random winners (first name selected gets first gift choice, second gets the other). We might even come up with a few more [non-papery] prizes - we'll let you know!

Here area a couple of samples of awesome emails (and yes you've been entered in the contest, people who sent us this stuff - thanks!) -

It's ISeeTwiPeople! She hoped she'd run into Rob at LAX while wearing her Twitarded t-shirt, but instead she ran into the dude who plays Toby on "The Office" (not THAT "Office" - the other, suitable-for-prime-time Office).

Here's a story from Cat! She got Twi-swooned (her words) -

Okay, so I'm at the bar with my girlfriend like every Friday night (I'm married, she's not, so I'm the wallflower that sits there enjoying the music and watches her try to get some ass) **insert duct-tape halo here**
And then a guy I work with comes and hangs out with us at the table while these 3 marine guys are talking to my girlfriend. And this whole time he's cracking jokes about them and blah blah, I wasn't really paying attention. He keeps asking if they are bothering me and typical guy stuff, then to my astonishment, he leans over and whispers "Cat, I feel very protective of you." It didn't come out all cheesy or macho-like. It came out perfectly. Like I had been waiting all my life to hear someone say something like that.
I lost all ability to think clearly and just sat there in awe. I love my husband to pieces, so I couldn't just jump on this guy and say how that was the best thing anyone could say to me whilst I hold him down in a lip lock. No, I just sat there and smiled at him and said "ooookay". I thought about it and thought about it and REALLY wanted to ask him if he's ever seen Twilight or read the books, but then I would have to explain why I'm asking, so I just sat there.....
Oh and y'all would like him, he's not bad on the eyes either. But ugh, my husband REALLY needs instructions on swooning b/c now I really want to hear more!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for sharing, Cat!

Here's another awesome pic that some nutty reader recently sent to us:

Do you include Full-Size Edward at all your family gatherings? Prove it! And, um, for the sake of full disclosure, this photo was taken by Mommy [not a]Jerkface at the last Jerkface family gathering at JJ's place. M[n-a]J added the lovely cartoon-y faces because she was afraid we would have otherwise outed the entire family (and she was right). I have no idea why everyone is wearing crowns. Maybe JJ is descended from royalty and she just never told me? Possibly...

So what do YOU have to share with us? Get creative - anything goes (um, please don't make me regret saying that - lol)! We'll likely use some of the entries on the blog at some point in the future, but will be more than happy to change names and blur faces to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent alike, so let us know if your submission is "private" (that sounds dirty, doesn't it???).

And here's the real-prize-deal - we have the boxed set ready to go! We're not even going to open this package --Mini-Edward is protecting it from us!--since we know that if we got our greedy little Twilighty mitts all over it we'd be fighting amongst ourselves to see who gets to keep it instead of sending it to one of you. JJ has already expressed a keen interest since she only has the small-size Twilight paperback (she lost track of her original copy a while ago), but I told her she's not eligible. But you are, so get to it, Twitards! Make us laugh. Or feel or warm and fuzzy. Or snortle and spit stuff on our laptops. We know you can do it - make us proud!

Be vigilant, Mini-E!

Update: Just to be clear - we're not asking anyone to "out" their Twitarded little selves here on the blog if that's not something you're ok with, and you don't have to do something like that to enter this give-away. Feel free to blur faces in pictures, ask that we not use names in association with your email (or tell us what name you DO want used), or request that we blur pics/etc. and we will do it for you. You can also tell us that your submission is private and we won't share it here or anywhere else. 'Cause we're cool like that. Any questions, please email us (and put "Question about the give-away" in the subject line so I will see it)!


  1. Aw man -do I really have to be the one to point out that the 20th is a Wednesday and Sunday is the 24th?

    You retards...

  2. Hmmmm a little quid pro quo??

    Does this mean I have to go back to Italy in my Team Twitarded shirt?? If I have to I will ;)

  3. @Rob's Bitch - Thanks for pointing that out, Bitch :P LOL! It's fixed now.

  4. oops! i need a calendar... or a brain... JJ has a nice RPatts calendar and I got NUTHIN' - lol!

    : )

    Thanks Rob's Bitch!

    And Dangrdafne, do what ya' gotta do - lol! but you probably don't have to go back to Italy... unless you take us with you this time. : )

  5. Okay, I'm going to work on doing my best Bella. No promises. I'm a bit of a techtard and I'm not sure exactly how much of an ass I'm willing to make of myself. Also not sure there's enough booze in the house.

  6. @CC---I would pay $ to see you do a Bella, and I want you to wear your Cullen-ary Curser Apron in the video. I would make it an entire post on my blog.
    Well, JJ & STY, I decided to step 'out of the box' and enter someone else without their permission. I'm sure she wouldn't mind.

    I can't wait to see the winners!!!

  7. I'll take the clock off your hands as a thank you.

  8. You guys are simply the best of the best ~ in a very sick and twisted way of!
    (which is why we love you ~ Hard!)

    Happy Anniversary!!!

    I don't know where I'd be with out you all ~ most likely still deep in my twitarded closet whimpering and all alone.

    Of course I would have a clean house and not be a complete fanfic whore... hmmm... seems I owe you more than just a Thank you!
    Here's to a whole new year of TWITARDED fuckery! Can't freaking wait!

    Much love ~ Ginny

  9. @Mrs.P - You whore! Payback is gonna be a bitch. Pony up and I'll do it. Oh wait - you sent me this fuckawesome apron. Hmm - well still no promises.

  10. uh...creativity and effort? I have never heard of such words. I guess that counts me out.

    Good luck Twitards......I can't wait to see what the winner cooks up and hopefully some honorable mentions.

  11. I guess I'll have to send my New Moon BK crown pic. Gotta get permission from the princess first, who's in the pic w/me. Or not. LOL!

  12. I want that Creative Cursing book and I want it bad. I got something and I got something real good. I will need to blur the face though to protect the innocent. This means I will need to figure out how to do this. Fuck! Oh well, I will figure it out somehow someway.

    Oh and I think I would lose complete control of my bladder is some hot guy told me he felt very protective of would kind of kill the moment.



  13. Cos I'm lazy, can my entry just be a screen dump of my internet usage graph, and the account that details how I have had to increase my download limit 4 times in the last 18 months, because my husband has a problem downloading porn. Ok, well the bit about my husband is a lie, but someone has sure as hell been downloading a whole heap of Rob pics to my computer.

  14. Happy belated anniversary you two!!! I want that gift to think about what to send in my email.

    @mmMoxie - You kill me. I may have to be like Mrs. P and submit something on your behalf ;)



  15. Awesome idea, ladies! I can't wait to see the results of all our jackassery.


    Exciting news on the Forks front! Mr. SV took me to lunch and when I explained that the Forks trip may come close to our anniversary, his suggestion was that we go together and make it an anniversary trip!!!!

    HOLY SHIT! Can my hubs get any more fuckable?!

    I'm SO excited I can barely contain myself! I told him he'd have a blast as long as he didn't mind all the drunk chicks all gaga over Twilight. He said it sounded like fun. I said, "Well the ladies will LOVE you. Plus, you're hot, so that will help."

    I may or may not have done a slurred-speech impression of us all drunk and talking about Twilight and Rob. I assure you I meant no offense ladies. I was only testing his resolve. Good news - he passed!


  16. Sweet! Not entering this one, but I can't wait to see what you get.

    @SV - So... does that mean your husband will come on the trip along with aaaaaall the Twi ho's? :D

  17. Aw come on you gals! Who on earth don't have the twilight books huh? who???? yeah me lol... i'd love to join but i'll probably be a closeted fan for eternity so i can't really do anything. i don't own a single twilight-related stuff because real life is such a bitch.
    wait! if i sing for you guys (like anonymously), will you let me join??? kthnxbye :P

  18. I am TOTALLY psyched about this. I loaned my Twilight book to someone and NEVER GOT IT BACK AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!!!!!!! Now I've been re-reading the other 3 over and over
    Anyhooey, happy late birthday bitches!

  19. @melovesrobmuch - What?! You don't own a single Twilight-related item? Not even the books? It almost makes me want to share some of collection with you...almost ;)

  20. There's the vest! LMFAO...I love it.

    Soooo...can there be a special prize section for "Biggest Asses Made Of Themselves in a Public Setting"? Because Nabs and I could totally take that...

    : )~

  21. Oh Oh I so want the creative cursing book! Hmmmm ideas ideas...

  22. Jebus, how I need a new book set! My nine year old has autism and he's obsessed with ripping paper. He sniffed out my books in the back of my closet one day and BAM...desimated! When I found them, all fucking shredded, it was like a bad scene from an action movie in slow motion, nooooooooo! The carnage was enough to make me puke.

  23. Totally not doing my best Bella, so, I've sent you two whores pictures of my "Shrine" and MAY just have to get a few things together to send to you both in the post. You'll just have to give me an adress that I can send the stuff too :P

  24. Mine is just something that came about one night when I was bored and had one too many Cosmos......

    Hope you like it anyway!


Comments are our life now. Leave one!