Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Why I Love Twilight: I Think I Figured It Out. Finally.


Ahem... [puts on serious I iz thinkin' cap...]

In some ways, Twitarded was born not just to entertain Snarkier Than You and myself [and you guys!] but also to sort of...exorcise our Twilight-y demons. Like many of you, STY and I had no fucking idea why we liked the saga so much. In fact, when we were doing interviews, this was the dreaded question, the one we were never quite sure how to answer. We even put the question out there to you in an effort to better understand our own obsession.

The long and the short of it is that whenever anyone asked me why I liked Twilight, I never really had an answer besides, "I just fucking do!! What the fuck is your problem? READ THE BOOK AND YOU'LL KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!"

But Grandma was a little offended by my answer so I resolved to dig deeper and continue on my crude path of self-twiscovery. This was largely a thankless task and frankly I was wondering if I should just stop asking "why?" and just go with it for once and for all, no questions asked.

But then I think I found IT. The holy grail of answers to that burning "why do you love Twilight" question... Well, someone else found it for me, actually. A little while back one of our readers, Janieisavamp, sent us a link to an article that really blew me away. This article seems to have been largely overlooked in the Twilight blogosphere, which is an absolute crime given how absolutely spot-on it is. So, at the risk of boring the panties off of you donkey-snatches, Imma get serious here for a minute.

In her article The Once and Future Fairytale, Shahirah Majumdar muses about Bella and Edward's love through a very modern day viewpoint - it's a little skeptical with a pinch of cynicism but in the end she comes away with why this saga has gotten under our skin. She gets it, plain and simple:

In life as I know it, among all the savvy boys and girls gliding in dark jeans down the Bowery, it's simply not safe to feel the way Bella feels about Edward. We were seventeen once, but now we know better. After years of dating, of crashing in and out of love, of the resulting flattening of the soul, the damaged ego, the imagined humiliations most of us have learned that it is prudent to set the dial low. To love that much, to have one's happiness revolve so completely around another person, is a recipe for disaster. To love someone that much is to give them the power to hurt you, and which one of us wants to go through all of that again?
For many [if not most] of us, our life partners are not our first loves. They are not the ones that we shared the rocket-ship ride of teenage love with. I still, after 15 years, remember the first date I had with the first boy I fell in love with. He wore red cords, Doc Martens and a brown sweater. I wore blue plaid pants, Docs and brown sweater and we sat in his room, adorned with punk posters and his own paintings and watched A Clockwork Orange (did ya expect anything else?). It was snowing when I left and he asked me to call him when I got home. We talked on the phone for hours until we fell asleep together, but apart. Two and half years later I went away to college and ended it, breaking both our hearts in the process. He was ready for forever, I think. I was not.

And this article, my lovelies, explains in a way I cannot why I think I love the series so fucking much.
As for the others, the mothers and the grandmothers and the young marrieds like my cousin, there somehow still exists a secret self, one that doesn't belong to the drudgery of car pools or cubicles or two-for-one supermarket specials; a secret self that swells in the night, pleasuring itself with dreams of fevered romanticism.
Bella and Edward's love for each other is unswervingly devoted. There is nothing they wouldn't do to save the other, to be together. It's the kind of love that teenage girls dream about and it's the kind of love that only exists between the dust jackets of books or on movie theater screens. It's a love untainted by the mundane of every day life. It hasn't seen the pressure of job loss or pay cuts. It's never had to make the choice between living your dreams or staying with the person you love. It hasn't been privy to the snippy arguments about taking out the garbage or leaving your underwear on the floor, again. Bella and Edward's love may be a constant fight between life and death but... sometimes it's the littlest things that cause the binds of love to grow brittle and eventually break.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not in any way attempting to minimize my modern concept of love. Am I being a tad cynical? Probably. But I would shiv a bitch in a heartbeat to protect ML from hurt or harm. And I know he'd do the same for me. Our love may be imperfect but it's ours, nonetheless.

But, would I change it all if I could? If I had the option, would I want Bella and Edward's version of love?

Not a chance in hell.

I'll take ML and bills and dirty underwear on the floor any day of the week but, when I just want to escape life for a little bit, I'll grab my Twilight books and bury myself under the covers. Later, I'll emerge, refreshed and prepared, to pick the fucking gahdamned laundry off the floor, cursing all the way. Then I'll go and find My Love, hug him and tell him he's the bestest ever. Even if he does leave his shit on the floor.

That being said - take the time out to read this article. I mean, really sit down, and give this article a chance. Tell the S/O dinner didn't agree with you and hide in the bathroom if you must but I think this article really hits the nail on the head.

89 comments:

  1. I just have to chime in and say GO READ THAT ARTICLE (after you leave a comment for us, natch!) - it's that good! I No kidding - shut everything else out for a ten minutes, give it a good read - it's absolutely worth it and says everything I wish I had written about what I found so compelling about Twilight but was never able to say quite right (thankfully someone did it for me - wooo!!).

    : )

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  2. You're not my mom(s), don't tell me what to do! (I'LL BE BACK!) LOL ;)

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  3. Excellent post ladies :)! I think for me since I'm single and have been forever it's just the idea and dreams of romanticism. I read Jane Austen when I was 16 maybe 17 for the first time so I've been a hopeless romantic reader ever since...so twilight just fell right into that. Although the books didn't hook me completely at first I read Twilight (stupidly picked up eclipse thinking it was book 2, read half way through that before JE corrected me) and then went back and read New Moon and lost interest. Seeing the movie boosted my interest in the characters again so I went back and finished the series because I had to know how their story finished... and boy if I knew Breaking Dawn was coming I think I might have stopped at Eclipse.

    and don't deny it hoors (I think this goes with out saying) Robward play's a pretty big part in the allure of the series as well ;o)

    ok time to go read that article...after catching up on the lastest fic updates...this might take a while!

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  4. JJ - you're fucking MENSA quality grey matter. NOLIE. I love this article!

    I've actually had non-Twi women tell me that my obsession is rooted in the deficiencies of my own relaysh with PC. CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THAT? They think I'm looking to fill some void in my life.

    Little do they know that PC and I have enjoyed a closer, more intimate, more loving relationship in the last year than we had in the last 20 years combined. And the sex? Let's just say the man has wrecked me...brought me to tears...it's been AMAZING.

    So, FUCK YOU armchair psychoanalysts. I'm missing nothing. PC is missing nothing. And, he got a fabulous blow job last Monday.

    MC
    The Cougar's Den

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  5. Thanks for the rec JJ, great article. Also, Edward represents the perfect man while Bella represents all of us looking for the perfect man. In reality, he does not exist. So we get to enjoy him vicariously through Bella and all that wonderful FanFic.

    That's part of the reason I don't think I would ever actually want to meet R-Pattz. As wonderful as he may be, he could never possibly live up to my imagination and I'd rather keep him perfect in my mind's eye.

    Thx again, donnal14 aka PNW Luna

    wv: depha. I be depha after listening to all those fangirls screaming for R-Pattz.

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  6. damnit, this actually made me teary eyed. FUCK YOUUUU JJ!!!!
    but also, we love you.
    thank you!

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  7. Yeup..nailed it. It's an escape/fantasy. Plain and simple. We don't even have to pour creative effort into it, b/c SM did it for us, we simply pick up the book and we're gone - even for a little while to a place where normal day-to-day bull shit don't happen, where a significant other really does have an insane ability for unconditional love. He watches her sleep for christs sake! Who even has freakin TIME to do that even if they wanted to?

    So I'll take my daily lapse from real life, enjoy the fantasy, and then come back to reality, with renewed love for my family and friends and my inner swooning self.

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  8. Yup - that's exactly it.

    @Catherine - you're not the only one a lil misty eyed :)

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  9. Article won't work for me!!
    DAMMIT!
    oh, and I disagree with one bit, I reckon I would take E&B''s version of love, hell yeah! Maybe only cos my husband and I have holidays together for the last two weeks and he's starting to annoy the hell out of me.

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  10. just commenting again to say I read the article and it is GREAT! Thanks for finding it ladies!

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  11. I am fucking tearing up too. Usually STY is the one that makes me feel all verklempt but on this hump day it is Jenny that has me all choked up...JJ I knew you had a soft side...I just knew it!

    I haven't read the article but I will. The snippets you have provided pretty much sum it up for me too. In some ways though I don't really want to have to explain why I love it so much. Like I tell Mr. VitR when he gets all snooty about my obsession, "Who the fuck cares! It makes me fucking happy and horny. What's the fucking problem?" Something like that.

    I must add in that the staying power of all things Twilight is only there for me because of this fuckawesome place called Twitarded and the Twi fandom (OK pretty much just the Twi-hoors for me) at large. I am more addicted to hearing what you all have to say than revamping anymore. You all are my life now. ;-)

    OK, off to read the article. Oh and JJ I hope you have sweet dreams tonight full of fantastical sneak peeks of the Precious' peen and possible contact...you deserve it.

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  12. Yay! I thought this article was amazing so I'm glad y'all liked it.

    @Mama C - I hate when people automatically assume that your relationship is in the shitter because you're an older woman who likes Twilight. It's bullshit.

    Sorry if I made you all teary-eyed. Siiiigh. No, I'm not. :P

    @RottyMama - Do it!! NOW!!

    Mwah. Thanks for the comments. It means a lot to me. I was feeling kind of sappy about this post. ;)

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  13. I totally agree. Twilight shows friesh, strong, first love that most of us will never see again. It is a perfect escape from the everyday world of cubicles, laundry, kids, etc. That being said, I would never trade Mr TM for Edward or even Emmett. We have a real love that lasts thu the ups & downs of life.

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  14. Man you have me thinking about my youth and lost love and chances. I'm about to rethink my fat whoring ways & consider stopping my love of spitting in folks mouths (my term for kissing) and trying to date and love again.

    JJ I don't like you making me think and have me get in touch with my feelings.

    Regardless wonderful post.

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  15. JJ, I love your post, and most of all, I love how you ended it. Not trade anything in the world for the lives we have now? I would agree with you, not a chance in hell. These kids, that for some reason call me mom, are mine, and I would never jump in the DeLorean to erase all.

    Like you said, when I want to break away, escape into a world of romanticism, whether with Edward, or Eric. I can easily pick up my books.

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  16. Cough**bossy bitch**cough. I don't normally pimp shit out like this but... if you have a chance and like her article, leave her a comment. As a faux-writer, I lap up comments like they are RPatt-- er, never mind. This bitch is talented and incredibly intelligent.

    But yes, that's just how awesome I thought her article was.

    {looks around awkwardly, steps off soapbox and shuffles off}

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  17. I liked this paragraph! Yep, definitely not meant to be doing car pools and fucking lunch boxes. I hate those, I really do.

    "As for the others, the mothers and the grandmothers and the young marrieds like my cousin, there somehow still exists a secret self, one that doesn't belong to the drudgery of car pools or cubicles or two-for-one supermarket specials; a secret self that swells in the night, pleasuring itself with dreams of fevered romanticism."

    I have had a few questions about "are u having a mid life crisis?". Nope I am not, you just don't know the real me. The person I was and still am but many mothers loose once they have kids -you gotta have fun cause you are a long time dead. Wow, that was deep for me.

    x

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  18. @JJ it makes me downright giddy that you, and the other other twitarded ladies, are enjoying the article so much. i read that blog site (this recording) every now and again and, basically, just stumbled upon it. i was reading it at work trying not to start crying. it really struck a chord with me, so i knew that it would have a strong affect on other fans similar to myself.

    much love!

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  19. Okay you two titty-twisters, Ouch!
    I too, sniffle, got abit misty eyed when I read JJ and the other article. But I can related to Bella's story. I'm a gushy romantic. (shut-up you--Archie Bunker voice)

    I met Mr. RM at a young age. My family moved to a different state, Mr. RM came with. Mr. RM left me to find work and we were apart "a while". We wrote letters, ran up phone bills, hopped a plane or two. Had to change the oil. xD
    and in the midst of trying to finish high school.
    If anything, I could say I was a prototype of Bella. You know when OCT, NOV, DEC goes by in NM? Do that 8x's for me. When I read the books and saw the movie some first-love pain came back.

    Needless to say, I am with JJ, if anyone messes with my honey, I'm on cutting a bitch. I'll even knock some sense into him.

    I would take my RL any day over Bells. I have been chackled & chained, I mean married for 25 goin on 26 years in Feb, 3 great kids and not so great & great memories.
    Twitarded is the Twilight in my life and I am having a fucking fantablous time!!!

    Seriously, can we move on. I've already said too much and I might have to be relocated again in the witness protection program.

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  20. Sad confession time: I never had that first teenage love. I had lots and lots of rejection followed by fucked up college drama and loveless hookups. I'm still waiting for someone who both makes me swoon and also swoons for me.

    The beauty of Twilight is also the sadness of the modern world - that we have to love these books and find our fantasies in them, because we've utterly given up on ever finding anything similar here. The author confesses to not even trying. I know it's reality, but damn. It sucks.

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  21. Perfect article. Expresses how I feel exactly, and I'm so glad you all feel that way, too!!

    JJ- it got a little dusty in here when I read your post! You emo slut, you!

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  22. So true, so true! Who doesn't want to go back to a time when your entire day revolved around passing that boy in the hall after 5th period.
    The first time I read Twilight, I felt hopeful and romantic again. Not running along a path in crappy flowing clothes glittering in the sun romantic. But you know what I mean.

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  23. Couldn't have said it better! Cheers Jenny...you rock!
    -Jen

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  24. Just noticed this in her essay:

    "That secret self doesn't question Bella's sanity when she announces that Edward loves her unconditionally and irrevocably and, to be honest, irrationally."

    In the book, Bella says this about Edward...not the other way around.
    Article was amazing...but found that one imperfection. Leave it to us twihards to pick at something like that.
    -J

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  25. My first love was the most incrediably attractive, life of the party, rediculously funny, womanizing mother fucker on the planet...and he was in love with me. We broke up because he was a horrific drunk and i came to my senses...but I dream about him once a week and I swear I would fuck him blind if he ever rang my doorbell again. He was BAD for me, and I came to my senses b/c my hubby now couldn't take care of myself and my kiddies any better. But there was never that 'dangerous' feeling with my hubby that I had with my first love, and that is why I am attracted to the story. Bella went for it. I didn't.

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  26. Spot-On JJ! The Twilight Saga just makes me feel fucking good. No other books have made me smile, laugh and sob out loud. I read all the juicy parts to MM when he was being a dick about my obsessive reading and he realized some good might cum from all this ;) When was 17 my first love (and first fuck) was my Edward. Long fingers, classical pianist, so many similarities. We went to separate colleges, drifted apart, but I always thought we'd end up together... until he told me he loved someone else - ASSHOLE, BASTARD, DICKWAD! So I married the man who showed me I could love again...my Jacob I guess. We've been together 24 years. Oh yeah, the fuckhead and his ho-bag got divorced. Life is fucking poetic.

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  27. Who are you, and what have you done with JJ? I'm going to go and compose myself before I read any comments or reply myself. You bitch.

    vw: flogg. No comment.

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  28. Good read. Now please don't tell me why Rpattz makes me feel all fluttery Inside and why I just want to take him home with me. I can't handle any more in depth analysis tonight.

    Fkat

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  29. @JJ - I know I've said this before. You are a storyteller. Blog posts, music reviews, anecdotes, ff. Sure you lace them with f-bombs, whoreflaps, and poop stains, but you have a writer's soul. It's a big reason why I <3 you so much.

    I am one of those girls who married their first f*ck...er...love. I met him the summer between 8th grade and my freshman year of high school. We've been married 29 years and have raised two beautiful kids. We've also been in a rut the last 10+ years. I didn't go looking to be Twitarded or to go Robsane, it just happened. And it's not a mid-life crisis. I agree with Mama Cougar. It's been an awakening of a part of my life that I thought was dead and buried. Seventeen was a very good age for me. My husband's not complaining at all that I'm acting like I'm 17 again. Just sayin'.

    Thanks for being you, JJ, and thanks Jaineisavamp for providing the link to the article.

    Lisa

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  30. This is my first time commenting (yes, I've been reading FOREVER and I love you two, but I am a lazy ass). I just had a complete shitstorm of a night and thought, "I know what will calm me down! A little Twitarded!" And holy hell, did you deliver. This was perfect. You win. Thank you. Then end.

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  31. Ok. Let me get realz just for a sec...JJ, you hit the nail on my preverbial head with this post. I tend to waaayyy over analyze myself, and have pondered more than once (along w/DH) why the fuck am I so far gone over this poorly written, teen angsty (i'm 32) saga that really fucking disappointed in the end???
    Mr. E and I have been together for nearly 15yrs (have spawned a 7yr old boy and 2yr old girl), but he is surely not my first (love or otherwise), and I am a total fucking hardass bitch, who wears the fucking trousers up in here. Catch my drift? Having said that, the article (the once and future fairy tale) completely pinpointed what has taken me over about the twilight saga...the fucking high of first love! That supercharged feeling of being completely posessed by a force much stronger than you, and you are helpless to resist...be it realistic or not, I have not felt like this since I was a teenager. Period. Got it? Kthx.
    Fantastical vampires aside, I also would never forsake my duties of sock picking up, diaper changing, toilet cleaning, and all the other totally fucking unromantic aspects of real life for a fairy tale...I make my own HEA.

    Btw JJ: A Clockwork Orange is one of the best movies ever!!
    I'mma have to go watch it now...

    v/w:bases. Hmmm. Let me just be sure I've covered all of them...

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  32. thank you so much for posting about this article. i didnt marry my high school sweetheart cause to be honest he was a frackin douchebag and i am soglad we didnt stay together. and although i wouldnt give up my husband for anything, its still nice to sit down and read about a love like Edward and Bella's.

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  33. To quote @E "ït's the fucking high of first love! That supercharged feeling of being completly possessed by a force much stronger than you and you are helpless to resist". Of course, if you feel like this, he never does or he is a complete asshole, drunk, drug fucked moron or womaniser who is fucking everyting with a pulse! NO he is never "perfect beautiful, devoted etc. Edward", that's why most of us choose our "Jacobs" and are very grateful we did. (I know I am). Even when she had a baby she did't have to have diapers,vomit, sleepless nights with a screaming monster and kissing her flat stomach good-bye yes, pure fairytale.

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  34. That article was perfectly articulated. I really enjoyed reading that. For me you said it perfectly when you stated that reading this series is an escape from the everyday mundane (or picking shit up off the floor lol). But the sole purpose why I read any book is to get away from the problems I have in the real world. Its nice when that story is an example of a 'perfect' romance and a 'perfect' guy (ahem... Twilight). I think we wish we could all have that but we all know perfectly well that it will never be attainable, let alone possible.
    But thanks for making me think about this. I have never really given much thought as to why I like this series so damn much! lol So thanks bb's!

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  35. i'm going off to read it now. and has anyone else noticed that emo spelled backwards is OME. just saying.

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  36. @F-Kat per my comment days ago...because he is satan...and it doesn't matter.

    @Lynnaea - Don't feel like the lone ranger. I gave up on all of it 10 years ago. Until Twilight I had no hope at all. Now, I still don't have hope in the real world but my fantasy world is ever so hopeful and horney. :)

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  37. @TeamBiceps:OME...you just rocked my world.
    @F-kat:Much respeck for a woman who knows when to say when.
    :)

    E

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  38. Brilliant blog JJ.

    hmm... i'm noticing recurring themes here:

    either

    A - you're in a relationship and people assume you're filling a void/your relationship is in trouble because you love Twilight

    or

    B - you're single (with or without kids) and people tell you you need a boyfriend if you go on about Twilight (this keeps happening to me a lot)

    or even

    C - you've had kids, and people think you're trying to reclaim your youth.

    I think C is true for some of us (me)...

    But mainly I think Twilight taps into something that RL doesn't leave a lot of time for: imagination and romance and fearlessness. And whatever your RL circumstances, that's a wonderful thing, and only makes RL better.

    @mamacougar - laughed out loud @ the blow job comment :)

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  39. Read the article - and it is spot on. Beautiful really...

    Thanks for that. I need to forward that one to my mom...maybe she will finally get it.

    Great great great great blog.

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  40. Great post. Great article. Makes me feel like maybe this obsession is almost a grown up thingy. Love it. I may need to bookmark that article so I can send it to every person who ever wondered what was so attractive about the books!

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  41. I'm so glad you loved the article (and JJ's post!) as much as I did! It actually took me a while to get over to read it (JJ has been mulling this post over for a while now) but once I did I was all "OME YOU HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT THAT NOW NOW NOW!!!" - it really put it all right there for me and said all the things I wish I had been able to say (in the way I wish I had thought to say them_ and made me go "YES!"

    You guys all rock - thx for the great comments - it means a lot when we have a post without a huge fertility idol/statue with a HUGE peen or cum cream (both of which KILLED us all day at work - seems like the images always got stuck on the screen for a minute too long!) and you all hang in - lol!

    : )

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  42. Funny thing is, eventually Bella and Edward probably WOULD start arguing about little things like picking up laundry.

    But I digress. It was indeed a great article, definitely sums it up for me.

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  43. wow- talk about putting a bow on a gift & making it stand-out even more! twilight has been a refreshing escape from reality. i'm not a romantic in RL, but i enjoy experiencing the all-consuming twi-love- that doesn't exist when RL gets in the way. it's helped me understand so much more about my marriage & relationships.

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  44. Fiiiiine - I'll go read it *clicks... reads... gets it!* "The lesson that Twilight offers... is that love will never betray you" <-- that, my friends just bitch-slapped me across the face!
    Great article - awesome post *smooches*
    - Lorabell xxx

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  45. Thanks for the mention of the article. It was wonderfully written and hit more than a few nails on the head.

    We humans are complicated. Most of us don't understand ourselves, let alone others. But, if Twilight brings something undefinable to you on any level, and that enhances your daily life.... don't over-think it.

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  46. @Latchkey Wife, mysharona, and jaima - Great comments!

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  47. Great article, JJ! It pretty much sums it up. Another article I read said that Twilight is about yearning/wanting something so much that it hurts. IMO, that's why there wasn't any shagging until the 4th book after the wedding (whether Stephenie knew it herself or not). Would I want this kind of feeling for a man now? No fucking way! It would have been nice to love someone that way, if only for a little while, when I was 17 (back in the dark ages). Never happened. Just as well.

    This is such an awesome post, JJ! Now when is the next chapter of your fanfic coming (that's what she said) out?

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  48. What a spectacular article. Thank you for posting it JJ. I for one needed a little credible articulation to explain away my Twisession for my lovely other...who thought something was seriously wrong with me for *gasp* liking (and ignoring everyone at home) a YA novel. We got through that "spot" and now I fly my flag wherever I please. Everyone uses some form of escapism, whether it be video games, board games, television shows, or "serious" books- it all takes our minds off of the doldrums, the unfinished business, the job, the stresses, and for some their unaccomplished dreams and authentic selves (the self of your dreams).

    Beep----Beep----Beep: Message
    Speaking of flying my flag, I Just got my TWITARDED MUG(s) in the mail and they are totally off the hook awesome. Stainless steel interior, very durable, and of course something to remind me of my escape. Thanks ya'll.

    @Mama Cougar- Yes, Eff those arm chair psychologists, what do they know?!. Ha!

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  49. Wow, love this post. I am not opposed to a few sensitive topics in between the lube and Robporn- let's face it, we're here because of our feelings, not just our hormones! I also LOVE the article you ladies were quoted in: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/18/AR2009111804145.html. Second-to-last paragraph, page one = my heart on paper.

    @Stacked, I'm relieved to hear that I'm not the only one who chose Jacob IRL.
    Mr. XKR is safe and solid, which makes him a great husband, but when I want to remember how it felt to love the edgy, dangerous, unpredictable bad-boy, I open Twilight. Mrs. P said it beautifully - the danger isn't there with most DHs. Our brains know that's a wise decision, but our hearts long to beat wildly and our stomachs long to fill with butterflies again.

    Someone very wise once told me, "Siempre hay uno que nunca vas a olvidar" - there is always one that you will never forget. I've got him securely in my memory - I hope you all do too. This story brings me back to what it felt like to love him, and life with Mr. XKR reminds me why I had to leave him.

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  50. @MyaftercarisanXXR- Thanks for the article post. I had not read that one all the way through, and after crying halfway through the comments of the one JJ posted (thanks to Micki), I needed a good laugh. I liked this comment from Hesse: "This self-awareness is what makes the experience of loving "Twilight" a conflicting one, as if they had all been taught proper skin-care routines but chose instead to rub their faces with a big pizza every night."

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  51. Wow. These comments are all AMAZING.

    @17foreverlisa - Thank you for your wonderful words. YOU actually made me a little teary-eyed. I guess payback is a bitch. :)

    @Scarlet Charlotte - So glad you love the mug!!!

    @My Aftercar is an XKR - "Siempre hay uno que nunca vas a olvidar" this is beautiful. And completely true for me. I need to remember this quote.

    I'm so glad you ladies liked the article! I know that we've all gone back and forth trying to figure this out (and often wearing our hearts on our sleeves in the process) and thank you to Janieisavamp for finding it!

    :)

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  52. Loved your post, JJ. I have too much to say abut this to leave in a comment, but I will tell you that the article is brilliant, as are your thoughts on it, and also, my new favorite term, favoritist term in the world, is "emotional pornography." That just killed me, in a good way.

    emotional pornography
    EMOTIONAL PORNOGRAPHY

    EXACTLY.

    There's an intense statement to be made here about modern media and feminism and what it means to love and be a woman, but I'll just leave it here for now.

    Thanks for a good, thought provoking read.

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  53. twi-obsessionwillbethecauseofmydivorceJanuary 7, 2010 at 1:02 PM

    The link isn't working for me : (

    I def. agree 100% from what I read though.

    As for me, I credit Twi for me being more cuddly and horny with my hubs of 13 years and I'm loving every minute of it. Also,since we're getting all deep and shit here today I'll actually confess that since reading Twilight I've stopped taking anti-dep. meds. Now I know some armchair psychologist would luv to get a hold of me for that! LOL

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  54. Really, really good post, I wish I was that fucking articulate.

    When you asked us all why we loved twilight, I said that Edward was the perfect boyfriend, his the perfect love but I'm sorry in RL, no matter how fucking good looking the guy is that amount of adoration can bug the living shit out of you.
    So we go read about it and sigh and wish. We relate it to our first loves although in reality our first loves were nothing like that. My first love was a gangly kid I'd known forever and thought was the dogs fucking nuts. He wouldn't have saved me from the volturi or victoria, he wouldn't have stood between me and a wolf although he once twatted a guy for calling me a bitch. (I've grown my own balls since then)

    My hubtard adores me, he thinks I am the sun and moon, he loves me to bits with all my shitty moods, bad hair days, nothing fits me days and I fucking hate monday mornings days; in short he's my Edward and that's all I can expect because the Edward that is Twilight doesn't exist and quite frankly I'm glad cos I'd have to stab the fucker if he hung around me that much!

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  55. I love this line you wrote JJ -
    "...sometimes it's the littlest things that cause the binds of love to grow brittle and eventually break."

    I finally got away from the hot guy in the office long enough to finish your post...gotta go read that article. The snippets really got to me. I really couldn't put my finger on what it was about these characters that I just loved together. Thanks for the link. Fucking A! Hot guy seems to appear out of freaking thin air...he just stopped by again. Okay, must go back to work. This is of the suck.

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  56. Awesome article, thanks for sharing!

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  57. @My Aftercar is an XKR - Great quote!!

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  58. That was a great article. And a great blog entry. The fairy-tale, first love aspect of the stories is probably the most powerful. Twilight grabs you in so many ways, it's hard to pin it down. Especially if someone asks you about it and they want a 30-second synopsis. It's just not possible. And, of course, we're each continually figuring out all the ways that it "gets us."

    There's the whole ugly duckling story, of course. Has there ever been a more obvious name for an ugly duckling character than "Bella Swan?" Bella was overlooked at her high school in Arizona, and has never had a boyfriend. Suddenly, at Forks, she's desired by everyone, including the most exclusive boy at school. What teenage girl hasn't had that fantasy? Don't we all wish that we were simply oblivious to the fact that everyone secretly admires us? And in BD Bella finally achieves Swan status, even before she's made immortal.

    There's the old-fashioned notion of someone taking care of you... I enjoy reading about it, although IRL a guy one broke up with me because I didn't "need him" enough. If you got a flat tire, you'd change it yourself" he complained.

    I've heard people complain "Why is Bella always cooking?" Well... isn't food one of the themes of the book? Edward sees Bella as food of course. But it becomes more about susentance and how we get it... and what sustenance do we possibly need more than food? Oh yeah... maybe love?

    Another complaint about Bella is that she's a "do-nothing." She does what a lot of teenage girls do... she reads novels, she does homework, she cooks, she cleans, she works at a local store. She loves her parents and her parents love her. I think the fact that she's "Everygirl," and yet she is found to be special and loved by Edward et al, is part of her appeal. Any of us can put ourselves in her shoes.

    I'm less bothered by the fact that Bella does nothing than I am by the vampires doing nothing... If they've got photographic memories, loads of time on their hands, and they actually care about humanity, maybe they could do something a little more productive than going to high school over and over again, and donate some of that money to charity. I'm just sayin'. But I digress...

    I definitely agree with the appeal of not having to deal with the mundane. Bella is responsible... she takes care of her dad, she has a job, she saved money to buy a car. But even those minor responsibilities are taken away when she enters the Cullens' world. NICE. There was actually a quote in BD... "Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies." Maybe that's why those vampires are so damned immature. Sounds nice though.

    Oh, and of course there's the DRAMA. Not that I want any drama in my life, sounds exhausting, but the idea is fun in theory.

    I married my Jacob too...

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  59. @stacey1212 -great observations! You know I embarrased myself the other day that I had JUST realized that Bella Swan was a "swan". I felt ridiculously stupid, but the fact was I had just wanted to enjoy the fantasy without analyzing it one little bit. And then I guess when you can't stop thinking about it, the analysis comes to you little by little whether you want it to or not.

    Fkat

    ps @nibbles - I think you are pretty fucking articulate!
    Love it!

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  60. Why thank you F-Kat, you're pretty fucking articulate yourself xx

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  61. I don't have time to read all the comments or the article right now (will do later though) so this may be redundant.

    But, I also love how Edward is. How cares for her. How he not just accepts, but, finds value and prizes absolutely everything about her. Also, he's smart, hot, rich, romantic, doting, and on and on.

    It's the kind of guy that I always think I want (whether it would be good in RL or not) someone who wants to spend time with you always and spoil the crap out of you.

    Not just spend time with you, but, spend all his time with you. Nothing is more important or interesting, handy, in that piece of romantic sense, that he has no outside interests, job, anything he wants to do without you.

    In real life he'd likely be a creepy stalker who you'd take a restraining order out on, because in real life people can be damaged and unsafe (maybe there really are a few guys out there like this, but, the ones I've met seem to have some mommy issues ...)

    Edward is safe, loving, perfect, and I'm not cheating on my husband by loving him (or making my husband my edward in my head ;)

    Also, this isn't very coherent as I have yet to finish my coffee, and I have a toddler trying to climb on me and demand snacks (although I just don't negotiate with terrorists!)

    I will have to ponder/refine this more ...

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  62. oh JJ.....I wish I could just reach through my computer and give you a big hug! Thank god for this revelation!
    Like you guys, I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out this obsession and how it was surely linked to one of my many character flaws....no doubt there must be something "wrong" with me.
    Being a middle school teacher, I am constantly reminded of the fact that I have a LOT in common all of a sudden with my clientele.....a thought that unsettles me daily.
    But now, an explanation that seems not only plausible, it sort of lets us all of the hook as far as being either in horrible relationships (which I am not), having daddy issues (which I do not) or being just flat out bat shit crazy. Since I was not the other two, I was resigning myself to the third. But then low and behold.....turns out I am not so crazy after all....guess I need to cancel my emergency appt to the "happy" dr.....
    :)
    love you guys!

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  63. GREAT article! Somehow made even more emotional as Taylor Swift's new song "Fifteen" was playing in the background.

    aww did T&T have to break up before a major award show? Who else was upset they weren't sitting together?

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  64. @MyAfterCarIsanXKR XX to you!Are you sure we don't share a husband? Or a life? Lol. Your quote was so beautiful and relevant to me and really touched me, thanks. My darling husband is a revhead so I love your name!
    @Twi-obsessionwillbethecauseofmydivorce great news that you stopped taking anti-depression meds. They nearly sent my beautiful mum to a loonie bin and I believe are so dangerous. I heard Twilight described as "brain porn" and I believe we love it coz it's entertaining romantic & an awsome form of escapism and with a great perve thrown in.

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  65. As a writer, I’ve been mulling this question over since I first read the Twi series. Had long email conversations with a writer friend (11/13/2007 – I kept the emails!) after main-lining the first 3 books. We were trying to figure out why we, long-time fiction writers, were so obsessed with these books which were often awkwardly written, but so incredibly compelling we could not put them down. We came up with: A classic bad-boy romance (see comments from My After Car and Mrs. P) with killer sexual tension and the intensity of the relationship between Bella and Edward (first love). But more importantly, from a writer’s perspective, was how SM wove a plot in which EVERYTHING happens because of Bella and her decisions – which always increase the conflict and the danger to her and everyone around her. Every single thought and action move the plot forward and that is what we as writers strive to do. It was the confirmation that story and plot can trump great writing every time.

    Now, as for my obsession with the Twi phenomenon- I blame that on JJ and STY!

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  66. Wow....spot on! What a great analysis. This has been what I have been struggling to define since I hit my 40's - and not just because of Twilight, although Twi has brought it to a whole new level - and the concept of "secret self" hits home. At some point, yes you grow and mature but I have never felt old - and I resent that society tells me I need to act or think certain way because of my age - based on time. It is totally about attitude. So fuck yeah, I am still going to love my loud music, and dress the way I want to, and lust after 23 year olds (and amazing fan fic fantasies)! My kids are too young to be embarrassed by me anyway....Mom is just silly.

    Love you Twitards! Thanks to the Twitarded community - I stopped feeling crazy and now feel totally and Twitardedly normal.

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  67. Is anyone else as bored as I am? Lets play Twilight Mad Libs! go to my blog and participate, unless you have something better to do, which I DOUBT. (jk, it's me who has nothing better to do)

    http://twilightsagapalooza.blogspot.com/2010/01/twilight-mad-libs-ii.html

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  68. JJ, wonderful post, thanks! I knew there was a sweet, deep girlie girl buried in there someplace, underneath all the twat waffles and fucktards! ;) Bella would be proud, Alice would say "I knew that" and Rosalie would scowl. And of course Esme would just wrap you in a big hug and make you some hot soup.

    I too am mildly intellectually interested in why I have become so fully enraptured in Twi-dom. I actually bought two Twi-philosophy books in the midst of my obsession but must admit I haven't gotten around to reading them yet. I think this indicates something significant: that I don't really want to "know". At this point in my life, after being admittedly overly-analytical regarding just about everything in my life, I want to simply enjoy how I'm feeling. How many times have I felt 15 again? Ummm, none up till now. And know what? It feels great and I'm not giving it up without a knock down drag out. Mr. Monster can rag on me and Ed-tard (his nickname for the Precious) till the cows come home, but he's reaping the bennies in the sack for sure and has started to make the connection (duh, silly man...) that something is lighting my fire within. But like many of you, I have no desire to leave my marriage and go out to seek my fantasy Edward. I too had the bad boy boyfriend (actually more than one) and even tho he couldn't have been more wrong for me, I still remember that feeling I got in my gut when he gave me "that look". But now I get that feeling from my Twi-porn and take it right upstairs to my DH, where it actually gets reciprocated.

    And to all my jaded Twi-sisters out there who are ready to throw in the proverbial relationship towel, never say never. I didn't meet DH till I was 30, had the kid at 34 and 39, and am still young, dammit. And I had given up on love too. Hang in there and don't settle!

    Oh, and I'm always open to new recs for fanfic, thanks for the links guys! Keep em coming!

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  69. That is it exactly..what that chick said. :)

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  70. JJ such a wonderful post... I haven't read Shahirah's article yet, but I've bookmarked it for when I can really settle down with it. I did however read your post, and for me, I always knew exactly what I loved about Twilight, and this was it. When people in real life bring up the question on why people even like this story, sometimes I just nod along and go with the "yeah yeah, Bella is lucky to have two hot guys after her" but really deep down that's not what I'm thinking. I'm enthralled with the idea of their eternal, desperate, yearning, ideal love because I know the way that it is represented in the story would never unfold in real life. Edward represents a lot of characteristics I wish more men displayed these days and I'd be lying if I said I didn't raise my already high standards. Maybe that's me being naive, but I think I can afford to be for a little while longer ;)

    I've read other fantastic articles that talk discuss women of all ages' fascination with Twilight, and they all generally come to the same conclusions drawing to a comparison to real, modern life. I even write about enough in my own blog posts! When I recommend the book to my friends and they reject the story, I really don't get it. As I see it, who doesn't want to fall in love right along with the protagonists? Or know what it's like to love, whether it's for the first time or whether it's to relive that moment again? Who doesn't want even a taste of the kind of romance that transcends all time? It's why one of my friends is still in love with Mr. Darcy.

    and @lynnaea, I get what you're saying

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  71. I've been looking for comments about how the New Moon Volturi movie smack down changed the whole Edward/Bella dynamic. In the printed visit to Volterra, Edward was in control and on the offensive, successfully defending and protecting Bella all by himself. In the movie, he fought Felix and Felix won...bigtime. In the mano a mano action, Edward wound up on his knees about to get his head ripped off until Bella saved him. I thought Melissa blew that scene. Stephanie's Edward was large and in charge. Melissa's Edward... not so much.

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  72. can i just add to the chorus and say; yes. yes. yes!

    thank you for this post and for linking to that article!

    @myg - agreed! "emotional porn" is the perfect description. i'm now able to narrow my answer of why i like twilight down from 3 words ("i don't know") to 2 words; emotional porn.

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  73. SM is not a 17 year old high school student, but a contemporary of the women who write this blog and the women who read and love this blog. It is a story she wrote for herself based on her dream, her fantasy... why then, should we be surprised that the story resonates with us? It was concieved in a mind that is in a similar place in life as many of us. It was marketed to a younger audience... but it was written for an intelligent woman... and thus for any intelligent woman that can overlook the issues they may find in her writing style in appreciation of her amazing storytelling and her dead on ability to dig back out that something in us that we might not have even realized we'd let get buried... Thank you Twitarded for giving us a forum where we can help each other figure out what the fuck happened to us and come to terms with the fact that it seems to be a good thing and something that we have in common with so many amazing women!

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  74. JJ, you are something..I actually woke up this morning still thinking about this post. And as I was brushing my teeth, it hit me.....it's about PASSION.

    pas⋅sion  [pash-uhn]
    1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
    2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
    3. strong sexual desire; lust.
    4. an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
    5. a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.
    6. a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.

    While most of us were going about our daily lives pre-Twi, Twilight (the book, the movie, the characters) ignited a passion within many of us that took us all by surprise. And like many have written, that newly resurgent passion (like when we were hormonal teens)has brought something back into our lives we may not have known was missing or even there. Now, we channel that passion towards our sig others, by blogging, creating new friendships and communities, writing and reading fan fiction and just having fun doing so.

    I agree with @gail...why are we so surprised about a YA love story when it was written by a woman our age. Why are we surprised that we are so enamored with a man that, in our world, can't seem to exist (vamp or otherwise)....because he was written by a woman....and who knows us better then ourselves??

    Why I loved this post and the revelation it gave me? It helped me look at myself a little more closely and to also recognize that my daughter too will one day have these passions and heartbreaks and maybe, just maybe, I will be able to guide her through it and assure her she is perfectly normal!

    vw: tedbra - no, no, no, I told you I wanted the sexy edwardbra....not the tedbra!

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  75. I just started reading Twilight this last August. Along with my previous comment I wanted to post the following ... it's part of something I wrote last September when I started obsessing over the affect these books had on me (I don't claim to write well, but I write to work my thoughts through.)

    "So I've been reading and re-reading 'The Twilight Series' since the end of August or early September. I don't remember exactly now. And I caved and put the movie on my phone and have watched it through and then in segments repeatedly. Why? I am not sure so I thought I'd try to figure it out. Am I the same as all the teeny-bopper girls that scream and faint and dream and attend Twilight proms? Probably a lot of the same aspects of the story appeal to me as them... though they are still squarly in the midst of those hormonal times. I am looking back, more melancholy. But the more I read and look for the draw it has for me, the more I look for the 'holes' it should be patching in my life (isn't that what you read romantic drivel for? for when you feel you are lacking it in real life?) the more I began drawing parallels instead; some from long ago and some more recently. So reading and re-reading these books wasn't making me long for something I wish I had but, instead amazed and grateful at how much I do have. (Yea, that's right... apparently I've taken a hormone pumping set of books about a teenage girl falling for a moral vampire seriously.)

    This echos many previous comments. The thing is, after I started writing to understand I started making lists of the different aspect of the book that spoke to me and I was amazed. Without going into gory detail there were so many parts of the story I could relate to my life and there were so many levels of connection, from broad themes to specific situations. I have to commend SM for writing a story that either is so complexly layered or so simply stated that we each can tailor layer it to our own situation. I'm still not convinced I completely understand but I'm getting closer and it's a hell of a lot of fun trying to figure it out (not as much fun as digging into the books again for the um-teenth time, but definitely up there!)

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  76. LOVED your post. I'm going to have to add your page to my favorites! I am a 32-year-old mom of 3, and also a professional. I could never articulate or understand why I loved the Twilight saga so much until I read your post. I would also never trade my life for Bella's, but at least now I can understand what it is about the Saga that captivates me. Your post (and the article, which I did read) was SERIOUSLY therapeutic for me. Now I understand that it is the private me, "apart from carpools and cubicles" that still believes in this incredibly unrealistic romantic love that Bella and Edward share, that keeps me dreaming, and going back to the books for more.

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  77. I haven't read the article, I will (sluts honor), but first I want to comment like the know-it-all fucking bitch that I am.

    I married Edward. Although he was not my first love technically, he was the first boy/man who treated me like he truly loved me, with reverence and passion . It was, and still is, amazing to me that he picked me (we've been together 11 years and have 3 kids). He, like Edward, is very attractive, so generous and giving, protective (although not as overbearingly as Edward), I could go on but you get the point. Reading twilight is like reliving that shit I experienced with DH all over again!

    I believe I understand Bella in a different way because of this.

    @ stacy1212, my analysis of Bella is completely different from yours so I wanted to take a minute to discuss :-)
    As for the whole "ugly duckling" theme, I disagree there. I believe it's not that Bella blossomed into someone better looking, rather i believe that she was and still remains oblivious to the fact that she is beautiful, inside and out. She's not flashy and done up, she's not rocking a pin up girl body, so she writes herself off as "plain." She also doesn't take much notice of the attention Mike and the others give her as she's not interested in them so it doesn't register for her.

    She cooks and clean because she is a caregiver, a nurturer. She cared for Renee and continues to care for Charlie because that's who she is. IT PISSED ME OFF that they left out that very CENTRAL part of Bella in the movie. In fact, her behavior in BD wanting to keep that demon spawn Renesme (who incidentally I like but that's another post) makes NO sense if you don't see how Bella is a mother in the depths of her soul.

    Which leads to the entire reason Edward, at 108 fucking years old, could be in love with a 17 year old. She's an old soul. KStew may play her like a detached emo high school girl, but that's cuz KStew doesn't know anything else. Bella isn't a child, and never was. Hence why most of what happens in high school is so unimportant to her.

    that's my 2 fucking cents, take it for what it is.

    Ok, off my soap box. Gonna read the article when I get a minute- off to change diapers, put on helmets for scooter time, and make dinner. *sigh*

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  78. best.post.ever.

    love from,

    Some Bloke In London

    ReplyDelete
  79. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  80. i like Twilight. I feel too old for this but, I have been on winter break from school and I got bored and caught the Twilight bug. I just think it is a romantic love story and the words that stephanie has come out of Edwrd are the most romatic and beautiful I have heard in awhile. I can relate to love triangles. Because I have been in them many years ago and I choose
    my Edward who might have been wrong
    to choose. I knew but it was my choice. I believe Twilight just explains things about love.
    Team Edward.

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  81. Whenever someone asks me why I love the Twilight series so much, my answer has always been, 'I have no fucking clue.' However, this post has shed new light on WHY- Edward is over-the-top romantic in a world where I consider my husband giving me the first slice of pizza as romantic. My husband, probably like most manly-men, wouldn't know romance if it punched him in the face. And while, yeah, I wished he would give me flowers every once in a while, or tell me I looked beautiful instead of 'You look so hot, your tits are huge!', I wouldn't trade him for anything (especially since he's quite competent in the bedroom). And what makes our relationship even more special is that we're each other's first loves. I met him when I was 15, and he was 17. It took two and a half months over the summer of 2001 to fall in love with him. I fell hard and fast. I clearly remember the racing hearts, sweaty palms, and innocent first kisses. I'm 23 now, and eight and a half years later, we're married and still retardedly in love.

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  82. Hi
    Very nice and intrestingss story.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Hi
    Very nice and intrestingss story.

    ReplyDelete
  84. Whenever someone asks me why I love the Twilight series so much, my answer has always been, 'I have no fucking clue.' However, this post has shed new light on WHY- Edward is over-the-top romantic in a world where I consider my husband giving me the first slice of pizza as romantic. My husband, probably like most manly-men, wouldn't know romance if it punched him in the face. And while, yeah, I wished he would give me flowers every once in a while, or tell me I looked beautiful instead of 'You look so hot, your tits are huge!', I wouldn't trade him for anything (especially since he's quite competent in the bedroom). And what makes our relationship even more special is that we're each other's first loves. I met him when I was 15, and he was 17. It took two and a half months over the summer of 2001 to fall in love with him. I fell hard and fast. I clearly remember the racing hearts, sweaty palms, and innocent first kisses. I'm 23 now, and eight and a half years later, we're married and still retardedly in love.

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  85. JJ, you are something..I actually woke up this morning still thinking about this post. And as I was brushing my teeth, it hit me.....it's about PASSION.

    pas⋅sion  [pash-uhn]
    1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
    2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
    3. strong sexual desire; lust.
    4. an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
    5. a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.
    6. a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.

    While most of us were going about our daily lives pre-Twi, Twilight (the book, the movie, the characters) ignited a passion within many of us that took us all by surprise. And like many have written, that newly resurgent passion (like when we were hormonal teens)has brought something back into our lives we may not have known was missing or even there. Now, we channel that passion towards our sig others, by blogging, creating new friendships and communities, writing and reading fan fiction and just having fun doing so.

    I agree with @gail...why are we so surprised about a YA love story when it was written by a woman our age. Why are we surprised that we are so enamored with a man that, in our world, can't seem to exist (vamp or otherwise)....because he was written by a woman....and who knows us better then ourselves??

    Why I loved this post and the revelation it gave me? It helped me look at myself a little more closely and to also recognize that my daughter too will one day have these passions and heartbreaks and maybe, just maybe, I will be able to guide her through it and assure her she is perfectly normal!

    vw: tedbra - no, no, no, I told you I wanted the sexy edwardbra....not the tedbra!

    ReplyDelete
  86. JJ, wonderful post, thanks! I knew there was a sweet, deep girlie girl buried in there someplace, underneath all the twat waffles and fucktards! ;) Bella would be proud, Alice would say "I knew that" and Rosalie would scowl. And of course Esme would just wrap you in a big hug and make you some hot soup.

    I too am mildly intellectually interested in why I have become so fully enraptured in Twi-dom. I actually bought two Twi-philosophy books in the midst of my obsession but must admit I haven't gotten around to reading them yet. I think this indicates something significant: that I don't really want to "know". At this point in my life, after being admittedly overly-analytical regarding just about everything in my life, I want to simply enjoy how I'm feeling. How many times have I felt 15 again? Ummm, none up till now. And know what? It feels great and I'm not giving it up without a knock down drag out. Mr. Monster can rag on me and Ed-tard (his nickname for the Precious) till the cows come home, but he's reaping the bennies in the sack for sure and has started to make the connection (duh, silly man...) that something is lighting my fire within. But like many of you, I have no desire to leave my marriage and go out to seek my fantasy Edward. I too had the bad boy boyfriend (actually more than one) and even tho he couldn't have been more wrong for me, I still remember that feeling I got in my gut when he gave me "that look". But now I get that feeling from my Twi-porn and take it right upstairs to my DH, where it actually gets reciprocated.

    And to all my jaded Twi-sisters out there who are ready to throw in the proverbial relationship towel, never say never. I didn't meet DH till I was 30, had the kid at 34 and 39, and am still young, dammit. And I had given up on love too. Hang in there and don't settle!

    Oh, and I'm always open to new recs for fanfic, thanks for the links guys! Keep em coming!

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  87. These is just another romantic movies  for teens! right?

    mind if I put a link back to you?
    anyway I'm william

    (clickable) ------> Dress Suits

    ReplyDelete
  88. wow! very good blog posting skills. i wish i was you..

    i am a freelance writer..
    see my works here ------> Tuxedo Tails

    ReplyDelete

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