Thursday, January 28, 2010

Winners of Twitarded's 1st Anniversary Give-Away!

First let me say that we had a lot of awesome entries for this contest! Before we roll out the winners, we'd like to say that ALL of the entries were fantastic, and give a big thanks to everyone who sent something in--we look forward to sharing a bunch of them here in the near future! You'll enjoy it too - trust us! We were falling out of our chairs and snorteling all over the place as we went through them. There's a lot to read and see here, but stick it out and stay with us, people - you'll be glad that you did! Twitard's honor (heh-heh). helped us to pick the winners -

...all the other names were real - sorry! But you get the point. I hope.

In the past, we have went through the tedious process of picking the winners (last time we wrote the names on paper and put them in a bowl but we're all high-tech now), emailing each person to let them know they had won and getting their prize selection, and then much much later announcing it on the blog. This time, we are throwing caution to the wind and announcing the winners RIGHT HERE! If you're submission is included in this post, expect an email asking you to select your prize. The first person on the list chooses amongst all the prizes, the next amongst the remaining prizes, and so on... Check your in-boxes!

In no particular order...

Stan from Under My Edbrella - come on down!!! You're the first contestant on The Twitard Is Right!!! [cue screaming and music]

You can see that Chimpstem is sporting her fave accessory, a Twitarded button! Plus, may I point out that there is a unicorn, a cupcake candle, AND minis in this pic, AND mini-Edward has something shiny on his junk?? wtf is that?? a mini chastity belt? bronzed peen? gilded mistletoe to taunt us??? i have no idea. But I know I like it. Go take the tour of the rest of Stan's VERY Twilight-tricked-out abode here (really - do it - you'll thank me later). Oh and thanks to Mrs. P at TwiBite for her assistance with this entry - I have no idea how she is everywhere at once (my theory is that she has cloned herself) but she sees all and knows all in the Twidom (you've been warned).

Up next is Tamera, who shared her Twitarded story (and the blog she started!):

My sister and I started out own G/PG rated blog last year for ourselves and a couple of friends. It is not nearly as filthy-mouthed or sexual as yours, hence me being a frequent visitor to your blog. Some of those pictures you post of Rob - slurp! And I have never, ever read any kind of fanfic until you suggested some. Let's just say I am avid fan of that now, too.
This is an entry from my 30th birthday party where we dressed cardboard Edward up to fit the Hawaiian theme and made him dance. There is a short video of him busting a move. Sorry it is sideways, but I am a moron with some electronics.
We have other little adventures that mini Edward has joined us on posted to the blog, as well. I am a teacher and he travels to a lot of places with me and the kids. My sister and I both work at the same school and we have put up Twilight posters in my class, the office closet, and the kitchen at school so we always have an Edward fix nearby. The students have also created an art gallery of my sis and I with different Twilight characters.
Love your blog and congrats on making it a year! Raising my shot of whiskey to many more years of fart jokes, sexy Rob pics, and trips to Forks!


We also had an entry from one of our fave dirty-minded Twilighty people in the whole wide world, Red Bella (who is also donating a prize!) - we're sure she won't pick her own prize, but she's definitely working her Twitarded spirit! After all, she created "THE undies" and we owe her big-time for a h-u-g-e chunk of fun (and notoriety) that she brought our way last year! Plus she's cute as all get-out - see for yourself!

Who doesn't look good with Twitarded underwear (and our mugs) on their head?

Next we have a serenade (of sorts) from Wendy:

JJ and STY,

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

But hold on a fucking minute, because I need to give you some background.

I am 40, and just a neophyte Twilight addict. I was indoctrinated in around October/November 2009, while at the Arizona State Fair. My husband, my kid and I went with another family. While sitting around gorging ourselves on fried this and dipped that, my friend asked me if I had ever read Twilight. I said no, and asked her if it was any good. She looked at me and said, "Yeah, it's pretty good."

I went out and bought the paperback and became completely and totally obsessed about page 20. I sent her an email that went something like this: "What the is 'pretty good?' You whore! I can't believe you have been holding out on me like this!"

New Moon quickly followed. I wallowed in depression for days when my Edward disappeared. My husband got upset with me, saying that if I bought the other two books before Christmas, he would be pissed because he wanted to buy them for me. So I got them from the library. Nothing was going to keep me away from finishing the series. When I finally did, I wanted MORE MORE MORE! So I rented Twilight and watched it 3 times. In one day. I downloaded the movie soundtrack. RPattz now sings me to sleep almost nightly.

Despite having said whorish friend who "enjoyed" the Twilight series, my addiction and obsession continued to grow. Her "enjoyment" wasn't enough for me. I felt strangely alone. Was I the only person over 20 years old who was so addicted and obsessed? Was I the only one who wanted to take RPattz to bed and ride that boy until he begged for mercy? Even though he young enough to be my son? (OK, I would have to be a really young mom, but still possible!) What kind of demented whore did that make me?

Then said whorish donkey flap friend above and I went to see New Moon. My crotch came very close to spontaneous combustion when Edward was getting ready to step into the sunlight at Volturi.

The I read about Twitarded in an article - I think it was in USA Today. It was right when New Moon came out, and the article was discussing the fans, and how the "older" fans were the craziest. I then made my way over to Twitarded, and what did I find?

1. There are a whole lot of ladies out there who want to make RPattz beg for mercy.
2. Some are even more obsessed that me.
3. FanFic is really, really good.

I read post after post, howling with laughter, and even peeing my pants once. It was just a couple drops, but I did pee my pants. I stared at the pics of RPattz, imagining those eyes..well, never mind that part.

And I felt like I finally found a place where I wasn't a crazy bitch. In fact, my Twilight obsession and addiction, and my absolute longing to wrap my legs around RPatz face is completely normal. Well, maybe I am a crazy bitch, but I have found a bunch of my kind. And normal is kind of a relative term, dontchathink?

I have been lurking, reading, and loving every blessed word you bitches post. You two are the best.

With much love,


We love you, too, Wendy - mwah!!!

Junie sent us some pics and a little story...

Hiya from Junie!!! My 3 year old Twi-toddler loves the dancing/prom scene in Twilight (she's only seen that part and the apple scene don't call DYFS on me). One day I had her dressed and she got to the bottom of the stairs and turned to me and said, "Oh I need a sweater, like Bella wears!" She had never spoken a word about the sweater before.I about fell down laughing. Can you stand it? My shrine! -

I wish I could see the sparkle on the Edward doll, but I know he's dazzling...

Plus she sent us a random picture of Rob's butt, so we [heart] her a LOT. Junie GETS us.

Mmmmm... Buttward...

Emily sent us her Twitarded story (it sounds...familiar)...

I came late to Twitardom but got bit hard. I've taught middle school the last 10 years but never had students talk about the books until last year. One student told me she loved the book, but I never liked the cover and so it sat in my classroom for months, ignored by me. I remember this summer ending up on a plane being bored and having to read the People magazine with Pattinson on the cover and being pissed because I'd never heard of him and thought it was all stupid. This year lots and lots of my students were talking about the books, so I finally decided to read the first one, the day after Thanksgiving. Needless to say the rest of the vacation was spent on the couch devouring paper. If I hadn't had to go back to work I would have stayed on the couch, only venturing out for food, water, elimination, and Barnes and Noble. My boyfriend was out of town during this time and started to wonder why I didn't have time to talk to him in the evening.
Anyway at this point I have read all the books multiple times. I love your blog. It scares me that I want to come with you to Forks. My boyfriend thinks I need deprogramming. My niece and nephew (Harry Potheads) mocked me for joining you on Facebook. But I don't care. I heart Twilight 4-ever.



We heart Twilight forever too! And we've all been there...

Last but certainly not least, we have Katie, who a little bird (aka her Twitarded partner in crime Purple Cupcake, who gets an honorable mention here) tells us we can call Katie Pink Buttercream...

Hawt Cupcakes (That's Pink Buttercream on the left and Purple Cupcake on the right)

Hello Twitarded Leaders,

Late October 2008 I picked up a paper-back, $3.99, version of Twilight. I was simply curious to see what all the hub-bub was about. I am a college student (and a married, mother of 4) so my time was/is limited. I thought I would give it a read over winter break. Well...elections were in full swing. I simply had, had enough of the debates and news. My husband would sit and watch this crap continually! UGH! So one night out of sheer desperation I said to myself, "I'll read a chapter or two just for kicks." Next morning I had finished the book...That is right...I did not sleep... After sending my husband out the door to work I went to the library to get New Moon! None available! There was a waiting list! My Twilight-addicted ass went to the nearest Borders and bought the next in the series. I finished the series in a little over a week. I did not clean, sleep, cook, or do my assignments....I read. Then I was ashamed! I wondered what was wrong with me?! I am 31 years old! I have responsibilities...friends who would mock me....Damn that Edward Cullen....I gave in. I became a closet Twitard. I went to the Twilight movie and screamed with the 13 year old crowed as Edward showed himself for the first time on the big screen. Then I proceeded to see the movie....ummm...more than 10 times in the I could get my Edward fix.

I have many friends who are stuck in the drudges of motherhood...they are potty training, diapering, not sleeping, and, all together, living in the worst realm of reality. I saw their need....A need they didn't even know they had. I sent my best friend, [Purple Cupcake], a copy of Twilight with instructions "Do not judge...just read." Then I took over a cup of coffee and another copy of Twilight to my friend Anita. We were new friends...and I was a bit afraid she would think I was crazy...but she had just had baby #3 and I knew she was on the verge of crazy town. Now they are Twitarded with me. It is fun not to be alone....and I am no longer in the closet.

You know you are Twitarded when:

  • You quote/message/text Edward lines to your friends and they know which book,chapter,and page you are referring to.
  • You always have a Twilight book with you...just in case.
  • You buy movie tickets months in advance and plan a whole evening around this event.
  • Random people in your life start bringing you Twitarded gifts because it "reminds them of you"...such as Twilight key chains, Twilight candy, Twilight Barbie dolls....
  • Your husband sits you down to "have a talk" about your Edward Cullen obsession.
  • You sleep with a book under your pillow.
  • You are are commissioned to plan and create a Twilight themed cake.
  • You come home to find a silver Volvo in front of your house and you scream...and your husband rolls his eyes....because you are sure Edward has finally come for you!
  • Friends send you letters from "Edward". [note from STY - we need to see these! : )]
  • You see New Moon so many times that you and your best friend form your own Twilight version of "Mystery Science Theater" in which you have raunchy accompaniment to the movie.

That is my story...I am really looking forward the the Twitarded Forks Field Trip. [Purple Cupcake] & I are leaving kids and husbands to go be twitarded together.

[heart] U ladies,

Katie Pink Buttercream
South Bend, Indiana (The black hole of the universe)

So there you have it, folks! Congratulations to the winners!!! Stay tuned for more Twitarded dirty bits from this contest - in addition to what we're posting here, we have many more pictures and stories that are guaranteed to make you fall off your chair or spit whatever you happen to be drinking at the time all over the place! Love you guys! Thanks for helping make this blog great! [Yeah it's late & I'm feeling sappy - deal with it!]


  1. YAY!!!! Edbrella won!!! WooHoo!!! BTW---I would clone myself, but that would be too much Mrs. P even for me to handle.

    I love you ladies!!!

  2. Your selflessness won't go unrewarded, Mrs. P - just sayin'!

    : )

    I'm going to sleep now - Zzzzzz... wow it's late for a school-nite! Even for me - gah!

  3. Congrats everyone!!!! Woohoo! It is so fun reading everyone's of falling into their Twi-obsession. It happened to us all. You newbies just be grateful that you have a place to go and fly your Twitard freak took me a good year of being a very closeted Twi-freak before JJ and STY came into my life and gave me a place to call home.

    I can't wait to see more posts of the things that were sent to you JJ and STY.

    Nighty night Twitards!!!!

  4. Congrats to all of the winners, but especially to my favorite Twi-ho Stan at Twi-sted Edbrella who I <3 big time! Mrs. P, you did another good deed :)

    Stop by Twi-sted Edbrella tomorrow to say hello and take the tour and then stay/come back to play Friday Fun Five questions. Our fellow Twitard Dangrdafne won the honor of coming up with the questions for this week's mayhem. Should be good!!

  5. Yippee, my twidard confessional is on your blog. This makes my day. Man, I had a crappy Thursday and now it doesn't matter. Only Twilight. Thanks, ladies. ~Emily

  6. Loving the stories and the pics! :o) Congrats ladies!

    Congrats again to STY and JJ for their first anniversary!

    Can't wait to read/see more entries.

  7. Well, maybe I am a crazy bitch, but I have found a bunch of my kind. And normal is kind of a relative term, dontchathink?

    And this is why I love you guys, all of you. I don't feel so alone.

    Congratulations to the winners! I can't wait to read more of the entries. ;)

  8. I almost peed my pants reading Wendy's entry! Congrats to the winners :)

  9. I almost peed my pants when I read Wendy's entry! Congrats to the winners.


    Aww, honestly I've had the crappiest time since the New Year and this has really cheered me up! Thank you! And to Lisa & Mrs.P for the love, I <3 you too :o).

    Mrs.P better not be holding out on that cloning technology because at the moment we're relying on Mary dusting off her old chemistry set for operation KLone just as soon as Dick comes up with Lutz pub-age.

    To solve the mystery of Mini-E's crotch: At Xmas I wrote a ridiculous yet gratuitously lemony fic for the Edbrella Ho's as a Christmas present for them. I about killed myself writing a chapter a night for the week up to Xmas. It was called Jingle Balls. My sister then sent me a Xmas card wth a tiny jingle bell attached. I was gutted there was only one though, how fab would it be to attach them to mini-E? But then I went to my Mum's after Xmas and she'd sent her one as well so just before I left I secretly pulled it off and brought it home with me ;o). So, those are Edward's jingle balls!

    BTW, for anyone who read it, you'll appreciate this. I got a review this morning for it saying that the last chapter was silly! Only the last chapter? PMSL, that cracked me up!

    Link here if anyone wants a look:
    Jingle Balls

    Thanks again! xx

  11. @Stan - Hope you're feeling better. I will see you at FFF in a few hours :) You know I got a chuckle over the Jingle Balls "silly" review. We Twi-Hos loved it. Mwah!


  12. Fabulous!!!!!! Congrats to the winners! And to all the Twitards, we're all Very Special.

    Dudes, I am actually considering the Forks trip. I'm in the Bay Area and LOVE the Pacific NW. I'd be coming alone (har har). Considering...

  13. SQUEEEEEEEEE, Edbrella won!! Oh, Stan sooooo fucking deserves it! To say that I love her miniE-Chimpsten photos doesn't do justice.

    And we're all lucky to be friends with Mrs.P., especially cause her dark side frightens the living shit out of me. :D

    Congrats to Stan, and to all the other winners.

  14. Congrats to all the winners! A deserving lot I'd say!

    And please don't clone Mrs. P, as much as I love her. I'm not sure I could handle flying with 2 Mrs P's beside me on a 6h+ flight to Seattle! Teehee! Mwah! Love you Mrs. P.

    And feel better Stan! We're thinking of you :)

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  16. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!! I Heart you all! I can't wait to read more entries! Fanfreakintastic! KPB rocks!

  17. Congratulations to all the winners. I love that Stan won! I knew right away that they were Jingle Balls on MiniE - too funny! I love this Twitardia.

  18. @Cullenary Curser - Don't forget you'll be sleeping with two Mrs. P's in FFFOOORRRKKKSSS!!! Just sayin'. LOL!

    Lisa P.
    (my new Adventureland-inspired nickname from Honolulu Girl btw)

  19. WOOHOO!

    Thank you so much, ladies! I have had such a shitty week, and things just got so much better!

    For the love of everything holy, do I ever want to go to FOOOOORRRRRRRKKKKKSSSSS and hang out with all of you.

    Thank you again!


  20. These are awesome! Can't wait to read more - you ladies are GENIUS. Seriously. Your collective wit and intellect would be a powerful weapon if it were aimed at something other than trailer toilets, plastic figurines, and potentially-damning pilgrimages. Not that I'd have it any other way. :)

    BUTTWARD. OMG. I made that picture my desktop background last night, thinking that Mr. XKR would never see it because he has a separate login. Well... my computer froze. Wouldn't even turn off. I had to decide between unplugging it and doing who knows how much damage and calling Mr. XKR to fix it (I'm clueless about computers). I opted for potential destruction. It hasn't frozen in months, but the second I make Buttward my background, it freezes. Screw you, computer.

  21. @XKR - perhaps your computer didn't want you to navigate away from the picture EVER! You shocked it.

  22. I am a little flustered...It is an honor *insert bow*. Seeing my cake on your site makes me all...warm and fuzzy inside.

    xxoo <3 u girlies.
    I can't wait to meet all of you in Forks!

  23. I just had to share this video with you ladies...I found it on funny or die....thought you would enjoy a little twilight humor!,clipID:4022027,includeClip:true,order:MOST_RELEVANT/11,4008101

  24. @Katie Pink Buttercream- OMG! How random. I was looking at your entry and said, jeez, that sure looks like a party my friend Lea had thrown for her daughter....Is fandom this small???


    @PurpleCupcake & Katie Pink the cake!

  26. holy shit I just blushed like Bella! what fun stuff everyone!

    I sent a friend of mine a pic of the shrine and she said, "that reminds me of something they make you do in therapy." So...I figure I must be saving tons of money on the cost of therapy (maybe you can say the same Stan? and others?)--cuz making that tree WAS my therapy that weekend.
    I love that apple cake!!!

    XKR--sorry abt crashing your computer!

  27. Random winners are the best kind of winner. You're all weiners...I in my book!

  28. Oh Crap I didn't expect to win anything. I was just having fun...

    Please give my prize to melovesrobmuch, she doesn't have any twi-merch and she should damn it!

    Congratulations to all the other winners! Looking forward to meeting everyone in Forks!!!

  29. awesome entries!!! *claps* hope to see more!

  30. twi-obsessionwillbethecauseofmydivorceJanuary 29, 2010 at 5:51 PM

    Congrats to the winners!!! : )
    I can relate to all of you. I was going to send in a pic of the assembled 1000 piece Edward puzzle but I couldn't get him done in time. Instead I got a great pic of my Mom and DH (whom both hate Edward) finishing said puzzle because I was having trouble with it. LOL They are so codependant

  31. Stop by and play Mad Libs with us tonight

  32. @Dangrdafne - I know I was frozen in shock and awe when I saw that pic, so perhaps my computer was too. Can't say I blame it.

    @Junie - NO apologies needed!!! I should be kissing your ass right now for that ass pic. Truly, I bow down - thank you!

    @Lisa, OMFG. Laughed out loud!! LOVED it. Now have to explain to Mr. XKR why I was laughing like a hyena. Wonder what he'll think of Vampex.

  33. @ XKR - I am glad you posted, I forgot to go back and watch the video from Lisa until now. Too freaking funny. Vampax!!


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