As most of you know, Snarkier Than You and I decided to play Devil/Angel when it comes to checking out Eclipse spoilers and the like. Or maybe it was Good Cop/Bad Cop. Whatever. All I know was that this was decided and we flipped a coin and the next thing I know, STY's all pointing at me and crowing, "you're a whore!!" [note from STY: the decision regarding who would be the whore did not require a coin.]
And I did a fist pump and yelled, "Fuck yeah, I'm a whore!!"
Then she paused for a moment before declaring, "You're going to be a really shitty Eclipse whore."
I was tempted to disagree and insist that I was going to be the sluttiest, legs-wide-open-blowin'-the-whole-Cullen-clan spoiler tramp in the whole damn Twidom, but I didn't.
Because I think she might right.
I am going to suck at this. The spoiler thing, that is. Not the Cullen cock.
Now, if I were in the mood to defend myself I would say that I might not score 100% in Whoreland because I'm a busy gal, what with work and real life and the insane list of fan fiction I need to read. But that's really just bullshit.
The truth is I'm totally fucking oblivious. I don't get it - I spend more time parked in front of this computer screen, reading Twilight, writing Twilight and getting Twilight through fucking osmosis, for crying out loud but I still managed to miss pretty much every single spoiler out there to date. You could take every leaked still and staple it to my forehead and I'd probably still say, "huh? There are new Eclipse stills out there? And ow, my forehead hurts. Where am I? I have to poop..."
On top of my space cadet-ness I'm so forgetful I'm borderline amnesiac. I am like the Absent-Minded Professor of fucking Twilight, people. It's so bad STY suggested I take my cue from the guy in Memento and write on myself. She also muttered something about helping me out - not so sure that's a good thing...
True story: someone sent me the leaked Eclipse script. I went apeshit and was SO stoked to read it so I saved it...somewhere so I could read it later.
And then I totally forgot about it. I don't even know where the fuck that zip drive is. I mean, someone [see? I can't even remember who. I SUCK] literally dumped a big, juicy, sizzling spoiler right in my lap and I still didn't whore it out.
I am so ashamed. I'm such a fail.
That being said, I'm nothing if not determined to give the rest of you Eclipsomaniacs (and HOLY CRAP are you a slutty bunch) the scratch you're looking for to cure that itch.
Therefore, I give you the Jenny Jerkface Pledge of Eclipse Whoredom:
I, Jenny Jerkface, promise to be the biggest, dirtiest, trampiest spoiler slut I can be. I promise to find every and any little piece of pre-release dirt I can find and bring it to you strumpets. Unless it's leaked because, while I don't necessarily think anal is a bad thing, I'd rather not have Summit up my ass. I will strive to keep you all updated on all the juicy goodness of spoiler-dom that I can find.But don't hate me if my best spoiler slut disappoints sometimes. I mean, there are a whole lot of spoilers out there, I think. I'll give it my best shot but even the greatest whore leaves you with blue balls once in awhile...
That is my pledge and I swear to keep it.