So, rumor has it that there is something going on at FanFiction.net and people's fics are being taken down for violating terms of agreement. Or something like that - there has been quite a few whispers these days and some of them smell like total stinking bullshit. Others... not so much.
Well, I'd like to spout off about it but, frankly, I haven't a clue what's going on so I'm going to keep my trap shut until I do. I like to talk shit but I want to know what shit I'm talking about before I talk shit. Ya know?
I will admit that for a minute I was aghast. I was all "fuck me! How will I ever get my Darkward fix? Whatever will I do without Twilight porn?!"
And then I remembered that I've been reading porn a hell of a lot longer than I've been reading Twilight and this thought got my horny little cells in my brain a-whirring.
Maybe not everyone else has been reading erotica as long as I have. I mean, I'm sure most of you were not that pervy creepy kid who dry humped everything when she was little and people stared and pulled their kids away.
I was the creepy kid who not only humped things but insisted on wearing shit in my hair so I could pretend it was long. Plus, what's with the fucking Exorcist I'm-gonna-kill-you stare? I'm fucking six!!!
I was also a really curious kid and quite resourceful in getting what I wanted. A one track mind, if you will. So when I set my sights on the oh-so-dirty-thus-totally-enticing genre of porn, nothing was going to stop me.
But a lot of shit did slow me down. If Mommy (not a)Jerkface ever read romance novels, she was a fucking stealthy ninja at hiding them because I never found a single one growing up. That's probably good because secretly I think that Fabio guy that graces the cover of most of those books is fucking skeevy but it's bad because it meant that I jumped right into the big guns of smut at a young age.
No wonder I'm fucked up. I'm totally blaming it on the porn. Uh huh.
Anyhoo, suffice to say that I have spent a good deal of my time reading about smexy-times throughout the years and I figured now would be a good time to share some of them with you, since the ficdom appears to be... under siege.
I suppose I should preface this by saying that I tend to gravitate toward more of the darker S&M-y stuff but I pulled a few authors that I thought would be palatable for everyone. Most of these authors and stories are really famous and widely popular, too. An extra added bonus is a lot of universities use these books for various classes so you won't look like to a total fucking degenerate buying them from Barnes & Noble.
But people will probably still stare a little.
Story of O - Pauline Reage. This, I shit you not, was the first erotic story I read. EVER. I was horrified and turned on and then even more horrified that I was turned on. If there is one erotic novel you should ever read - this is it.
The Tropic of Cancer - Henry Miller. Let's put it this way - it takes some balls to write this shit in the 1930's. And trust me, ladies, he doesn't hold back. At all. Someone wrote this here and I thought it was interesting:
This was written in 1934; a lifetime before Punk Rock, more than a generation before 1960s Counterculture, even before The Beats began to Howl or took their act On the Road. Tropic of Cancer is primordial. I don’t think I read my first Miller so much as absorbed it. I felt Miller’s power with words emanating off the page, coming up through by fingertips.The Pearl - Dudes. Living in the Victorian era had to suck, hands down, when it came to sex. These folks were so fucking uptight it was ridiculous. I mean, we're talking prude with a capital P. Of course, when one lives in a totally sexually repressed society one tends to act out.
And by "act out" I mean doin' your sister and whipping the maid... then stickin' it in her pooper.
The Pearl was a magazine that was printed in London during the Victorian era and the fuckery, buggery and shenanigans that it contains are just... amazing.
And a little creepy. I have to be honest.
Next on the list is Delta of Venus by Anais Nin. She was buds, and probably lovers, with Henry Miller so you know where this is going. This is a collection of h-a-w-t stories and I made the mistake of reading this on a flight and actually considered rubbing one out in the bathroom until I remembered that I was claustrophobic, which apparently trumps horny-ness.
Oh, and this was also quoted from her, which makes me love her even more:
I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.Have we had enough of erotic literature? Looking for something a little more... base?
Look no further, whores.
The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty - Ann Rice writing as A.N. Roquelaure. This is actually a trilogy of mostly S&M porn but I only read the first two. Don't get me wrong, they were amazing and made me all mushy inside but then one day I found the second book in my older brother's room and, when I was done dry-heaving because my sibling and I apparently read the same pornographic novel, every time I tried to pick it up again I thought of my brother and, well, total buzzkill. Biiiiiiiig time.
If you're a Darkward, Masterward, Domward fan then pay attention. If there is one series that you need to, you absolutely MUST read it's this:
Carrie's Story and Safe Word - Molly Weatherfield. This is more modern erotic but it is seriously, hands down, without a doubt, the best two S&M books I've read. Carrie is a quirky, intellectual graduate student who isn't quite sure what to do with her life. So she becomes a slave. Safe Word is a continuation of Carrie's Story. You won't regret reading these, I promise.
Welp, there you have it! While I'm sure that many of you have already read a few of these (because you are a huge group of insatiable, amazing bitches) I hope that a few of you become, er, a little "enlightened" through my suggestions.
So, stock up on the C or D (or nine-volt?) batteries, locate the S/O and get to reading!
P.S. - If you're interested in recs like this, let me know in the comments and we'll be sure to do more!