Friday, February 12, 2010

The Truth Comes Out: Robert Pattinson's An Alien Life-Form!

I don't have time to write a bunch because I need to go off and spend some quality alone-ish-time with these photographs and either Mr. Snarky or some battery-powered "toys" (I don't own that Hitachi thing that you have to plug in to an outlet - yet)...

Clicky for bigger pics if you can handle it.

[scan from Thinking of Rob]

In the words of the immoral immortal Jenny Jerkface [upon receipt of this lovely pic from Latchkey Wife]:

I actually shrieked.

What I wouldn't do to be that woman with rpattz nestled between my thighs. Holy fuck.

Holy crap i really can't stop staring at it...

He can't be human. I'm serious.

And there you have it, folks. Good night and good luck.

Be safe. But not too safe.

Snarky out.

OK fine I am a wordy bitch and I have a few more things to say.

HOW CAN HE KEEP GETTING HOTTER?! Christ on a cracker I don't fucking understand it. I have said this approximately 137 times in the last year [give or take] and I just. don't. fucking. get. IT. I think JJ is on to something: he is an alien sent to do things. Very bad things. To women. And we like it (when the rest of the aliens arrive to enslave us, keep your fingers crossed that they all look like RPatts. We'll go willingly...).

Oh yes. We will obey.

However, I don't think "remascualtion" is a word. I am 99.9% sure on this. Sounds like..."emasculation" - sorry, Details, fail on the cover line. Boo! Ask JJ - I am the grammar police (to the best of my limited abilities) and YOU CAN'T JUST MAKE SHIT UP.

Upon further inquiry, "remasculation" is a bit of a "thing". Check it out here and here [the latter link dates back to 2008--the last time the website was updated--which was right before the person running had his nuts lopped off by his wife].

Oh, and another thing - the cover line (or whatever the fuck it is) also states that this is the "remasculation of the American man". Um, not to be nit-picky but last time I checked, Robert Pattinson, inhuman-alien-god that he British.

I can forgive you, Details. Because...well...holy pwned me. I just can't stop staring.

I'll take "Pictures That Melt My Panties" for $1000, Alex.

God save the Queen! And Robert Pattinson!


  1. Will the real Rob Pattinson please stand up? This man-child has so many looks . . . from adorkable to fuckable . . . that it boggles the mind and tingles the lady bits. And now they're starting to release the Vogue scans. Robsensory overload!!! FME!

  2. I know, right...that was the first thing I noticed...after I found my vagina and put her back in her place...HE'S A BRIT...Dumbfucks!

    But they get a pass, because that is some fuckhawt imagery!!

  3. Alien? Perhaps. An extraterrestrial with an abnormally large uncircumcised cock that ejaculates laser beams. Ok. Maybe the laser part is a bit too much.

  4. I just called my family to tell them I love them, because tonight is the night I die. Too much! I can't handle the Details shots and the Vogue shots. I mean, what the fuck?

    I think my panties exploded. He is not human.

  5. Great quicky post..mine came out all fucked up. Stupid size/font issues. Cannot get parts of the paragraphs back to normal makes them too big or too small..Hmm maybe like RPattz peen? Anyhoo moving on, love the post, just really frustrated with mine. Jealous!

  6. How can it be that this man gets hotter by the minute?

    I. Am. Speechless.

    Comma, HOWEVER...I could not let this WV pass me by:

    WV: ditgiz. As in:
    "Yes. I ditgiz in my panties just now."

  7. I have fallen for the glory that is Rob again thanks to photographer Norman Jean Roy - thank you 'ole glorious photographer of this sizzlin' hot Rob Details photo shoot. Will you take me under your wing so I can try and make mere mortals like a quarter as good as Rob does on this cover?

  8. I agree with CullenLover07. I don't even know how to look away from that picture. I mean, what does he think he's doing to us? Does he think this is fucking funny?
    Shit on all this shy-freaked-out-in-public-by-throngs-of-women! WHY did he do this?
    Jesus Christ! All the underwear in my dresser drawers just melted by themselves!


    WV: fackleg (damn straight FACK LEG!)

  9. As Mike Myers playing Austin Powers would say, "Does that make you horney BABY?" YEA BABY!

  10. My hubby pointed out that there is a plus sign above the statement of the Remasculation of the American Man so the cover is kind of reading "10th Anniversary Issue" "Details" "Starring Robert Pattinson" "+ The Remasculation of the American Man." but hey what do I know, I just like the picture :)

  11. I can't even handle the Vogue shots right now (other than the fact that upon a quick glance i want to know what's with that lollipop head shot?! hopefully i am mistaken...). this IS. IT. I am old and my heart can't take much more. plus Mr. Snarly had been patiently standing by as I've slobber all over the computer monitor and whiskered dirty dirty thoughts to JJ on the phone for he last two hours. but i will make it up to him. as long as he promises not to shave for the next few days. mmmm...

    : )

  12. I will take bathtub Rob for my soul. Srsly, bathtub Rob can have my soul and eat it too. Please!

    WV: scultim: I will sulk til my dying day if he doesn't.

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  14. Ya, so I was apparently out of the loop on these photos. And I clickity click on over to all my fave blogs... and... Oh. My. God. My jaw dropped, my eyes glazed over, and I either gasped or sqeaked. My husband and child were sitting right here, so that was really all the attention I could give it until I had some more time. How does he do it? I have said a million times that he just can't be human, and even suggested the alien theory myself. It's just insane how beautiful he is, it almost hurts.

  15. Shit, what I wouldn't give to be the bitch with Rob's head (that's what she said) between her thighs?!! Fuck me running!!

  16. @STY - Wise woman. It's Robsensory overload and I am definitely too old for this shit.

    @Rachael1042 - I'm with you on that. I just about hear him moaning with the look that's on his face in that bathroom pic. Holy hell.

  17. Ok, I have to admit that his comment about hating vaginas and being allergic to them has me a bit puzzled. WTF is up with that?

  18. @STY - He is an Alien-Human hybrid. They exist..they do. I saw it on the X-Files.

    @Catherine - uh, yah.

  19. Please please please! Where'd you get this Details magazine? If I don't find out soon I'll have to be at the door when Barnes and Noble opens in the A.M. and hope to God they carry Details. Also, do I understand that he is also in this month's Vogue? Any help locating where I can lay my hands on copies will be greatly appreciated!

  20. Yeah, I'm pretty sure the remasculation thing is a separate article.

    Hmmm, an entire nation of alien Robs. Enough Robs for all of us! What Rob do you crave today? Take your pick. Me likey...

  21. I swear to God, I didn't even catch the American thing - b/c honestly, I didn't even see that there were words on the damn page. I noted the title, wondering where in the hell I was going to find that at. All I could think of was how his beard was perfectly symetrical, his eyes haunting, hair perfect and how lucky that beotch was! I mean she has her hands ON him, his hand is on HER, and she could quite easily hump the back of his head!
    Life just is not fucking fair.

  22. If aliens invade Earth looking like that, I will be in the spaceship honking the horn before they can even set the parking brake. Take me to your leader, indeed. Is it twisted to say that I would like to be probed? (You know you were all thinking it; I was just the first to say it.) Talk about Close Encounters of the O Kind. I wish I could work in an E.T. joke, but that just seems like it's crossing a line. Even for me.

  23. Went to save that amazing pic and loved the name of it "holyeffingshit". Priceless.

  24. OMFG.....I swear I screamed and then had to close the picture...too overwhelming....going back for peeks until I can manage to actually look without hyperventilating. At a loss for words....must regain ability to think again.

    wv: abscable....exactly my ability to speek at the moment

  25. It took me four tries to actually read the text in this post.

  26. FACK LEG indeed Catherine!!!!

    Off to find the Vanity Fair pics!

  27. "Mr. Snarly"? "whiskered"?? @mgy is gonna have a field day analyzing this (and I think i get the general gist - I need help! or not...)

    @TJ - glad you are BAAAACK! I was worried for a while there by all your "meh - he's not doing it for me anymore" fuckery. : )

  28. Just tell them I died with a lusty smile on my face but without my ovaries. They completely disintegrated upon viewing these pictures.

    Rob......I am going back into denial and saying you are free and single and it's open season!

  29. The man is BEAUTIFUL! I was thinking along the not-human lines as well, but I was guessing he was a robot. A prototype pleasure-bot that will attract and please almost any woman on earth. Soon - they will release the finished product for sale and we'll all have our own RPattz3000. Unfortunately, it will cost 2.5 million dollars.

  30. I can't find the info anywhere!


  31. Ok....Three things.

    1. Yum, let me find a napkin to wipe the drool off my chin.

    2. holyeffingshit.jpg just about made me pee my pants. Excellent naming of pictures ladies. Way to make them easy to find for later usage!!

    3. Is anyone else slightly intrigued by the statement that he "dreams of being groped by a lady elephant -again-"?

  32. @Toefunny - yep, I bet KStew is pissed at being described as a lady elephant.

    Ok, I'm totally with you all on the Details cover, can I get this straitjacket off now? Typing with your nose is a real bitch.

  33. @STY--how much berry infused vodka had you had this evening? I have had only two double vodka dirty martinis (only slightly slutty dirty) at my local and I am feeling quite good.

    You know I have been touting that he is an alien for a good year now right? He is totally an alien. What other explanation is there that he can cause this kind of commotion in us mature-career-driven-committed-albeit-horny-as- all-get-out, women?

    That said, I will make alien babies with him in a heartbeat..or a whatever-you-call-it that an alien has. I will carry his alien spawn any day. Our children would be beautiful towheads with blue-grey will be blissful and happy.. oh shit...sorry I was daydreaming there. Fucking aliens.

  34. Some folks have said that Details is hitting stands feb 23.
    I myself will be at chapters with bells on that morning.

    Between how is looks here and in Vogue then add the details article on top.... I think my brain exploded.
    Death, elephants and allergic to vags. bam dead.

    vw-"exturpic" these details pic are exturpic!

  35. These photos, though some have said they don’t like them, fuel my desire for a DomRob.

    Clearly, Rob wants to spank me so I better prepare and get those whips ordered.

    The Details spread, is like Story of O fucking hot!

  36. Um. I think my husband wants to fuck him.

  37. I just have no words right now. Yummy, tasty and Holy Fuck is about the best I can do.Excuse me while I post this message to Rob, as this is my only means of communication with him right now- "Fuck Me Please".
    Thank You.

  38. twi-obsessionwillbethecauseofmydivorceFebruary 13, 2010 at 3:50 AM

    GAWD I had to work tonight and then I come home to this? I missed all the fun damnit! They are sooo HOT and I am dead! I have no words left.

  39. fan-fuckin-tastic. I love these shots, and the interview (if you read it) is best rob interview ever. the writer is the woman who worked on the RM screenplay and he's obviously comfy with her. I love the way his mind works. I love the way he looks in white pants lying on a bathroom floor being pervy. I love the cover, and I've never wanted to be someone more than I want to be that model with him on the floor between my legs. I bet his unicorn forest of a hair-do tickled her inner thighs....

    oh thank you, thank you thank you details mag for making him do a pervtastic photoshoot. all those chicks who say they don't like the pics as its 'ruined' their image of who he is, can go fuck themselves.

  40. Beam me up!

    @Rachael1042-hilarious! agreed.

    WHAT is he trying to do to us? I'M going to spontaneously combust.

    Just when I thought I was ready to back away from the computer and start doing laundry again.

    What time does CVS open today? This will def be going under my mattress.

    I don't even want to see Remember Me, but of course I will... to support Rob. And to have another excuse to stare at him for 2 hours.

  41. Purple Cupcake and i talk about this all the time...He can't possiably be real?! Is he not the perfect temptation of all woman-kind?! Why would God do that to us?!

    Oh goodness can my heart take when the Eclipse trailer comes out?!

  42. I think Rob is clear evidence that God is a woman, and she loves us and wants us to be happy and horny.

    Rob is our reward for being good little cupcakes.

    there has never been a better time to be a woman!

  43. OK, been lurking a while, saw this and realised that I could be silent no longer. I can't talk, sound like Bella in he hospital...'uh, wah, oh, oh, oh.' Thud.

  44. The pics are hot, sure... but read the interview (done by Jenny Lumet from RM), it's really really interesting ! And so hilarious and genuine.

  45. Firstly, @texaskatherine get to the back of the line, I'm being probed first. I was born before you by a few mins remember.

    Secondly, is he really allergic to vaginas? I'm thinking they make him sneeze, nose drips, itchy eyes etc? If that's the case, I'll make sure mine is pollen free.

    Thirdly, the black & white Vogue pics he looks too thin and weird.

    It's all in the details...


  46. Dear.Sweet.Baby.Jesus.


  47. I'm seriously at the point where I can't look at his picture anymore because it makes me feel crazy, indescribable lust for something I will never have and damn it's like f-ing torture.

  48. As a few other people said, fuuuuuuuck. Excuse me while I wipe off my keyboard.... and my chair...

  49. OH MY CHRIST!!! These photos.... that article...

    @STY - you must be right. He must be an alien. He's Just. So. HOT!!!!!!!

    My vajaja can't stop whimpering... actually, it's howling. Crying out loud for RPattz!!!

  50. I almost died when I saw these photos. And then I read the whole article, and was like, WTF, Rob hates vaginas??? I dedicated my today's post to that quote, because I am simply dumbfounded by him saying something like that. Really Rob, how the fuck are we supposed to interpret that?

    Confessions of a Twiholic

  51. I remember saying that to my sister when I first say him as Cedric Diggory.
    "Holy Crap! What is that? He is clearly not human!"

    Been saying that for a while. He is definitely an alien or a god or something. But no way a mere human being.

    He makes me miserable. And I can not look away.

  52. Yowza! I have effectively checked my pride at the door and am drooling...

    Cazza has it's all in the Details. And I agree also with Cupcake Donna - He makes me miserable too....and I just WON'T look away!

  53. ....and after the photos, I find this video??? Oh my christ!

    w/v - releo as in... I need to releod some new batteries!!

  54. FUCK! I have a cramp in my hand.

  55. Oh. My. God. Can't deal, he is too godlike. I agree God is a woman and she must be pleased with us to give us Rob in all his hawt-ness to enjoy. Just imagine what heaven must be like....a Rob for every *good* girl! Yummmmmmmm.....

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  57. he doesn't look that into it to me.


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