Thursday, April 15, 2010

Eenie Meenie Miney... Kellan!

So, I've been real busy at work lately which makes me even further behind in Twiland than I normally am so I really didn't think anything of it when I got a gleeful email from Snarkier Than You that mentioned something along the lines of "Kellan Lutz" and "veeeeeeeeery wet pictures."

Sadly, I couldn't check at work because, well, I was busy crunching budgets.

Frankly, this was a good thing. My reaction upon clicking the link was definitely nowhere near appropriate for a corporate place of business.

Holy.

Fuck.

My vagina shrieked.


Then it gasped.


And then that stupid cunt jumped ship, squealing something about fucking finding a good 'ol American boy.

Pictures snagged from TwiCrackAddict

To see the rest of the panty melting pictures go here (I think there are some words attached, too).

First RPattz. Then Jacksper. Then Billy Burke. Let's face it -- my vagina is a tad fickle. [Note from STY: fickle, schmickle - your vagina is a slut.]

Incidentally, I'd like to point out that this photo shoot was taken in Bayonne, New Jersey and, even though I have never lived in Bayonne, that bathroom looks a lot like the bathroom in my old apartment in New Brunswick. Shit written on the wall, questionably clean, possibly diseases lurking in the corner. Hey, I lived with four guys. Don't judge.

The only thing that's really very different from my old bathroom is that there was no hot guy chilling out in it.

Siiiigh.

I may or may not have said this before but the Kellan-type, aka beefy "home-grown country boy" kinda dude has never really been my type of guy. However, thanks to Twilight, I am now an equal-opportunity objectifier. Plus, I can't help but think of another "wet" guy when I see these pictures...

Don't worry, baby - my vagina still loves you the best...Align Center

42 comments:

  1. Yes, those pics of Kellan were pretty fuck hawt. My va-jay-jay even began to tingle a bit...but then reality slapped me hard. He's got a great bod, and a cute face...but I'm convinced either he has a super teeny weeny peeny, or as Mrs. P and I once agreed...he's probably a BAD KISSER.

    xo J

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  2. Ummmm yes click on the link and watch the Vid...oh and bring extra panties or don't whatever works. Just go watch the Vid!!! *Running away to watch again*

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  3. OMG are you kidding me? Kellan is so fuckhawt it's ridiculous and I wanna lick him sooo bad and anywhere will do. lol When it comes to those Cullen boys I'm pretty much equal opportunity...

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  4. Twired Jen, I have it on good authority that he is not lacking in the peen or kissing skills departments. I will not reveal my source, but trust me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that man...*Sigh* He is fuck hawt period!

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  5. Someone tweet Kellan this fucker. You guys are on a roll.
    Yea, seriously, would anyone kick any of the twi guys outa their bed (or shower)?

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  6. @Sharon - Tweet Kellan?! NOOOOOO!!

    Not going to weigh in on the Kellan peen size but good grief does he have an adorable smile.

    Adorable? Really? I said that shit? Clearly my three hour commute has made me soft. I'm going to bed.

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  7. helloooo kellan!
    he's growing on me.... took me awhile... but i get it now.
    i too lived in New Brunswick -but the prov. in Canada - with 4 dudes. the whole house kinda looked like that bathroom. ick... shudders.

    ....wetpattz.... never gets old *droolz*

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  8. Wow exactly what I needed before going to bed tonite...I hope I have really good dreams now ;)

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  9. I've never been a lover of the big, beefy guys, but I'd still lick the water off him. As a courtesy, natch. I doubt he would find it sexy though, as I would be wearing a hazmat suit & spraying Lysol in a 20 foot arc in front of me. That bathroom made my eye twitch.

    v/w--foxian: Is blogger flirting with me? I think I'm blushing a little. That's the nicest thing anyone/thing has said to me all...well, ever. FML.

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  10. What a lovely LOVELY thing to see right before bed. Sweet dreams for me fo' sho!

    Don't you just LOVE that fabulous muscle definition that starts at the hip and heads down, down, down. Yum-O!

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  13. Niiiiice. Kellan's not my usual type, but I totally would (adorable is the perfect word for that smile, JJ). And wet RPattz just to top it off...are you trying to destroy my underwear drawer?! I'm pretty sure the whole thing just went up in flames.

    @Twired Jen: Have you SEEN that pic of him jogging?! I suck at the internets, so I can't link it for ya, but trust me, he is not small. As for the kissing, well I'll have to let you know...
    ;D

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  15. @Hypoallergenic Vagina: my vajaja does not have a face, except when neverthink lets me play with her hot glue gun and pipe cleaners,

    Oh fuck. I am howling, and I just woke my son up. That is absolutelyfuckinghysterical.

    Now on to Kellan....the boy looks so yummy. I would love nothing more than to rub a hand down that washboard. My vajayjay just did a little happy dance thinking about that. TMI???

    And I wish I didn't have to think of these objects of my sexual depravity as boys, but that is what they are. And frankly, I am cool with that.

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  17. @Twired...have you NOT seen the CK X commercial bits and erm...pieces?! Heeyah! The outtakes alone show enough cock to make female ponies (and me) run circles in the pasture!

    You wouldn't have to ask me twice to shpreaaaad my stems for this piece of Kellan lovecock. I too, tend to divert from the muscle-y types in RL, but damned if I wouldn't mind tracing every nook and cranny with my tongue.

    Fo' real, fo' real, tho, I'm with JJ. My C-U-Next-Tuesday still quivers and quakes for Robward. I mean come on...he's the reason I have all of you h00rs in my fucked-up life!! I OWE him my alleigance (or however the fuck you spell that).

    I need to re-find that pic of WET Kellan in those CK's...anyone wanna help me with that? Titty grabs and lip sucking on the platter!


    @HypoVag: I love neverthink's craft drawer! Did you get a pair of shaky-eyes for your vag's face? They jiggle when you move!

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  18. If anyone is really concerned that Kellan has a teeny peen, I have to say... uh... I don't think so...

    I refer you to "The Free-Ballin' Jog" -

    http://bit.ly/brfzO

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  19. oh my gawd. i have to go take a shower...with a helpful appliance...

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  20. Sweet.

    Motherfucking.

    Jesus.

    And a double wtf @STY - how have I never seen the Free Ballin' Jog before? The biting the shirt... and the wink... and the ABS... dear god.

    Also, the Amanda above (not the same) has it on good authority that Kellan is well endowed? I SO WISH I WAS THAT OTHER AMANDA. :-D

    I have a feeling I will have LOVELY dreams tonight...

    vw: tingi. My va-jay-jay got all tingi when I saw this post!

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  21. FML, that is HAWT!!!

    Omg, just OMG!!

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  22. Rob is still my number one. I will take him wet, greasy and smoky over muscles and All-American boy. I wouldn't kick Kellan out but I probably would never end up with the likes of him anyhoo...not my type...but I can appreciate. I do have to admit that jogging pick and those photos of him in his tightie whities did make me vajayjay whimper a bit...but I think that is only because I am a total fanfic horndog.

    v/w: berfn. I better not be berfn in FFFOOORRRKKKSSSS!!!!

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  23. LMAO...CHILL peeps, I was "just sayin".....I'm sure Kellan is packin', in fact as STY pointed out...those pics of him jogging don't leave much to the imagination...Anyhoo, it was JUST A COMMENT ;)

    xoxo J

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  24. PMSL JJat the 'equal opportunities objectifier' comment! My previous fave Kellan pic was a wet shower one too, glad to have more to add to that folder ;o)

    LOL at all of the comments here too, love me some Kellan :o)

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  25. Equal opportunity objectifier! Bwaaaahahaha! That's awesome. I agree, I've never been a beefy guy gal myself - I have a history of dating tall skinny dudes (which is exactly what I married... but if he doesn't lay off the pie, I'm not sure how much longer he'll be skinny!!) But fuck me, throw a bucket of water on anyone and I'm game!

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  26. Wow. Just. Wow.

    I might have been half asleep a few minutes ago, but am definitely awake now... Awake, hot and bothered... Thanks for the eye candy (and for posting the video in whatever format actually allows me to view while at work)! I literally felt the saliva pooling in my mouth as I watched. Damn he's fine!

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  27. I saw a few of these photos on FB yesterday, and totally lost my mind (and my vagina). I already switched teams a while ago, but y'all know that. Been team Kellan for a while now. I mean, a man who took the time to fill in the heart definitely deserves the #1 spot on my list. Sorry Rob.

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  28. LOL "equal-opportunity objectifier"-- I like the way you think JJ! ;)

    @HypoV: Agreed. Kellan's much more attractive when he's got his mouth shut.. A little duct tape and he'd be good-to-go ;)

    I am still partial to a certain pale, lanky, Brit. This is just another example of how much this certain someone owns me. 'Cause seeing Kellan half nekkid, all dripping wet in that dirty ass shower only reminds me of Robler (Remember Me)--all wet.. shirt sticking to every crevice, gettin' his naughty water fight on in his own grody ass shower. Seriously, the theater I went to, there were audible sighs and whimpers during that scene.. understandably.

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  29. @Track 10 - We should swap stories.

    @Hyp-Vag - I had a NIGHTMARE last night that I got an email from someone's PR agent demanding that I remove all these posts and issue a formal apology. I shit you not. Not sure which celeb it was but I woke up horrified. It really is much easier being, ahem, open about our feelings about these dudes when I thought they weren't possibly lurking.

    Not that it's actually going to stop me, of course.... ;) I'm in it to win it! And by winning I mean getting multiple restraining orders.

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  30. @Hypoallergenic Vagina: Holy mother load of a website. Quite an eye opener this morning!

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  31. Yeah, I'm an equal opportunity smut monger and my lady bits damn sure don't discriminate...

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  32. Sorry to spray a cold hose on the perv fest, but Kellan doesn't do it for me... at all.

    And what crack house in NJ did they do this shoot in? Fucking disgusting! The Remember Me bathroom is down right luxurious compared to this shithole.

    I don't know. It looks like they sprayed him with oil, not water. Or maybe they just had him rub up against the wall?

    It's not like I can't appreciate a nice body, but I think Rob has ruined me. All I want to see is him...

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  33. I'm equal opportunity, too. I'd do any of the Cullen men. I've dated tall and skinny and tall and beefy. Short is where I draw the line. In fact, I think in my RL, I prefer big. I'm about to marry one, so I guess I better. I like the idea that I can gain 30 pounds and still be smaller. Ha. But my fantasies are full of the tall and skinny types.

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  34. @layna.lane - i total concur!
    @Amanda(1st one) - thank gawd!
    @Amanda(2nd one) - PMSL!
    @Jelena i can't decide btwn Jackson & Kellan. Kellan may have it over Jackson, but only because he's tall & beefy... i love u Jackson, but i do like to wear mah 4" heels

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  35. Have you ladies seen this....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEtmQIRTYlk

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  36. you gals are fucking inspired!

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  37. Okay - I had to recomment - after waiting a day to view the Daily Bulge (!) pictures, my slutty, slutty vagina has whimpered and died. Good lord that man has an elephant dong! WTF?!

    @Toefunny, thank you for making my day. Seriously. Made. My. Day. Can Kellan please ask me if I want to see his dick again? Please?

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  38. I'm 5'9", and totally Team Big-Guy.

    Bonus info - sometimes their shoe size really is a predictor...yahoo!

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  39. @jj. sorry, i like kellan and all - wot w/the swinging dick sessions, wet shower and CK XXX vids - but alas, he is NO Pretty (nor fernando verdasco, for that matter). S'not even in the same universe as far as i'm cumcerned.

    he so reminds me of the quantum physics professor's son i fucked in college...cute-ee-pah-tootie with pecs and abs and dimples galore. but he's the kinda guy who'd leave his used condom on the floor for you to throw away.

    just sayin.

    good for a drunken-throw-me-around-on-the-bed-wall-shower hither & yon kinda fuck, but other than that, meh.

    @vitaminR & robsbitch: tru-fucking dat *fist bump*

    @hypovag & linds: arts & crafts? WTF? where the fuck do you two get off? that's just so. i can't. it's. i'm. ahh. that's just the most...the most... http://twitpic.com/1g4b3w

    vw: ellyreo

    ellyreo don't think kellan can swing his dick when compared to The Pretty.

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  40. @Anonymous - um Jacksper's feet are HUGE for his frame...

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  41. Addicted2TwilightApril 18, 2010 at 7:00 PM

    Lookie what I just found!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m15dHSCQlGo&feature=player_embedded

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