I apologize for not being able to give you my review of the red carpet crap because knowing that those schmucks from the Joisey Shore were present (and I don't mean JJ and STY), made me kinda throw up a little in my mouth. And I just knew that if Snookie got her pudgy Oompa Loompa orange man hands on the Precious, I would have gone all postal and shit on my television. So I opted to steer clear of that giant circle jerk.
First I need to give a lil' shout out to Tom Cruise and his over-the-top Les Grossman skits. Amazing! I've never been a big TC fan but he makes me laugh out loud with that shit. The dance number he did with J Lo made me nearly piss myself. He's not a bad dancer...
1. KStew wins Best Female Performance. Makes me wonder if one of the prerequisites for this award was who does the most twitching and stuttering. At least we know she comes by it honestly. And since she nearly pitched her popcorn statue into the front row of the audience last year, she smartly set it down while she gave her arm flailing acceptance speech.
2. KStew and RPattz win Best Kiss. Aw ya they did! And why wouldn't they? I bet RPattz could win that award kissing me! Can someone please give me a chance at that? Huh? Please? And their acceptance speech was absolutely fucking adorable. They acted all clumsy (well, KStew doesn't really need to act clumsy since she nearly took a digger the minute she got up from her seat!) and stupid while trying to reenact their best kiss for the audience. There was a lot of cursing and bumping of heads and it just made me smile...
3. Eclipse clip. Muther fucking crap I can't wait to see this movie. In fact, I need to see this movie right fucking NOW for my survival. And ya know, I don't even give a steamy flying shit about Bella's wig anymore. I can't stop drooling over Edward long enough to even focus on what she looks like. Oh, I think this is gonna be a good one! [Spoiler ALERT!]
RPattz wins Best Male Performance AND Global Superstar. He's so incredibly fucking adorkable I just want to keep him in my pocket and stroke him all day long. I love that he thanked his parents for conceiving him. I'd like to conceive something with him... And my GAWD did he look amazingly delicious in that white v-neck t-shirt that makes me damp just thinking about it. I want to gobble him up.
5. Twilight Saga: New Moon wins Best Movie. Quite the fitting ending to what appeared to be the Twilight Movie Awards. PFach, chosen by his cast mates to give the acceptance speech, proceeded to say "fuck" about 27 times while thanking everyone. And I really think he threw the "bleepers" for a loop because they missed about half of them. Fucking priceless. And a perfect ending.
I thank Edward every day for my TiVo so I'm not forced to watch three hours of this shit... but I do love seeing all my Twilighty friends!
*Photos from Robsessed. Click here to see the fucking awesome collection!